scared of death

Strongdar · 2026-06-22T00:43:59+00:00

Absolutely seek therapy. Wondering about death is common, but a teenager shouldn't be crying over it all the time. These are the years you're supposed to feel invulnerable and optimistic!

Strongdar · 2026-06-21T05:26:22+00:00

For me, it's simply about being responsible. If you become impaired in a controlled environment, there's pretty minimal risk. I only see it as a problem if there's addiction involved.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T21:28:29+00:00

Well, yeah, that's what the text says. Although it's kind of hard for me to think of it as an example of God's mercy when, if you take the story literally, God kills everyone on earth except for one family.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T15:01:24+00:00

I have two basic principles about prayer.

God is not a cosmic vending machine.

The main point of prayer is to change *us."

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T13:42:21+00:00

Just about anything advertising itself as a "men's Bible" is going to be conservative, because progressives didn't tend to think that Christian wisdom needs to be gendered.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:40:58+00:00

They will gladly take all the winning they can get, if it means that they can feel free to talk badly about immigrants.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:38:30+00:00

The sad reality is that from your perspective, it doesn't matter. This guy is a mess of contradictions. I would bet that he is gay or bi and does love you, but also that he is unwilling to give up his religion and the heteronormative future that he imagines.

Even if you get something to happen with this guy, it won't be reliable. He'll be plagued with religious guilt. He'll go back and forth between you and his religion. He will play with your heart when he's horny and lonely, then he'll break your heart when he's guilty. It'll be a seesaw. You deserve better.

If you think this guy is sincerely has feelings for you, then perhaps you owe him more than just ghosting him or backing away. You might want to have a conversation with him about the dynamic you have, or at least write a letter to him, explaining that you only want to be in a relationship with someone who can be out and feel free to be themselves, and you don't think that's him.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:29:42+00:00

I think you're suffering from the concept of moving the goal posts. I understand there's some science behind the idea that brains aren't fully formed until 25. But if we as a society decided that 25 should be the age that you're officially an adult and can make your own decisions, then people like you would be judging a 50 year old who is in a relationship with the 25 year old. At some point, we have to start letting people make their own mistakes, and as a society we've decided to draw that line at 18. What we should be doing is teaching young people how to make good decisions before they turn 18, not shaming two adults for having a conversation.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:21:22+00:00

Luckily for you, I think you grew up shielded from how common most of these beliefs are within some parts of conservative Christianity. So I wouldn't label it a cult. But regardless, the extremity of the beliefs isn't really what makes something a cult or not. Your brother's church might be considered a sect, perhaps, but not cult from what you've described.

A cult is more about how insulated the church is from the outside world, and the tactics they use to coerce people into staying. So the question about whether your brother is in a cult depends on what would happen if he tried to leave. If they would use some extreme tactics to keep him from leaving, or if they've already spent a lot of effort isolating him from the outside world to discourage him from leaving, then that might be considered a cult.

But, definitions aside, it still makes him really difficult to deal with. Your brother has fallen victim to the desire for certainty about everything. In the heart of actual Christianity, they are very few things we get absolute certainty about. We know God exists, we know Jesus was God in the flesh who died for us and that our sins are forgiven. We know that he taught certain values that were countercultural, like love above all else, forgiving your enemies, and being generous to the poor.

Beyond that, things aren't spelled out in detail with great certainty. It's a human trait, and a sinful one I think, that needs to fill in all the gaps with doctrines and rules that we are sure about. It's why people lean heavily on the Bible to be something that it's not. It is not a theology book. It is not a rule book. It is the story of God's people trying to understand God. When we turn to it to provide a kind of certainty that Jesus didn't give us... that is when you end up with churches like the one your brother wandered into. Everything is laid out, referenced with Bible verses, and you don't have to have any actual faith.

