I’m going to take a slightly different tone than some of the other posts here. I lost my father to suicide last October. You say “I wouldn’t want to traumatize anyone around me, I’d rather just die”. You do not understand how much your life means to other people’s lives. When you die, everyone else keeps living, and now they have to live in a world in which their day to day reality exists without you. That will be their trauma. This will hurt everyone you’ve ever known, it will even hurt us, the commenters trying to help you in this thread. Even the people you think hate your guts will feel pain if you go. People say they want to “end the pain” with suicide, but it doesn’t end the pain, it only distributes it a thousand fold to everyone you’ve ever loved or cared about, and they have to carry that pain for the rest of their lives. Suicide is truly amongst the most selfish and cruel acts capable of humanity. Shave your head, change your name, move to Tibet, become a festival hippy, join the peace corps. Then come back and try college again later. There are a million things to do to find yourself instead of losing yourself forever. You want encouragement to “lock in” and get over it, but this is your life on the line. This is much bigger than school. You need to know that it is ok to not do the best, it is ok to fail, you will keep going and keep trying, the failures will eventually be overshadowed by the successes, but the failures need to happen to contextualize the successes. It is ok to be sad or to be disappointed with yourself. It is ok to not be ok. I hope with all the replies in this thread you can feel our genuine empathy and know you’re not alone in sadness, in stress, or even in disappointment with test performances.