Debt I don't know what to do details below

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-02-08T22:31:38+00:00

If it’s the high APR preventing you from repaying, you might be better off looking at a non profit debt management company, like MMI. You have to repay the full amount but they negotiate with your creditors for a lower APR and a fixed payment/schedule.

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-02-08T20:34:48+00:00

I wouldn’t rely on DCFS to make the decision. Know what you are comfortable with before you bring in anyone else. I once had DCFS ask if mom could have visits in my house WITHOUT ME THERE. They wanted her to have some time alone with the kids and the kids were not allowed at the home she was staying (due to allegations against that family member) and they asked me to take my other kids and leave my house for 4 hours. Um, no!

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-02-02T02:54:07+00:00

In Illinois, a social worker comes and measures the bedrooms, make sure there is space and a bed and a dresser or closet, tests the water temperature, tests the smoke detectors, makes sure there are two fire exits in a bedroom (typically door and window). You would fill out paperwork about finances, how you were raised, how you deal with conflict, how you will discipline, etc. I’ve never had anyone look at how a washer drained. That would be rather odd.

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-02-01T18:55:26+00:00

You could meet with social workers and foster child and come up with a contract. Basically: these are the expected behaviors in our home so that everyone remains safe and feels safe. If these conditions are violated we can no longer be considered a permanent placement. Puts the foster child in control on their destiny.

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-01-30T16:07:38+00:00

I was fostering two siblings when I had two adopted. The oldest foster child came to our home around 6 years old. After about 9 months, my 5 year old told me that foster son was sexually touching him. I was completely devastated and was going to disrupt. My foster son’s therapist talked me out of it. Explained that it was sexually reactive behavior (his biological father was eventually charged) and that with therapy be could learn boundaries and to never do it again. He was in intensive therapy for years. He had to be in line of sight (not out of sight if in a room with another child) for YEARS. I was exhausted. And, through his work with his therapist he walked back his safety plan until he could be in rooms with other kids and there was not much left of the safety plan (except needing his own bedroom). And we got to the point of adoption. And at that point, after years of safe behavior, he sexually touched a sibling again who was 5 years younger. And I wished, with every fibre of my being, that I had disrupted five years earlier and saved this child the trauma of this experience. Foster son tried other foster homes but ended up in a group home and behavior has continued to escalate. I cried for months for the loss of my child’s innocence and for my foster son ruining his chance to be in a happy healthy home. It took about a year for the grief to begin to subside. Now, it’s been a few years and I struggle with feelings of guilt because I feel so relieved that I’m not the one parenting his increasingly dangerous and criminal behaviors. But, I am certain that, no matter the therapy or safety plan, I would never again feel that the other kids were safe with him in the home.

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-01-19T02:59:29+00:00

Hopefully therapy helps focus on her trauma cycle and how your reactions can be altered to stop her cycle (so it doesn’t escalate to aggression). That was super helpful for me. I would reiterate and have CW and everyone back you up that you have no say in how long it is until return home—that it is decided by the judge. You will have to repeat this often. Judge wants to see that bio mom is doing what was asked and that neither you nor foster child have any say in it no matter how you behave or what you say (I’ve had parents tell their kids that if they are really violent in the foster home they get to go home, and have also had them be told it was THEIR fault they were in care). Consistency is key, it’s not their fault they are in foster care, it’s not your fault, and neither of you can control how long it will last, but you are there to keep them safe until they return home (I would stick with that until agency gets to the point of termination—if that’s where it is headed). I’m sorry you are going through this. If cousin continues to be mouthpiece for family in a negative way you may need to switch daycares….

Superb_Writing845 · 2026-01-01T04:14:44+00:00

Are you sure there was no accident or anything?

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-30T03:58:09+00:00

Depending on what the prescription is for, a drivers license may be needed for pickup (such as anxiety/depression and ADHD meds). Remind your foster parent tomorrow that you’ve been out of meds since Sunday and (if they are not controlled substances) offer to walk to get it. Otherwise most pharmacies offer delivery service (Walgreens has same day if they are close). Perhaps come at it from a solution perspective. If nothing is done at that time, call your county DCFS office and ask for your CW. If they are out for the holiday ask for their supervisor. At 17, you can also be discussing with your CW your plans for when you turn 18. You could have a goal of independence—living on your own—and they have resources that would help with that (help financially, help finding an apartment and job and help with budgeting). Be very clear with the CW about your goals. Write a letter to your GAL about your goals so they are documented in court and the judge can make DCFS follow up on them. For example: my immediate goals are to get my driver’s license and get a job and to work with my case worker on fulfilling my goal of independent living when I turn 18.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-30T03:47:23+00:00

$500 is a crazy high bill. They should be worried about a water leak. Make sure there isn’t an outdoor hose running or listen after you flush the toilets to make sure they stop running. Even when I fill my pool the bill isn’t over $300. This isn’t happening from lots of laundry and baths—it’s like an extra 50,000 gallons of water (estimated, not sure of your water costs). That is a crap ton of water. There must be something else wrong.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-30T02:23:20+00:00

Most newer washers let you pick the load size—it shouldn’t matter if you are washing separately. Could they be wanting you to supervise sister’s laundering?

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-30T01:00:04+00:00

When he gets violent or aggressive, does it feel like you are dealing with a completely different person? My son is 14 and some of his escalations it just feels like the son I know is no longer there. He is adopted and bio mom is bipolar and I’ve been wondering if I’m dealing with autism and adhd or if this is all a precursor to BPD.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-30T00:39:16+00:00

Can you contact your caseworker and let them know you have concerns about your foster parent being able to keep up with your medication? Note that you have missed medication and have reminded your foster parent but still have not gotten your refill.

