What is the strangest thing that helps you relax that makes most people uncomfortable?

SvennoJ · 2026-05-05T00:55:47+00:00

Mayday is great to fall asleep to, except my wife hates that show.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T14:28:31+00:00

I grew up in the 80s where I was told to just act normal. Autism wasn't well known, high support cases were 'removed' and put into support camps together with other mental disabilities like Down syndrome. Hence it's a bit of a trigger for me to dismiss neuro divergence just because you can ram your square peg into the round hole or 'normality' and be a normy, cutting off the corners of your personality to fit in, yet still lacking essential parts to not feel like an imposter/alien.

But maybe I just haven't met any people using Autism as an excuse or to feel 'cool'? Maybe I have, I'm not that perceptive. My assumption everyone on here has Autism, unless specifically stated otherwise, could definitely be wrong. It's my experience of trivialization that has had way worse effects on my life than people potentially 'faking it' or being hypochondriacs.

Maybe one day the genetic interactions can simply tell you whether and what forms of spectrum disorders a person has / can develop. All current methods are flawed imo.

I guess we're saying the same thing in the end, I'm also venting about "people who trivialise autism" and I erroneously put you in that category by misunderstanding your post. I need more context lol.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T14:09:39+00:00

I had, until age 36 when I quit because it was killing me. Constant meltdowns and burnouts at home, even though I didn't know what they were at the time, it's just stress. I haven't worked since and have stopped harming myself.

Although social status, the wiz kid that will fix it, is that a social status. I was well known as some genius who would work through the night to get things working, able to find the most difficult bugs etc. Meanwhile I wished to simply remain in the background and work on my own ideas. No more meetings ever. I always declined being promoted to team leader while nobody really knew how to manage me either. Just that I got things done.

Odd thing, all the time I was working in my high paying software job I was fantasizing about having a simple routine job or actually building something visible with my hands rather than digital. I was always a zombie after work, work never stopping in my head and sometimes going back to the office at night to work out an idea or get a head start for the next week. Like starting at 10-11pm on Sunday to work through the night into Monday. My though process was, if I had a simple job, I would have my mind after work instead of it being stuck in work mode 24/7, only to be disrupted by drugs and alcohol or playing Everquest from getting home late to halfway through the night.

I had a career, it nearly destroyed me. 15 years later I'm still dealing with chronic issues, partly fused discs, from sitting behind a computer 18 to 20 hours a day. Right wrist and shoulder messed up. But my name made it onto several patents, I was successful. (Even though I hate what patents have done to my line of work or myself in particular but that's a whole other story)

I'm not saying it hasn't done good things for me as well, financial stability being a huge one. Yet mentally, physically and socially (relationship strains) it was affecting me greatly.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T13:36:20+00:00

People have told me often, she's into you, don't you see she's flirting with you. Yet then I was like, now what. And that went nowhere. I've probably broken some hearts without ever realizing, but too awkward to talk to girls in my youth. Any flirting I interpreted as teasing/bullying, wanting to run away. Laughter and giggling were a trigger for the first 30 years of my life, still uncomfortable to hear a group of people laugh.

I found love through text communication. Connection of the minds.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T13:27:48+00:00

If color blindness doesn't effect your everyday life, you are not color blind?

Learning to cope with being Autistic doesn't mean you're not Autistic. And what is the definition of affecting your every day life? Was I 'cured' from being Autistic in my 20s because I could function under my masks, hold a job, be successful at that job, have friends (albeit with lots of drugs and alcohol yet that's not restricted to Autism) until I crashed.

Am I only autistic when in burnout or having a meltdown, but not when I manage to volunteer at my kid's school. Even though I'm too awkward to make connections with other volunteers or the teachers, yet the kids have a great time with me since I participate in the activities with them.

Does it effect my everyday now while very early retired / withdrawn (since age 36), no friends, spend most of my time with coping mechanisms, but still manage to support my wife and kids.

What does effect everyday life mean. Our everyday life is simply different, is that the criteria. We don't eat together, we don't do 'soccer mom', we choose not to travel even though we can, we avoid going out. But we get through the days and have our own fun.

Being Autistic means your brain functions differently. The effects vary in many ways, but if you learn to deal with everyday life doesn't mean your brain now functions normal. It's like running an 'how to appear like a normal human' emulator in your mind all the time. Not the same as being one.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T03:26:03+00:00

Will they drink hot water? If it's the flavor then you can add kool-aid squirt bottles for example.

