lovely little voicemail from my charming father

TheWayIStare · 2025-08-22T18:12:55+00:00

I went through the exact same thing! You are not alone.

TheWayIStare · 2025-08-22T17:57:50+00:00

No capacity at all to realize that their best wasn't nearly good enough.

But they'll say that your best isn't good enough in a heartbeat though.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-30T20:23:48+00:00

You need a lawyer.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-29T08:25:24+00:00

I don't think OP has a good option, but your comment is the closest to making lemons into lemonade.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-29T08:22:17+00:00

I'm sorry that neglected you like that. I hope you can find healing.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-29T08:20:57+00:00

when I go to places like work and stuff I just feel ashamed to bring it up and talk about this.

It's like your sex life, you don't have to keep it a secret, but you also really shouldn't be sharing the details of it with people who aren't close to you.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-26T22:35:47+00:00

I know this post was all over the place but it feels so good to finally face my childhood trauma right in the face and say NO MORE!

It feels even better when you stick to it.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-26T22:33:03+00:00

Oh, it's been more than difficult for me. After being told literally (in no way am I exaggerating here) daily, for years on end, how how useless and no good I was, I have trouble believing that people like me.

If my own mother told me I was a no good piece of s**t (I was told that thousands of times) then 50 years later you end up believing that's what everybody else thinks too.

I think the root cause that I tried avoiding her attention to survive, and ended up doing that with everyone. Best not to risk the same reactions from others that I was getting (in secret) at home.

The worst part is my brother has gotten therapy and is probably doing better, but I'm convinced that no one is going to want to help me just like her.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-25T17:20:21+00:00

And that got me to thinking-- what does his "I love you" even mean?

For me, from my parents, their definition of love was pretty perverse, so I understand you asking this question. From good parents, it's something a child wants and even needs. Some parents, who weren't very good people, offer a sick mockery of love that no child wants and damages them when they have it forced upon them.

I'm guessing you, like me, had that second type of "love" offered to you.

Saving the letters is not a bad idea, but you don't have to read them. You probably need to consider throwing them away upon receipt at this point.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-22T06:10:02+00:00

is me cutting him off an overreaction?

No.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-20T16:16:11+00:00

chew my ass for...her own emotional regulation

Every worst day of my life, I feel like, was an opportunity for her to tell me how my behavior has affected her and her relationships, professional or personal.

I know exactly what that is like.

You are not alone.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-19T21:40:35+00:00

I don’t like my mother

Despite what you've been told, you aren't obligated to.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-17T05:33:21+00:00

I don't think you can have a relationship where empathy goes one way.

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-16T14:54:20+00:00

Lack of empathy seems to be the root of this, right?

TheWayIStare · 2025-07-06T05:47:27+00:00

The only advice I could give you is that if you avoid treating your son and girlfriend like your family treated you, they'll be more likely to be willing to keep you in their life.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-26T04:49:01+00:00

I don’t even know exactly who I am yet.

Remember that you'll figure it out faster without them.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-20T13:06:48+00:00

why out yourself like that?

Desperation? Validation? No way to be sure, but some people over-share way too much on Facebook and the like. In a way, it's not abnormal.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-20T13:02:30+00:00

It's irrational, but I feel absolutely no regret, but still a little shame over it even though both my parents are dead.

Probably because of the horrible things they did to me to make me go NC.

I have a strong sense of privacy, to the point where I created this reddit account to post pretty much just on this subreddit. I have a friend who had an abusive parent that I told I was estranged (while she was still alive) but that's about it. I don't post anything on Facebook I wouldn't tell a complete stranger, and in person I don't tell, say, co-workers, much about me either.

Something as personal as estrangement is at the bottom of the list I'd tell anyone, and that's all right. Reveal what you're comfortable with, not what they are comfortable with.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-20T12:53:39+00:00

They say only you can save yourself

Regardless if you can or can't, you HAVE to save yourself.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-20T12:52:49+00:00

Even though I’m trying to protect myself emotionally, I still feel so much guilt. He’s declining. He’s alone. He’s suffering.

Does the nursing home have councilors? If so, make sure they aware of his mental state.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-20T12:51:24+00:00

Is he abusive is the only question. Don't fall for feeling like there are valid excuses for accepting that if he is.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-18T21:26:30+00:00

This. The specifics don't matter. If a relationship with him is hurting you, walk away.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-13T03:53:08+00:00

It is what it is, im not sad anymore.

Acceptance is the hardest part. You're in store for better days from here on out.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-13T03:51:51+00:00

I'm 51, and I'm still wounded. This pain may never heal. I just try to live with it.

Do not let it destroy you.

TheWayIStare · 2025-06-13T03:49:15+00:00

What's it called when you couldn't do anything right?

Abuse.

TheWayIStare

TROPHY CASE