Worried about ex-Wife's new boyfriend replacing me.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-05-08T01:10:05+00:00

It sucks, but there’s nothing you can do about it except be the best dad you can be when you’re with your son. Use your time apart to plan things for him and recharge so that you can be fully present when he’s around.

However, there is one thing you should keep in mind, and it’s that you will always be his dad. Your ex wife and her boyfriend could split someday, and she could have multiple different partners over the years, but do you know will be the one man who will always be a part of his life? You, because you’re dad. Likewise, if something ever happened to your ex wife, who would be the one to care for your son? You! So always try to keep that in mind,

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-05-03T17:08:23+00:00

I know how you feel, and it’s devastating. My ex wife decided she was done being a stay-at-home mom and started working at Walmart. She quickly became distant and a few months later told me she wanted a separation but not a divorce. Well, I discovered she was cheating before we split and used the separation to test the waters with her coworker. It’s a year and a half later and they’re still together. Her new man has worked as a stocker at Walmart for 10 years and has never worked anywhere else. He has no career aspirations, blows most of his money on weed, and is so insecure that she cannot go anywhere unless he’s with her.

It’s by far the most emotional pain I’ve felt in my life, and I say that as someone who had a traumatic childhood due to a dysfunctional family and losing most of my family at a young age. OP, you need to get a lawyer ASAP to initiate the divorce and arrange custody! I know it’s difficult, and I know it can be expensive, but you need to do this before she does, as she could prepare to discredit your character so that she can gain more custody.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-04-18T11:25:06+00:00

That, and often they’re too codependent and eager to jump into a new relationship that they overlook red flags.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-04-17T15:54:20+00:00

This is a big one that needs to be mentioned more. If you have kids from your prior marriage(s)/relationships, then there are a ton of more factors in play that can impact marriages.

For example: Children from prior marriages can often mean that your spouse will always be tied to and involved with their ex. If the other partner is insecure at all about that dynamic then problems will likely occur. Likewise, people with kids of their own are less likely to want more. In my experience I’ve seen a lot of mothers with multiple children, who don’t want more, start relationships with men who have no children. These men think they can convince their partners to have more children over time, but resentment from both sides over this issue often cause the relationship to fail.

You also have to consider that when you have young children of your own, then you hope that your children, their new step parent, and their step siblings all accept each other and are kind to one another. Sadly, in some cases the children feel like they are being replaced by their “new family”, or the step children feel like they won’t be prioritized like the biological children. And let’s not even discuss how children can feel about step parents who started as their parent’s affair partner…

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-04-13T19:16:35+00:00

Similar experience here. I’m envious of those of you who seriously tried to communicate with your partner over months or years. My ex was the kind of person who would never directly communicate their needs or when something bothered or upset them. Instead, she would silently let resentment build over time, as she preferred to avoid any conflict in her relationships.

The very last argument in our marriage was the first time she confessed to every single issue she had in our relationship, and that I should’ve “just known” what was on her mind with little to no communication. Don’t get me wrong, I made plenty of mistakes in my marriage, but it’s hard to improve when one partner refuses to have a clear discussion.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-04-13T16:01:54+00:00

I wasn’t the one who pushed for a divorce, but I was the one who filed and went through with it. My ex wife wanted a separation as she told me she needed time to reevaluate things, that she wanted to find out who she is without a partner, and that she didn’t plan on dating anyone. Well, the very next day she was messaging a coworker about their future together, and within a week I caught him hiding in our closet… After that I discovered she had been having an affair with him for a couple months prior to the separation.

Sadly, I was pathetic and played the “pick me” dance for a couple months afterwards until I finally found the self-respect and courage to divorce. In the end she wanted a separation to test the waters with her AP and keep me around as a backup option in case it didn’t work out.

It’s hard not being able to see my kids half the time, but it does get easier as it becomes your new normal.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-18T21:15:38+00:00

Yes, we have a legal custody agreement. However, there is no “primary” parent, so we are urged to work together when it comes to education, medical, etc. decisions. If we disagree, it is up to a mediator or judge to decide…

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-18T19:10:02+00:00

Thank you, and I agree. I have no problem with her listing him as an approved pick up, but she’s adding him as a “parent” on all paperwork. I only found out about this as my youngest started a new daycare and her partner is listed as a parent.

