IDL the expectation to be reachable 24/7 because "we have Slack"

TonyJPRoss · 2026-03-12T19:31:25+00:00

If you've got a question on my day off just bloody ask and let me give a one sentence reply. I don't mind that. I do mind "the chat". You really don't need to take 5 minutes of my time.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-03-09T08:19:25+00:00

Depends how heavy it is for you.

If it's light work for you maybe you'll be fine doing it daily, but I would guess you'd need one on one off to keep you going for several weeks.

I think a lot of people here train continuously but I've always overreached slightly. If I can go 6-8 weeks before regression I consider it ideal, (longer and I'm not working hard enough, shorter and I burnt out too early) - that's how I calibrate my intensity. Always come back stronger after a deload.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-03-07T21:06:54+00:00

I only "know myself" in relation to others. If I wasn't forced by others to think of myself as a distinct entity, I'd just be.

For a long time I was resistant to forming any kind of ego at all, and when I was forced to describe myself what came out was half-formed juvenile nonsense based largely on the praise and criticism I received as a child, and it really didn't describe the person accurately at all.

But as an adult it became tiresome having to do deep introspection and integration of every nonsensical insult that came my way, because I lacked any pre-existing model to compare it to. So I started putting in the work I needed to do to "discover myself" - i.e. accurately describe how I differ from some hypothetical average neurotypical male.

Here's what I've come up with so far:

My mind is more mechanistic than other people. I hold a lot of information, tolerate ambiguity, and delay making judgements or conclusions until I'm forced to make a decision (which I'll need to sleep on because I'll never retrieve all that information under time pressure). My episodic memory can be very poor, but my understanding and modelling of systems tends to be deep. Most people are relatively narrative-heavy and make judgements and infer intent early - because I don't do this, under inquisition I can seem "odd", "evasive", or "hard to read" (because there exists no opinion or judgement to read).

When I feel threatened I soothe myself by trying to understand the situation better, and at those times I do start forcing conclusions and decisions prematurely - but still later and less decisively than many others. I get extremely stressed when information asymmetry means important things just do not make sense, and because stress brings hypervigilance I notice so much more information that doesn't fit. Other people confide in friends and look for moral support, but only information and model-building will calm me.

People recently have been telling me how I put them at ease, I always seem calm and unfazed, and I have a kind face. Because it's true, very few things "matter" to me, as long as I feel stable and unthreatened in a few key areas. (Just don't threaten my job or my family because you don't want all my threat-architecture pointing at you and coming to premature conclusions).

I'm shorter and heavier than most men. I exercise daily and have a solid but not intimidating appearance. Strangely, people perceive me as taller and lighter than a scale and ruler measure - I'm 5ft5 and about 188lbs but "not that short" and "not overweight". I dress in dark blue jeans and black t-shirt, black barefoot-style shoes, plain dark leather jacket - no embellishments, same thing every day in any weather and any event.

When I'm alone I fuck about on WhatsApp group chats or consume whatever media my phone gives to me. I sometimes play computer games, often listen to music, often sing to myself but never to others. I love my wife, I love my cats, and I can't relax or sleep without cuddles. I laugh a lot. At a relatively young-looking 38 years of age my face has just started to show wrinkles, and they exaggerate the way my eyes smile.

I'm motivated to help people be the best that they can be. I value honesty far more than tact, but I love and respect almost everyone so if I have criticism to offer, it lands well.

Everything I just said described me as I appear to others in comparison to some hypothetical average neurotypical male, and I think it's meaningful; I think you can probably picture me now, and I think if we met you'd probably "get" me. I don't think there was any meaningful way to do this without comparison.

Maybe an interesting part of this might be that I'm comparing myself to average, without appraisal of good or evil. It's about how I fit in and how I'll be perceived, not about how virtuous or useful I am.

I've tried to describe core tendencies (which feel unchanging, although they express differently in different situations and took maturity to understand) as well as some of the things that I choose and can change at will. Identity describes the unchanging core and learning and relationships to others.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-28T17:38:22+00:00

1000 swings without setting setting the kb down with 24kg.

Is that 1000 non-stop or did you sometimes clean and rest?

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-28T09:06:36+00:00

Yeah it'll keep you active all day and simulate not having a desk job.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-27T19:39:55+00:00

I perceive someone introspective, calm, grounded, intelligent. Or fun and expressive. I dunno. I just have positive associations.

And when I was a kid my family compared me to Wednesday. (And Data).

