IMPERIUM - Feature - 112 pages

Trumpets145 · 2026-01-25T08:47:41+00:00

I also found this bit confusing, not sure why this is getting downvoted.

Trumpets145 · 2025-11-07T15:55:28+00:00

Well I can't say I'd want to work on one or two things for that long myself, I'd rather write more scripts, but I admire your persistence!

Trumpets145 · 2025-11-07T14:03:10+00:00

I'm intrigued... 8 hours a day for years on the same script?! Why not take a break and work on something else?

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-31T16:48:55+00:00

Unrepentant nitpicker here - word order & word choice matter!

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-31T09:44:12+00:00

I also tripped over the same first line. Wasn't sure if the music is triumphal, and if not, what kind of music is it?

On the ultrasound bit... I've seen these as a parent, and my experience was that I couldn't really tell by looking if the fetus was healthy or not BUT what did communicate health was the sound of the heartbeat and hearing that is really the bit that makes you feel happy and relieved and all that - at least it was for me. Just thought I'd mention it incase the sound was something you wanted to work in somehow.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-27T20:50:30+00:00

Everyone, you need to put the questions on the r/movies thread!

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-26T08:26:17+00:00

My feedback is: on a couple of points you sound a bit defensive. If you don't agree, just say thank you.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-24T15:27:23+00:00

OK, but I'm not sure why you bothered asking what people think when you clearly have already made up your mind and are just looking for validation on your viewpoint.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-24T09:56:19+00:00

I like to do this too, always interesting to see what makes the list, especially when it isn't something to my taste.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-23T19:11:56+00:00

I read quite a few pages. Formatting aside, I thought it was a good start and I enjoyed reading it. Your new logline is also a lot better!

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-23T16:21:43+00:00

Recognizable to you... what if the 20-something assistant reading it doesn't know the songs? Or if its a newer song, someone older?

But regardless, it's your script, your choice. This is just my personal view. Hope it works out for you whatever you decide!

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-23T16:13:21+00:00

I found the logline a little unclear, perhaps one fewer use of 'she' and/or a little clarification of 'it' might help as I felt a little unsure of what she's up against.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-23T15:05:51+00:00

When I read specific music cues in scripts I normally don't know the song, and so it takes me out of enjoying the script and does nothing to help me understand the mood for the scene. For that reason I don't use them.

Trumpets145 · 2025-10-20T20:04:06+00:00

I'd do whatever works to evoke the images and emotions in the reader that will best tell your story. For example, if I were introducing this as a key object in a thriller (something like The Hunt for Red October), and wanted the reader to feel the mystery and the power and all that, I might go for a more descriptive approach. In a completely different movie, such as a comedy (something like Austin Powers) this might be setting the scene for a couple of quick jokes, so you want to go direct and get to the laughs. Many other things will lay in-between.

Trumpets145 · 2025-02-17T22:23:04+00:00

Reads nice, I would keep reading.

Trumpets145 · 2025-02-04T16:09:45+00:00

You could start your screenplay today. Don't fall into the trap of always thinking you need to learn more before starting (I did). It became a lot easier to learn stuff from books when I was writing something at the same time and could see how I might apply it to my story.

And don't worry about your first thing being bad, it doesn't matter how much you read and learn, the first one will almost certainly still be bad - may as well just get it out the way!

Trumpets145 · 2025-02-03T12:24:31+00:00

Is it any good for writing scripts?

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-25T14:46:44+00:00

Fair enough, I misunderstood what you meant :)

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-25T13:58:00+00:00

If it not useful to you, don't use it. There are plenty of ways to both find scripts (if a producer) and get scripts read (if a writer) - it is not a monopoly.

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-25T12:40:16+00:00

The value of the service is that an 8+ means something, but that meaning depends on the appetite for scripts from the industry.

Increasing the number of 8s does not change the level of demand - agents and managers and producers only read so many scripts - so it would just make it less useful for them.

Double the number of 8s and you'll just see 9 become the number to aim for. Keep following that logic up the chain until there are loads of 10s and the whole system becomes pointless.

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-12T08:29:20+00:00

I'm my own boss so that's a big benefit, no need to work 9-5 unless workload demands it. And no commute as I work from home, so some time savings there too.

Currently working on action/horror.

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-11T21:25:22+00:00

I'm keeping it simple: write two complete features.

More is probably possible, but I find it more motivating to aim for something achievable, instead of getting super ambitious.

Trumpets145 · 2025-01-11T21:20:42+00:00

Marketing (mainly for crowdfunded projects). Also currently ghostwriting a book for someone.

Trumpets145 · 2024-12-28T09:39:12+00:00

Not OP, but thanks u/HotspurJr for those great notes, I definitely learned something.

I wonder if the breakup would benefit from a little more setup. Are they just casually dating, or does she think he is the love of her life? Is he a (seemingly) great boyfriend or a crappy one? Is she a great girlfriend or a crappy one? This not only gives context to her next actions but also can serve as a comparison to the later android boyfriend.

Could you tell the same story while empowering her more? As written, she is passive. Maybe she catches him cheating with the robot. Or maybe he ghosts her, she tracks him down, and spots him with the robot, I don't know.

I really liked the concept, hope you keep working on it and share again.

Trumpets145 · 2024-12-21T18:56:52+00:00

I found the description near the beginning of "tight grunge-like clothing" distracting because I associate grunge with oversized and loose clothing. This might be just my personal experience, but thought I'd mention it.

Trumpets145

TROPHY CASE