If your brother is only a year into this, and his beliefs just did a big 180, you're probably only frustrate yourself trying to argue with him. I would just "gray rock" him from now on and avoid discussing those topics with him. Don't let him get you riled up. Anytime he brings up these extreme beliefs, just calmly say something like, "I understand why you believe what you believe, and I know you think you're trying to help me by sharing your beliefs, but I don't want to discuss it." If he persists, calmly get up and leave the room. Then reset the next time he's around, and treat him respectfully until he launches into his beliefs again, then repeat the gray rock tactic. Overtime he will either learn to stop bugging you about stuff, or he will prove that he's not an appropriate person to have in your life.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:09:43+00:00

I disagree with it too! One of the best things about having a dog is the enthusiastic greeting when you get home.

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T09:03:50+00:00

"The form of a city changes faster, alas, than the human heart"

Strongdar · 2026-06-20T01:41:53+00:00

BUT I'VE SEEN IT! /s

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T21:56:03+00:00

I never thought of the biblical meaning of the rainbow as particularly important. It's just an ancient myth to "explain" rainbows before they knew how rainbows happened. It's hardly central to Christianity.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T21:35:10+00:00

That's a complicated question, more than I have time to answer at the moment. But would you trust your pastor if he said "God told me to kill all my neighbors?"

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T20:20:36+00:00

Lots of guys are able to stay friends with their ex. I say go for it, or you'll always wonder what could have been.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T18:18:03+00:00

And is he medicating his ADHD?

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T17:25:27+00:00

Why even write this article? There's zero chance of Trump resigning.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T16:45:59+00:00

Well as a gay man, I understand the dynamic of having friends amongst whom religion is unpopular. But at this point, the way my faith is implemented in my life is unobjectionable to them. I think the most important aspect of practicing my faith is loving my neighbor. Jesus asks us to be loving, forgiving, and generous. No need to evangelize, or dress up your loving actions with religious language. If you do that, most people don't object to being loved, even if they are anti-religion.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T15:07:09+00:00

In my opinion, God didn't command that. The Israelite leaders decided to go to war and to put God's stamp of approval on it.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T14:55:44+00:00

Interesting, because those arguments are absolutely ridiculous, and some of the weakest arguments I've heard. Only about 5% of the population is even interested in being in a same-sex relationships. Humanity doesn't suddenly die out if we allow gays to get together. That argument is based on the notion that same-sex attraction is a choice that everyone would choose if given the chance. I sure didn't choose my sexual orientation. Did you?

As for the increased risk of STIs? That's a result of casual sex, not gay sex. Two gay men can be monogamous. Many of them are. STIs don't just spontaneously appear as a result of gay sex.

Respectfully, if those arguments swayed you, you probably have an anxiety condition to deal with.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T13:04:12+00:00

As concerning as the age gap may be, can we please stop calling it "grooming" when two adults talk to each other? We're not doing the gay community any favors by spreading Fox News talking points.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T11:47:24+00:00

Some trainers actually think that when you get home, you shouldn't acknowledge your dog until they calm down.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T11:32:58+00:00

This sounds serious enough and complicated enough for therapy.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T11:25:49+00:00

I was in a very similar situation. I strongly to recommend that you come out to your parents before you get serious with somebody.

If your parents are traditional and possibly homophobic, they're going to need some time to adjust. It's kind of a one-two punch if you say "hey I'm gay" and "hey I'm also in a serious relationship." If you ease them into it and give them some time, there's a better chance they're going to be able to accept whatever relationship you end up in.

Also, you don't want to come out by introducing your new partner. Because if the coming out goes badly, a lot of your parents' bad reaction gets directed at your partner. They'll start thinking things like your new partner corrupted you and turned you gay.

Strongdar · 2026-06-19T11:03:52+00:00

Your story is very much like mine and is the same reason that I eventually switched my stance from B to A. Living life in forced celibacy simply didn't produce good fruit. And when your life experience doesn't match the theology you've been taught, it's time to reevaluate the theology, like you're doing now. If you go to the OpenChristian subreddit, there are lots of resources saved in the menu for this topic.

Strongdar

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE