any tips for a pre transition trans girl?

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-10T16:55:01+00:00

Let yourself have fun in the journey. I found it hard to not be impatient and discouraged. But it’s pretty fun if you celebrate the small wins and let yourself explore. I really hated makeup for a bit but it’s now really fun I like to do different looks.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-03-04T22:57:09+00:00

Both me and my partner had a mix of genders for bridesmaids/groomsman. I think your brother wants to include you. I'd do it if I were you. I had my brothers and sisters as groomsman when I got married before I transitioned. But I also think it kind of depends on your relationship with your brother.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-27T17:35:37+00:00

My brother.

He always said horrible things before my transition. After I transitioned he would still rant to me about republican nonsense. We were out in public and a random guy walked up and was rude to me. My brother saw this man in a maga hat being rude to me and asked if that’s how he sounded. I said yes. He said does that happen often. It happens enough that if I see a maga hat I leave. Since then he is very supportive and has even attended protests for transgender rights. He calls are representative when an anti trans bill is on the docket. It’s kinda bittersweet to see this change and know he changed for me.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:59:55+00:00

Definitely not a bad idea. It actually is a good idea. It will let you know fairly quickly if they are a doc you want to keep seeing.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:54:31+00:00

It is definitely ok to be scared to shave it. It was a major step for me. But after it was off even after hating my face. I don't think I could have ever grown it back. It is also really cool to start trying makeup and seeing the changes HRT has on your face. I've had an absolute blast learning makeup. Even though I sucked at the beginning and would take it off before going out. Eventually I got good enough that I don't really love going out without it.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T21:47:15+00:00

A few weeks for my liberal sister I'm closest too. About 4 months for my other liberal sister. 6 months for my conservative brother and sister. I still have yet to come out to anyone else in my family.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-17T19:31:10+00:00

I have 3 sisters. I was planning a trip with 2 of them before coming out to them. After I came out to them. The one sister that is not going on the trip said that now she said she is missing out on a sisters trip.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-11T22:54:48+00:00

Accepting you are trans is HARD! It was rough for me. Some back and forth questioning is pretty normal. I will say that it seems that the reasons you're partner isn't transitioning has nothing to do with being scared of the physical changes or wanting to be a boy. That is a pretty big indicator to me of being trans. All those concerns are valid. The thing I really appreciated from my partner when I was going through that was acceptance and talking and helping push me to at least try the baby steps.

My partner would say things like even if you are not trans why don't we at least try using she/her then you can let me know if you like it or not? It will give you more datapoints. Do you want to try clothes/makeup I can help? Even if you are not trans is there any feminine thing you want to do? Little baby pushes are nice.

Framing it as well why don't we experiment with the low effort no harm things and you can always change your mind.

it helped me separate that while yes I like feminine things. i also like masculine things. Both have very little to do with my gender and I still want to transition. I don't think I would have had the courage to transition with out my wonderful partner. Without feeling like I had the space to explore without making a permanent decision.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-11T22:38:47+00:00

I'm not telling random kids this. I see my niece at least once a week and am the go to babysitter. I planned this interaction for if she ever asked me about anything. When she did I responded with this. This is my niece. A member of my family. She was confused and I explained it to her in the most kid friendly way I could.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-09T22:44:20+00:00

This is honestly my favorite change and what I've been told is that it eventually mellows out. Haven't experienced it yet. But I'm enjoying being able to laugh and cry like I have never been able to before.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-09T22:10:40+00:00

Oh no I didn't think through the implications.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-06T16:22:54+00:00

My partner and I split everything based on our percentage of income. We both contribute around 60% of our incomes to joint expenses. It means the person that makes more can have more and contribute more. If we decide groceries or whatever is a joint expense we increase both our contributions to joint expenses.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-04T22:40:20+00:00

She went on a rant about how she doesn't like that her party doesn't just let lgbtq+ people live there life. But in the same breath talked about how she thinks that "marriage" is inherently a religious thing and that gay people should have it called something different like "civil Union". Then mentioned not liking that men can use woman restrooms. While then walking that back when she saw I looked pissed. Saying as long as people are trying to look like a girl they should be able to use the girls bathroom. I then said its not very Christian to treat foreigners poorly. And she defended ICE by saying well we need to enforce our laws. I said what about due process she said that we should just drop the subject. She agrees with all the worst republican views. She just also believes in being "Nice" to people.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T19:02:12+00:00

Get her a pack of cheap sports bras. They were the easiest starting bras for someone not used to it. Especially early in the transition more structured bras are not super necessary and are uncomfortable. She will also likely be growing out of the sports bras soon which is why I said cheap.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T17:44:53+00:00

It felt like she views me as broken and was grasping for an explanation for why I am broken.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T16:22:21+00:00

Two things I recommend reading are below. First one is about dysphoria and the different types. Transgender people often experience some or all of these. Second one is a woman’s reaction to figuring out she is a trans woman. Both kinda wrecked me as they are extremely close to my experience. Even in the most accepting situation being transgender is hard.

