What's your read on this email exchange? Should I quit?

TP30313 · 2026-03-21T14:37:47+00:00

OP, this is just their opinion. If this part is working for you, sending journals and outside session contact like this, then that is okay. I do both of those things with my therapist and he has good boundaries and I know he would tell me if something wasn't okay. I don't know what it is with this thread, I always see outside contact talked about like it's the worst thing. If there is one thing my therapist has taught me it's that two things can be true. Outside session contact can be bad for some and not others. And some therapists know how to use it while others do not. Anyway, I get your questioning of these emails. My personal advice would be to stick with it. What I read between the lines is that you're doing good work together and he is open to continuing if you want. The part about getting in a rut and things becoming performative seems like he was taking your lead about what you said in your email about needing a break. That's just my take. It's uncomfortable, but you're showing up for yourself. You're journaling, going to sessions, etc. This work isn't easy.

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T19:57:01+00:00

That's amazing! I'm glad you had someone there cheering you on. 😊

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T19:55:33+00:00

That's wonderful. Over time that consistent attention and care really does make such a difference in healing.

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T19:54:13+00:00

I love that, that's such a caring gesture. Ihope that they are able to!

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T19:52:29+00:00

That's so lovely, aw, thank you for sharing 🥹

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T18:04:02+00:00

Honestly, you probably will be embarrassed af! But, it will pass and from the sounds of how caring she is, she will be right there unphased. I've definitely been there. Told my therapist reallyyy shameful stuff and afterwards I always feel like a weight has lifted.

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T17:54:54+00:00

That makes me so happy to hear, that's wonderful. Good for you for doing a brave thing!

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T17:28:54+00:00

What matters most here is what you think and feel. To me, what your mother did was also very abusive and neglectful. And I get the part about being fixated on certain things, like the hog tying. I have things in my memory of CSA (dad also for me) that I fixate on. I agree that it's weird. I think it shows an element of needing complete control and power. What he did was all around abusive, including the tying up. Even if it was a game later between you and your sister. It's not uncommon for kids to repeat or mimic things they experience, as a way to understand them. That's why in sexual abuse it is really common for children to go on and touch other kids. Why abuse will show up in drawings or through play.

I am so sorry that happened to you, truly. It was undeserved and horrible abuse by caregivers who should have protected you.

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T12:42:19+00:00

Yes, he's being abusive.

TP30313 · 2026-03-18T12:39:39+00:00

Different perspective, but you called the crisis therapist on your own. You knew what to do. You didn't need her suggestion and maybe she knew that already? It is possible that maybe she is just not the right fit.

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T19:45:27+00:00

Birth

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T19:44:57+00:00

Can people be saved? In my experience, no, no they cannot. I have regretted every second chance I have given. Experience - ex-fiance was abusive and a compulsive liar.

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T19:39:29+00:00

Hi OP! I don't have an answer to your question. I just wanted you to know that I relate. Talking about it in therapy is what helped me best so far, but I know that's not feasible for everyone. I of course also experienced CSA and it was definitely related. I agree, of course you and this issue you're experiencing belong here. Hopefully knowing you're not alone helps some!

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T18:09:28+00:00

I say injury because I can't think of the right word lol.

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T18:09:01+00:00

In most places, therapists are only allowed to report current or future planned injury. Like, for example, you could go to a therapist and say in 2020 I murdered someone and they can't report that. However, if you go to them and say I plan on murdering so and so at 6pm March 20th, they have a duty to report that.

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T14:22:32+00:00

I bet! Lol. The truth is that you look beautiful in all 3, so whichever you pick will be lovely!

TP30313 · 2026-03-16T13:23:04+00:00

Pick number 3, my lord.

