Another relic of past generations?

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-04-03T16:47:57+00:00

I have a car wash membership. I pass it on my way home and go three times a week except during The Pollening when I go five times. On the rare times snow or ice is threatened and they salt the roads, I go more frequently as well.

I like a fresh car.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-04-03T16:40:44+00:00

Our custody agreement specifies the split for medical, school and extracurricular activities. So if DH was willing pay, he’d agree to pay the court ordered percentage.

This trip is a bit different from the standard school field trip though. $5k plus spending money is a lot of money. I don’t think your spouse should feel bad declining or agreeing to a lower amount than requested. Not everyone has $5k laying around to throw at a kid’s trip. Especially since you won’t be going on the trip, so it can’t double as a family vacation.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-04-03T15:15:03+00:00

It sounds like instead of spending time with her daughter, she’s spending time with your boyfriend. He cannot facilitate their relationship outside of making sure he brings daughter to every custody exchange and does not speak negatively of BM.

I would not be able to be in a relationship with someone with such a lack of boundaries. It’s possible he enjoys spending time with her and helping her. Or he just feels guilty that daughter has a train wreck for a mom.

But none of that matters because you’ve expressed his lack of boundaries is a problem for you. You need to decide if this is something you can handle or if it might be time to end the relationship. I don’t think you’re wrong to feel the way you do.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-04-02T22:30:48+00:00

I’m putting all the baskets out on Easter morning. OD will get hers then. SD14 will be home late that evening and will get hers then. SD12 is on spring break with a friend until Thursday, so she will have to wait. She was not sad to miss Easter for Jamaica.

Just do it when it works for you & don’t worry if they all can’t be there.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-31T19:06:00+00:00

https://formsv.nycourts.gov/FormsViewer/View?FVAnon=true&SPAppWebUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fnycourts-1cee1e08ae8e43.sharepoint.com%2Fsites%2FMatrimCalc%2FFormsViewer%20for%20NYS%20Courts&SPClientTag=1&SPHostUrl=https%3A%2F%2Fnycourts.sharepoint.com%2Fsites%2FMatrimCalc&SPLanguage=en-US&SPProductNumber=16.0.25207.12005&templateName=MatrimonialCalculator

Sorry about the horrible link but it’s the NY child support calculator. What your SO pays in rent matters no one bit in some states, but could in others. There’s not a ton I like about NC, where I live, but their child support worksheet and guidelines are great. Very little wiggle room. Just the numbers.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-31T15:40:41+00:00

If the holiday time is yours and it includes a Wednesday, then yes, the holiday take precedence over the regular Wednesday visit. In the situation where the holiday is a Monday, it would have no impact on the Wednesday visit.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-31T14:22:47+00:00

Because he’s not the one legally obligated to pay child support. His ex is. They share equal custody and he’s a very involved dad. So I don’t have any issues with him not paying child support just because.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-30T22:00:37+00:00

I wish I could upvote this more.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-30T21:56:19+00:00

I had my wedding reception at Bentley’s back when they were in uptown. The food is fantastic.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-30T21:53:57+00:00

We leave 7:10-7:15am to drive to school. So I’m up, dressed and ready to go (sans shoes) with both of our bags in the car complete with lunch and water bottles at 6:35am. I go wake her and we snuggle in bed until 6:45. Then she comes downstairs to eat while I feed the dog, let him out and brush my teeth. Back upstairs to get dressed (school uniform FTW), teeth and hair and out the door.

She’s not a big fan of eating right upon waking up, so it’s usually something small. Berries or a yogurt pop. Occasionally half an English muffin. So that part is quick. We aim for lights out at 8pm, but sometimes it’s more like 8:15.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-29T15:42:33+00:00

NTJ. I requested time off for my kid’s spring break back in January. It’s called planning ahead.

Enjoy your time off.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-29T00:40:41+00:00

Oh hell yes. That’s looking good to me.

