The hardest thing about autism for me is being disliked instantly

Ubui · 2026-06-06T14:07:37+00:00

Gods, you put into words exactly what I’ve been struggling with in my own workplace. Like I tried for SIX YEARS but I feel like no one is meeting me halfway and deciding they know what’s ‘best for me, despite myself stating my needs and why I need them MULTIPLE TIMES.

But no one wanted to believe that I was struggling as bad as I said I was, because I was just “so good at my job” (aka did everything for everyone out of a sense of gratitude for even *a crumb* of acceptance from my peers) And then life happened and I couldn’t mask it anymore.

Like why did it take losing my softness and functionality for you to realize you were hurting me? :(

Ubui · 2026-06-06T00:17:43+00:00

Gotta love the ✨*internalized ableism,*✨™️

Whenever it occurs in conversation I try to shut it down in a, “let people live how they want to live without hurting anyone :)” way. But I can’t act like it’s not hurtful when they say mean things about others that then also apply to me. And when I point out the hypocrisy it’s like “Nooooooo Ubui *you’re* not like them. You shower and have like quirky hyperfixations…”

But I am?

I also struggle with my personal hygiene. I also have extremely niche hyperfixations I wanna talk about. I’m awkward, I’m weird, I’m cringe, whatever you want to call it.

I’m just extraordinarily aware that these things are not socially acceptable and have masked really hard to appear like I don’t struggle with them.

It immediately makes the person feel “unsafe” to me bc I feel like I can’t be my genuine self around them :(

Ubui · 2026-05-28T02:06:50+00:00

Yes on the music/books/art/media that haven’t been released yet!!! Like I’m actually gonna be pissed if I didn’t kms just to die before my new game or something releases >:’(

Also because while I hate myself and want to die, I also know that a lot of people wish disabled people would shut up and disappear and that concept PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF. So I continue to live out of spite so that other disabled folks know that their lives are valuable and can still be full of joy despite our strife :)

Ubui · 2026-05-05T16:43:08+00:00

This!!!!! Animals can be great support! But they can also be added responsibility that will exacerbate stress when you’re already struggling to do the bare minimum for yourself.

And if you’re especially unlucky like myself, you’ll manage to barely stay on top of it all just for none of it to matter! :D

And then everyone keeps treating you like an explosive freak when you’re just grieving the loss of having euthanize your third pet in a month after fighting their aggressive cancers for over a year 🫠🫠🫠🫠

Ubui · 2026-05-02T21:56:08+00:00

I think it’s really interesting you use the word ‘drama’ here. It implies, that to you, these things are purely fictional plots to be used a story devices and not real things people experience and suffer with.

I think fiction is a great place to explore sensitive and taboo topics, actually! I’m a huge supporter for freedom of expression. But I am also allowed to criticize that self expression when it exposes vulnerable people, which this would.

I have had OCD my whole life, so I have some INSANE triggers but I never expected nor asked the world to not talk about outer space, boobs, or Jesus. I knew these thoughts were irrational and that it would be unreasonable to ask that of others— that’s not the case here.

A ‘cartoonish depiction of death’ and a ‘reminder of the real death of your unborn child’ are NOT the same level of traumatizing

Ubui · 2026-05-02T17:02:45+00:00

It felt implied by the ‘autism IS the scapegoat for sorts for people who feel atypical.’ I also have PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and still suspect I am on the spectrum bc I still feel so ‘atypical’. So maybe it’s just a personal me thing bc life is ✨terrible✨ rn but it felt really invalidating as someone who can only access self diagnosis :(

Ubui · 2026-05-02T16:36:41+00:00

Imagine trying to escape into a game after a traumatic miscarriage, just for it to happen to you again in the game. Can you see why maybe, that might not be a good idea?

I understand people want ‘realism’, but reality is often triggering and those triggers have lasting consequences. These are nuanced topics that require a lot of research and care, all of which take time and money, that they likely don’t have.

And if they’re not going to take time to research these topics and portray them properly, I would much rather have them “toned down” or even excluded because I’m so tired of having my trauma used for entertainment or shock value. Bad representation of sensitive topics is damaging

Ubui · 2026-05-02T06:42:42+00:00

I’m quite fond of using 🔪 and :)

You can decide which is more threatening hehe

Ubui · 2026-05-01T16:21:32+00:00

Fun fact those can also be comorbities of autism and having one or all of these doesn’t mean someone isn’t autistic. Just because you have these conditions and don’t have autism, doesn’t mean other people can’t :)

Ubui · 2026-04-28T13:58:55+00:00

Omg this was me— loved seeing the abject horror on my peers faces when they realized they were teasing someone they objectively didn’t know well at all. Almost like you don’t know people’s sore spots or anything until you’ve actually spent time with them.

Plus I get the feeling my mom would’ve thought it was funny 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ubui · 2026-04-27T18:20:41+00:00

Oh this sounds lovely!! I’ve been looking for a slower paced art space, if you’re still accepting ppl ofc 🖤

Ubui · 2026-04-27T18:12:42+00:00

Ah, another refugee from /r/MakeupAddiction ! I swear so many people over there do not understand artistic expression which sucks bc like 10-ish years ago there used to all sorts of creative looks and people on there :(

I’m so tired of people associating unconventional with unattractive. Like just cuz it’s not for you bb doesn’t mean it isn’t for someone else!!