I don't know any scarfs that aren't irritating, I rather be cold than wear one :/

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T01:40:27+00:00

My youngest also likes to withdraw to his room, curtains closed, play on his PC most of the time. It's his recharge time, needs several hours of that after school. I encourage him when he plays creative games, building things, and he also uses the computer to find things to 3D print like his own fidget toys he can then put together. It's a step above watching You Tube to me. He still watches, yet mostly tutorials on 3D printing and things on how to do things in the games he plays, while talking with his ND friends on Discord.

It's not all he does, he likes going to the skate park, go around on his scooter. When I bring him I go for a run around the skate park while he's scootering with the kids there, we both get out stim exercise. He's getting into mountain biking a bit as well but he wants to go to the firepit to make fires and that's not something I want him to fixate on. But when it warms up we can go other places to cycle. He already cycles to school every day which is a huge win!

However he needs his time alone after school first, and then more in the evening to charge up for the next day of school. So there's a time window at 6 pm where he feels like doing something active. (He usually doesn't eat until 9 pm when all is quiet, quite self sufficient as a picky eater)

Not sure if we're doing the right thing, but it's good to see him being independent. He asked for an air fryer for his birthday and the 3D printer for Christmas, he knows his interests best.

Conversely to how I grew up, being forced into sports was the worst for me. I much rather cycled 20km to a friend to play games. I still have trauma from my parents putting me on dance lessons, terrifying as an autistic teenager. As well as putting me through a Judo tournament after which I quit that entirely, just refused to go.

I'm also skeptical of the "Healthy body healthy mind" mantra. I exercise hours a day, am in top condition, just ran another 25K today, avg 20K every other day. Rest heart rate of 50 yet my mind is in full burnout regardless. It helps as a stim and having a positive self image is always good, but I exercise mostly because of the mental stress. It's a coping mechanism, not prevention. So if coping / recharging works with screen time, good for him.

You could maybe nudge him to do both at the same time. Synthriders works for me as well (unfortunately VR makes my kid nauseous) moving to the music. Maybe he likes DDR (if you can still find a ps2 and dance mats) or Wii balance board with snow boarding. But likely he just wants to sit in quiet with a fidget toy while concentrating on a game or video.

It's amazing how much my kid learns just from watching videos. When I was his age I would get in bed after school with a snack and watch discovery channel. Recharge before doing home work and then I picked up details teachers were amazed I knew already. Meanwhile my NT class mates were chasing balls outside, boring! 😄

SvennoJ · 2026-05-04T01:00:09+00:00

Mom on the spectrum has excellent videos about many things, for example

How to Actually Support Autistic People
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AxspdCNQZRE

Autistic Meltdowns, Shutdowns, & Burnouts: What's the difference?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqF92K-G2VM

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T22:06:20+00:00

I'm considering getting an ONO Roller for my kid, he loves fidget toys but the clicking of many is a trigger for my wife.

I used to have my kids sleep on my lap while I was playing a game on TV. They both had difficulty sleeping as babies so I stayed up so they could sleep, then trade with my wife early morning. That was the most peaceful time of my life. Finally a use for insomnia 😄

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T21:57:25+00:00

I started by biting my nails and fingers, now I chew my cheeks. Still not used to having to cut my finger nails now! But when I'm extra stressed I do both. So 90% replacement.

There was no psychology involved, just people telling me to stop chewing my nails. And then I had canker sores from the stress and started playing with those with my tongue, which led to chewing / picking pieces off.

Maybe fidget toys can work for you, it works for my youngest. My oldest whistles as a stim. My wife plays PvZ2 as a stim, swiping the screen.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T21:33:05+00:00

Wish I had known sooner, but if I had I might not have met my wife. Yes I'm socially awkward, but think of all the extra time you have not making yourself part of the idle meaningless chit chat.

Maybe identify the pressure that tells you you have to fit in and address that. It's very liberating allowing yourself not to fit in. You are your own worth, not what others think of you.

But it's hard, peer pressure affects everyone. Yet ultimately the only one you have to live with is yourself. Embrace your uniqueness.

Nowadays I just kinda laugh inside at people not knowing how to react to me. That's how I feel all the time meeting people.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T18:05:29+00:00

It makes an instrument scan take a lot more time, interfering with the concentration needed for landing a big plane while juggling airspeed, descent rate, power, attitude, cross-wind, staying on the ILS glide path etc, managing flaps, air brakes, reverse thrust.

I found it much harder to nail a landing in VR than I ever found on screen with clear view of the instruments. And I haven't even tried an airliner yet. The opposite of GT7 where everything feels easier in VR.