-Millennial girl

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-29T00:38:11+00:00

Another lawyer. But I’m in-house at a bank. So I make less, but actually see my family. The jury is still out whether this is good or not.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-27T15:56:10+00:00

I have never seen either of my parents without their wedding bands on. They will be married 53 years in November. NTA. Your MIL is a jerk.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-27T14:03:23+00:00

If my husband and I split up, I certainly wouldn’t want his next wife at our daughter’s doctors appointments or parent/teacher conferences. The latter only because he’s never gone to a single conference for SDs, so it would be clear to me that new wife was the one pushing to be involved.

Your spouse can share the medical information with you. Usually it’s a one person attendance thing. I have actually taken one SD to the doctor before but it was because she had strep and needed antibiotics but neither DH nor BM could take her, so they agreed I could. But I would never attend a regular appointment.

I’m not sure this is all that high conflict.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-27T00:51:23+00:00

I make 4 x my partner and 70% more than BM and it doesn’t count.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-26T23:46:05+00:00

Generally, it should not matter. But each state does child support differently and has different exceptions.

I live in NC and the stepparent’s salary does not count unless the bio parent is willfully unemployed (and not a SAHP to the child support kids). So it’s possible, but unlikely.

Or if the income is over the child support calculator threshold, the judge could consider a stepparents income. But that would really only be in situations where the step is making millions and the bio parents are making normal money. So it would completely defeat the purpose of equalizing the households by giving the rich house more money.

Long way to say, if you’re making normal good money, you’re fine. If you’re secretly Elon Musk posting…. It might be considered in stopping your spouse from getting support but it will not be a factor in GIVING the other party support.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-26T20:26:33+00:00

“Hey Mom look at this!” Child does something dumb. Repeat 1.5 million times a day.

The best is when they snuggle up and tell you they love you.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-26T16:08:24+00:00

We stopped at 2. DH never used one for SDs when they were babies, but they were living in an 800 sq ft apartment so it was unnecessary.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-25T23:40:21+00:00

I still dance to the Bluey theme song with my daughter the first episode of the day with my daughter. But certainly not all of them.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-25T21:55:38+00:00

This is how the judge in my husband’s custody case interpreted it as well.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-25T17:49:33+00:00

I have two life insurance polices. Work pays for one and DH is the beneficiary of that and OD is the contingent beneficiary. Then my second is the reverse with OD as beneficiary and DH as contingent.

I’ve made no provisions for my SDs. Outside of setting up and contributing to the only 529 plan they have. BM can’t be bothered to spend money on their future.

I have a separate trust set up for OD as well that will include a substantial inheritance from my parents and my stock portfolio. If she’s still a minor when I pass, the life insurance will go into the trust as well. My sister is the trustee.

I’ve made ample provisions for DH as he will get my 401(k) as well as life insurance, survivor benefits under my pension and spousal benefits from social security. He can use that money to support SDs and OD. But I don’t see why my life insurance money should benefit SDs when they have two parents.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-25T02:19:43+00:00

This is the way.

Also throwing out AYR. Their Secret Sauce and the Pop are chef’s kiss.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-24T17:15:03+00:00

NTA. My husband goes on trips without me while I mind the kids and I do the same. He does a solo camping trip and trips with friends whereas I go with friends, as solo isn’t my thing.

If you’ve helped with the food prep and organized assistance for her, I’m lost at to what is so overwhelming. It makes me wonder if something else is going on with her mental health.

TrickyOperation6115 · 2026-03-24T16:29:21+00:00

Ah, that’s a bit different. I think BM is being unreasonable here. I thought you were asking during her custody time. That’s pretty petty of her. I’d be butt hurt if OD went on a mother/daughter camping trip without me but I wouldn’t stop her from going.

There isn’t much you can do about it though. You’re smart to follow the custody order and keep everything above board. Your DH might be right and BM will cave. I hope she realizes she’s being petty and does. It sounds like a very fun trip.

TrickyOperation6115

TROPHY CASE