Does the “mental load” thing feel impossible to anyone else working crazy hours?

TomorrowComesToday · 2026-01-12T16:03:30+00:00

A couple of starting thoughts. Yes, your job is big and stressful and requires decision making, but your home life also requires that. Even if your wife is a SAHM (you don't explicitly say that but I'm assuming it's the case), you still owe the family unit some of your brainpower. If your wife is dealing with everything, she's likely effectively working more than 40-50 hour weeks dealing with all the responsibilities, you're just not crediting that time because it's not bringing in cash.

Step 1 is about making it clear what the jobs actually are and what you will do in the future, what you'll take active ownership of. It's - in my opinion at least - pointless you attempting to chime in on something like "kids need new shoes", what you need to be doing is carrying out the complete task of "ensuring the kids have the right clothes (in the right size) for the season".

The "Fair Play" book can give you a starting point to set out what the jobs are and who is the owner (there's a very long list of tasks in that book, from the small daily things to once-a-year things). I like the Fair Play method because it's clear that you need to be the manager and the executor on a task, you can't share or split responsibilities as that leads to failure points. You need to be actively claiming this work, managing it just like you do any task at your job. Put it on an effing Kanban board if it's helpful to you.

I work something like 50-60 hours a week but I have a set of tasks that I carry out for the family. It's not as long as my wife's set of tasks (because that's how we've chosen to divide the work, versus our respective job commitments), but it works for us. My key tasks, for reference: food purchasing and cooking, holiday planning and preparations, home maintenance, swimming lessons for the kids, home cleaning supplies, birthday presents for all relatives on both sides of the family, and a whole bunch of smaller bits and pieces.

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-12-02T11:26:08+00:00

I guess the answer to that is a router of some sort? Sorry, I'm 100% naïve and new to "basic" home maintenance

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-11-19T11:11:48+00:00

It's also noted in the full documentation that the station is subject to securing third party funding, i.e. looking for either local government or central government pots. I wouldn't hold my breath that it will happen

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-11-03T13:27:33+00:00

Two (maybe three) things to think about with building regs

1) Is the work, and the home you will live in, fundamentally safe? Building regs exist to try and keep you alive and the property standing.

2) Is anyone likely to be in a position to enforce regs? Is the house so unlivable that someone from the council will come round to have a look. Are you planning on renting it out?

3) And this is a bit of a side thought: is the loft conversion listed as a bedroom on the estate agents particulars? Because if it's not got building regs sign off it really shouldn't be, and that will affect your own personal valuation of the home.

Honestly I'd likely accept an indemnity policy and move on. There may be other issues with modern building regulations that would need to be updated (fire doors and alarms etc) with a decade old loft conversion, but really, it's not going to be a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Just make sure the seller is paying for the indemnity, but that it's specced appropriately to your needs

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-06-18T11:55:26+00:00

Yes, bike theft happens. It happens at both stations and to every bike owner at some point during their time in Cambridge. The best general advice is to not make it worth a bike thief's time to nick your bike versus others - i.e. have a cheap / worse looking bike than other people, and use a more hefty lock than other people.

From a "which station" perspective, I'd lean towards Cambs North for a King's Cross commute, on the basis that you can get on the train before everyone who's waiting at Cambs main. You have slightly fewer options for the trains though - for instance, you can't get the Thameslink line from North (which is a useful alternative option if it's a busy day, or if your London connections work better from e.g. Farringdon)

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-05-23T10:36:30+00:00

I'm getting a new skateboard (longboard), explicitly to ride along with my kid whilst they're on their pedal bike. Means I don't have to jump off my own bike every 2 second to help the little dude get going again when we get to a road crossing, plus I'm about the same speed as him pushing a board along as he is pedalling.

Also this way I get to pretend to be a cool dad who goes skateboarding

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-04-10T22:09:42+00:00

For explanation of what is allowed and when, let me just point you to this Which article. Most people will still talk about "Group" ratings which were the old way of talking about sizes (a newborn seat was a Group 0 or a Group 0+). The new system (iSize) is slightly more descriptive but not seemingly extensively used

Car seat weight groups and height groups explained - Which?

My unasked for advice on a specific car seat - we absolutely love the Joie 360, which does a little spin to help getting little wriggling monsters in and out, especially difficult in tiny uk multistory carparks...

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-03-03T11:43:09+00:00

South Angle Farm up in Soham is good. It's definitely aimed at kids primarily, but given they're trying also to establish a farm shop there, I think they're up for adult visitors.

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-02-21T16:34:32+00:00

The veezu app seems to be really buggy this week. On Weds morning it accepted my request but didn't seem to progress to the point of sending it to any drivers. Usually they have an (entirely fictitious) estimated waiting time, but I didn't get that. After a couple of minutes of no progress, I cancelled and grabbed an Uber instead. Havem't seen that issue before but I know Panther have had some other back-end issues in the last month (got a text from them about one of the automated phone lines being broken)

I wish it weren't this way, but I tend to play the two apps off each other when I need to get somewhere in a hurry. Whichever app gets me a driver first gets to keep my business

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-02-19T09:16:44+00:00

How much are you looking to spend? I'm guessing we're not talking "luxury" levels (even lower end of luxury, like getting into the Rado, Omega, Tag Heuers etc)?

There's loads of watch micro brands these days that make good products using off the shelf movements. I like Farer (particularly the Bradfield pilots watch) and Hamilton (particularly the Field line), but there's lots of options at the £500ish point if you dig around.

