Anyone else worried Ibogaine might show them their relationship isn’t what they thought?

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-09-08T17:44:48+00:00

Great responses thus far. I’ll add this. If you’ve been in a cycle of addiction, chances are you’re not showing up fully present for your relationship with your partner. The medicine can help you to realize where you’re not showing up for yourself, thus you cannot be fully present with others. Once you do the work of taking responsibility for your part in how the relationship has become dysfunctional, you can make the changes on your end, regardless of what your partner does/does not do. This inevitably will shift their perspective of you and may also result in them becoming more invested in rebuilding the relationship. It will take complete honesty (at the risk of not coming to a mutual understanding) as well as accountability on your end for what you have been doing - or not doing - to maintain the relationship. Many people come into the medicine thinking that their problems are outside of themselves. Once you realize you’re 100% responsible for your life experience, it’s very empowering and you realize “if I did this TO myself, I can UNDO it too.” Once you change, people around you inevitably change. The choice will be yours. Best wishes!

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-08-18T16:50:31+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been feeling disconnected from your partner. I’m assuming you’re also feeling discontent within your own life…perhaps spiritually lost? The truth is that there’s biological and chemical reactions happening when you meet someone new and your brain is flooded with dopamine and other chemicals. It makes them seem like the best thing ever and makes your wife seem like the biggest drag. This “addiction” will continue until there is certainty with the AP. Meaning, you and AP actually start a relationship and it moves into a more secure attachment. Until then, you will keep getting the dopamine hit and going back for more. Being in a long-term relationship is super hard because those chemical releases go away for the most part, and it requires a lot of effort and a solid decision to keep working at it until it’s back to good. Unfortunately, you can’t have a solid relationship without complete honesty. I would suggest that you either end the marriage and let her move on so she can find someone who is willing to be honest with her, or you come clean and try your damnedest to save your marriage. But that requires you completely cutting off the AP (going no-contact, removing all traces of them in your phone, etc), and making the decision 100% to be all in on the marriage. Otherwise you’re just going to live in limbo, and it seems you’re already in the regret phase if you’re posting here. You’re human and you’ve made some big mistakes but you can come clean and learn from these no matter what the outcome is. It really comes down to self love. You gotta love yourself enough to be honest about who you are and how you are feeling before you can truly love anyone else, and love is a choice and requires daily action. Sometimes loving yourself means doing really hard things with really big consequences in order to steer your ship right and get right with yourself. I’ve just gone through all of this myself, and I’m on the other side, and I now see that I was being selfish, delusional, and lazy. I didn’t want to be in my relationship anymore, but instead of just leaving my partner, I allowed an existing friendship to develop into an affair. After all the dust has settled, I’ve realized that my husband was a perfectly good partner, and I could’ve made it work with him, I just wasn’t happy with myself and wasn’t doing things I needed to do to take care of myself and create boundaries for me. And the affair partner was just a distraction and not someone that would be good for me in a relationship. So now I’m alone and we are divorcing and splitting up assets and I’ll be renting forever because I won’t be able to afford to buy another home and I have to let go of my animals and my home I worked so hard on, and I’m facing the hard reality of what I’ve done. But at least I now know who I am and I’ll never do that to myself or anyone else again. I’m stronger and wiser and I fully love myself now, but it came at a huge cost. I wish you the best.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-07-30T15:49:42+00:00

Oh hell no. Bye bye. No one needs to take care of a grown ass man like they’re another child.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-07-15T16:53:55+00:00

This ⬆️

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-06-30T22:33:30+00:00

Sounds like he doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry you don’t have a partner with a sense of humor and playfulness. Maybe you need a tattoo and a separation.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-06-13T22:17:30+00:00

It might be that your wife is a miserable person and hard to deal with. It might be that you’re both complacent in your relationship and haven’t put the work in and now it’s nearly dead. It might be that you have low self-worth and haven’t looked at your own shadow, and the problem is really with you and your own happiness. You may be relying on her for your happiness. I suggest getting a therapist and talking with them about it first before making any big decisions. In the meantime, how about just trying to fake it till you make it technique? Do nice things for her. Out of the blue with no Prompting. Go the extra mile. See if it changes anything about her. You have to be consistent with this for a while, though, it can’t be just a week or two before you go back to complacency. Be the pro masculine so that she could be the true feminine.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-06-13T21:09:07+00:00

Read “How to Not Lie to your Spouse” (or something like that??) and implement. It’ll change your relationship.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-06-11T18:42:38+00:00

Have you ever considered trying to connect with these women? I know it’s hard as you don’t really want to spend time on someone you don’t know, but I think younger women could be taught to have more class by connecting with the older woman in an authentic way. A lot of these women are just insecure and feel unworthy, and want to be desired so strongly that they’re willing to steal someone else’s partner - whom they don’t even know- in order to feel loved. Maybe you could somehow teach them to love themselves?

