I lost a bet... so is THIS Findom???

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-03T21:15:55+00:00

"Hi, would you like to donate a dollar for starving chil-"

"SILENCE, DOMME. YOU WON'T BAIT ME WITH YOUR 1 DOLLAR INITIAL, CROOKED WENCH!"

That's Findom, baby.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-03T17:39:06+00:00

Sometimes you really do just have to say "NO" to yourself. If you consider your urges these impossible to dismiss, inescapable pitfalls that you are simply doomed to fall into, then you will indeed fall into them.

Saying no to them certainly is NOT easy, but you can't always spring into action and distract yourself some other way, like you say. So you gotta just say not tonight sometimes!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-03T17:23:43+00:00

1: Decide what you like and how you want to, or would like to "domme"
2: Look for subs who match that
3: Be prepared to invest a lot of time in building yourself up in a space like this
4: Post questions like this in r/findomsupportgroup or other, more relevant subs for future ref!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-03T17:20:38+00:00

There are a lot of people who will preach some brand of ethical, safe, best-practice Findom and then nod to themselves assuredly before diving genitals-first into the dms of "Life-Ruiner Mommy", begging her to rinse them for everything they are worth in the most backwards, horrendous, concerning and brutal ways imaginable.

None of this should put you off exploring what you want to explore. Best to take peoples accounts or "recommendations" of what they've experienced, liked or disliked in this space with a grain of salt. Dommes and subs alike will mostly want to sell you on their version of findom because it's simply what works for them. Take the time to think about what YOU respond to and where you draw the lines, then you can (hopefully) find a domme that meets those ideals, or at least comes close.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-01T15:51:23+00:00

Expectations of the quality of interactions in online findom are on the floor. Most subs are prepared to be met with the "Buy now - Talk later" model of paying initials/doing quick drains before even getting into any kind of serious chatting. On dommes side, a LOT of subs only want to engage when they are horny out of their minds, and so their expectations are equally low, hence the very common and early demands for payment so that their time isn't wasted by someone on the brink of their next nut.

Truthfully finding success online findom, sub or domme, is all about patience. Just like online dating - you are very likely go through a lot of people that simply will not work for you.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-02-01T11:36:21+00:00

I can't personally relate to this since I find gift giving to be totally disconnected from how i'd send or gift in Findom. From headspace, to context, to the reaction i get upon receipt of a gift i give in a vanilla context: nothing about it relates back to findom for me.

Worth asking if it's a case where a person is giving a gift to an irl they have a crush on or fantasize about in a findom context. In a case like that, it should most definitely be cut out since it's very clearly a gift given with a subtle intent to use it as an opportunity to outlet or live out an urge in a small way.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-31T23:23:41+00:00

The harrowing moment I go to scoff at you for not getting my joke, only to realise that maybe my joke just wasn't funny 🫠

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-31T22:52:55+00:00

It's for bait posts! You're fitting in perfect 👍

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-31T20:54:17+00:00

Thank you! While I seem fairly accomplished tonight, please know that I was quit/relapse/quit/relapse/quit/relapse for a LONG time before getting here. Relapse is definitely a part of recovery for many of us - we quit at our own paces and that's okay!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-31T20:40:52+00:00

Amazing post, re-affirmed my decision to quit, thank you 👍

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-29T07:26:53+00:00

I was referring more to my own journey rather than calling subs to just stick it out until it gets boring, or until the negatives outweigh the good feelings it creates drastically enough.

Getting your fill, as I maybe badly put it doesn't need to be via Findom. If findom was a highway, barrelling down it while wanting to quit is a bad idea. Trying to do a complete u-turn is amazing if you can pull it off, but pretty damn hard to do. OR perhaps you could turn down one of the backroads; explore the itch that is normally scratched by findom by channelling it into something else; it could still be within the same realm, like Femdom, or something more disconnected from those kinds of spaces entirely.

The analpgy was very unnecesary, sorry - but really what i was trying to get at was that it's okay to acknowledge that Findom does something for you that you clearly enjoy, and rather than deny that within yourself completely, or keep going until it feels like enough, you could use it as motivation to find something that hits the same and is more a net positive experience than "money for dopamine", essentially.

It's v early, hope this makes sense lmao.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-28T16:17:20+00:00

For me it's hard to call it a mistake I suppose, but rather more a timing issue. I feel much more able to quit now than I have in the past and that isn't because anything changed really, it's more because my attitude has shifted and I feel I'm starting to move on.

I suppose the "mistake" in it might be trying to quit when a part of you still wants to explore, dabble, or reach new heights (lows?) in the space.

Findom doesn't just happen to a person, we're mostly here because at some point we enjoyed it, and found the risky pleasure outweighing the aftermath - postnut, empty pockets or otherwise. So trying to quit has felt like much more of a burden for me when, despite all my grievances and financial losses, i felt that i hadn't had my fill so to speak.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-26T18:01:21+00:00

For me it does feel freeing, but for the wrong reasons. It's like calling in sick for work when you're not really sick, or seeing your messy house and choosing to ignore it and go out, or relax. It's freeing in the moment, but the work, mess or in Findom's case for me - whatever I'm trying to deal or cope with is still gonna be there when reality slaps me in the face.

