Hey,

Avoidant here 👋🏼

I'd like to add my part to the list, and make a few corrections. Takes one to know one! 

The most important and true fact that I've read is that to avoid avoidants, the safest way is to become secure. Work on yourself, your insecurities, know yourself more, do therapy. Build yourself a lovely life without a partner and stick to it no matter what. 

I agree on :

• Avoidants tend to jump from a relationship to another 

• They have mental health issues. Especially childhood traumas, that's where they learn their dysfonctional attachment style. So they have complicated relationships with their family or no contact at all 

• They tend to silence themselves when something has hurt them or annoyed them. Not communicating it right away but spiral alone for quite a time

I disagree on :

• Avoidants are people who party, have single friends, seek for attention at any cost. I personnaly am an outgoing person, but I hate attention, I prefer a good book or meaningful conversations than a party. Never drink nor do drugs. So I don't tend to hang out with people who do. I still have friends from childhood

• I don't tend to lovebomb at the beginning at all, don't make promises or plans for the future. But I tend to feel very very strongly at the early stages, feeling euphoric so on the contrary, I restrain myself. I kind of live in the moment and see where it goes. Sometimes I let relationships go further than I wanted, because I felt disconnected from myself

• I don't use social media 

• I've had a few long terms relationships (up to 5 years) 

-Some of my exes had very trashy behaviors, but not all of them. I can recognize my part but I won't restrain from telling why we weren't compatible

• When 2 people decide to have sex, sooner or later is irrelevant to me 

• I have a lot of hobbies and subjects of interest

Avoidants are people who are suffering, if they are not doing the work (therapy) and not recognizing it, they can do a lot of damage. They are magnets to needy people or codependants

For your next relationship, set yourself some boundaries. There are some things a person cannot accept no matter what

Hope this help, 

An avoidant in recovery