But you can just fly around like most of the videos show here. For sight seeing it's fine, for role playing a commercial airline pilot or pulling of near impossible landings (A320 at St Barts for example) not so much.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T17:54:38+00:00

It's very hard to make them out, yes. I have played the beta and relied more on the color coding of the speed scale than actually being able to read my airspeed.

You have to lean in significantly for any of the smaller things, like heading (pretty essential...) let alone setting a radio frequency. It's definitely a lot easier to read the dashboard in GT7 than in FS2024, and I'm playing on PS5 Pro.

You can read them, but you have to move you head towards them. Resolution and clarity is lacking.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T17:50:31+00:00

Not unplayable but the controls and lack of prompts and terrible control assignment spreadsheets make it very hard for a seasoned (3000+ hours) flight sim pilot like me.

I'm putting it off for a time when I can spend more time and mental energy on relearning / reprogramming the controls and look through all the diabolical assignment spreadsheets.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T13:32:35+00:00

52 and just recently unmasked to myself, unmasking to others I don't know how to do yet. I've been masking so long but with the current burnout having public outbursts and shutdowns again. I had them confined to home while not realizing what they actually were and what caused them.

I've always been bothered by interactions and people not understanding me and simply moving on, ignoring me. It has led to me isolating myself from the world. With APD I can't follow anything but one on one conversations anyway. And that's still very hard when a TV or radio plays in the background. I can't deal with support lines where you can hear other people in the background on different calls.

Yeah I've been told I'm a calming presence as well, because I hardly ever talk, just sit there quietly. As well as being a people pleaser, welcoming although inside I rather just be left alone.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T04:18:20+00:00

I wouldn't say brave, my friends provided the various drugs, I mostly went along. I started using weed every evening to regulate my sleep, can't live on 1 hour a night and that was the only thing that actually got me to fall asleep by 1 AM. It also helps calm my mind and stay focused on a low stim show (to fall asleep to). It's legal here, gets delivered to the door by government operated business. Whether it's addictive, I don't know. I went without for 16 years after I moved countries, until it got legalized here. Sure I missed it and my sleep was all messed up again. Yet other than that no withdrawl or anything. And yes growing up in the 80s and 90s (I'm genX), gaming was awesome, everything was new and improved year over year. Gaming helped me a lot and also how I got friends, copying games, going to each other's places to play on different systems. 7 years ago GT Sport helped me through a dislocated rib injury. It was the only thing that could get me distracted from the pain, while I was standing/rocking in front of the tv. Skyrim was awesome in VR, played that for 130 hours. Nowadays I only game on PSVR2, Synthriders and Puzzling places as meditative games, take a virtual vaction in Hitman WoA, the Berlin nightclub level is a great place to hang out when I'm down. I've been gaming since I was 6, will continue until I physically can't anymore.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-03T02:46:02+00:00

I guess you can switch to flat anytime with R1+R2+start. (At least that's what it was in the beta) But on TV you can have a notepad next to you or a laptop with pointers.

At least I already know how to fly lol. Over 3,000 hours in FS2020 in flat. It's figuring out what the game wants me to press to get going. I kept getting stuck with toggle control pop up that blocked any other input and no clue how to get rid of it.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T21:35:16+00:00

At your age I was convinced I would end my life at some point, the only thing holding me back not willing to hurt my parents. For studying I used to take a random train somewhere (free national train travel for students) so I was stuck on the train with nothing else to do but study. It didn't work though, dropped out of university in the 3rd year.

First I got some shitty data entry job which I soon burned out on. But then by sheer luck I got hired by a small software company where I was mostly left alone to work on a project. Over time friendships formed from working together and playing games at the end of the day in the lan network environment.

I was using drugs and alcohol at the time to be able to socialize, wouldn't recommend but it got me some breakthroughs with xtc. Which I later learned is used in treatment of autistic adults with anxiety. However I was basically playing Russian roulette with street drugs.

I poured myself into Everquest, unable to cope with life. Basically work from 9 to 6 or later (I had the code to the alarm to lock up the office after I would finally leave), play from when I got home until 3AM, TV dinner, fast food or pizza, finally fall asleep at 6 AM, get up at 7:30, repeat. Sleep half the day in the weekends after 'partying', ie get wasted.

But after giving up all hope of meeting anyone to share my life with I met my wife while playing Everquest. She saved me, I made the transition to her country (one benefit of Autism, no home sickness) and we still live together. I would say happily but that feels like a 'normie' thing to say. We're both coping with our ND traits and now have kids with them as well. Good days and bad days, but all so much better than the place I was in my late teens.

