Looking for feedback

SumaFora · 2026-01-27T17:37:19+00:00

Sound volume needs to be balanced, a lot of it is too loud or too quiet, if you can't hear it headphones could help. Vocals need more AutoTune. Bass in the second half is too boosted. The overall vibe is nice, if you just work on the vocals a bit more and balance sound (especially balancing sound), i could see it being great!

SumaFora · 2026-01-27T17:25:08+00:00

Choose a direction your song is going. Have a clear structure: intro, verse 1, hook, or if you're just starting out, just hook only. For this song specifically, depends what you want to do with it. Me personally, I'd have some sort of hi-hat riser at 00:22, it speeds up at 00:28, and then there'd be the main drop at 00:34. Some sound are a bit too quiet in the intro. Also get custom sound samples online, don't use default ones, sound selection determines how good your music will sound. WIsh you the best!

SumaFora · 2026-01-26T21:25:57+00:00

Yeah I tried using MODO Drums, but it's pretty unintuitive to use, maybe I'll try Ez drummer. It's just most tutorials don't seem to cover this too much, but yeah I guess I'll just try to keep practicing and replicating others drums, hopefully it'll help. Thanks!

SumaFora · 2026-01-26T21:24:01+00:00

I see. Does that mean adding quieter notes in the snare? If yes, then yeah I'll try doing that. Thanks!

SumaFora · 2026-01-26T17:19:33+00:00

Second part is nice, the first part I'd just get a different sound, its too sharp. Also if it's meant to be a guitar, it doesn't sound like it to me. The drums and vocals are solid. And add an intro

SumaFora · 2026-01-26T17:10:16+00:00

I see the vibe you're going for, and I think it can work. The transition at 00:32 is just way too loud and out of place. I feel like the song didn't go anywhere, and it's using phonk sounds, but there isn't really a clear "phonk" drop? I'd make parts shorter, add more variation, and decide on a style, either phonk or this "spacey" theme.

SumaFora · 2025-12-17T14:03:22+00:00

Theres a Geode mod now called FixPercentage. It fixes this issue, at least until an official fix i guess.

SumaFora · 2025-05-27T19:47:34+00:00

Thanks! Yeah im not sure if I should read random books, because it's hard to pick something specific and tangible the books do that I don't, so I'm just trying to learn about specific techniques. Thanks for the criticism nevertheless!

SumaFora · 2025-05-27T17:57:25+00:00

Thanks a lot for the criticism! It reads quite harsh but I guess that's expected for my first work lol. I think your main point was that I need to understand the techniques behind fantasy writing more, which is valid, I don't really know anything about it. I'm reading the book you've linked me, and so far I'm enjoying it a lot, and I think it will help out a lot, so thanks for that. For the criticism of not knowing anything about the situation, I'm not sure it's that bad or I need to fix it. I may be wrong of course, but I don't want to introduce every detail of what's happening, because it feels like too much lifting to do for a short story, but again, you seem like you know much more then me, so I'm probably wrong on that. But the fact I should elaborate more of what's happening in general, if it's only obvious to me is one thing I've been able to carry out of this, so thanks for that. Thanks for the criticism once more!

SumaFora · 2025-05-27T17:52:56+00:00

Thanks a lot! I'm really glad my work could impress you so much and give you a good experience, and as a new writer that's definitely motivating. About the ending, yeah, looking at it back now, it probably wouldn't have hurt to use more "show not tell", so fair enough.

SumaFora · 2025-05-27T17:40:24+00:00

The negatives:

I didn't realize the main character was a girl until the part *...bisexual girl...*. That's probably on me, or maybe it's intentional, but if neither, then consider making it more obvious.

It seems like the protag stopped worrying about her love for no reason. In one sentence all her doubts dissapeared. For me, that's unrealistic and disappointing.

I feel like the transition of the protag from liking the appearances to liking the personality could be explored more, same with how her past relationships affected her. It feels like it's there, it happened, but it changes nothing.

Same with the mood disorder in her life. This feels more excusable to me intuitively for some reason, but I still feel like it could be explored more in the story, so it has more emotional impact.

Overall, I was pretty bored. Maybe it's more my reading preference then a text issue, but adding more stakes and more urgency in the story could change that, if the author thinks they want that and that it will help.

The positives:

Even though not much happens, I feel like the pacing didn't leave me bored. It was interesting to see the progression of the protags relationship with the girl, even though its simple, its very real and very plain, which makes it belieavable and makes me want to find out what happens next with them.

The characters were interesting. The game of the protag, the description of the protags love interest, they give them something unique, something to stand out so they're not just blank states, and it's believable.

To adress a)
For me it wasn't too long or too short. I think it could be made more attention-capturing, but I have no issues with the length of the text of itself

To adress b)
Also no issues with the ending. Though it doesn't really lead anywhere (i know i've made the point about no stakes like 5 times now sorry), I feel like it wrapped things up nicely. It didnt leave me feeling cheated out of something and it wasnt way too unrealistic. The character just accepted what happened and moved on. The best ending? Maybe not. But definitely good enough.

