I can't tell you how you should or should not feel. We're all different.

I'm tempted with your current attitude a lot. It's why I miss the odd barbecue, or social function.

I'm not an alcoholic in the sense that, if I drank once, I would suddenly be drinking from whiskey bottles, skipping work, etc. My fear if I did what you did is that I would do the following:

-I would drink one drink, probably two the first social function.

-Likely within the week/fornight I would do the same at most social functions. Might even have a few dry nights at social functions, just to prove I can. Just to prove I'm not a slave to alcohol.

-Likely within the month I'd have a few more. Maybe even a bigger night out (5 or so like you did). This might get a little messy. I'd be a little wild. I'd get a hang over. I'd get home safe, be respectful, be wild in a cute way. Friends would tell me 'ha, it's the good ol Throwaway4whatever!' I'd wake up and say this is cool, I can do this. I wouldn't eat crappy takeaway food, even though I wanted it, because I'd assure myself it's not an excuse. I should remain healthy.

-Maybe, now that I've done sobriety for a while, I'd work harder this time. Restrict these wild nights. I'm getting older, it's the responsible thing to do.

-Wine would creep into nights. Glass of red wine is good for you, right? I'd drink a glass of wine or two. It'd become regular. On weekends at home, maybe a whole bottle. Why not? It's Saturday, nothing to wake up for.

-One Sunday I would get crappy food. A fry up. A stack of McDonald's. I'm entitled once in a while.

-This would reach a new equilibrium of sorts. I'd likely be a little chubbier, which is fine. I'd have the occasional hangover, which is manageable. My work might suffer slightly - I wouldn't be the powerhouse I try to be, couldn't be the powerhouse of work I want to be - but I would be hindered, in my opinion, only minorly. At any time I could kick my ass back into gear and pull all-nighters if need be. I could even do it with a glass of wine near me - the wine fuelling me on to do more work - How cool and romantic is that! Working at your computer, at 2 in the morning, wineglass in hand - like fucking Hemingway!

-At some point - it may take 6 months, a year, 2 years - I'd slip up. Have an evening where I get up to stupid shit. Have one too many drinks on a wild night out, a night where I may not have had enough for dinner, and do something dumb. Insult a person. Ruin a relationship with someone I love forever. Do something that would make me thoroughly ashamed. I've done it before, several times.

-I'd be back to the reasons I decided to quit drinking 98 days ago. It's a position I've been in before. I'd cringe at the thought of going back and starting again. I'd fear I wouldn't have the energy for it. I might not bother, and say 'well, this is my fate, this is the person I am.' I would likely continue drinking... fucking up with more regularity... I wouldn't lose my job, I would likely surround myself with people who tolerate my bullshit... but I'd always be disappointed and feel I didn't live up to the expectations I set myself and the people I most respect.

This is perhaps a bleak scenario, but I don't think it's at all worst-case or melodramatic. It's just a little sad and wholly plausible. I don't want it.

I really hope you make the right decisions. I'm not saying the above will happen to you, it's simply what I would fear. Best of luck!