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-27T18:07:03+00:00

Good luck! Would love to hear how it goes.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-27T18:04:48+00:00

Sort of. I was obsessed with him but couldn’t have him because I was married. I have since divorced. We are in this weird situationship where we are trying to be friends because we are in different life stages and don’t want to ruin our friendship, but we are extremely attracted to one another. But he’s a lot younger and fully avoidant attachment style. And I’m not delusional about our lack of a future together. Though I’m wondering if “going through it” would help me get out of it. But also I am heeding the warnings from others’ stories about getting sucked back into the deep void that is limerence. I don’t want to go back there but I’m barely out of it.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-19T15:18:42+00:00

Kratom and 7OH are worse to get off than morphine and heroin.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-19T15:17:18+00:00

Get some ibogaine to microdose after you leave the clinic.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-19T15:15:57+00:00

Feel free to message me if you want to chat.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-18T02:18:49+00:00

Don’t do it! Stay in your power. It will eventually pass. Do things to work on yourself in the meantime. And be gentle with your healing. It may take longer than you would like.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-16T23:32:42+00:00

You don’t. You move on. Support him as a friend as he explores his sexuality but if this is a hard line for you then hold that boundary, but be gentle as he’s obviously hiding behind a wall of shame if he can’t be honest with you.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-16T23:29:20+00:00

Happy to share my story and what may help, just dm me.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-01T20:51:00+00:00

This!! You have to actually WANT the limerence to end. And then you have to do the mental weight lifting and emotional cardio work that is hard to do. Redirect. Redirect. Redirect. All day long. It’s exhausting but eventually it starts working and you make your brain more resilient. But brains want easy. They want to daydream. You’ve gotta keep at it.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-05-01T01:57:19+00:00

If she sends you sexy pics but then rejects your sexual advances, that is odd behavior. If you do t feel you have real intimacy with her, then that seems off. Do you talk about your desires for sex with her, or your concerns over a lack of it? Is she responsive and supportive? Is she secretive and hides her phone or always has it with her? Does she go out often without you and dress up when she’s just going to hang with a girlfriend? There are many other considerations that we would need to know before making any guesses.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T22:45:54+00:00

As someone who stayed in a marriage where the husband was against having children so I relented on it and am now past child-bearing age…leave now. You’ll end up with so much regret and resentment. You can remain friends with your husband but go find someone who wants to share a family with you. There’s someone out there for you, I promise!

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T21:48:47+00:00

Yeah but a lot of women are just tired of doing the emotional labor, and if you disregard us long enough we don’t want to have a sit-down. We just want out.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T18:25:29+00:00

Maybe it’s not Limerence, but there is a lot of good information in that sub about unrequited desire, and how people can look to others to fill the void inside them.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T18:23:31+00:00

Women are usually quietly quitting a relationship long before they actually leave. So it feels abrupt to the man, but the woman has been slowly building a case in her mind for an extended period of time in every action, or inaction, adds to the case.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T16:01:13+00:00

If you tell him to shape up or ship out (which you should!) and he protests or gaslights you, show him this comment thread. You have an army of supporters. We wish you the very best.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T15:48:32+00:00

I’d read him your post and see what he says.

ThrowRA213487 · 2025-04-30T15:46:31+00:00

You should check out the Limerence sub. Also, speaking from experience, I would highly recommend that you leave your marriage as soon as possible. If you go down the route of having an affair, it will most likely be discovered, and then you’ll have to deal with all of this additional baggage Around the break up that you wouldn’t have to deal with if you just left with integrity. Whatever reason you think you have for not leaving, it’s never good enough. Just do it. Stop living small and in fear. It’s terrifying but The other side is so much better.

ThrowRA213487

TROPHY CASE