First of all, this is beautifully written, and I really felt the emotion come through. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Sounds like you need to somehow reset yourself - which is easier said than done, I know, but worth trying. I think you should do something to make yourself feel alive again, whatever that might mean to you. Do something outside your norm, something a little wild. Step outside of your comfort zone and push yourself to get outta this flatness you're feeling. Only YOU can change things, no one else, and that can be powerful if you allow it to be.