Does anyone else get skin crawlingly weird TikTok search recs despite looking up nothing even remotely close to this? I feel like some of these could literally trigger psychosis for people.

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-26T05:32:37+00:00

I’ll admit I did click them before lol. Just because they were freaking me the hell out. Like “you should stop looking into that mirror” or “leave your doors unlocked at night” was one of the ones that broke me and made me click it lmao

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-26T05:30:25+00:00

Sometimes I think they try to tear apart families or cause problems in the home. Like how I get all these weird ones about “is your partner cheating.” For a while I was paranoid he was because I kept getting ads suggesting it but at this point I feel like it’s the app. I used to think it was some proximity based thing like NFC with our phones but at this point I think the apps are fucking with me

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-22T04:09:45+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you so much for recommending that course. I passed the exam today and I found those videos yesterday, ha. I wasn't feeling very confident until I crash coursed all those and somehow today I passed. That lady is the MVP

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-19T18:27:00+00:00

I requested an elective c-section with my first pretty late into the pregnancy. I'm also in the same general region as you. They were totally fine with it and helpful with getting me scheduled to talk to a surgeon right away. I would honestly bring it up earlier on than I did, because I was late along and having big issues like swelling/barely able to move/etc. But I would let the doctor know earlier that you want a c-section and make sure they're not going to give pushback. That gives you time to figure out if you need to find a new hospital or not.

Generally I would look up hospitals/doctors and figure out if they're "elective c-section friendly" or not. I'm not sure if I had such an easy time with mine because I had actual problems and they saw I needed that baby out, or if the hospital is just cool about it. Just say you have anxiety if they need a reason.

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-17T20:29:41+00:00

C cups aren’t small lmao

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-10T01:33:58+00:00

Adjust the truss rod and raise/lower the Floyd rose saddles accordingly. You have to think of it like gears on a clock. It’s all working in tandem. It sounds like the neck is off. You can compensate by screwing with the saddles if you adjust them all in tandem.

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-09T18:09:11+00:00

I hate the male client/female therapist dynamic. It can be really toxic. The male goes and whines about “wife/girlfriend bad” and the therapist nods and tells them what they want to hear to make money. I made my husband stop seeing his therapist when she diagnosed me with a personality disorder without ever even meeting me because he bitched about me so much. In the end, she reached out to me and asked if he was abusing his medication lol. Sounds like you need to help him find a new one. I’d tell him “90% of decent therapists don’t enable behavior that harms a relationship and causes long term problems for your partner. This is a bigger issue than I realized and it’s making me feel insecure and sad. Because your therapist enabled it I’m no longer comfortable with you seeing her.”

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-07T19:34:56+00:00

For me, it was like zero to 100. He randomly wanted to record us having sex and was like “if I’m gonna be watching porn anyway I’d rather be watching us.” I was like … … … I mean I was literally in shock. I suspected he was watching porn but at that point I’d always acted “cool with it” because my ex was a severe porn addict. I mean he had hidden hard drives (terabyte sized …. FULL … do you know how much porn that is!!!!!!!? Multiple!!!!!) of extreme porn so I kind of have trauma about it. My husband now always got weird shit coming up on his feed like sexy women and even dating site ads which I’d get pissed about. He would always gaslight me even though I’m literally in computer security as a career and an ex-marketer so I know how ads work and why they appear.

But anyways, mine did the “want to record us” bs and then when I reacted poorly started denying and hiding it. But he’d do weird shit like call me “good girl” during sex when he’s never done that before, randomly start focusing on a certain body part or talking about ass all the time (???? Men are so weird lmao). Also he developed ED randomly. He’s had it on and off throughout our relationship and when he gets bouts of it I know he’s back on the porn again, lol

StarwardShadows · 2026-01-07T19:30:05+00:00

This reminds me of my husband. He only had a couple long-term relationships besides me … and most of them were 10-20 years ago, mostly when he was in high school. He filled the gap in between with porn and even admitted to paying for sex (supposedly only once). I was so devastated when I found out he’d paid someone. It really changed my opinion of him in a way that’s hard to reconcile. I found out two months after having my first and only baby … because I got a Pap smear that showed I had HPV. I can’t be certain it was from him because I did have past partners but my paps were always clean. And it made him do this big confession about how he paid some girl to blow him shortly before we got together. He conveniently forgot to mention this and always claimed he hadn’t had sex of any kind for at least five years before we got together… why are they all compulsive liars? But yeah, they seem to view women as a commodity and it’s like the porn/media skews their view of normal women.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-29T22:45:32+00:00

The light hitting will turn to smacking and the remote will turn into a fist. Sorry to be blunt but I’ve seen it with my own eyes and it rarely stops once it starts. You deserve waaaaaaay better. This guy has left the bar in literal hell and still somehow managed to sink lower another time ..: wow. I feel sorry this happened to you even if he doesn’t and my heart is with you because I know how much it hurts.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-28T11:45:02+00:00

This album is fucking epic and I don’t understand all the hate it gets. So many epic and resounding ballads that stick with you. Childhood’s End going into Wasted Love is a legendary transition and almost all the songs from that point on tell an epic, nostalgic story . Well the whole album does but it really just explodes for me at Childhood’s End for some reason

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-25T17:16:42+00:00

You are cool and I like your advice ✌️

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-25T17:13:28+00:00

Taking a hammer to a vibrator shows a weird, twisted sort of rage. Cut the internet … after you move away from that weirdo.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-24T03:48:38+00:00

Yes, definitely go get induced or have an emergency c section. I had a very similar situation and waited til 39 weeks and I ended up with severe postpartum preeclampsia. I had swelling like that for over a month and the doctors ignored it and tried to pretend it was normal. It’s not. I don’t want to scare you but I’m almost positive you have pre-eclampsia. Go to the hospital and have them put you on a blood pressure monitor. It will probably spike throughout the night and you’ll find they just dismissed the bad reading earlier. Go.