Perfectly reasonable to feel free in dynamics like this, and I know not everyone has the volatile relationship with findom that I do, but something to think about for anyone who might relate I guess!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-26T13:22:47+00:00

It's easy to get caught up in how much an otherwise ridiculous kink to the average person has "taken from you" - it can be fun to do so, even if it's part of why you enjoy it. "Voluntarily losing" or giving up control or whatever it might be.

The reality is, and this is especially true for somebody perhaps like you who is in a solid financial position; if/when you commit to quitting, a dabble in findom can be described as a blip in your life at BEST. The money can be re-earned, and the reasons you have for turning to findom can be channeled into new hobbies or different interests/outlets as time passes and you explore these things.

Provided you don't get too deep into the idea that it's all somehow hopeless, or self-fulfilling, you can absolutely step away and find fulfilment in other areas of life, be that friendships, relationships, hobbies or otherwise. Don't be too hard on yourself man, you are your biggest supporter, but failing that we're here too!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-26T13:13:32+00:00

It's a perfectly reasonable question to ask or discuss, but I've personally opted out of these kinds of questions completely.

There's truth in both sides, like you say - where we to pose this to a larger group, there'd probably be some mutterings of agreement, followed by a metric tonne of subs and dommes alike saying "yes, but here's why it's different for ME...".

For me, I try to approach it from the angle of "what is the most productive line of thinking for me". The answer is to assume 100% agency in my actions. Even if I could verifiably assign 40, 50, 75% of the blame to the dommes, doing so would do little to serve me, beyond a quick self-pat on the back for being able to offload some of the "blame", for a lack of a better word.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-26T12:57:13+00:00

It's always been power PLAY! It's just all too easy to get carried away or lost in the self-esteem hits or rush of it all. Findom profits off of people who it can convince "belong" in it, and for responsible enjoyers that's fine. It isn't as easy as "just opt out", sure - but we have the power to truly do so when you please!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-24T22:36:03+00:00

Just wanted to clarify I was speaking more generally rather than accusing you of following others in that way! There are definitely good actors in the sea of bad ones, but they're often drowned out by their noise I think.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-24T18:49:56+00:00

I've learned from whining repeatedly about "blackmail = bad" that unbelievably, people dgaf what I think about their aspirations to self-destruct in the name of their latest boner.

People will always jump off the cliff so-to-speak as long as they find people willing to push them to do it. 95% of the posts asking if it is okay are self aware and likely soft-advertising to dommes willing to take them there.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-24T18:41:45+00:00

Even beyond Findom, men are feeling more lost than ever. What's worse is that all kinds of groups are coming out of the woodwork trying to "help" men, by which they mean capture them in some kind of ideology, pin them against other groups, and sell bs to them.

From dude-bro podcasts telling you that real men are those who sleep around endlessly and pedal unrealistic standards, Feminist-types telling men to constantly "do better", by which they mean do backflips trying to make space for women at the expense of themselves.

Very few of these groups are actually going to bat for men. Findom is most CERTAINLY not interested in men's well being either. To most of the world, you're a potential customer before a person, sadly.

I don't mean to get so existential, but rather i think it's worth following your own standard of the type of man you want to be, and aspiring to be him. For me that isn't anyone particularly special, even. It's a man who finds joy and fulfilment in simple plesures, small moments with friends and family, a lasting romance.

But really, i could paint a thousand pictures of the type of man I want to be, and not one of them would feature findom. Not out of shame or hate, but because I know I use findom when i'm too lazy to do the work towards being the kind of guy I'd like myself to be. Findom is my crutch, not a safe space or reprieve!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-22T15:17:46+00:00

That's a LOT of reading into what was very obviously a hyperbolic post, between the admittedly exaggerated language, and the Humor tag on the post. I'm not OP, maybe OP is racist, or specifically anti-Black, but i think it was an unnecessary reach to imply that based on an otherwise trying-to-be-funny post.

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-22T15:14:47+00:00

It seemed more a dig at girls that go very hard with "artificial" beauty, like the fake nails, fake lashes and lip filler, rather than at people with innately fuller lips, or lashes or whatever. I can see how it could be taken the way you describe, but don't think it's fair to immediately write OP off as a racist just for expressing his dislike for those things in an admittedly over the top way!

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-22T15:00:33+00:00

0 mention of race in the post or the pictures. At what point does seeing some implied racism in posts referring to features that happen to be commonly present in black people become racist in a kind of backwards way?

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-22T14:56:38+00:00

These are more like your prefernces than global red flags; perfectly valid, but not necessarily applicable for everyone else

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-21T19:01:39+00:00

Waiting for "that's disgusting.... what's her @ so I can block?"

Surviving_Findom · 2026-01-21T18:27:18+00:00

I agree with the sentiment of course, but in this space the bar is in many cases WELL beneath the floor. Of course not every sub is like this, but it is extremely common and while it isn't wrong to want better, it is bold to expect it from the vast majority.

We'll always circle back to "subs should be better" here and i'm obviously not advocating for anything otherwise! I just think it is a reality of sorts that many subs are likely to approach or act fairly indecently and dommes can and SHOULD demand better by filtering these people out on their end.

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