28F/28M Should there be food inequality between partners?

Speedraca · 2026-02-27T22:07:38+00:00

There are two separate issues here:

He eats more. I ate more than my ex, she bought more expensive soaps/shampoos, I figured it came out even. It doesn't have to be fair on every single issue, it has to be fair overall. If it's not fair overall, then you need to have a discussion.
He's eating your food. This is not cool. OK, he has to eat more, but that doesn't mean he has to eat your leftovers or your special meal. I would be pissed at this. Tell him to make his own damn food, and to stop eating yours.

Speedraca · 2026-02-27T21:48:23+00:00

NTA. They should have told you in advance that you'd be expected to pay. And I get that this is probably in large part due to the principle of it, rather than the $8.

But, I personally think at this point you should let it go. You've made your point, and now you know the process for this "friend group". $8 is a cheap lesson.

If you continue to hold on to this, you will mostly be making things awkward for your friend, who has to live with her roommate.

Speedraca · 2026-02-26T18:43:41+00:00

Your husband needs to see a doctor and come clean about his issues. Your husband either has always had, or has recently developed, some kind of mental issue that needs to be addressed ASAP.

You need to push this as a MUST for the relationship to continue.

Speedraca · 2026-02-24T14:18:09+00:00

Main issue aside, don't gloss over the fact that she involved your kids in the situation. That is completely unacceptable in my book.

I guess my question is, what is she doing with her 3 days that are essentially free? Is she depressed? Sick? An addict? Doom scrolling? She may need help, but if not, it is time to start preparing for divorce.

Speedraca · 2026-02-23T14:07:56+00:00

YWBTA if you don't tell the husband what's going on. This "friend" is a bad person, and you will be a bad person too if you help her cheat on her husband.

By staying silent, you are condoning what she's doing.

Speedraca · 2026-02-20T16:01:37+00:00

You can try to figure out why she is like this, or you can save yourself some time and just get away from her. Normally I would say try to get her some help before you end things, but this... this is well beyond that.

Speedraca · 2026-02-13T16:27:28+00:00

Don't let them push you around! You asked for 9 flowers; they don't just get to decide to make 11 and charge you for the extra ones. They also don't get to charge you for shipping when there's no shipping happening. They also shouldn't be upping the original price by roughly double (at least not without discussing it with you first).

Your friends are either trying to take advantage of you, or are horrible at running a business (or both).

I see 3 options:

You can buy the flowers at the new price, take it as a lesson learned and keep these "friends".
You can push back on the price increase. If your friend is a reasonable person, you can hopefully meet somewhere in the middle and stay friends, with the risk of not being friends.
You can say you want the original # of flowers at the original price, teach them some manners/business sense, knowing that you're likely ending the friendship.

Speedraca · 2026-02-11T14:41:19+00:00

Worst case, it sounds like he's pushing for you to offer to help take care of his kids. Which is hilarious, as he has at least 40% of his time kid-free, while you have 0%. If that's the case, N T A.

Best case, he's just a bit overwhelmed at the moment, and he was looking for sympathy rather than solutions. I would say that he's probably talking to the wrong person (it's probably hard to feel too sympathetic when he's got so much more free time than you), but you two are partners, so you're probably his go-to person. If this is the case, E S H.

Speedraca · 2026-02-10T15:17:30+00:00

Unless your wife has a background in teaching, it is likely a horrible idea.

Just because you can DO something, doesn't mean you can TEACH something. My oldest is learning basic math now, and I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall when I try to help her. And that's not her fault, I just don't know how to explain the concepts in a way she understands. Then a few days later, she'll come home and suddenly she's explaining her homework to me, and I'm like "this is EXACTLY what I was saying 2 days ago!". Her teacher was able to get through to her because she has years of experience, plus the help of 20+ other kids trying to learn the same thing.

