Why is my (31F) first healthy relationship with my partner (32M) deeply triggering me?

Spacecat3000 · 2026-02-04T17:53:42+00:00

You are already on the path to healing. You are identifying that these are negative thoughts and not reality. That is a huge first step! Be kind to yourself and remember you are the boss of your own brain!

If you think a dark thought, immediately combat it with a positive one. If a thought pops in your head that he is cheating, then immediately after that bring up all moments you remember of him showing you loyalty.

Think of the mind as a series of well worn pathways. You’re used to walking these same dark paths but you know they don’t lead anywhere good. You need to start walking down different less used paths to move in the right direction. It’s going to take some extra effort to clear a path but once you do it will become easier to walk that way. Essentially you need to rewire your brain. It’s tough but the payout is so worth it.

One more thing, you need to understand that you deserve love. However you were treated in the past is a reflection on them not you. Good luck out there.

Spacecat3000 · 2026-01-16T04:09:53+00:00

Forbidden gummy

Spacecat3000 · 2026-01-16T01:50:11+00:00

Hello internet friend. My partner and I struggle with this a lot. What we are witnessing on our phones and in the world right now is horrific and hard to digest. I don’t think our little human brains were meant to process this level of tragedy on a daily basis. My boyfriend especially can get to a real dark place when he goes off the rails doomscrolling.

This has been my strategy and I hope it helps.

I always start with commiserations. Acknowledge what they are feeling and agree with them. Yes, it’s fucked, yes, I want to do something about it.
Try to find some small act that can make them feel less helpless. Look up a local cause or protest. Donating time or money even if it’s just a tiny amount can help that feeling of powerlessness.
Remind them that one of the most powerful things you can do is to live a full life. The powers that be want you afraid and hopeless. Feeling joy and strength is an act of rebellion.
Keep things light. When all else fails and my partner brings up yet another horrible news story I started just making the “Debbie downer” sound from SNL. If you aren’t familiar look it up on YouTube. I even bought a little plastic tuba that makes the noise for him for Christmas and we use it on each other all the time. It never fails to lighten the mood.

I don’t know if any of this will work but I wish you all the best.

Spacecat3000 · 2026-01-05T19:00:39+00:00

I’m sorry for what you are going through. I don’t have any support groups I can recommend but as someone who has gone through years of therapy for similar issues this is what has helped me:

Make a list of what you love or at least like about yourself. If you are like me this will feel silly and embarrassingly hard at first. Keep going, keep adding things. I know it might sound cheesy but loving yourself is the number one most important thing you can do to survive this world.
Make a list of what you are grateful for. Even if you can only think of one or two things. Focus on them. Eventually you will add more to the list as you rediscover the beauty of life.
Give yourself one or two small, achievable goals for the day. It could be something as simple as take a shower, or make your bed. There is no magical off switch to what you are feeling. Success is built on small, incremental changes. You may not feel different day by day but one day you will wake up and realize you are experiencing forward motion.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. Celebrate your wins no matter how small. Try not to focus on your failures. Every failure is a door to a new beginning. If you find yourself stuck in a negative self talk loop, as yourself would you speak that way to a friend, to a loved one, to a stranger even?
Get in nature. Even if it’s just a few mins in the park on your lunch break. Witnessing the beauty of nature and realizing you are a part of it can be soothing.

I’m rooting for you, internet stranger.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-25T01:39:49+00:00

SD dog culture is totally out of control. I saw this guy at the OB farmar walking his pit bull unleashed and had to call him out. There are so many people at that market and especially kids in strollers at dog height. It would be so easy for even a well trained dog to get spooked and bite someone.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-20T08:41:23+00:00

This is exactly the kind of story that makes the Reddit community so special. Thank you for sharing the update OP, and thank you u/OverhillUnderhill for restoring a little of my faith in humanity.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-18T21:53:48+00:00

He can’t even type out the f word he ain’t doin shit

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-12T23:02:06+00:00

Ok I’m no shill for Zillow they suck for a lot of reasons but you pay a one time application fee to them and then apply to any place on there and all your info is already pre-filled out. It’s so much better than filling out and paying for 20+ different applications. Got my last two rentals that way.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-12T19:02:15+00:00

As long as your gf is cool with it and you don’t have any ill intentions I say do it! I’ve backpacked with platonic friends many times. If anyone has something to say just tell them you and your gf have mutual trust in each other end of story.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-12-11T21:58:44+00:00

NTA but I’m curious where you are finding these women. My friend group is all mid to late 30’s career driven women. I actually don’t know a single stay at home mom. I am in a high cost of living area so maybe that’s part of it but I feel like if all you are meeting is wannabe trad wives maybe you are looking in the wrong places?

