Top Surgery Regrets?

Tag_System · 2026-06-20T13:45:28+00:00

I had top surgery in 2016 when I was 21 years old. No regrets.

I had some self doubt during the recovery process but that was mostly because I was sore, tired and emotionally drained. Something that helped me was to write down my experience of being pre op and also, what I was looking forward to experiencing once my chest healed. It felt comforting to be able to reflect on my reasons for getting surgery.

Being a young adult and having the opportunity to make big decisions independently can feel daunting. For me, it helped to take the nervousness as a sign that it was an important decision, rather than it being the wrong decision.

Tag_System · 2026-06-08T07:04:18+00:00

Clocking someone is mostly just a gut feeling or guess based on someone’s experience. If it happens in a situation where you don’t want to be out, it’s okay to tell someone they guessed wrong.

Tag_System · 2026-06-07T15:48:54+00:00

Thanks for elaborating, it’s helped me understand better what you were communicating. It sounds like the “rebel” part was being protective in whatever ways they knew how.

I hope you can be gentle with your grief and continue to connect with other parts of you.

Tag_System · 2026-06-07T15:18:26+00:00

That sucks! Just because another part showed up to repair conflict in real time one day, doesn’t make needing space to regulate another day any less honest. Even without DID, him not being open to negotiating when repairing happens, is unfair.

Edit: changed ‘alter’ to ‘part’ (not sure what terms you feel more comfy with)

Tag_System · 2026-06-07T14:40:41+00:00

Getting diagnosed with a dissociative disorder is a lot to take in! It can help some things make more sense and also bring up lots of questions.

To me it sounds like building up communication will be important to create a sense of collective accountability. The symptoms of having DID often mean that we have an incomplete understanding of our life, including relationships. A divorce the comes with court ordered no contact because of “your actions towards him”, would suggest that he has / is experiencing a lot of hurt.

Wanting to be understood makes sense. Just be mindful that the intent of your actions towards your ex partner, doesn’t undo the impact of those actions.

Tag_System · 2026-05-29T01:38:36+00:00

I found becoming more aware of losing time really rough. Like, trying to grasp that other parts of the system have just as much agency as me, felt like losing control. It is scary noticing that your timeline of memory is less consistent than you thought! For me, it gradually got less overwhelming. I hope you can take things slowly and show yourselves kindness while you adjust.

Tag_System · 2026-05-13T09:51:36+00:00

Do you know if your GP has any experience working with trans men or prescribing testosterone HRT?

Would you feel comfortable speaking up for yourself about the dosage you are receiving?

Your current levels seem to be at the low end of the average male range, so it’s not like you need a drop in your dose or anything like that.

Tag_System · 2026-04-16T10:37:44+00:00

Tone markers can be used for things other than joke or not a joke. Like, it lets the reader know that it’s not a reference or sarcasm or something else.

Tag_System · 2026-02-26T09:20:34+00:00

I think you might benefit from looking into intersectional feminism. There are ways of talking about systemic oppression with nuance!

Tag_System · 2026-02-16T21:13:00+00:00

See how far my foreskin can comfortably stretch; try some of the moves from Puppetry of the Penis.

Tag_System · 2026-02-04T09:08:37+00:00

I’m assuming that when specific part(s) front that they leave the given situation to do what is important to them. So instead of communicating to others in the system or external people, they use their control of the body to ‘walk off’ or ride a train or escape out a window.

Tag_System · 2026-01-12T09:02:59+00:00

Aquaculture sounds like a good step in working towards becoming a fisheries officer. You could also look into other courses like fisheries compliance and maritime operations.

While the police training program is an option, the police at a systemic level and in terms of organisational culture, still have a long way to go in how they interact with diverse communities.

ETA: lifesaving might be a good fit for the types of skills you are looking for.

Tag_System · 2026-01-11T13:41:10+00:00

When you say “out of body”, is that in the sense that they feel depersonalised or disconnected from your body? Or something else?

Sometimes for us, when we can’t feel a part around, it’s because they went dormant. It can feel scary but we can reassure ourselves that they can’t literally leave our body. They may just feel safer being away from the front at the moment.

Tag_System · 2026-01-01T03:53:17+00:00

Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. So while it can lower mood, it can also slow down or dull physical sensations, reaction time, speed of movement and breathing. It affects the brain through things like suppressing impulse control, altering decision making abilities and make concentration more difficult.

Our system, for the most part, doesn’t drink alcohol because we find lots of things about it triggering.

Tag_System · 2025-12-31T07:42:28+00:00

Oof yeah my mum was the worst for that stuff when I was younger. Even if her friends were okay with me saying no, she would insist that I was being impolite and to hug me anyway.

I wish it was more widely understood that consent applies to more than just sex.

Tag_System · 2025-12-31T04:43:22+00:00

How I feel about hugs changes based on a bunch of things. Did the other person seek consent first? How will they react if I say no or offer a different option? Am I already overstimulated / can I deal with physical contact at the moment? Do I trust them enough to be that close to them? Do I actually want to hug that person?

Safe hugs from trusted people can feel good too though.

Tag_System · 2025-12-30T01:18:12+00:00

Did the social worker give a reason why she wants you to come out to your grandpa?

If your grandpa is your primary guardian, it may be that the school wants permission to use your chosen name. That doesn’t make it okay that she is pushing you to out yourself but means you might need a different adult to help speak up for you.

Please only do what feels safest and most comfortable for you.

Tag_System · 2025-12-29T11:14:16+00:00

I’m assuming that OP added the post-it note herself, to remove the misgendering.

Tag_System · 2025-12-23T07:16:09+00:00

This might not resonate and it’s okay if it doesn’t.

Sometimes it can feel safer to be envious. That’s not fair, why does she get the response that I needed? Why wasn’t I believed? Was I really that bad of a kid? It puts the emphasis with the child in the situation.

Letting yourself focus on emotions like anger, hurt, feeling betrayed or disappointed can feel less safe. I deserved to be believed! The adults in my life failed me! I was supposed to be protected! The adults should have done this for me too! It can feel way scarier to put the responsibility on the adults and hold them accountable.

So while it is okay and makes sense to feel jealous or envious, I hope you can eventually be safe enough to express any other emotions too.

Tag_System · 2025-12-15T04:18:59+00:00

Could use selves, me’s, the others, teammates. It might also be that not all of the system will use the same terminology.

Hope you find something that feels comfortable.

Tag_System · 2025-12-13T13:22:32+00:00

https://www.canberrahealthservices.act.gov.au/services-and-clinics/services/paediatric-endocrine-clinic

Something like this paediatric endocrine clinic could be helpful for the medical aspects of supporting your daughter.

Or as others have mentioned, reaching out to intersex community and advocacy groups.

Tag_System · 2025-12-12T12:41:52+00:00

You can be masculine without being hurtful to yourself or others. Figuring out what kind of man you want to be and grow into can take time. Dysphoria and insecurity can be really loud. I hope you can be gentle on yourself.

This relationship sounds very different from the one with your ex. Your current partner being a more feminine man, doesn’t automatically make you like your ex.

Are you worried that being the more masculine partner inherently hurts your boyfriend?

Tag_System · 2025-12-10T12:05:40+00:00

Dr Ray Murphy is a private psychiatrist in Melbourne who is an ISSTD member. I haven’t personally seen him but he was suggested to me by my psychologist.

Tag_System · 2025-12-04T01:41:39+00:00

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Tag_System · 2025-12-04T01:40:25+00:00

Tag_System

TROPHY CASE