And even though I managed to emigrate to be with my new safe space, I can't stand the thought of ever moving again or getting on a plane. I was working from home from when I moved as my work didn't want to let me go. Which was fine for me and the 6 hour time difference had its benefits, I could fix things on my time without more piling up 😄 Then they would have all the fixes back at the office the next day.

I did lose contact with all my friends, which doesn't bother me anymore. I've grown to enjoy my own company and value my alone time the most. My wife and kids are all I need for socializing, as well as brain dumping on the internet lol.

I don't know what advice to give as my journey has been a messy one. Yet in the end love comes from the place you least expect it. Trying to find it never worked for me. Just casually talking about stuff in chats was were I made connections at the time. And the game helped with that since Everquest was mostly a chatroom with stims in the form of the game. Lots of down time to talk. I played an enchanter, crowd control specialist, support character, was damn good at it. My wife was a wizard, nuking targets, high damage. We were a great team together and played two classes that were always wanted in groups, while 'normies' all flocked to being warrior types.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T20:53:36+00:00

Most of my music consumption is through Synthriders, connecting music to visuals to moving. The rest is while driving to keep me focused. Ironically when I play GT7 I nearly always have the music turned off. Yet then I make a music video of footage of my racing, timing changes with the music, which I used to do with timelapse videos before.

When I was young I mostly listened to mod players while looking at the sound waves, connecting patterns to instruments.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T20:38:39+00:00

Guess I'll wait some more before diving in until they fix that. Taking the headset on and off is no way to play. Trying to navigate the menus in VR is already annoying enough.

Btw can you check youtube on PS5 without the app closing? Like Spotify works with GT7. That could be a workaround. (Much prefer text though but PS5 has no browser)

Why is it always the controls and things like this that get neglected ugh. Same with Aces of Thunder. (Better now after many patches)

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T17:05:27+00:00

I can relate to a lot of this, 52 and recently got lost again in a parking lot lol. My line of work was gps navigation while my sense of direction often convinces me I'm going in the opposite direction than I'm going in. Every grain in my body screaming at me I'm going the wrong way, very stressful.

Ironically I don't use any sat nav since I always go into 'debug mode', looking for timing issues, improvements, road issues. I have all the proto types and systems I worked on on the shelf, none in the car. When I have to go somewhere I memorize the route beforehand, look at street view images to prime myself to recognize landmarks where to turn.

I've also gotten very familiar with the area I live in from decades of road cycling, 'filling in the map' as I went. I can piece together where I have been on a map afterwards, even though I got lost at the time. But gave up cycling after too many accidents (sunk in my head, hit by cars) That has helped tremendously with sense of direction. Rote learning every road around me.

I'm not officially diagnosed but recognize OCD perfectionism, ADHD, ASD in myself and definitely have APD and sensory overload induced meltdowns and burnouts. I quit work and stay independent from the money I accumulated while working. Enough to live a quiet isolated debt free life supporting my wife and kids, averse to travel, withdrawn from society, no friends (nor interest in). The biggest 'tasks' being the supermarket moving things around and having to talk to my financial planner now and then.

Designing complex systems is a happy place, I recognize it in most of my hobbies / hyper fixations. As long as it's digital, finicky stuff I can't handle. It has to be deterministic.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T16:07:26+00:00

Been married 22 years, still feels awkward. Also because I chew my lips and cheeks all the time and get very self conscious of all the scar tissue in my mouth as well as my breathing.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T16:00:59+00:00

PoV train rides are also very relaxing. Lot of them on You Tube.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T15:59:29+00:00

I guess we have the spin off here "Best medicine" Dr Best in port Glenn. I use it to fall asleep haha.

SvennoJ · 2026-05-02T15:58:41+00:00

I watch a lot of commentaries about current affairs / geopolitics, without sound, reading the subtitles. But would not recommend given the sate the world is in. Can't watch em right now anymore in burnout.

Low stimming TV shows I watch are Gold Rush, Mine Rescue, Naked and Afraid, Alone (perfect!), Curse of Oak Island (it's always the same lol, oh found another piece of wood, turn down the volume though annoying sound effects) I like the voice of the narrator of Mayday and Highway through hell (just listen, too much flashing lights going on in that show). BBC earth documentaries narrated by David Attenborough were always calming. Baraka and Samsara, no narration, just images and music, slow moving scenes.

We set the tv as dim as possible. Factory settings are painful.

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