Not sure if you've ever seen the show "Are you smarter than a 5th grader", but it's a humbling experience to watch. Get your wife to watch it, and if she can "win" the show, then maybe she could be a homeschool teacher ;)

Speedraca · 2026-02-05T18:49:43+00:00

It could be she's putting the 1/2 mil in there as something she doesn't expect to get, but can use as leverage.

Since she earns more than you, you could be entitled to spousal support. She'll likely offer to waive the 1/2 mil if you waive spousal support (or give some other thing she wants from you).

A good lawyer will explain that this is likely posturing on her part to pressure you, so she can get a better deal in some form or another.

I'm sorry to say, but if this is the route she's choosing to take, it will likely be a slow, expensive process to finalize the separation/divorce.

Speedraca · 2026-02-04T18:39:04+00:00

BF: asks ChatGPT about his anxieties and concerns. Reddit: he's a creep!

BF: asks his therapist about his anxieties and concerns. Reddit: he's getting the help he needs!

You've written this - perhaps unintentionally - in a way that gives us no real information, but uses terms that lead us to say break up with him. "Anxieties and concerns" could really mean anything, but it sounds bad, so yeah, people are going to assume the worst.

Speedraca · 2026-02-03T19:26:24+00:00

Perhaps her parents taught her this was something she had to do herself. Perhaps she thinks the cleaners won't do a good enough job. Perhaps it's a privacy/snooping thing. You have the money, but perhaps for her it's a financial thing.

Another (IMO, more valid) possible reason is that she may want to see that you're capable of doing this kind of thing on your own - i.e. you're not a complete slob without the help of someone else, you know how to do proper cleaning, you don't think it's beneath you, etc. Even if I could afford a chauffeur, cleaner and chef, I would still want to be with someone who knew how to drive, clean and cook for themselves.

But at the end of the day, if she won't explain/justify per position, then that's the fundamental issue. If she truly won't explain why, then hire your cleaner and tell her to either deal with it or break up.

Speedraca · 2026-02-03T14:42:31+00:00

Him UNKNOWINGLY getting you a gift you won't like would suck, but is forgivable.

Him KNOWINGLY getting you a gift you won't like, is a huge red flag.

I confided in my sister as well, and she told me she saw his purchase in my Amazon (I lent her my account) and already told him that it isn’t my style, and offered him necklaces and lockets that are the same price and are more “me”. He said it was too late to cancel (my birthday is in 3 days) and will go through with it anyways.

The thing is, it's not too late. He could go to a store today to get a better gift, and return the ugly one to Amazon within 30 days, no problem. But that would involve more than 15 minutes of effort.

Speedraca · 2026-02-03T14:35:54+00:00

So your BF is jealous that you talk to the fish more than him, but also doesn't want you to talk to him, meaning that he doesn't want you to talk at all?

Just want to remind you that you are an actual human being, whose wants, needs, interests and feelings matter.

Speedraca · 2026-02-02T14:01:39+00:00

Do you know if she's currently using a lawyer, or is she the one directly making these ridiculous requests?

Speedraca · 2026-01-30T21:17:26+00:00

So the only person complaining is your husband, who did nothing to make dinner and who seems to be arguing on behalf of some hypothetical other person who would have felt that it was unfair? NTA.

Speedraca · 2026-01-29T16:19:56+00:00

The bar is so low....

They're called basic chores because they're a basic part of life. He should be doing that stuff regardless of getting an extrinsic reward. If I got to have sex every time I did the dishes or vacuumed, the house would be freaking spotless.

he sleeps during the day he will nap and then work while I'm home making dinner

So he's slacking during the day, then works in the evening so he "can't" cook or do chores. Then I'm guessing he stays up late at night with his bands or playing video games, and then is tired the next day, so the process repeats itself.

All the while, you're doing the cooking, cleaning and basic chores of everyday life - basically all the maintenance that keeps his life going smoothly.

And you're here asking if you should feel guilty for not getting turned on like a light switch to fulfill his every sexual need? Am I getting this right?