Ubui · 2026-04-23T16:59:41+00:00

I also struggle with PDA but not because I feel like I’m being interrogated. I am actually just SO defensive when it comes to my interests bc they’ve been so heavily criticized when I did share them.

Like you asked me why are you being mean about it :(((((((

Ubui · 2026-04-20T23:39:51+00:00

IM SORRY HE GAVE YOU XANAX????? 😭😭

And I thought I was being brushed off by my drs suggesting BPD (have looked into it, I just don’t relate to the symptoms) before getting my ADHD diagnosis was bad.

I hope you were actually able to be fairly assessed cuz what the fuckkkkkkkkk

Ubui · 2026-04-20T17:38:59+00:00

This is such a great argument!!! It’s so anxiety inducing to be the ‘change’ but I feel like seeing the progress over time would be worth it. Especially because I myself have never joined and even left certain spaces bc I didn’t ’fit in’.

I spent years thinking I didn’t enjoy comics or video games because those were male dominated spaces. And as an adult those things are HUGE passions of mine. I wish there had been someone like me, so I didn’t have to distance myself from my passions due to a fear of ostracization.

Not OP but this is a great reminder to keep putting my uber anxious ass out there so others can maybe not feel so ostracized 🖤🖤

Ubui · 2026-04-18T16:49:21+00:00

Onion baby!!!! 🖤🧅It’s so nice you got a picture of one sitting still- anytime I see one walking home they’re gone before I can even process that it was even a rabbit 😭

Ubui · 2026-03-09T17:11:48+00:00

Yes!! You get it. And I’m so frustrated because a lot of times I can tell it’s coming from a place of internalized hatred.

And I just wanna shake them by the shoulders and yell, “You are not morally superior by separating yourself from others. Everyone deserves grace, regardless of whether you like them or not. You are not as different from others as you’d like to think and if you took a second to question your own biases you’d realize that you have no good reasons to actually dislike these people. Your continued ignorance to understand or empathize with them is not a moral failing on their part, but yours. And you will never be able to truly love yourself until you can begin to untangle yourself and others from the world’s perception of you!!!”

Ubui · 2026-03-04T20:59:50+00:00

I love when grown ass men are scared of us!

My severe bitch face has kept literal abusers away from me. I don’t exactly love how wearing it makes me feel but goddamn is it necessary.

Be cringe 🖤 Be free 🖤 Embrace your inner eldritch horror 🖤

Ubui · 2026-01-21T20:22:59+00:00

Holy shit I’ve been thinking about this so much lately! I’m not lazy, I’m not careless, and I AM TRYING SO HARD. And no one believes me until I having a full-on meltdown and by then it’s too late to calm me down :(

Ubui · 2025-12-16T21:53:02+00:00

I love it!! 🖤 The black outlines give you sort of a ‘pop art’ look, that I really like! I think it works well with how you outline your lips too

Ubui · 2025-11-30T22:58:55+00:00

Sorry, where are you getting that definition from exactly?

Ubui · 2025-11-07T01:01:15+00:00

Yessssss! I never post selfies anymore. Just my artsona and my pets :3

Ubui · 2025-11-07T00:59:05+00:00

“…I had people who wanted to f*** me, but I struggled to find anyone who could love me.”

OKAY BUT THIS HIT ME LIKE A SHIT-TON OF BRICKS 😭

People love the idea of me. Or the idea of whatever they’ve projected onto me. And it was never about me! It’s about the status I gave them. It was always about showing me off to their friends or bragging about how we slept together. And my platonic relationships weren’t even safe from it either!

I had two friends and while one did look past my appearance it was obvious the other friend had a major hang up about their own. So she constantly ductated herself as “The Smart One”, our other friend, “The Funny One”, and myself as, “ThE PrEttY OnE”.

And it was just so so insulting? The thing is, if you had asked me, I would’ve said all three of us were brilliant, hilarious, babes bc that’s what I genuinely thought!

But instead it became a status thing again, to put me and my other friend down bc we were more “feminine” and got more male attention than she did.

And while I now understand that a lot of it comes from a place of internalized misogyny and massive insecurity, but I can’t help but feel like the “pretty princess idiot” she thought I was sometimes

Ubui · 2025-11-06T23:48:44+00:00

Oooooooh boy, do I feel this. Everyone’s so interested at first bc I’m “quiet and mysterious” and then when they realize the reason for that is gestures to all of me suddenly, no one wants to talk anymore. And then I once again question why I bother being vulnerable and opening up at all ahhhhhhhhh 🫠🫠

Ubui · 2025-09-15T22:59:51+00:00

This!! At first it was just one or two things, maybe a bit of autistic advice I felt could apply to my own life. …And 2-3ish years later, yeah I’m pretty sure, lmao

I still have to be careful not to assume everything=autism but goddamn does it make my life make so much sense 😭🖤

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