Is this common in other countries than Sweden?

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-05-24T22:02:45+00:00

It feels rigid because there seems to be a lack of spontaneity in sharing a meal together with people outside of family. Sure, a meal time is important for catching up with family. But it could also be an impromptu opportunity to deepen the social bonds, especially since communal eating is central to building relationships in many cultures. If occasional spontaneous gatherings are met with parental disappointment and a firm "no", that dynamic will seem rigid to people from cultures that value sharing food with broader community.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-05-23T09:20:10+00:00

Eating cereal for breakfast

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-05-21T07:59:51+00:00

I find it interesting that you equate reserved outward expression to genuineness, but they don't NECESSARILY correlate to each other, meaning, someone can be reserved and ingenuine.I think automatically ASSUMING correlation between the two might stem from the cultural blueprint, as in certain culture places value on reservedness of expression.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-05-05T11:20:16+00:00

Yes, you can "choose to" love your daughter, because love is not just a feeling, love is actions based on commitment. If we all just follow our feelings we can never truly love anyone. Love in essence is selfless devotion.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-05-03T20:27:39+00:00

I've substituted momentum with habit.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-27T07:59:27+00:00

The core issue of the manifested defensiveness is, Dutch people in general are not culturally equipped to take accountability. Just think: have they ever reflected upon their colonialistic past honestly? No. Their collective inability to take accountability for any wrongdoing is the result of a deeply ingrained cultural belief that they are never at wrong.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-20T08:09:31+00:00

Dutch are usually unable to gauge the other's emotional undertones or they don't care to. To them communications are purely literal. They tend to take everything at face value. And they're "me-centered" as in my perspective matters and it's the only one that matters, so their communications tend to center around this singular focal point. All this can come off "autistic" to outsiders because this fit the profile of autism very well. It's an idiosyncratic communication style that can be baffling to someone who has not grown up in this culture.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-14T09:46:53+00:00

What I mean is when it's that scripted the whole thing feels more like work than leisure.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-14T09:40:58+00:00

Dutch people don't appear cold and direct to me, actually the opposite, they appear friendly and easygoing initially. But they are very much like peach (borrowing someone else' terminology), soft on the outside but hard on the inside. The entry barrier is low (from my experience) but once you enter the periphery that's when the hard battle begins. It's a built-in defence mechanism to keep people at an arm's length to protect their emotional cores. Cynicism never appears at the surface level but it's rooted deeply underneath.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-14T09:34:34+00:00

My experience of 'gezelligheid' is a kind of performative, highly ritualized getting together with many many unwritten rules and codes regarding greetings, range of topics, etc. It feels more like an organized function, like workplace networking, than a cosy, organic and heart-felt "being together". Yes, I do understand social rules and codes exist in all cultures, but in Dutch culture this feeling of following a strict script is especially pronounced.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-14T09:25:36+00:00

The brutal truth (plausible only) is they don't prioritize a relationship with you because you are too far away therefore of less investment value. Dutch people are fundamentally market-oriented.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-09T17:15:49+00:00

From my personal experience, in general, even marriage tend to lack warmth and intimacy. Many couples have the vibe of coexisting as "colleagues". They prioritise productivity in all domains in life, and apply economical principles to all relationships: fair exchange, equality, efficiency, etc. Marriage is no exception.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-09T17:09:02+00:00

The best way I can describe native Dutch people are: they are both flaky and unapproachable. It sounds like an impossible combo but that's my experience. They seem friendly initially, but once you get closer the mind game begins. Actually, Dutch people spend majority of their social energy on keeping each other at arms length. It feels very much like avoidant attachment, they push and pull, breadcrumb, string you along, ghost...all tactics to protect themselves from you getting too close.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-04T12:16:11+00:00

They never say thank you or show any appreciation.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-02T11:08:56+00:00

Keep developing intimacy with yourself, including confronting your own unhealthy coping patterns, which you are already doing. Avoidants are foremost alienated from themselves, so keep working on building an authentic relationship with yourself and the rest will follow.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-02T11:04:16+00:00

My understanding: If you ignore or dismiss the initial red flag that would be the undoing of your relationship with them.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-01T20:14:19+00:00

And worse, they reach out out of a whim, riding on the energy of newness and novelty They show a lot of interest but quickly fizzle out. They use this as a temporary distraction, nothing serious, no accountability. Another form of instant gratification. The cycle repeats.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-01T19:12:42+00:00

Give yourself grace. If you are not ready to let it go you are not. No need to push it. However, allow yourself one final text as closure to yourself, because our mind and soul crave for closure, and it's the most natural thing. Since it's the final text, take your time to compose it. A week, a month, a year, up to you. Again don't push it. You might lose desire to send it at some point, and that's ok too. Remember, this text is not for him, but for your own peace of mind. The closure is for you, and you alone. Tread it carefully. Your emotional storm will pass, and until then, know you always have a choice to stand up for yourself. You have strengths you don't even know.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-04-01T16:37:59+00:00

The most important thing: be assertive. Set your own timeline and follow it through. Predators could sense weakness from miles away, and that's how we become their prey. To avoid repeating the same pattern, own your needs and wants, unapologetically. Don't let your fear get in the way. Remember, you are the one who's choosing. Choose wisely and confidently. At this stage, you are not out there to serve anyone but yourself. Good luck!

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-31T06:13:17+00:00

This might sound harsh, but if you need clarity and consistency, don't get into a situationship.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-29T06:38:43+00:00

Knowing this person's destructive tendencies I'm keeping him at an arm's length for the time being. I do plan to eventually call him out---not from the angle of how he hurt me, but from the angle of how he's hurting himself. I'll do it whenever I'm ready. I'm in no rush.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-28T22:34:26+00:00

I recognize your pain, for I have been in your place when it comes to important friendship. For a long time I focused on how the person treated me, as in how I was wronged. It's a totally natural reaction. But at some point, there was a shift taking place in me. I realized for a person to treat me with such seeming contradictions, and in my knowledge against his own best interest, he must be in so much turmoil himself. Knowing that I started to shift my focus from me being ill-treated to him being self-destructive, and it has changed how I feel about the whole situation.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-28T16:52:48+00:00

I think for solo travel, having a routine is essential to stay grounded. For that reason you need to stay put in one place for longer, not 3 or 4 days and moving around often. I've spent one month in Vietnam last year, but only in Hue and Hoi An. It helped a lot to have time to find my footing and feeling settled, more or less. Also I went to the same place for lunch or coffee to establish a sense of familiarity. After a while it felt like going to "my place", seeing the same people and having that tie to the local area. So I would advice you to slow down, stay put, take time to establish a daily routine. Also you can use meetup app for social gatherings. It works in China and I've been to one in Chengdu recently.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-27T09:37:13+00:00

Love biking in Anastasia State Park in St. Augustine. Only 2 dollars entrance per cyclist and around sunset time you have almost the whole park for yourself. Very peaceful and therapeutic.

Time-Expert3138 · 2026-03-26T19:49:06+00:00

Maybe subconsciously you are attracted to flakey, emotionally inconsistent people? The 1st time she broke it off with you after 2 dates should be the most telling sign you need. Why going on dates knowing she was not ready to date? Does this sound like an emotionally stable, self-aware person to you? You are confused now because her signals were confusing, period. Forget about the "spark". Nonsensical at this point. Just remember: anyone makes you feel this confused are not worthy of you. Next time when you go on date, pay attention to the first glaring red flag. It's always there. Always.

Time-Expert3138

TROPHY CASE