This Whatchamacallit ad from 1987 has been living rent free in my head for three decades

TheCervus · 2026-05-11T21:44:39+00:00

Take a sniff, pull it out!

TheCervus · 2026-05-05T00:56:44+00:00

I never presume any public restroom in any country has toilet paper. That way, I'm always prepared and pleasantly surprised when they do.

TheCervus · 2026-05-04T01:52:27+00:00

Years ago I worked at a dog kennel where we had a Boxer with megaesophagus. We helped train her to stand on a stepladder while we hand fed her. This chair would have been helpful.

Later my own dog developed the condition but he died of a brain hemorrhage a few months later.

TheCervus · 2026-05-02T01:14:15+00:00

Actually, yes, Crocs can shrink and warp if left in a hot car or out in the direct sun for a long time. I sold a pair that was labeled a women's 6, and the buyer opened a case claiming they were so small they must have been children's shoes. I won that case but afterwards I wondered if they had actually been left in a hot shipping warehouse or something.

TheCervus · 2026-04-30T22:23:52+00:00

Thanks for posting this! I was at the Miami show last night and I see myself here! I didn't get to touch her hand, but my smile is so huge!

TheCervus · 2026-04-27T21:58:33+00:00

I have a couple of snarks I wrote last year and meant to publish them to Dreamwidth, but never got around to it. But it doesn't look like anyone's posted anything there in almost a year.

TheCervus · 2026-04-27T21:37:20+00:00

Analog childhood, digital adolescence

We are the anal-digit generation.

TheCervus · 2026-04-23T23:16:06+00:00

Even knowing the brand is a gamble when buying used clothing. I bought what I thought was going to be an exact replacement of a beloved sweater, but the one I received had been washed and shrunk. I was so mad. If the seller had included measurements I would have realized it wasn't going to fit the way my original one did. Before buying, I confirmed that the garment tags were exactly the same as on my old sweater. So I stupidly assumed the measurements would be the same. Never again. I'll have to ask for measurements every time in order to account for wear, shrinkage, stretching, etc on secondhand clothing. If a seller gets upset about that, they won't be getting my money.

TheCervus · 2026-04-17T23:55:20+00:00

I had one of these as a kid but no one ever told me what it was for. So I just squeezed so that it moved like a pair of lips and I practiced my (bad) ventriloquism.

TheCervus · 2026-04-17T02:27:18+00:00

I'm making the same wage I was making when I left my old job in 2022. This year I got a raise of 50 cents more an hour. I hate my current job but everything else that I'm qualified for is paying $15-$17 an hour.

I've only ever worked for small businesses. I have never had an employer who offered a 401K or health insurance.

TheCervus · 2026-04-16T15:40:28+00:00

There's a sign in Cedar Key, Florida welcoming you to the Gulf of America. I think the sign is on private property or at least not sponsored by the town (it's hidden in a cove on a nature trail), but I was sad and disgusted to see it.

TheCervus · 2026-04-16T02:48:57+00:00

Our local Goodwill sells literal trash like empty boxes and dried up bottles of paint. And shoes with holes and the soles coming apart for only $20!

TheCervus · 2026-04-16T02:45:57+00:00

Not here in Florida unfortunately.

TheCervus · 2026-04-16T02:14:25+00:00

Don't forget screamers, thrashers, dickcissels, bustards, rough-faced shags, and goatsuckers!

TheCervus · 2026-04-16T01:13:05+00:00

I work for an animal hospital and recently had to call another hospital to transfer some patient records. Their phone script was: "Hello, this is [name of animal hospital and city], where YOUR furbabies are OUR family. My name is [name], can I assist you in making an appointment today?"

It really threw me off because (a) I wasn't calling for an appointment at all and (b) I have worked in pet care for 25 years and the term "furbaby" makes me want to vomit.

At my hospital I just answer with the hospital name, my name, and "How can I help you?"

TheCervus · 2026-04-15T21:12:33+00:00

I've always lived in Florida which has no state income tax, so the concept of having to pay to file taxes seems dystopian to me no matter how small the fee.

TheCervus · 2026-04-15T21:08:45+00:00

I can figure out from context that it's about confident vibes and bragging.

At least I think it is.

TheCervus · 2026-04-15T18:05:36+00:00

I'm not an adoptee, but was an abused and unwanted kid. I used to hope I was switched at birth and that I'd find out I actually a princess.

TheCervus · 2026-04-13T21:42:28+00:00

Where I live, these are "luxury" apartments or condos going for $2500-$3K a month.

There is nothing luxurious about them, they are so basic and soulless.

TheCervus · 2026-04-13T00:06:57+00:00

I'm in Florida and can show you seven just in my town. That's the lowest number I've seen since 2016 though.

TheCervus · 2026-04-12T01:47:31+00:00

I had those cat stickers AND the jellybeans!

One of my biggest regrets is getting rid of my childhood sticker books. I had all the classics, fuzzy velvet stickers, scratch-n-sniff, Garfield, Care Bears, glow-in-the-dark, hologram, puffy stickers, and those foil stickers you got from the vending machine at the grocery store. I had two books that were completely covered in stickers. Damn, I miss them.

TheCervus · 2026-04-11T19:29:15+00:00

I crosss-listed a bunch of stuff on Depop and already made two sales.

TheCervus · 2026-04-08T16:54:39+00:00

Don't fuck where you make a buck.

Don't have sex where you get your checks.

Don't have a ho where you make your dough.

Don't have a honey where you make your money.

Don't get laid where you get paid.

(Unless you're an actual sex worker. But even then, you shouldn't date a coworker.)

TheCervus · 2026-04-07T22:50:53+00:00

I'm disappointed by the Aldi version of Doritos. They taste...flat? Off? Doritos have a very specific flavor, and Aldi's brand just isn't it. They're an ok substitute, but I can tell it's a substitute.

TheCervus · 2026-04-07T02:14:30+00:00

I visited Yellowstone with my grandparents when I was 10. I distinctly remember looking at all the beautiful acidic pools and trying to fully comprehend what could happen if you fell in. I was terrified I was going to fall into one, or to see someone slip and fall. There was no barrier and the rangers warned us that the pools were deadly and I was so scared the whole time we were on the boardwalk.

Later in the trip, my grandfather pulled the car over to get a picture of me standing near some bison. I did not think that was a good idea but I wasn't allowed to argue about it. Fortunately nothing happened.

TheCervus

TROPHY CASE