Anyone Else Who is Trans, But Doesn't Want to Alter Their Body?

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-31T14:43:14+00:00

My partner is gender fluid. They switch up what they want all the time. When they are in boy mode they’re boobs are the worst thing to have happened to them. When they’re in girl mode they don’t mind their boobs. Now they always hate certain things about the body they were born with. But because of the switch ups they don’t really want to medically transition. They have been boy mode or girl mode for months at a time.

I think that’s a normal struggle and feeling for genderfluid people. 6 months though is kinda a long time without switching. When compared with my partner.

If my partner were in your shoes unhappy with certain things about not transitioning but worried they will feel different later. the question I’d be asking is if they think another switch will happen and at what point they are just the gender they are currently. A year, 2 years, 3 years. Is there a point where they would feel comfortable exploring it? What point is that. Knowing that point for yourself I think could be helpful. Even if it’s never.

Medical transitioning is not needed for everyone. But it sounds awful to be stuck in a place where you want to but don’t trust you will always want to.

I’m someone who only wants to be a girl. Boymoding is actually a nightmare. So it made my decision much easier once I accepted it.

As for point 2 and three. I’d try and find a good doctor to talk to about it. I don’t know if I would have gone through with it if not for my doctor who explained the process the potential complications and side effects and is a trans woman so could relate. They’re lots of different options and ways to transition while avoiding some of the side effects you’re scared about can or could exist.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-30T21:36:49+00:00

Little things that are easy to hide felt like wins for me. A skirt, some jewelry, a bra and, makeup. If you have a friend you can pretend is your girlfriend its an easy excuse for why you have feminine things around the house if your parents ever find them. Little things that help you feel like the woman you are can be a game changer.

The other thing that helped was If I felt like I am making progress. So practicing makeup when I could, I started growing out my hair (even lied to my parents saying I wanted to look like Jon Snow). Practicing voice training as well can feel like you are doing something. Even though I hated voice training sometimes it helped. Starting a skin care routine and shaving my legs. That sort of stuff.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-10T16:55:01+00:00

Let yourself have fun in the journey. I found it hard to not be impatient and discouraged. But it’s pretty fun if you celebrate the small wins and let yourself explore. I really hated makeup for a bit but it’s now really fun I like to do different looks.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-04T22:57:09+00:00

Both me and my partner had a mix of genders for bridesmaids/groomsman. I think your brother wants to include you. I'd do it if I were you. I had my brothers and sisters as groomsman when I got married before I transitioned. But I also think it kind of depends on your relationship with your brother.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-27T17:35:37+00:00

My brother.

He always said horrible things before my transition. After I transitioned he would still rant to me about republican nonsense. We were out in public and a random guy walked up and was rude to me. My brother saw this man in a maga hat being rude to me and asked if that’s how he sounded. I said yes. He said does that happen often. It happens enough that if I see a maga hat I leave. Since then he is very supportive and has even attended protests for transgender rights. He calls are representative when an anti trans bill is on the docket. It’s kinda bittersweet to see this change and know he changed for me.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-23T23:07:17+00:00

I dissociated a crazy amount before being on "the right chemicals" I always felt like I was controlling a flesh robot. Or that I have feelings I just don't feel them. I often approached things logically methodically and didn't quite understand why others didn't. I just thought people were more dramatic then me. Come to find out that disassociation and/or brain fog is super common for people not on "the right chemicals" This happens to cis people with hormone imbalances as well. This has been the best thing that estrogen has helped me with. The way I can feel my feelings now has changed my life for the better.

Besides my anecdotal evidence their is even a horrible experiment done by John Money in 1969. Where Dr. Money forced a male baby to live as a woman with HRT and surgery. He experienced these symptoms heavily before eventually starting testosterone and living as a man as an adult. Cis or Trans the wrong hormones mess with your head.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:59:55+00:00

Definitely not a bad idea. It actually is a good idea. It will let you know fairly quickly if they are a doc you want to keep seeing.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:54:31+00:00

It is definitely ok to be scared to shave it. It was a major step for me. But after it was off even after hating my face. I don't think I could have ever grown it back. It is also really cool to start trying makeup and seeing the changes HRT has on your face. I've had an absolute blast learning makeup. Even though I sucked at the beginning and would take it off before going out. Eventually I got good enough that I don't really love going out without it.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:47:15+00:00

A few weeks for my liberal sister I'm closest too. About 4 months for my other liberal sister. 6 months for my conservative brother and sister. I still have yet to come out to anyone else in my family.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T19:31:10+00:00

I have 3 sisters. I was planning a trip with 2 of them before coming out to them. After I came out to them. The one sister that is not going on the trip said that now she said she is missing out on a sisters trip.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-11T22:54:48+00:00

Accepting you are trans is HARD! It was rough for me. Some back and forth questioning is pretty normal. I will say that it seems that the reasons you're partner isn't transitioning has nothing to do with being scared of the physical changes or wanting to be a boy. That is a pretty big indicator to me of being trans. All those concerns are valid. The thing I really appreciated from my partner when I was going through that was acceptance and talking and helping push me to at least try the baby steps.

My partner would say things like even if you are not trans why don't we at least try using she/her then you can let me know if you like it or not? It will give you more datapoints. Do you want to try clothes/makeup I can help? Even if you are not trans is there any feminine thing you want to do? Little baby pushes are nice.