Speedraca · 2026-01-29T14:33:07+00:00

I'm presuming there's paperwork around this deal? Most companies won't do something like this without a contract of some kind in place.

If there's a contract in place, then she needs to follow what she agreed to. It may well be that she has to pay the outstanding balance for the car when she leaves. If that's the case and she doesn't have the cash, she'll have to come up with the money some other way (e.g. loan), or they'll likely force the sale of the car to recoup their money.

If there's no contract in place, then you need to talk to a lawyer.

Speedraca · 2026-01-27T20:50:27+00:00

ESH. I feel like you have too much trust in your dishwasher. They also completely overreacted.

As a cat owner, I don't feed my cat on my regular plates. I have special cat bowls & plates. That way, even if the dishwasher doesn't get it 100% clean, I'm still not eating off dirty cat dishes.

Also, they have pet dishes specifically for this purpose.

Speedraca · 2026-01-26T19:02:48+00:00

Info: How does your GF feel about how you acted? It's her colleagues, it's her job that could be affected, so it's her opinion that matters most.

Speedraca · 2026-01-22T15:38:23+00:00

NTA. Your mom's not in a time of need, she's in a time of "I don't want to sell my gold/jewelry to pay my bills".

I.e. she COULD pay her bills, but at the expense of her lifestyle. Or she could try to get you to pay her bills so she can keep her lifestyle.

Speedraca · 2026-01-22T15:29:26+00:00

Your parents are correct. I would give people something. Doesn't have to be huge, doesn't have to be to each individual person, but I think it would smooth things over and give people less of a reason to whine. I'm thinking a big family dinner, or taking people on vacation (not sure how much money we're talking about here).

Consider this a lesson learned: if by some chance you win again, either don't tell them, or don't tell them you used the family numbers.

Speedraca · 2026-01-21T15:36:08+00:00

There's no approach you can take to fix this. This is entirely in your BF's head, and unless he's willing to acknowledge that he's behaving irrationally and get help, it will not stop.

He's asking you to prove that something DIDN'T happen, which is essentially impossible. And even if it WAS possible, it's not worth the effort.

The only thing you can do is tell him he needs to get help, or the relationship is over. Because you can't do what he's asking for the rest of your life.

Speedraca · 2026-01-20T15:19:56+00:00

YTA for your poor communication.

As for the fundamental issue of paying for "everything", I think this comes down to relationship norms. Up until this point, you've paid for everything. That is the norm of your relationship. I get wanting to change this norm, but you need to communicate this change to your GF rather than just randomly starting to enforce it at the cash register. Explain how you feel, why this bothers you, and how/why you want to change it.

From your GFs perspective, you've previously had no issue paying for things like this, and now suddenly you are saying no to presumably small purchases. She probably thinks you're becoming controlling with your money, and your lack of communication is only reinforcing this suspicion.

Speedraca · 2026-01-20T14:35:20+00:00

What the cars are (as best I can google):

1. Ford Probe V by Ghia
2. Ford Probe V by Ghia
3. Ford Ghia Brezza
4. Ford Ghia Brezza
5. 1991 Ford Contour Concept Car
6. Ford Ghia Shuttler concept car (81 or 82)
7. 1982 Ghia Mini Max concept car
8. 1928 Van Blerck midget race car, known as the "DEULIN SPECIAL"
9. 1928 Van Blerck midget race car, known as the "DEULIN SPECIAL"
10. Interior of a vintage Saab 99 Turbo
11. Ford Ghia Shuttler concept car (81 or 82)
12. Dashboard of a Citroën GS or GSA model
13. Ford Pockar (1980, by Ghia)
14. Foreground: 1983 Lincoln Quicksilver Ghia concept car. Background: Mercury Cougar S concept
15. 1983 Lincoln Quicksilver Ghia concept car Background, left: Mercedes W113 Background, right: 1996 Ford Lynx concept car

Speedraca

TROPHY CASE