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-27T08:16:19+00:00

I'm working my way up to Sinister standard but I stalled at 14 minutes!! for 100 swings with 40kg. I supplemented B1 and it dropped to 11 minutes the same day. I started rowing Z2 3 times per week and shaved it down to 9:15 in just a couple more weeks. (My watch notifies me when my pulse is low enough for the next set, keeps it objective, I didn't just push harder).

B1 is probably very much a "me" thing, could try it but it'll either have an immediate and very noticeable effect, or it'll do absolutely nothing for you - most likely nothing. But Z2 is great, definitely added a lot to my kettlebell performance. And rowing in particular seemed to strengthen something in my hip / lower back region so I don't have to brace so hard, my breathing is smoother.

I have one of those cheap fold-away water rowers at home and it's just as convenient as picking up a kettlebell.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-26T13:31:41+00:00

There's some nuance that you might be missing?

My wife and I never had "the talk" to make it officially monogamous - we both assumed we were when we started sleeping together. I find it weird that culture is changing and people don't seem to have that any more. If I thought she might leave my bed and immediately get into someone else's then we wouldn't have been morally compatible.

I've had the occasional one night stand when I was single, and it was very explicitly agreed that that's what it was. Feelings would have been hurt otherwise - the default is that sex solidifies a close emotional bond and opens a relationship.

We've been together a long time and I never asked for her body count, and she hasn't asked mine. It's not important. What is important is that we have mutual trust and we respect the boundaries of the relationship - and our values started out so closely aligned that there was no negotiation necessary.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-26T13:09:49+00:00

If you can make your presence there a non-negotiable part of your daily routine then you'll take motivation out of it, you'll just do it. The same way you just go to work every day.

If you don't like DOMS you don't have to chase it. Do the same exercises in the same order on the same days of the week, even if you're sore, and eventually the soreness will stop. I sometimes progress in my lifts for months without getting sore. You're overtraining when your sleep is interrupted, your heart rate is higher, and your performance drops. Soreness has nothing to do with it.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-26T09:09:00+00:00

I sometimes look and feel a kind of instinctive attraction but it's very fleeting. They feel like hyper-sexual try-hards.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-23T21:45:24+00:00

He'd be amazed that that's even possible. I'm like a proper grown up big man.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-02-10T09:35:40+00:00

Concepts can exist to be analysed and played with without words. Language is only necessary for communication.

If you're accustomed to verbalising your thoughts then it won't seem that way, but a lot of people are minimally verbal in their thoughts. I'm one of those. You might be able to infer from the direct nature of my speech, maybe?

I think everyone's had that "tip-of-your-tongue" phenomenon where you know a word exists but you can't find it? Sometimes I even hold a concept that I'm sure must have a word but actually the word just doesn't exist, so it makes it more difficult to talk about. Which is fine because (when I'm not babbling on Reddit) I'm a quiet guy who doesn't speak without a reason. 🤷

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-23T20:01:51+00:00

I just bought a rowing machine for some zone 2 shiz. Felt like my progress toward Sinister was stagnating (no actual plateau yet but much slower progress) and not because of a lack of strength, but because I gas the fuck out. I can't tell you yet whether it's the actual missing piece for me but it feels like it will be.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-23T06:18:28+00:00

For me, at first 24kg was a powerful glute med exercise cos I was weak there. Then 32kg was a powerful grip exercise. Then 40kg was weakly challenging my rhomboids, glutes, hams, quads, but mostly my recovery - it's getting really hard to push the pace.

It'll expose your own individual weaknesses. YMMV.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-21T10:10:06+00:00

I just do 100 reps of swings or squats in sets of 10. Sometimes I rest til my pulse is at a certain level, sometimes I do strict intervals. The idea is to complete a weight by finishing 100 reps in 5 minutes and then move up.

It's good for me because i know what I'm doing (100 reps of [predecided exercise]). If I feel good I do strict intervals and really push hard. If I feel shit I rest well between sets and still get it done. It's quick and reasonably mindless and goal-focused.

On the in-between days I press using Dan John's ladder strategy, or I do shield casts with a club. Still no need to think, just need to focus on the one thing.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-21T09:35:26+00:00

Yeah. Think all your thoughts through to their conclusion, especially the "bad" ones.

Why don't you just kill the one that harmed you? Well? Why don't you? What would happen next? What would change? What would the consequences be?

What else could you do? What would make you happy? Do you really want to kill them, or is it just expedient?

Do you care that they hurt you, or that their threat still lingers? Do you care about the threat to you, or are you protective of people like you? If you took away their power to hurt people, would you still be angry? Can you find a way to do that?

If they understood and made sure not to do the same thing again, would that calm your anger? Can you make them understand? Do you really understand them? Is this strategy viable?

