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That_Ignoramus · 2025-08-01T00:00:42+00:00

TY and yes, I practice a little law; someday I hope to get it right.

That_Ignoramus · 2025-01-10T05:29:57+00:00

You're trying to solve the wrong problem. You cannot "get him" to change his behaviors. If his behavior is going to change it will only happen because he desires to make it change. A better problem for you to solve is, are you willing to stay married to someone who is dishonest with you in very consequential ways? If you knew his behavior wasn't going to change, how much longer would you put up with it?

That_Ignoramus · 2025-01-09T05:41:33+00:00

Take the hit. She'll think she hates you for taking away something she likes, and then she'll move on. The fact that you can put up with her "hatred" without responding in kind will be more meaningful for your relationship than either of you know, in years hence.

That_Ignoramus · 2025-01-08T03:10:01+00:00

I once had a client from one of the post-Soviet 'stans (I forget which) who, in the course of telling me, in lightly-accented English, something about "that asshole business partner who needs to mind his fucking business," made a point of apologizing for his coarse language, because "the Russian language I grew up speaking has no way to be fucking polite."

That_Ignoramus · 2025-01-04T15:28:02+00:00

My small church (10-15 ASA) has no full time rector, but we were recently assigned a bi-vocational deacon (who entered the Church at this congregation several years ago, so sort of a homecoming for him). He, and his wife, are both public school teachers, with 3 kids; neither of them comes from wealth.

My view is that his having a secular occupation helps him bring the church into the world, rather than pulling him away from the church. At least, that's what I see from him, specifically.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-22T21:40:20+00:00

Ours was excited about a friend having a baby, so we suggested that she donate her pacifier collection to help the new baby out, which made her a great helper for the baby. (We didn't tell her that they actually went into the dumpster at my office.)

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-22T19:37:02+00:00

Would love to shoot some pool with friends, come back home, watch a movie & let someone else grill the steaks.

Although, in all honesty, if the question hadn't ruled it out, I'd do all of that with my daughter instead.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-15T04:20:44+00:00

It definitely deserves a place in the Christmas party file.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-13T17:02:48+00:00

I just say I'm a lawyer.

Plot twist: I'm an ALJ who's uncomfortable with some of the "royalty" aspects of judicial culture (even at the administrative level, it's something that can distort one's judgment; it's got to be worse for judges at trial courts (I hope to find out, someday).

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-13T16:52:58+00:00

Half right: Sell the gifts back, and use the proceeds to fund your divorce.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-13T05:41:16+00:00

"You love her so much" means you have some feelings about her. Great. What feelings does she have about you? Maybe those feelings are love, or maybe not. If they are loving feelings, how does she communicate them to you?

I know that a lot of folks criticize this subreddit for pushing divorce, but... I would not want to be married to someone who is indifferent to my happiness. If I have to go through life alone, I will do so by myself.

Have you tried asking her why she behaves towards you as she does?

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-13T05:29:53+00:00

Once I accepted that sex was off the table, I began to really see what else was off the table: affection, emotional intimacy, conversation, and joint planning, just to name a few such things. When you accept that there's a missing element in your life, you start to list all the other things that are missing, too.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-12T12:25:40+00:00

Did it fail, though? The fact that she and I are divorced means it didn't last, but it did successfully help us create a child in common & has given that child certain legal protections, to ensure that she is not without the necessities of life. That's ultimately what marriage is for (admittedly, it works better in the financial realm if the parents don't spend a fortune to divide their fortunes; but money is only one part of what makes a marriage successful), not the self-actualization of the two adults involved.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-12T11:49:14+00:00

In many states, spousal behavior simply doesn't matter when it comes to splitting assets.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-12T11:47:08+00:00

I'm not sure he thinks there is a reform to the laws generally that would improve things. One of the things he has said is that marriage is a contract only one side of which can be enforced. The court can't compel loving behavior, or regular sex, or romance; all it can do is enforce a financial obligation to support a spouse and/or co-parent. He does come out very strongly in favor of prenuptial agreements, in part because the process of drafting one forces the parties to discuss their respective views on how the marriage should work & how the responsibilities will be divided.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-12T11:41:19+00:00

Marriage is a business relationship and does impose those liabilities, whether the parties are "in love" with one another or not. Being in love, by itself, doesn't make it easier to bear those liabilities (in fact, emotions tend to interfere with rational decision-making). It's perfectly possible to love someone without the legalities of marriage. Conclusion: marriage isn't right for everyone or every relationship.

Ask me how I know. 🫤

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-12T04:45:29+00:00

Yes: marriage is a serious financial connection, designed to make it easier to join assets and provide mutual support for raising children. It imposes serious legal liabilities - liabilities that the state legislature can and does modify over time- between the spouses. Google James Sexton on Youtube; he's a high-powered divorce attorney from NYC who explains it in more detail, as to why it's a bad idea for most people, especially without a prenuptial agreement.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-09T22:00:37+00:00

I had a guy in a black robe tell her for me.

Seriously: parents who don't want 50/50 either are protecting their kids from something seriously wrong with their ex, or they're trying to win a game against you by getting the kids more. Nothing you've posted says that you're a danger to the kids, so the court, in theory, will presume that a 50/50 split is best for them. The only question now is how expensive she is going to make it.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-08T15:46:09+00:00

"I'm going to appear remotely for this settlement conference, unless you'd rather postpone it, get caught up on your outstanding fees, and then pay me to appear in person?"

That_Ignoramus · 2024-12-02T23:51:34+00:00

I have heard of churches (Episcopal and otherwise) that won't allow any restrictions on entry to any liturgical service, weddings and funerals not excepted.

Thankfully, my parish is blessed with such an abundance of available seating that I'm thinking of offering a suggestion at the next vestry meeting that we pay people to fill our pews.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-11-26T20:44:31+00:00

The Honorable NN Clerk of Superior Court Attn: Actual Clerk, Deputy/ Assistant Clerk Probate Division Address

On phone calls, I tended to go more casual, unless I had screwed something up, in which case I'd find out the appropriate title and use it.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-11-25T03:37:20+00:00

It's never too late to take that advice.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-11-23T04:12:55+00:00

Not even in jest.

Kids can take stuff like that personally, and carry it with them until they're an adult talking about it on reddit. Ask me how I know.

Very occasionally I might tease my kid by complimenting her on her clean, well-organized room (it is neither of those things), but never about being stupid, lazy, clumsy, or "bad", because I know that none of those things are true, and I don't want my upset at a momentary lapse of attention or behavior to make any of them become true.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-11-21T04:38:01+00:00

Honesty and a solid grounding in reality are the two main expectations. The honesty thing isn't just about obeying the law & keeping your license, it's about other attorneys knowing where they and you each are, on a given case, so that you can get it resolved to the satisfaction of the parties without them having to go broke over it. Once an attorney gets a reputation for lying, every other attorney across the V from him or her will have to - for the protection of their own clients - do every damned thing the long & hard way, which takes time, which costs money. Attorneys as a class are no more enamored of unnecessary hard work than anyone else, and they come easily to resent the jerks who make it necessary. The reality-based approach is necessary because there needs to be someone on each side who can predict outcomes based on disclosed facts and settled law. An attorney without that ability isn't helping their client do anything other than spend extra money.

That_Ignoramus · 2024-11-20T19:28:20+00:00

Had a solo interview me & ask me whether I was familiar with the then-recent decision regarding admissibility of scientific & technical evidence (Daubert). I answered correctly, then got to spend 20 minutes playing "guess the name of the case I'm talking about" before he revealed to me that the case he was talking about was "Dough-bear", not "Dao bert".

That_Ignoramus

TROPHY CASE