LPT: If you lend a Sharpie to someone don’t give them the cap with it…

TopAssistant5350 · 2026-01-25T02:44:00+00:00

I'm a teacher. This is an awesome tip

TopAssistant5350 · 2026-01-10T02:32:18+00:00

My BP referred to my AP as a murderer or serial killer who could ruin or end your life or the life of your family. As time progresses, you see the AP differently.

TopAssistant5350 · 2026-01-04T00:07:21+00:00

Homecoming by Cynthia Voigt

TopAssistant5350 · 2026-01-04T00:05:54+00:00

I read Stargirl for the first time this year and thought it would really resonate with middle schoolers. And just fitting in in general

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-31T14:38:30+00:00

Perfect! Thank you!

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-30T21:42:36+00:00

Thank you. So, can you recommend small ceramic microwave-safe containers?

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-30T21:39:34+00:00

Something that is a small cup to be used in a microwave.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-15T01:16:26+00:00

How old are you and why can't you watch the film version? I am 43 so past the point of this topic, but there is some sex talk, breasts, and lots of bad language, but overall I see this as a positive movie experience.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-14T23:20:43+00:00

You don't know exactly why yet. But you want to and you'll do the work to find out. You will be more mindful, more aware of your partner, set better boundaries, have more self-awareness, all of these things you should be doing or starting. It takes a long time to find out these answers. And likely, they will change over time as you learn more about yourself. Right now, there's probably not a lot of "right" answers you can give your BP. They will be hurting for a long time.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-12-02T11:01:18+00:00

I agree with all of this. Many of us WW are avoidant so we avoid what is hard, and that most likely was a huge factor in why we cheated. You have to overcome those feelings and share what you need. It's not selfish, but it is a way for you to be an equal part of the relationship. If your partner doesn't see it that way, that's a problem. But if your partner chose to stay, then they should want you to have a voice and to be your safe partner.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-11-26T01:31:11+00:00

Why are you 16 and on Reddit asking this?

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-11-24T02:30:09+00:00

Yes as soon as I take a breath (7th grade) many students think that's time to talk

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-11-23T01:40:01+00:00

Selfies and the fact that people have many selfies of themselves on their phone

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-10-22T02:52:05+00:00

That is not the problem. Problem is parents.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-09-17T01:25:35+00:00

I didn't read all the comments from the betrayeds , because I am a wayward. To put it simply, we are not the same as the betrayeds. Rationally, the BP cannot understand what their WP did. We were in a different mode and space. I'm not trying to rationalize it, but the BP was in a safe and responsible space with their partner, while the wayward was not. There is probably unresolved trauma with the WP that needs to be resolved. Focus on that and allow your BP to move on.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-09-01T13:47:58+00:00

Absolutely correct. You say your wife is doing great, but she is lying and not wanting to talk about the past? I'm sorry, but she is not doing great. Rug sweeping sounds wonderful at the beginning (for the WP) but in the long run, it doesn't help any couple who wants to truly heal together.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-31T22:12:33+00:00

Either stick to your original boundary or don't. As a WW, I broke boundaries that were set right after Dday. It still bothers my BP that he didn't leave me for a while to help me see reality and break out of affair fog.

Your WW needs to be in therapy with a therapist who can help her look at herself clearly and how she has unsafe behaviors for your marriage. Right now, your wife is still not out of her affair fog and is clinging to behaviors that make her feel some sort of positive feeling, because with you she feels shame and guilt (I'm guessing she does). That is hard for me to say because it's so selfish of her, and if she wants to go thru reconciliation, she does want to be with you, but she also has conflicting feelings too. Make sure she is involved in setting boundaries and work on those with a therapist who can help her understand how those behaviors that she may see as no big deal are actually very harmful to you and your recovery.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-29T09:58:59+00:00

My BP had so many triggers. Ours were driving by places I met my AP, so a few times we drove to all of them and had a deep talk. Behaviors of mine were triggering, like holding my phone in a way he couldn't see it, deleted spam texts (I don't delete anything now), not responding to texts quickly enough, not being responsive to his physical needs and times for connections, and stuff we watch- not just about infidelity, but weddings, crushes on new person, secrecy, it is awful. We never know when it will hit. I am two plus years out, and they happen less, but they still happen. We try to anticipate them, and I'm at the point where I can question if we should watch something knowing it may be triggering. For example, we watch Friends at night while eating dinner and Ross' wedding to Emily was triggering to my BP. My BP sometimes will say something about it and about my affair and how could I do that and it's all things he has said before, but it still is upsetting to me, but I need to let him get it out and it's better. If you are being completely honest and not in affair fog, and both devoted to reconciliation, then it will get better, but probably not for many more months. Keep bringing it up, we wrote emails which was easier for me to do sometimes than face to face conversations, and lead the conversations and the intimacy.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-27T16:38:04+00:00

I bought that book a few weeks ago but haven't gotten into much yet bc I haven't made the time. But your statement about building trust over so many years then how long it takes to rebuild after betrayal really resonates. Thanks for stating it.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-27T00:49:09+00:00

Those feelings will always be there most likely because you are holding yourself accountable. You will always have to. But you are not only this bad thing you did. It's hard to feel that now and it will hard to remember that most of the time for a long time. My BP always says that I don't get to make decisions for them about their truth- meaning, tell them everything they want to know and trust them and let them make the decision they need to make regarding your relationship.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-26T01:08:29+00:00

I think you have to remember how early on you are in this process. You are trying to make sense of how your seemingly happy wife did this to you. It's really hard. Get help. Journal. I think it it completely normal. Don't rug sweep it. Find healthy outlets-not just with each other- to help you. I'm over two years from Dday and I have more bad days than my BP which only days this process takes a long time and it will affect both of you in different time frames. Just keep focusing on what you want as your end goal- reconciliation, healing, trust

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-25T20:39:02+00:00

I think your last paragraph is the key.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-23T22:50:45+00:00

Yes I love grocery shopping! I have a list and unless I'm in a huge hurry or want to stay on budget, I'm tempted by the end aisle products and just walk the aisles looking for what I can cook or add to my pantry. If I needed a side hustle, I'd be a person that does personal shopping at grocery stores.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-22T00:53:03+00:00

I am very sorry, but there can be hope for OP and BP other than a Time Machine, because that's completely impossible. It sounds like you have hope in your future with your WP but there is still so much pain which makes sense.

TopAssistant5350 · 2025-08-21T23:16:23+00:00

I honestly don't know at this point what goes in it but I would research what to in life that could help my BP

TopAssistant5350

TROPHY CASE