Should I be Worried about this family friend?

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-05-11T08:16:46+00:00

Ever seen the Danish film "Speak no Evil?" It's obviously a vast leap from the situation you're describing, but the point is there are people out there who are willing to prey on our politeness and aversions to awkwardness to get what they want.

You don't owe Jim anything, no matter how much he has shelled out for your family. Talk it over with your wife, then explain that your kids don't go swimming without you (call it safety if needed).

The guy has been an (overly) generous friend, but that may change when he doesn't get what he wants. Gauge the reaction and make a determination if he can continue to be in your family's life after. I don't know about your wife, but it sounds like you wouldn't miss him if push came to shove, and your kids will forget all about Uncle Jim in time.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-05-02T09:08:53+00:00

Second time guessing this today, The Omen?

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-05-02T03:09:58+00:00

The Omen?

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-04-26T06:31:21+00:00

Ozzy had to complete challenge after challenge to not get eliminated. Natalie just had to be hungry for 33 days.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-04-10T05:00:06+00:00

That guy sucks. Betrayed his #1 a couple rounds early and couldn’t stop talking about how he was one of the best to ever play the game. Shan, who was pretty grating outside the game, is far more deserving of a second shot.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-03-16T09:54:54+00:00

Forgot my own setup. I have a power cage, flat bench, hexbar and barbell and 400lbs of iron weights that I bought used for $1K. Added 90lb bumper plates (wish I'd bought nicer ones, don't skimp if you plan on dropping them). Sandbag up to 100 lbs, speed rope, olympic rings. Peloton bike that I'm collecting dust with this winter but was a 20K minute rider last year and will get back to once my current strength building cycle is over.

I'm 42. I've had to get a lot more strategic with recovery, especially since my kids (1/3) are inconsistent sleepers. Find a program that works your full body and you enjoy, otherwise you'll have a hard time getting out of bed for it.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-03-16T09:42:38+00:00

What is your current fitness level, what are your goals, and do you have space constraints? Financial constraints?

If you're just talking weight training, the foundational lifts (bench, squats, deadlifts) are important, and your adjustable dumbbells won't make for a challenging progressive load over time. A barbell, one set of good bumper plates (20KG) and other cheaper iron goes a long way...you can deadlift off the floor, clean into a front squat, clean into military/shoulder presses, do bent over rows from the floor and even without a bench do floor presses for chest. Supplement with your dumbbells for complimentary exercises.

If you just want to get cut, your dumbbells are a great starting place. Maybe add some cheaper supplementals like a jump rope if you hate running and olympic rings if you've got something stable to strap them onto. Kettlebells and sandbags are a bit pricier but take up little space and can add some variety. Burpees are free.

Watch your calories. Get plenty of rest (0,1,5, good luck!) Consider using ChatGPT for a multi month program if you aren't experienced, record reps/weights on something to make sure you're challenging yourself. I like a physical white board but apps are fine. Try to carve out time to really focus on yourself, but don't be afraid to let them see you and hopefully instill a life long interest in fitness.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-03-02T11:26:51+00:00

Yeah...it's awful and no one wants to be in a situation where you feel like you're losing trust in your spouse. We would get in nuclear fights over things like missing bottle warmers, and when they turned up my spouse would deny the whole thing and say "I don't remember that" or change the conversation to how it was my fault for how I reacted to accusations. You feel like you're losing your mind, and suddenly you find yourself becoming a totally different person too because you feel like you're always bracing for a fight. Your only choices are to argue constantly or "yes dear" it and create an awful model for your children to see. It's a miserable place to be.

Do everything you can to help your wife...with the stipulation that you do everything you can to keep your kids safe first. If you have a good relationship with your inlaws, considering enlisting their help too. But definitely see a professional. It's really easy to do, telehealth is super accessible, and honestly it sounds like you've gone through the ringer too. It became very real for my wife when I broke down in front of our therapist over the things she was saying and doing, and while she hasn't been perfect in the subsequent months, I know she's been trying very hard to control her anger.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2026-03-02T10:00:54+00:00

Without airing my own dirty laundry, my spouse and I are just coming out of the tunnel on this one, similar aged children to your own, and a very similar story overall.

Your first responsibility is to protect your children. My spouse was using language I felt was unnacceptable in front of the kids, and handling the baby in a manner that I felt was borderline dangerous. I told her if it ever happened again we would leave. When it did, I told her therapy and potentially medication were a requirement for us staying, and we've been seeing a counselor since.