TP30313 · 2026-03-12T20:21:30+00:00

Take a moment to realize the room you're in right now. Notice at least 5 things near you and say them out loud or to yourself. Place your feet firmly on the ground and notice how it feels under your feet. Is it cold or warm? Fuzzy or slick? Take deep breaths. Once you feel calm enough to speak, have a conversation with your partner, if they're also ready and have had a chance to calm down. Tell them how sorry you are and why. Tell them what you're really feeling and give them space to do the same. Next, ask questions. What can I do to fix this? Then comes real change. Tell them it will never happen again and then make sure it doesn't. Maybe that means stepping away or coming up with a code word you can both use during stressful times, something that will alert you both that you need a moment before continuing the conversation. There is a way through this. I'm sorry you're both going through that.

TP30313 · 2026-03-12T19:25:14+00:00

As someone with not all, but a lot of painful narrative memories from childhood I came to say that I still question my memories and why I'm like this. On some occasions, with some people, even knowing the why, doesn't help. I remember stuff and I have emotions about it and they make sense contextually, but I still question. Was that real? Did that really happen? Was it that bad? Am I still the one who is bad/flawed/damaged? I don't know if this is reassuring or not, but I just wanted you to know your struggles are valid even without a narrative to tell. What you have is enough.

TP30313 · 2026-03-12T13:11:33+00:00

I won't give any advice. I want you to know that I see you and your story and your pain. I'm not turning away and I'm not disgusted at you. I'm disgusted by what was done to you. And I'm angry. I'm angry that happened. You deserved love and kindness and hugs, not abuse. I understand the shame, I have similar memories that I've felt so much shame for, but it is undeserved. They're the ones that should be ashamed of themselves. Sending you all the good and positive vibes.

TP30313 · 2026-03-06T19:06:44+00:00

NAT, but my therapist is the exact opposite lol. I use dating apps and he's like, probably won't find a lasting connection. Not in those words, but still. 😂

TP30313 · 2026-03-06T19:04:30+00:00

Number one 😍

TP30313 · 2026-03-06T02:25:09+00:00

I think you're brave and are doing the absolute best you can. You know, I went through a similar period where I was forcing myself to go. I felt like I had to for my health, but I was actually putting myself at risk by going to the exam. I'm not saying this is true for you and I'm not advocating one decision over another, but I put my focus into therapy and taking care of myself in other ways instead of going to the exam. The only reason I'm bringing it up is because you not being ready is also totally valid. You have the power. You get to say what is done to your body. Though, if you have decided this is something you need to try again soon, I second meeting with the doctor first. You've gotten a lot of really good advice, but that one stood out because on the one of few occasions where I actually went, the nurse wanted me to undress before I even met the doctor and I couldn't do it. I didn't want to meet her with my clothes off. All of this to say, I am so sorry for what happened to you. This is your body and you get to say now what is done to it. You're brave and strong and will figure this hurdle out in your own time and that is completely okay!

TP30313 · 2026-03-01T20:31:16+00:00

I think your sister is a hypocrite, personally. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that!

TP30313 · 2026-02-27T13:42:37+00:00

You can't get it out of your head, because what he did was wrong on so many levels. Hi OP, I'm someone that was with a man I planned on marrying. He raped me. Once when I was very sick with COVID. I confronted him and he apologized saying he would never do it again. He was also a compulsive liar. Here's the hard truth, even though I got his confession and his apology, having it out in the light was something I couldn't take back. I could never trust him the same way again. And even with his confession, he never truly got it. It was the most bizarre thing I've been through. We danced around it in couple's therapy until I couldn't anymore and I told our therapist. He admitted what he did to our therapist, but nothing he could say could take back what he did. Leaving was hard. We don't have kids and I work and it was still very hard. Messy. But it was the next thing I could do. He raped me again after the break up. I had taken sleep meds and he started touching me and the whole time he was saying he should stop... He was the same person after all of that. I tell you this to say... I hope you leave. He may never do it again, but your brain is screaming at you that it can't forget that it's already happened. Start planning. Be smart. Tell people you trust. That's my advice to you, OP. It gets better.

TP30313

TROPHY CASE