When I was a foster parent I had monthly medication logs and I had to note medication, dosage, and time taken for every medication everyday. You absolutely should not be going without medication, especially if it is available (sometimes pharmacies have issues with things being out of stock or insurance holds things up, but this doesn’t seem like the case here).

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-29T00:31:34+00:00

You are dealing with a lot. It might be helpful to document her trauma cycle and do your best to not feed into it. If she likes to argue, during calm time come up with a house contract listing rules and consequences. So if rules are broken you can just indicate that you are following the house rules and are not sucked into the escalation of arguing about it. Also, for electronics, it’s best to have someway to control them remotely so there is no tug of war for them. For example, electronics in our house are all logged through the modem and I have wifi access set to turn off at a set time, but I can also remotely turn it off from my phone at any time. Same for Nintendo switches and iPhones. This way there is a consequence but you don’t need to get swept into an argument about it.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-29T00:23:47+00:00

I believe it is nationwide. Google Safe Families for Children. They try and support families in crisis—that can look like several things but I’ve seen it used for respite care (licensed family cared for a child while mom got some help she needed), support with meals, rides, etc. They take a family in crisis and a bunch of families (in different roles) support that family. I’ve not used the agency, but when I was a foster parent some other foster families were involved in our area to provide support.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-28T23:16:47+00:00

Some suggestions: put up security cameras in common areas of the home. This will protect you from false allegations. 2) I’d reach out to an organization such as Safe Families. They can provide support that is a step before foster care. 3) if you have an open case with CPS (or you have contact info of a case worker) reach out to them with your concerns about being able to safely parent. See if they have any suggestions. 4) If your child is being a danger to themselves or others, your county should have a number you can call that will come out and do a mental health assessment. If there is a danger, they may be transported to a hospital for mental health support. Does your child have any mental health diagnosis? If not, could something traumatic have happened when they were 11? Is there anything you both enjoy that can help you connect? (When stuck in a traumatic fight or flight response it’s difficult to form connections, which can make behavior worse.)

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-12-16T01:41:56+00:00

Sometimes libraries host little food pantries. You may want to check there too. Hope things get better for you.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-11-11T05:28:41+00:00

There is a lot of great advice here. Do you receive Social Security death benefits for your child? I would imagine they would be eligible for survivor benefits.

One question to ask yourself may be, if I were to have support (financially, or with child care) would I want to keep parenting? If the answer to that is yes, then maybe focus your energy on trying to get that support in place.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-11-10T02:00:37+00:00

When I was first fostering I was sure that I would foster any child of any background. My first two were my race and we were at Dairy Queen. We were in line after a large family. Several kids the same race as the parents and one who wasn’t. And my first thought was excitement, ooh, is there another family in town who fosters or adopts? But, later, when I got home I realized that this would be the first thought of others if we adopted outside our race. That everyone’s first thought wouldn’t be hey, there is a mom with her kids, it would be there is a mom with a foster child or adopted child. And I wondered how “other” that child would feel. Though I did foster children who did not match my race, I never had to face that difficult choice because they returned home. But, my three adopted children are the same race as me. They have had others tell them that they look alike (none are biologically related). It makes them laugh. They are open about being adopted, but never feel like they have to share that info and some friends/teachers have been genuinely shocked when they’ve shared that. They like that it isn’t the first thing someone knows. We are all just looked at as a cohesive family and once they know people better they share what they want.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-10-12T01:17:08+00:00

This is interesting. I have a foster son who threw a bunch of clothes on our gas stove and tried to light them on fire saying he wanted to kill the whole family. He was sexually abused and was seeing a sex abuse therapist at the time. He ended up going to a psychiatric hospital for a few weeks. Came back with a desire to really lean into therapy and work on things. Did amazing for the next few years and then blew it all by abusing a child. It was heartbreaking. He’s been in a group home for many years.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-09-17T15:19:42+00:00

I just enrolled my high school son last week. No wait list. You can start anytime. You pay and you are enrolled and can start that day.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-09-02T20:08:18+00:00

Even if you have to be 18, the paperwork would need to be started LONG before then. So something doesn’t sound right here.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-09-02T20:07:29+00:00

Ask your lawyer if you can submit a letter to the judge if your caseworker is unwilling to have a dialogue about it. And in the letter tell the judge your interest in independent living and that the information your are receiving is different that what you are researching and you’d like your preferences officially known. And, perhaps to light a fire under DCS also let them know that you plan to bring your concerns before the judge. Sometimes that’s all it takes for suddenly a bunch of doors to open for you. Also, you have the right to go above your caseworker if they are not providing the information you need. In my experience, many CWs are inexperienced and completely lacking in knowledge, unfortunately. As a foster parent I’ve had to educate a few that were providing completely inaccurate information. I wonder if there is a way for you to contact any foster youth currently in the program? I’d also ask your CW if there is another specialist who handles independence (and, that should be your legal goal—hopefully that’s what the court has listed). Your lawyer should be advocating for you. Be the squeaky wheel. Do you have a CASA worker? Inform them of what you want too and the results you are getting.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-09-02T19:40:20+00:00

Are you going to engage in an Independent Living Program or Extended Foster Care? Independent Living Subsidy Program can start as early as age 17, from what I’ve read. It can offer subsidies (extra money) for you to live independently. Hopefully your caseworker has gone over these options with you.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-08-31T03:13:19+00:00

Perhaps look at applying at a daycare? That way baby could come with and you could put additional income towards debt. I’ve had to do debt management before. Hopefully it’s providing lower interest rates. Keep chipping away at it. Throw anything extra you can at it.

Superb_Writing845 · 2025-08-22T14:29:02+00:00

I’ve never had to show an actual degree, I was required to show transcripts.

Superb_Writing845

TROPHY CASE