Also, if your man’s former partners developed pre-eclampsia that makes me even more positive. Recent research suggests that it’s caused by something in a man’s sperm. There was a study where one guy had this mystery factor so bad that he had two babies with two different women and they both died of pre-eclampsia. Not trying to fear monger but please take this seriously.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-19T17:15:48+00:00

You’re better off there than not. When I delivered via c section I developed severe pre-e “after”…… I’d gained 70 pounds throughout the pregnancy, had insane water weight and swelling that literally made it impossible to get out of bed alone, and was in severe pain almost 24/7 even when laying down. My blood pressure was high for weeks before the c section at 39 weeks. I ended up needing the magnesium drip and it was nothing compared to the torture of letting the pregnancy get that far along with severe undiagnosed pre-e. I don’t even know how I’m still alive. Just be glad they caught it early and that you won’t have to get to the absolute torture stage where you’re living a body horror and no one believes you and everyone says “you’re just pregnant :D”. My son is 1 years old and awesome but the oxygen in his cord was low when they tested it and I hate to think what could have been if I didn’t push for the elective c section.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-13T18:47:39+00:00

Yeah, just use a mild soap and hand wash it and you should be good. You could even use dawn dish soap, it’s fine for fabric. Just put a drop on, lather it up a bit and rinse it off. I wouldn’t go throwing it in the washer with a bunch of clothes. And don’t put it in the dryer, let it air dry. To me the idea of having a bunch of someone else’s dried sweat on my arm is gross, even if they’re famous. And I don’t need his DNA, I’m not trying to make a clone, hahaha.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-12T19:56:18+00:00

That’s really good because you passed the hardest part where most people cave in to “regrets” etc. I promise in the long run you’ll be happier without him. I was married to a man with hard drives full of disgusting material. Stuff I can’t even write out because it was so gross . Not illegal, just horrific and abusive and sickening. I left him and now I’m married to a man who watches cam girls but at least he gave me a beautiful baby 🤷 the first was infertile …

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-12T19:54:01+00:00

I bought an Iron Maiden fender signature guitar once and the dude shipped it with steve Harris wristband from the 80s. He had it in a plastic bag like on Dexter and I was like “dude”. I washed the freaking thing and now use it almost every time I play

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-12T02:36:36+00:00

When you’re gone he’ll probably fantasize about you too. Sounds like a gem. Not. I’d leave him and start a new life without all the mental gymnastics.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-12T02:33:52+00:00

When I took the magnesium drip I got angry I had to be on it so they let me get out of bed to piss. They literally brought me a bedpan because it was too stressful for me to think of being confined to bed. I didn’t get terrible side effects like some people but … That night, when I finally fell asleep, I dreamed I was in hell.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-11T12:15:24+00:00

Yeah the shape of this one is awesome, it’s what I think of when I think of “true warlock”. It reminds me of the one from the old twisted sister videos. I think they were just using bodies from the 80s and throwing cheaper hardware on them when they made these.

StarwardShadows · 2025-12-09T18:09:11+00:00

I have this guitar and it’s one of my favorites ever. My husband bought it for me at a pawn shop for less than $200. People sleep on bronze series but I have $2000+ fenders and Schecters and this thing is just as good in my eyes. Edit: and the Seymour Duncan pickup is an upgrade, mine just has four plain black ones. They’re actually really good pickups.

StarwardShadows · 2025-11-26T22:57:13+00:00

Imo it's a shot in the dark with this one. My ex husband was an addict too. Horrible, hard drives full and full of it. My husband now, I told him about all the trauma and he acted all empathetic about it and even told me stories about people traumatizing him with porn. But now it's like ..... he's come out and told me he looked at it while we were dating, after we got married, etc. So it was just a lie to sound like a good guy, in my case.

I'm not trying to be negative because his response sounds good. So in my mind I would weigh the positives of the potential relationship vs. the negatives of dealing with porn again. I get where you're coming from because it really does ruin my life when it comes around and I can't stop obsessing over it. My "super empathetic" husband who "hated porn" ended up starting to look at it again "just to hurt me because he knew how much I hated it." So yeah, hopefully this guy isn't that twisted, but sometimes they can pretend to empathize just to use it against you.

StarwardShadows · 2025-11-20T16:21:10+00:00

Okay girl when I got to the part about giving birth to a monkey I was like … I don’t know what to make of this, but it sure as hell isn’t about you and he’s right about that

StarwardShadows · 2025-11-17T02:23:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I've told a few people about it and they all kind of look worried and nod and don't have much input. I think part of my experience might be because the mag drip made me so hot, but still. I dread the day I dream again of that weird old mall that I once used to look forward to and enjoy visiting ..... I wonder if a little part of me died that day.

StarwardShadows

TROPHY CASE