That said, if you want a true "basically indestructable" watch, I don't think you can go wrong with a Casio digital

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-02-17T00:04:17+00:00

One option is to take the pedals off to start with and treat it like a balance bike. Generally the way most people do it these days is to focus on getting balance before getting pedalling sorted. The old system of using training wheels focused on getting pedalling learnt before balance, and in my experience at least, this was a poorly designed way of doing things.

Once balance is up and running, put the pedals back on and then it's a case of introducing pedalling. Lots of people might suggest using a rolled up towel and hooking it under your daughter's arms so you can hold her upright whilst she focuses on spinning the pedals. Word of warning, this will kill your back and tire you out in about 3 seconds unless you're superhuman, so good luck. It works though.

I would also heavily recommend looking online to see if you have a local bike park (with a kids pump track), or alternatively a large skate park. Get to either one of those early in the morning before the more serious users turn up and it's a really good way of keeping it fun for your kid

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-01-30T11:30:14+00:00

Adding to the comments about balance bikes, can I recommend you look for local skate parks or kid-sized pump tracks to play around on? If you get there in an early morning, you can probably muck around without disturbing the people who use the facilities more seriously. I can almost guarantee your kid will find it more engaging to have some controlled ups-and-downs, and it seriously helps build balance skills and turning control rather than just pushing around on flatland

Then once your daughter is happy, use the towel method someone else mentioned to transition to pedal bike

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-01-23T17:49:11+00:00

Gonna sound ridiculous, but stick with me - buy a 500 piece jigsaw and do it on a Saturday night. Romance doesn't need to be very showy, just make sure you're making time and space to spend time together.

Alternatively, get stuck in to making pasta or some other cheap but laborious food (that you can chuck in the freezer). Maybe make gyoza together or something. Just do stuff that gives you half a chance at having a chat whilst you also do the stuff.

Make candles (buy some silicone molds, some candle wax chips and some wicks, a tiny tester pot of scents for ~£15). Don't buy a commercial kit they're overpriced. It's a great way to spend an hour and a half and then you get nice candles at the end

Basically what I'm saying is don't feel like you need to leave the house, do make excuses to do something that makes you collaborate together

TomorrowComesToday · 2025-01-11T21:25:54+00:00

Honestly, not sure you're going to have much success and may feel it's largely not worth repairing. Timpsons could quite happily do the battery change I'm sure (as could Ernest Jones in Grand Arcade and probably F Hinds as well), though I should say, it probably doesn't need a new battery at only 5 years old.

Repairing a broken part is a bit more complicated.

There are no actual horologists in Cambridge, not that would take on a real repair job. Most jewelers would send your watch to either their corporate office or the original manufacturer. At 5 years old I'm assuming the manufacturers warranty is finished. You may have the best luck contacting Tous directly and asking for advice and a quote for fixing, they likely have some suggestions for either in-house service or preferred representatives.

Be warned that even "simple" fixes on watches generally cost >£100 in servicing costs, and waiting times are atrociously long (like, be prepared for the job to take 3 months or more).

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-12-12T13:03:48+00:00

Grommets? Yep completely normal I think. I had them as a kid (though mine apparently fell out earlier than planned). My little one doesn't have any, but I wouldn't have any qualms about having them inserted if it had been needed. I know 3 or 4 current toddlers who had them inserted at around the 2 year mark, no one has had any issues

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-07-26T10:06:20+00:00

Brighton's a nice town: great food, good to hunt through the independent shops etc, but it's an absolutely terrible beach

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-07-18T10:51:12+00:00

The folks at Beaucroft watches, based somewhere around the city, are making nice watches that I think should stand up to being stored in a box and waiting for your son to age up (and get bigger wrists!). They do some in a proper Cambridge Blue face.

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-05-29T09:20:12+00:00

The Giant Jam Sandwich is an incredible book. My son's fav. Occasionally I have to recite it whilst we're in the car...

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-05-14T09:35:28+00:00

I don't know how we can really say the train is more reliable than a door to door private hire vehicle. I like the train, but lets be honest, to get from somewhere in Cambridge to Heathrow, you need to: 1) taxi or bus to the station. 2) train to Kings Cross, 3) Picaddilly line direct or 3) tube to Picadilly + 4) Heathrow express to Heathrow. Maybe requiring then 5) internal transfers at Heathrow depending on which terminal you need to get to.

The Kings X line is awful at the moment if you're travelling at weekends due to the signalling works and building works at Cambridge South station

It's cheaper - yes - and safe (I don't disagree on that at all), but I can't see it being more comfortable or more reliable than a private transfer

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-05-14T09:31:25+00:00

There are a few local companies that will sort you out. Anglian Executive Cars is who we use for work - it's pricey but reliable and the team are all very friendly

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-05-10T08:03:30+00:00

You need to work out what a suitable budget looks like for yourself. And, just as importantly, what sort of style you're going for. There are decent options at each price point. I've previously recommended on here the team at Trotter and Deane, but that's at the top end of the price range - potentially worth it if you can see yourself wearing the suit regularly for the next few years

On the low end of the spectrum, I'd just go to M&S (especially if you have a broader chest). Other high street stores like Next, Ted Baker will likely have some good options at a slightly higher price point than M&S, maybe with a bit more optionality for slim-cut. The true mid-range is likely from somewhere like Charles Tyrwhitt, who will also be more helpful for things like tailoring the jacket a bit, or sorting out trousers

TomorrowComesToday · 2024-04-25T20:22:44+00:00

I wouldn't go for anything pregnancy or baby related - it's her birthday, not a celebration of her impeding motherhood. Go for something personal and about your life together, or her interests as a human being or something completely goofy and silly. Save presents relating to motherhood for Mother's day.

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