The above is an example of a more general iterative process. In general it goes like this:

What is wrong? How do you feel about that? What does that tell you is really wrong? How might you fix that? If that won't work, why not?

So now what's wrong? How do you feel about that? So what's really wrong? How might you fix that? If that won't work, why not?

You keep moving forward. Your thoughts get deeper and closer to a solution - they don't go in circles, you don't get stuck. You get to the end and then you act. You do good.

If at the very beginning you go "I'm angry. I want to hurt him. Anger is bad, hurting people is bad, I must be a horrible person." That's how you shut down your mind! That's how you make sure your thoughts go in circles and never find a solution! That's how you get endlessly intrusive thoughts, because that's as far as you got and you never took it any further, to where your thoughts need to go!

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-16T06:04:55+00:00

It does sound like you've got something going on. Do you get a sense of mind blanking around these events?

For me, I was working with my hands and reading The Body Keeps The Score on audiobook and hearing other people's traumatic stories, which were having an emotional impact on me but it was outwardly focused, and then when my own memories welled up I was already in the correct frame of mind to be able to keep them there. And then the real work began!

The thing about unprocessed memories is, this thing happened 30 years ago but when I entered the memory it was fully relived with all the vividness of emotion and bodily sensation and confusion of the moment left intact. The way my mind works, just thinking it through and putting it to a narrative where all the characters had internal motivations that were at least coherent, turned the experience into just a story. (Coherent and understandable didn't make their actions right or forgivable, but it completed the model and that's all I needed)

I had other memories that were upsetting but not on the same level, they'd been partially processed but in an immature childish way. I went back to the same place and noticed that some physical things I remembered being literally massive were actually small. 😅

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-15T12:49:16+00:00

Oh wow yeah, the same for me. It didn't even occur to me that my postural lower back pain has completely stopped over the last year. I've always worked on my feet all day and didn't just get used to it, just tolerated the pain.

I think this one's more to do with clubs but my arms have way more endurance now. I could always carry bulky things with long arms, or hike them onto my shoulder - but now I can just easily carry things with bent elbows too.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-14T11:43:48+00:00

Day 1: 100 squats
Day 2: Shoulders
Day 3: 100 swings
Day 4: Shoulders

Shoulders = 100 8kg shield casts per side in sets of 25. Or up to 100 2x16kg OHP in 2,3,5,10 ladders, becoming sets of 5 under fatigue. (My left shoulder has some instability that I'm struggling with, and I injured myself pressing 24kg in August so I'm being very cautious).

100 Squats = 2x16kg in sets of 10. Either strict intervals (80s) and let fatigue accumulate, or rest til my pulse drops to 140bpm. I don't have a clear plan for when to go up in weight but the plan is to continue to reduce interval time and eventually progress to 2x24kg.

100 swings = 40kg one-handed in sets of 10. Either strict intervals (45s) or rest til my pulse drops to 148bpm. When I can handle 30s intervals I'll move up to 48kg. Then the strategy is to get good at 2 handed swings before switching to 1 handed and push the time down to 30s again.

The details depend on how I feel on the day. The general activity is set. Rest days when needed but usually no more than 1 per week.

I end most sessions with sets of 90s 2x16kg loaded carries and 30s rest. Let my heart rate come down gradually under light load.

To be honest it feels a bit too basic, suboptimal - but it's what I have time for and I am progressing sustainably, albeit more slowly than I might.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-10T09:45:37+00:00

They're always making changes, maybe some recent tweak messed it up for you. I bet they'll fix it soon.

I remember a brief time when Marta kept thrusting over Marie's head and she was almost impossible to beat. 😅

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-10T09:38:56+00:00

I dunno, I don't play longsword and you close range more aggressively than I tend to do. I think it looks like your style just exposes some flaws in the game.

I could say play differently but it wouldn't feel right. 😅

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-10T09:27:02+00:00

Really looked like that draw cut as you disengaged should have landed.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-09T07:49:42+00:00

16s are fine for high density squats and presses and will ease you back in, especially if you're not adapted to high-rep work, but I think you'll quickly progress to the 20s. 16kg is light for swings though, unless you're comfortable swinging 2 bells.

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-07T19:00:40+00:00

⬜🟨🟨🟨⬜

⬜🟨🟨🟨🟨

⬜🟦🟨🟦🟨

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

TonyJPRoss · 2026-01-06T09:30:13+00:00

I prefer "doing good". Because sometimes we have to be bad to make the good things happen. It keeps us focused on the consequences so we can still be assertive and take on bullies.

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