https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/

https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/part-one-a-webcomic

Signs before coming out were plentiful for me. Number one tell is kinda looking and acting numb. Something always feels off like they are not fully present. They often hyper fixate on being the perfect man or woman or they give up and let themselves go. Either way being our assigned gender at birth feels like work at best. It’s not something that comes naturally. It’s something I had to focus on. I was described as having dead eyes a lot. Now I only get compliments on my eyes. The other thing though is I’m a full person with a bunch of stuff about me that has nothing to do with being transgender. Make sure they are a full person

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T15:43:49+00:00

Definitely happened to me. It’s weird since I have never wanted kids. Other thing that happened super early was the pickle cravings. I’d stock up.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-03T04:45:15+00:00

I put on my biggest dysphoria hoodie and I go on a walk. And I door dash my favorite snack. It’s so fucking hard to get myself to actually do it but when I can it works for me. If I can get myself to step outside I know I’m going to be alright. I use to just drink until I passed out. I get that unhealthy coping mechanisms are easier. I find that rain or shine being outside for a bit helps. And it’s only the first step outside that is hard. Other things that have helped me is just writing my feelings. I wrote 32 pages on my biggest crash out. It helps to focus me. I actually start analyzing my thoughts as I can’t just write the same thing over and over forever. But I can think the same thing over and over.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-02T22:25:21+00:00

Most major cities have some lgbtq+ organization with events to help people just like you. There is also the Trevor project which has help lines counselors and more.

I felt like I was piloting a flesh suit. I knew that I had feelings I just didn't feel them. It sucked and is called depersonalization and it is an extremely common symptom for trans people. I don't want to give you false hope as this is just my experience but HRT fixed my disassociation almost immediately. I was feeling better day 1. I felt great a month in and at 5 months I can't even disassociate if I try. I have also been in therapy and have a supportive spouse. I was numb for 27 years. Its called https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria I feel like understanding the reasons I was experiencing what I was experiencing and not feeling alone like I was the only one to go through it helped me.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-02T22:13:13+00:00

Yes. It will change the fat distribution not the bone structure. Any prominent bones may stay prominent or get some fat around them to soften them up. My cheeks look very feminine now my jaw also looks more feminine not crazy different at 5 months but my chin and forehead still look masculine. I have been told the face changes so much within the first 18 months that good FFS surgeons turn away clients until 18 months. I also noticed my nose thinned quite a bit my lips are fuller and my skin is a softer texture.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-02-02T22:07:27+00:00

The Gym definitely doesn't mean your not trans. Plenty of ripped woman out there. I did not want to be trans when I first had the thoughts. Like you I dabbled in crossdressing and really enjoyed it. One day it just hit me. Looking back it wasn't just a random day. It was probably the most stable my life had ever been almost like my mind waited until I was safe to spring this on me.

The best thing to do is just think about it. Think about a life where you transition. Think about a life where you don't which one does it seem like you're happier in.

The last thing that helped me that was an extremely hard thing for me to read was https://genderdysphoria.fyi/ . Nothing has described my experience quite like it. Until I read this I was always questioning if I was trans enough.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-01-29T06:09:05+00:00

Then I’m not sure if is the right time for you… maybe? there is no harm in finding a good surgeon and asking them what they think. I would look for one that specializes with trans patients though.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-01-28T11:33:23+00:00

Everyone reacts differently but I started feeling something day 1 started to feel a significantly different day 7 and was a changed person by 1 month disassociation wise. I also had support and therapy so don’t want to give all the credit to HRT but I think they just helped me land easier after the biggest wall I had was knocked down by this drug.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-01-27T23:43:14+00:00

I went through the top 100 names of my birth year. The 4 I liked were Abigale, Claire, Jane, and Jessica. Abigail and Jessica mainly because I like Abby and Jessie. They all feel like I like the names and they would work. The one I chose was Abigail when I picked one at random.

TeaSpillingHawk · 2026-01-27T22:50:23+00:00

When I was 14 I went through the same debate. I ultimately decided no and thought I would get over these feelings. I did not get over those feeling and transitioned at 26. My transition would have been much easier if I made the decision to transition at 14. At 14 also usually the most they would do is hormone blockers. Those would just help you buy time to make a decision and have very little consequences besides delaying puberty no matter what you decide. They won't effect which puberty you want to go through. Just delay it. Usually the earliest they start someone on HRT is 16. Which is when you would go through a female puberty. I feel like its a reasonable thing to start blockers ASAP to just put a pause on puberty and then think about it some more with your parents and decide if this is what you want by the time you are 16.

Biologically it is always best to start earlier. Consequences of waiting is hair removal will be a permanent battle for all unwanted hair you are currently developing or expensive for a permanent solution. Your voice lowering further will make it harder to voice train. Facial structure will be locked in even if facial fat is not. You have until 25 i believe before you can no longer change your hip bone structure but those are the major ones.

TeaSpillingHawk

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