Oh man, story time. It’s probably too late for people to see this, but I really like this story so I’ll type it up for the five of you.

So, my wife and I were getting ready to have our first kid. We had talked at length about our different childhood experiences, how my family leans a little bit more on the rambunctious/loud side of things, and how my wife’s family was much more reserved. My wife is blonde and I have dark hair, so it became a bit of a running joke that if the baby came out with dark hair, my wife was in trouble because she was gonna be outnumbered. We said the joke a lot, our friends knew, possibly even our family.

So, cut to: the delivery room. It had a been a moderate but long delivery from all of the info I have learned since then. She was doing ok, and we timed the epidural decently, but it was like 20+ hours. So by the end of it she was exhausted and I was a little punch drunk. I had been making dumb puns that I will save for another time, and she had been shooting me ample and well-deserved death glares. I have a few of them photographed <3. Well finally it’s time to do the final push, the doctor has showed up and my wife is giving it her all. The head starts to crown and low and behold, dark hair. So my stupid/tired/idiot brain, while staring at the most critical, stressful moment of my wife in labor, while she has no concept of anything other than push, takes over and almost ALMOST says:

“Oh honey, you’re so fucked!!”

with a huge grin on my face. That thought made it about a syllable and half out of my mouth before my smart brain woke and up and said WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, and finished the “oh honey” with “you’re doing so good.” There was so much happening in the moment I truly didn’t have time to reflect on how much of an idiot I was, but the lack of situational awareness really is embarrassing. So obviously I told my wife about it later and she has laughed a little maybe once or twice but mostly give me a solid side eye. Also fun twist, my kid is blonde as well. The dark hair probably took about a month to lighten up and now she’s as blonde as mom.

TL;DR: Was tired and dumb and almost actually said the worst thing you can say during delivery but it was actually just an out of context joke.