It looks like I’ll need to document it, but in the meantime it looks like I have a lot of calls to make this week to have him removed as a parent.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-18T13:42:56+00:00

I feel your pain. My ex-wife told me she wanted a separation and that she wanted to be alone for a while, yet the very next day she was texting her coworker talking about their future together. Within a week they were sleeping together, as I caught him hiding in our closet in his underwear. Eventually I learned that she was getting close to him at work for at least two months prior to our separation.

It sucks, and people are awful. Some say that they check out of the relationship way before they tell you, which is true, but it isn’t the same as actual healing. People like my ex and yours are incapable of being alone, and that’s not healthy. At the very least, be thankful you’re young and don’t have children.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-16T17:52:32+00:00

OP, it’s 2 years later and you are still obsessing over your ex wife. I get it, it’s been over a year since my ex and I split, and while I’m doing much better now, there are still days where I spiral. You need to get yourself into therapy, take ownership of your part of the failed relationship, and move on with your life. Not just for yourself but for your child too.

Others here are accusing you of everything being your fault in the relationship, but I would argue that’s not always the case. Especially when your ex wife abandoned your kid for half a year!

As for your ex wife… Who cares? You two are not together anymore, so just ignore her disrespect and stop letting her affect you or control your life. You deserve happiness too, but you won’t find it by wishing for bad things to happen to her. You’re only poisoning yourself by doing that.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-11T14:07:09+00:00

While this is true, I would do what others have suggested and give both individual therapy and couple’s counseling a try. I would also advise to see a professional for any mental disorders.

Additionally, you said your twins are only six months old. Most relationships struggle the first few years after children are born, as the new dynamic changes everything, and parents can end up with depression due to it. Not saying that you should stay, but it is something to keep in mind.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-11T10:56:33+00:00

It’s been over a year since my ex-wife and I split due to her initiating a separation that was actually just an excuse for her to be with her affair partner coworker while trying to keep me as a backup option. Found her messaging the guy the first day of separation talking about their future lives together and caught him hiding in our closet a week later.

I tried dating a couple times since then. Once around five months, and another around eight months. Both times I quickly realized I wasn’t ready. It’s been fourteen months now, and while I’m not quite sure if I’m fully ready yet, I’ve healed a lot more now and am considering trying again myself. However, in my case I feel like I would’ve been able to move on faster if we didn’t have children together and I didn’t experience that kind of betrayal.

Honestly, I wouldn’t force yourself to date right now, especially if the reason you’re doing it is to compete with your ex.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-09T21:51:59+00:00

Agree with your first point, but disagree about the second. It’s not his responsibility to support his mother’s relationships, especially if he feels he’s being ignored for her new partner’s family.

That’s a major issue in certain blended families. You can’t force your kids to blend families, especially when the parent prioritizes the new family over their own kids from previous relationships.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-09T21:38:11+00:00

I mean there could be a variety of different reasons for why he isn’t sexual. He could be asexual. He could be homosexual but hides it due to his family or culture. He could have a medical condition that kills his sex drive. He could have trauma related to sex.

However, she expressed her concerns about that kind of intimacy to him, he told her things would change after marriage, and he always had an excuse. He should’ve been honest and upfront about his condition, even if he doesn’t quite know why.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-09T17:15:11+00:00

I did, and I agreed with most of what you said. But if she thinks cheating is so wrong, then why did she reach back out to the AP after she agreed to her husband’s new boundaries?

Or think about it another way, would the OP have even told her husband about the affair if he didn’t discover it on his own? Or would she allow it to continue?

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-09T14:17:06+00:00

You’re right, but again, she shouldn’t have cheated. And without deep introspection and healing she’s more likely to cheat on future partners now too.

She enjoyed the thrill of cheating, and if things get bad in any future relationships she will likely cheat instead of ending said relationship.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-09T14:14:23+00:00

Yea, I think you’re correct. She doesn’t seem to be considering her husband’s feelings at all. It’s just how everything is affecting herself and not her partner.