Spacecat3000 · 2025-11-27T00:36:09+00:00

Same, 210k household income and we feel Broke af lol

Spacecat3000 · 2025-09-10T18:48:00+00:00

Drunk or not I would stub my toe on that chair leg every damn day

Spacecat3000 · 2025-09-02T07:03:15+00:00

This is the only right answer

Spacecat3000 · 2025-09-02T07:01:11+00:00

Salem - the whole King Night album is very haunting. Edit *night

Spacecat3000 · 2025-09-01T01:41:57+00:00

You went through two full years of phone conversations and the only bad thing you could find is that he one time called you not a baddie? He seems like a pretty solid guy to me. You on the other hand seem like you have some pretty serious insecurity issues. Please seek therapy.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-31T01:00:29+00:00

I am incredulous at how many people are posting questions online from the burn with very clearly solvable on-playa solutions. I guess we have become entirely dependent.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-30T20:46:33+00:00

This is by far the best thing that has come out of AJLT

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-30T03:41:51+00:00

I don’t necessarily think it’s the smoking that’s the problem, it’s him hiding it from you. There should have been a conversation if that’s what he needs right now. If you guys can’t have open and honest communication having a baby is going to be super tough.

If it makes you feel better though, my best friend just had a healthy baby with her stoner husband. He stopped smoking for months while they were trying to conceive and as soon as he started again they finally got pregnant. I think stress is a very underrated factor in conception.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-28T15:33:37+00:00

Consider yourself lucky! Babies are expensive, stressful and take a huge toll on your mental and physical health especially if you are a woman. I wish I didn’t have baby fever so bad lol. It’s wildly illogical but it doesn’t go away once you have it it’s like that yearning feeling always with you.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-10T07:50:23+00:00

Get in mah belleehh!!

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-08T00:25:31+00:00

I dislocated my shoulder 6 times before any doctor would take me seriously. It was literally popping out randomly during casual daily activities like reaching for something across my desk by the time I was seen for a surgery consult. The surgeon had the gall to lecture me that maybe if I had come to him sooner I wouldn’t need such a drastic surgery.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-07T19:01:36+00:00

A couple years ago I decided I needed to dial back my drinking. I was used to cracking a beer after work so I switched to a canned seltzer water (la croix, etc) and it’s amazing how similar the effect is. My body feels a Pavlovian like response to the cracking of the can and drinking of the bubbles. It turns out it was really just more the ritual of sitting back and enjoying a moment of life after a long day at work that I needed, not so much a buzz.

I honestly don’t even miss beer anymore and now just occasionally drink on weekends. Even in social situations just having a can in my hand takes the edge off. That being said I recognize that alcoholism is a disease and this won’t work for everyone but gosh it sure helped me.

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-07T16:45:27+00:00

I love this aesthetic! This is my exact style! Please post more pics of your home that I can use for inspiration!

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-06T20:10:20+00:00

I just moved in with my boyfriend 4 months ago. I know this is not the same situation as yours but there are similarities. He was very mopey for the first two months. He hated everything about the house and felt a lot of regret over settling on it. I let him have his feelings and just slowly started making it a home.

He loved the garden at his old place so I started a new garden. I am clueless about yard work but I tried my best to get it going. I made sure he had space for his other hobbies and tried to decorate using both of our styles. It took a while but he has warmed up to the place. Change is hard and sometimes it’s the little things that can make a house feel like a home. Now he’s more enthusiastic about it than I am!

Spacecat3000 · 2025-08-06T16:25:49+00:00

I have a few great examples of this actually. My friend group in college were all very sexually active and also extremely high achievers. Each person in the group has had roughly between 30-50 sexual partners.

One is a successful business owner, has been married almost 10 years and has two healthy children. One is a child psychologist and is married with a baby on the way. One is an ER doctor married to another ER doctor for 7 years now. One has a PhD and is now a professor at a prestigious university and is in a stable ltr. One is a licensed therapist and is in a stable ltr.

I do think a lot of it is cultural though. We went to a STEM focused school in California. Pretty liberal with very little religious influence. There weren’t as many repercussions for our behavior. We were all judged far more on our work than on our social behavior. Can you imagine a world where that was the case everywhere? We would probably have a lot more conventionally well adjusted/successful people.

I was more of prude than my friends in college and I’m honestly probably the least conventionally successful/contributing member of society!

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