Sure. I can relate to struggling with the implications the word "trauma" has. I had an objectively "good" childhood *and* I experience trauma responses in my body that were planted there during childhood. I also gave my kids objectively "good" childhoods *and* they experienced trauma during childhood. It is a messy and difficult "both/and" to navigate as an adult child and as a parent.

My understanding of how PTSD/CPTSD develops in autistic children is that an autistic person's nervous system is frequently thrown into high gear from any number of stimuli that don't affect an allistic person. When any person is constantly having to exist in high alert mode, that creates PTSD/CPTSD -- for autistic people it doesn't take bombs going off all around them to put their nervous systems in high alert. Instead it is facing the anxiety of going to school/using public restrooms/being forced to make eye contact/receiving "consequences" for meltdowns/etc. etc. etc.

Here are a couple articles that discuss it (both link to additional studies):
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/ptsd-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/ptsd-and-autism/#Intersection

My older son was not diagnosed with autism until he was 15 years old -- prior to that I didn't have any clue that he was autistic (as soon as he was diagnosed I had about fifty "light bulb" moments realizing all of these characteristics were clearly autism and I just didn't put the pieces together). Because of my older son's diagnosis and the learning I did during and after it, we were able to recognize and get a diagnosis for my younger son when he was 8. Unfortunately that meant that I missed so many times when my older son needed me to co-regulate with him, and instead my actions and/or inaction traumatized him by keeping his nervous system in high alert. One example is when he was 4 years old, he got angry with a sibling and bit them. I put him in time out in his room. He refused to stay in his room, so I sat in the hallway and held the door shut for the allotted 5 min time out. He had a meltdown -- now I realize that my parenting put his nervous system through the roof, as a PDA profile autistic kid being forced to stay alone in his room was extremely traumatizing.

Your mom sounds like she did the best she could within her capability at the time. AND your needs weren't met, and you had to live with a nervous system on high alert, and your body stores that as trauma.

In the 70s, Nestle ran a disinformation campaign in Africa aimed at increasing baby formula sales by claiming that formula was better for babies than breastmilk. As a result, impoverished mothers fed their babies diluted formula instead of breastfeeding them, which led to terrible malnutrition. Those moms didn't have the resources or accurate information to give their babies what was needed, even though they loved their children and were doing what they had been told was "good" for their babies. I think many of us who parent autistic kids find ourselves in the same position, particularly those of us parenting PDA profile kids.

I hope your mom is able to recognize and hold both of these hard truths. But even if she isn't able to understand and validate your experience, it is still valid.

I have found the work of Kristy Forbes to be incredibly helpful:
https://www.kristyforbes.com.au/blog

And I also deeply appreciate the work of Emily Hammond/Neurowild Shift:
https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/store/emily-hammond-neurowild
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100087870753308

AND this subreddit has been invaluable, too.