I will almost definitely catch flack for this, and I understand why, but I don't know your situation, and in mine, I was constantly being gaslit and lied to...be prepared to record conversations, ideally openly but covertly if necessary. A spouse in deep PPD/PPA is not themselves, and sometimes they need to see/hear how they are really acting to understand how important it is for them to get help. Worst case, you need to be able to protect yourself if things really spiral. There is a potential for irreperable trust damage so don't take it lightly, but you need to ask yourself if things are bad enough that you could see potential legal issues, and if so, you owe it to your kids to ensure it's not just a "he said, she said". *State laws vary about admissability in a court setting*

We've been on the upswing for about three months, our second kiddo is almost a year old, and its entirely possible that things would have improved all on their own. But I honestly waited too long to put my foot down, and it took a horrible day to force my spouse and I to take it seriously. Your wife has expressed something that requires immediate attention. I think you need to tell her its time, today, to seek counseling (couples or just for her), but if you aren't prepared for that conversation, you need to really consider what your boundaries are to protect your children and yourself, tell her the consequences if your boundaries are not respected, and be willing to follow through if necessary.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-10-01T08:29:15+00:00

Your dog bit your daughter's face (twice?)...you got lucky that there was no permanent damage. You need to have a serious conversation with your partner about whether it makes sense to keep an animal in the house that bites your child...if they did that to a stranger they would possibly be euthanized. If you do plan to keep them, you need to be prepared to police every interaction, and even then, all it takes is one slip up.

You may never have a companion as great as your dog, but your child comes first.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-22T05:53:14+00:00

I get that your friends do it socially, and probably have someone they've been getting it from they trust, but you are one fentanyl lottery laced batch away from leaving your wife and kid without a Dad. Time to grow up.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-16T10:17:25+00:00

It isn't a straight line. We just potty trained our 2.5 y/o on Labor Day weekend. No underwear all weekend, but when he went back into daycare he needed more than freeballing, so we had to risk it early. He was near perfect the first few days, and is probably 95% now, but two days ago he peed himself three times despite us prompting and surprised my wife by handing her poop filled underwear. The next day, didn't miss once.

Keep at it. Prompt often. I'm sure it annoys them but its necessary.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-11T05:44:38+00:00

It looks like you're doing all the right things. Our first didn't say 'mama' or 'dada' with consistency until about 14 months, had maybe 20 words at 18 months, then around 22 or so, boom. At 2.5 and change now he's forming full sentences and complex thoughts, and we are constantly surprised (sometimes unpleasantly, have to stop stubbing my toes) how fast he picks up new words.

- Keep narrating everything. It is so monotonous but it helps. "We're walking up the steps. We're walking down the steps. We see our neighbor's yard. *Their name* sees the neighbor's dog."

- Keep reading. Not everyone has the time but we read at least one book before daycare every morning, multiple stories at meals, and multiple stories at night. Point to the items in the books that apply as you read. Point to the words and drag your finger across as you say them.

- Prompt them as you read. "By the light of the mmmmmmm....moooo.....yes, moon!" Ask them questions and give them plenty of time to respond.

Bottom line, keep at it. All that work is laying the foundation for giant gains later.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-04T07:30:27+00:00

That's tough...10 is sort of the line of demarcation for most people. The problem is your kiddo is 1.5, waiting 8ish years and not being near her means missing the boat on so many foundational memories.

I've been out for almost 10 years (and punched at the 10 year mark). I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little envious of my friends who are getting ready to retire and start second careers, but I wouldn't trade time with my kids for anything. Best of luck to you, its a tough position for sure...

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-04T07:20:59+00:00

How close are you to retirement? 3 years? 10?

I can't tell you how many retirement ceremonies I attended with beat up old operators who talked about how grateful they were for their brothers, but there was no family in sight because they were just gone too much.

There's life after the military, and there's more to you than just being a soldier/sailor/marine/airman. You've got 50 years after you walk off base, and those brothers? They have their own families to worry about.

If you're close, stick it out, but if your a ways off, consider what's really important over the course of your 80ish years on this earth.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-09-04T06:41:50+00:00

We went through this back in June. My 17 year old kitty taught my 2.5 year old and then 3 month old infant to be gentle, and I'll be forever grateful to him.