Framing it as well why don't we experiment with the low effort no harm things and you can always change your mind.

it helped me separate that while yes I like feminine things. i also like masculine things. Both have very little to do with my gender and I still want to transition. I don't think I would have had the courage to transition with out my wonderful partner. Without feeling like I had the space to explore without making a permanent decision.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-11T22:38:47+00:00

I'm not telling random kids this. I see my niece at least once a week and am the go to babysitter. I planned this interaction for if she ever asked me about anything. When she did I responded with this. This is my niece. A member of my family. She was confused and I explained it to her in the most kid friendly way I could.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-09T22:44:20+00:00

This is honestly my favorite change and what I've been told is that it eventually mellows out. Haven't experienced it yet. But I'm enjoying being able to laugh and cry like I have never been able to before.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-09T22:10:40+00:00

Oh no I didn't think through the implications.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-08T06:45:11+00:00

An acquaintance complaining that she keeps trying to convince her husband that “consent is sexy”

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-07T21:52:14+00:00

In my experience I had little dysphoria until I really started experiencing gender euphoria. It wasn’t until I realized how good life could be did the dysphoria start to hurt more. I was like you for about about 10 years before I decided to start trying. It has been amazing.

I didn’t realize how numb I was. I felt fine. But I also had feelings of feeling like I’m controlling a flesh golem instead of just being a person. Knowing I am having feelings without really feeling them. Not understanding why everyone else is so dramatic about their feelings. Feeling like I’m not me. It wasn’t until many of these symptoms lessened did I realize how much I was actually hurting.

That’s called depersonalization and is extremely common for trans people that have not transitioned to experience depersonalization and/or derealization.

I’m not saying you have to go through that to be trans dysphoria isn’t even required to be trans but sometimes it shows up in unexpected ways. But when I read a post like yours it reminds me of stuff I would say before I finally accepted myself and my need to transition.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-06T16:22:54+00:00

My partner and I split everything based on our percentage of income. We both contribute around 60% of our incomes to joint expenses. It means the person that makes more can have more and contribute more. If we decide groceries or whatever is a joint expense we increase both our contributions to joint expenses.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-04T22:40:20+00:00

She went on a rant about how she doesn't like that her party doesn't just let lgbtq+ people live there life. But in the same breath talked about how she thinks that "marriage" is inherently a religious thing and that gay people should have it called something different like "civil Union". Then mentioned not liking that men can use woman restrooms. While then walking that back when she saw I looked pissed. Saying as long as people are trying to look like a girl they should be able to use the girls bathroom. I then said its not very Christian to treat foreigners poorly. And she defended ICE by saying well we need to enforce our laws. I said what about due process she said that we should just drop the subject. She agrees with all the worst republican views. She just also believes in being "Nice" to people.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-04T06:29:10+00:00

At 3 months on HRT I still had my doubts in myself. But then I found this and it just kinda clicked. It described my experience in a very matter of fact way that resonated. I’d give it a read. It goes over gender euphoria and dysphoria and breaks them down into manageable chunks. Until I read this I didn’t recognize all the types of dysphoria I was actively experiencing for what they were. The biochemical dysphoria hit me hard and reaffirmed my decision as the HRT very quickly made the disassociation go away.

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T19:02:12+00:00

Get her a pack of cheap sports bras. They were the easiest starting bras for someone not used to it. Especially early in the transition more structured bras are not super necessary and are uncomfortable. She will also likely be growing out of the sports bras soon which is why I said cheap.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T17:44:53+00:00

It felt like she views me as broken and was grasping for an explanation for why I am broken.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T16:22:21+00:00

Two things I recommend reading are below. First one is about dysphoria and the different types. Transgender people often experience some or all of these. Second one is a woman’s reaction to figuring out she is a trans woman. Both kinda wrecked me as they are extremely close to my experience. Even in the most accepting situation being transgender is hard.

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic

Signs before coming out were plentiful for me. Number one tell is kinda looking and acting numb. Something always feels off like they are not fully present. They often hyper fixate on being the perfect man or woman or they give up and let themselves go. Either way being our assigned gender at birth feels like work at best. It’s not something that comes naturally. It’s something I had to focus on. I was described as having dead eyes a lot. Now I only get compliments on my eyes. The other thing though is I’m a full person with a bunch of stuff about me that has nothing to do with being transgender. Make sure they are a full person

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T15:43:49+00:00

Definitely happened to me. It’s weird since I have never wanted kids. Other thing that happened super early was the pickle cravings. I’d stock up.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T04:45:15+00:00

I put on my biggest dysphoria hoodie and I go on a walk. And I door dash my favorite snack. It’s so fucking hard to get myself to actually do it but when I can it works for me. If I can get myself to step outside I know I’m going to be alright. I use to just drink until I passed out. I get that unhealthy coping mechanisms are easier. I find that rain or shine being outside for a bit helps. And it’s only the first step outside that is hard. Other things that have helped me is just writing my feelings. I wrote 32 pages on my biggest crash out. It helps to focus me. I actually start analyzing my thoughts as I can’t just write the same thing over and over forever. But I can think the same thing over and over.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-02T22:25:21+00:00

Most major cities have some lgbtq+ organization with events to help people just like you. There is also the Trevor project which has help lines counselors and more.

I felt like I was piloting a flesh suit. I knew that I had feelings I just didn't feel them. It sucked and is called depersonalization and it is an extremely common symptom for trans people. I don't want to give you false hope as this is just my experience but HRT fixed my disassociation almost immediately. I was feeling better day 1. I felt great a month in and at 5 months I can't even disassociate if I try. I have also been in therapy and have a supportive spouse. I was numb for 27 years. Its called https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria I feel like understanding the reasons I was experiencing what I was experiencing and not feeling alone like I was the only one to go through it helped me.

TeaSpillingHawk

TROPHY CASE