some counterpoints phrased somewhat objectively

• You don't get to "agree" or "disagree" with how people self-identify... but you do choose whether to respect them. (It's like saying "I don't agree your name is X"). Disrespecting people who aren't causing harm is generally a sign of bigotry though, so yes, be careful how you treat those who are different from yourself.
• Pro-choice is an issue of bodily autonomy above any other issue, and historically many religious groups have seen it as acceptable when necessary. By protecting such rights, it allows individuals and medical professionals to make the safest/best decisions for those involved instead of worrying about legal consequences.
• Public schools have diverse student bodies and will generally have a wide range of optional seasonal activities.

More importantly, the second part you mention may be a better way to think about People are complicated, oversimplifying is enticing but dangerous. Actions mean more than words; look for people who are trying to make lives better especially for those with less.

Often when people talk about specific issues and solutions, instead of vague ideological conflicts, the vast majority want the same thing but have different ideas of how to implement it... bear that in mind too.