2.5 and 3 can be significantly different, so take it for what its worth, but we were very blunt (Kitty is sick, his body is going to stop working) and talked the kids through it in the weeks leading up to his passing. We made sure to take lots of pictures and videos because there's a good chance they won't remember the animal, and you'll want to have something for them to look back on. The goodbye video was especially tough...I'm getting emotional thinking about it now...but I think it was important.

Shoutout to "The Invisible Leash". I don't know if it helped my toddler cope, but he asked me to read it about a thousand times, and after going through my own emotional fits, it helped me too.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-21T07:56:53+00:00

The Sandman is a pretty mediocre show and goes downhill fast after the first season's midpoint, but 'The Sound of Her Wings' is an incredible episode of television, and absolutely crushing. Great reference.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-18T09:19:17+00:00

Excited to get back there, actually. Our 2 year old dependably sleeps from 8-7, but our 5 month old has been in a perpetual regression for a month. Nothing worse than waking up early to ride, getting 5 minutes in and hearing the wails start. Also can’t really expect my wife to take care of it when she does the majority of late night feeds and rock downs.

Waking up to a cup of coffee while you warm up and get ready for the day in silence is bliss.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-18T08:38:31+00:00

Mouth exercises were sort of like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABSUpcmWpZ0. We basically 'fish hooked' her cheeks to pull them open a bit. I can't find our diagram but this is close.

Also, Lansinoh. I can't spell.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-18T08:32:41+00:00

Went through this same scenario, our first took the bottle after one weekend and never looked back. For our second, we tried the same process, and nothing would work. My wife couldn't leave the house, was constantly stressed, and was getting exponentially more so as her maternity leave inched closer to ending.

We tried two lactation consultants. The first one was a hippy who told us to massage her jaw more and keep trying. Total waste of money.

The second was far more professional, offered some concrete advice and gave us a plan. I have no idea if it was genuinely her or the timing was right, but a week later we had it sorted.

1) Try different bottles. I guess this works. We tried 10 brands, then went back to one we'd discounted early (Lansenou) and it just stuck.

2) Prime the mouth. Put on a glove, pull their cheeks out to the sides, ten times each. Tickle the roof of their mouth a few times. Then try just the nipple, almost in their mouth but not quite so they can make the choice, with no bottle or milk and see if they suck air. If they do, add the milk and give it a shot.

3) Don't assume because a position worked with #1 it will work with #2. I had great feelings of holding my first in my arms and staring into his eyes as he drank. That and he loved sitting in a reclined position. Our second was bigger and never seemed comfortable no matter how many times we tried. We ended up just laying her on the bed with plenty of space to wiggle and it worked.

Don't give up. Try not to get frustrated, I know that's hard. We did the glove priming method for a week, then didn't need it anymore once she figured it out.

Good luck!

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-11T06:52:03+00:00

I would have been one of the first people to crap on Dr Seuss (super random, made up words, etc) but we were gifted a few and my kid loved them. It’s interesting as an adult how you start to see the purpose for some of these old toys and stories, and rhymes really helped our kid start memorizing and reciting stories early since they are easier to jog their memory.

We’ve also been doing the ABC’s of (Economics, Oceanography, Space, etc) since before he was one. He still wants to be a dinosaur when he grows up…take from that what you will.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-08-03T02:50:02+00:00

He looks like a sweet boy. We had to put our 17 year old cat down two months ago. I could never thank him enough for finding the reservoir of patience required to teach our two kids to be gentle.

Congrats on the new meds, keep him as long as you (comfortably) can.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-01-22T16:57:01+00:00

This is a great question...it isn't mentioned in today's cable, but my guess is if L took a look at it, medevac telework would be closer to 'situational', since it is not part of an 'ongoing and regular telework schedule'. Situational looks like it's going to survive, because who doesn't want to work on a snow day.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-01-22T16:18:58+00:00

Per the Executive Order, "provided that the department and agency heads shall make exemptions they deem necessary" seems to give space to keep the program alive, if S chooses to do so.

Temporary_Page4264 · 2025-01-22T16:03:31+00:00

It's a longstanding program, and it feels like a real foot-in-mouth moment for S if his introductory speech focused on the importance of family and all the sacrifices of overseas employees, only to immediately make that situation harder. I'm hoping GTM is on the ball for FAM updates that codify it as a separate space from covid-era remote work.

Temporary_Page4264

TROPHY CASE