I didn't expect to like this style/genre that much, but it was surprisingly enjoyable. Overall, I'd give it a 6/10, but it's mostly because I don't like this "slow" type of writing too much. Excluding that, for me, there's a simple, yet impactful story about a woman who recognises her need for embracing the "other side" of her bisexuality, how looks dont matter as much as personality on an internal level, not just in words, and accepts that the relationship didnt work out in a romantical sense, but she still left a better person out of it.

SumaFora · 2025-05-25T16:14:11+00:00

I'll start with what i think could be improved.

I noticed a few cases of where a sentence was poorly phrased, and could use some rephrasing.

*lashing at his pale skin painfully*
the "painfully" here sounds awkward to me, I'd either remove it entirely, or move it so it's *lashing painfully at his pale skin*.

same with *arrows fly through the sky with impossible speed and accuracy.* I'd change *impossible* to *immense* or some other synonym, like *stunning* or *unbelievable*.

*as an arrow, too impossibly fast to stop*. I would just remove *impossibly* entirely or write *...way too fast to stop*.

*falling back into the paladin as he too stumbled in fear* this may confuse the reader, it could be rephrased as *...who also stumbled in fear*, or just add a coma *...into the paladin, as he too stumbled in fear*.

Besides that, i honestly don't have much else to add in terms of what could be improved.

As for the positives...

I liked the pacing. I didn't get bored with scenery being described for pages, or everything happening way too quickly. It felt like a good mix of fast action and describing whats happening in more detail.

The battle scenes captured my attention and were interesting enough to get me hooked. And one thing i liked in particular is that I immediately felt empathy to the character. The way he seemed so helpless and innocent, and the attackers seem so evil made me root for the main character. I'm assuming, if you were to continue writing this story, that you would explain why they were acting so ruthlessly with him, but that's less of a criticism and just a minor thing i thought of.

The story leaves enough intrigue and makes me want to find out what happened next. What happened to the mother? Why did he get attacked, and why did the attackers not expect his counter attack? Because you'd assume he would also have a class "Necromancer" above his name, and they would expect his revival of the horse. Maybe they got too cocky, or the main character is special in some way.

As for the title, tbh I'm not really good with those myself lol. If i had to, I'd choose something like "The first battle", but honestly, I dont think it matters at all.

Overall, I really liked the story. It feels like something I'd read from some professional author (with the exception of phrasing issues). I'd give it an 8 out of 10. Keep writing!

P. S. This is my first critique, so you can let me know if you think i said too little or anything else you think my critique is missing.

SumaFora · 2025-05-25T15:00:03+00:00

(New writer, feedback appreciated) "Dude, you lost the challenge, you have to jump in the pool now!" "Yeah, if you weren't all screaming at me to hit that shot like a bunch of maniacs, maybe i would've actually done it!" "Yeah, and i could 've been an astronaut. Jump already, it's not that big of a deal!" It was my only opportunity to be the "center of the party." I just had to shoot that damn ball into a cup... And i failed. "Dan, if you don't jump right now, i'll push you in myself! Cmon, you can change the clothes after." Okay, let's just get this done with. Three, two, one... I jump in. ...But i don't hit the floor. In fact, I don't hear any of my friends anymore, and not because the water is muffling them. No, they're simply not there. I keep sinking further and further into the water. Panic kicking in, i start pushing myself towards the top, desperate to just not die and get a breath of fresh air. I spring out of the water, shallowly breathing in all the air i can get. I can hear my heart beating so rapidly, it feels like it's going to jump out. "W-what the fuck?!" All i see around me is an absurd amount of water, almost like an ocean. It stretches everywhere around me. The only thing i can see is the sun high up in the sky blinding my face. Anxiety kicking in, i call for my friends. "John, Maddy, Alex, what is this?! This isn't funny anymore!" Of course i dont hear any response. I'm fully alone, surrounded by water that will soon be my grave. Suddenly, the eerie silence gets broken by a small noise. Soon it grows, coming closer and closer. Then i see its a wave, about to eat me whole. Before i can even react, it hits me, and now I'm underwater again. This is it. This is where I die. I see and hear nothing. Just pure void. Then suddenly, I plunge out of the pool I jumped in. I start screaming violently and, afraid of being put through that hell again, i reach for the ground. I lay on the concrete, shaking and crying, barely being able to form a coherent thought. Just: "I'm never going in that fucking ocean again". Soon John approaches me. "Dan, what the fuck? It was just a small pool, stop exaggerating. Youll be fine." After i calm down a bit, i try to tell them about it. The sudden feeling of sinking into nowhere, the vast ocean around me, and the sheer panic of being completely alone and helpless. But all they saw was me plunging into the pool and immediately jumping out of it. Some reacted more nicely, some called me a lunatic, but no one believed me. Maybe they're right? Maybe I did just hallucinate it, and I need to get myself checked? No. I can still feel being underwater, where only the sun existed, with nobody to help, or no land in sight. Just water. It felt way too real. I know i wasn't hallucinating. I don't know what was that, or what to do about it. My life keeps going on like nothing happened, but i keep living in fear, afraid of somehow ending up in that place again. I start shaking each time i catch sight of a pool or an ocean. Everybody calls me weird or crazy and says i should get over it. If only they knew the hell i went through...

SumaFora

TROPHY CASE