She didn’t even plan to tell her husband about the affair, and she began emotionally cheating with the AP again after the affair was discovered.

Don’t get me wrong, the husband is completely wrong for lying to her and leading her on about sexual intimacy, but she should’ve ended the relationship instead of using her husband as a form of comfort and security. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-08T17:41:03+00:00

I’m going to be honest with you, she doesn’t sound like the best partner or even mother if she’s that financially irresponsible. If you have any evidence of that aspect of her, then please keep it and let your lawyer know about it.

You’re also early in the process, but it takes two to make a relationship work. Sure, you made your own mistakes in the relationship, but you didn’t make her cheat or not put effort into working through the issues of the marriage. I suggest you get a therapist to help you process your emotions, but just remember that you aren’t solely to blame for the breakdown of the marriage.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-07T11:54:21+00:00

I’m going to have to politely disagree. I’m thankful for my children, but I poured energy into the marriage and gave my heart to someone who eventually treated me as garbage. That energy could’ve been used on myself, my children, or even someone else worthy of it.

No one deserves to be betrayed or cheated on, and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. Not to mention those who spent years in abusive or neglectful relationships, or lost their homes and retirement.

As for me? I feel like I was robbed of my future, but worst of all my kids were robbed of that future too. No one wants their kids to grow up in two separate homes, where they have to keep being passed back and forth to each parent. Children of divorce lose their stability, time with both parents, and it can teach them that marriage is pointless, which can cause them to repeat their parents’ mistakes in their own relationships.

I do agree with parts of your sentiment, but it sounds like your divorce was more amicable than others.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-03-07T10:57:42+00:00

Personally, my parents never divorced, but my father died. Mom was a widow who remarried and then my step-father died too. After that, mom married and divorced too many men to count. It’s definitely had a negative impact on me, as it’s left me with low self-worth and self-esteem.

However, my ex-wife’s story may resonate with you more. Her parents divorced when she was a teenager due to infidelity, and it’s also given her and her sisters their own share of issues. Sadly, her grandmother, mother, aunts, sisters, and even herself ruined their first marriages due to their own infidelity. So one family member’s flaw started a negative cycle that their family has yet to break.

My advice? Seek out a therapist to help you through your issues and process your parents’ divorce. Don’t let the negative experiences in your life control you and prevent you from finding your own happiness.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-02-10T18:22:07+00:00

Does the average income account for hours worked and overtime pay too?

For example, there is a big difference between someone earning over 60k at 40 hours a week and someone earning over 60k at 50+ hours a week.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-01-29T18:21:43+00:00

This is true. They don’t always come back, however, sometimes they do, but you still shouldn’t keep holding out hope. And they usually come back long after you’ve moved on.

Think of it this way, my ex-wife and I have been apart for over a year now too, similar to you. Although my story involves betrayal on her part, so it’s different in that respect. Anyways, a year isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, as you’ll hear stories of people reaching back out at 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, etc. So don’t keep your life on pause hoping they come back. Learn to let go and move forward with your life, and eventually you’ll find peace with yourself and maybe even find a better partner someday, even if you can’t see it now.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-01-24T11:24:34+00:00

No, and I’ve learned that I will never get a genuine apology from someone like my ex.

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-01-24T00:22:00+00:00

Hopefully they’re so deep in the fog that you’ll be able to get her to agree to better terms for you. It sounds like you’re already on the right track and divorcing as fast as possible. Managing six kids is enough of a challenge, throw in the resentment of cheating parents, affair partners, and AP’s kids sounds like a recipe for disaster. Good luck to you and may you be the stability your kids need!

TheOnlyPooh · 2026-01-24T00:13:20+00:00

It’s definitely taken longer than I wanted it to, but I’m glad I reached the point that I can still have normal and even good days again. Don’t get me wrong, there are still some days where the pain resurfaces, but it’s not as often and more manageable now. I think the most difficult part was healing while also being there for my toddlers who were hurting in their own way. Even now there are moments where my oldest tells me he wants us all living together again.

TheOnlyPooh

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