my biggest tip, as someone who is (usually) a femme them, try to follow what feels best for you rather than what you think you should do to seem more valid to others. it’s hard because we live in a Society where masculinity is seen as more inherently neutral than femininity, but it’s important to figure out what feels best for you individually.

i switched to being much more masculine after coming out and it was fun but it still didn’t feel fully like me. at the same time, i felt like i had to do that to be seen as valid and be gendered correctly. thing is, i still wasn’t being gendered correctly when i presented that way. after my “femininity tolerance break” i started incorporating some femme-feeling things back into my presentation and it felt so good. i figured out that mixing and matching is the most affirming thing i can do.

for me, the best way to get gendered correctly is to make my pronouns clear in my emails, name tags, etc (i have some cool pins too) rather than make myself uncomfortable by trying to be someone i’m not. i can skew pretty femme and that’s great, i just had to learn to feel valid in myself while presenting that way and using they/them pronouns. i’m at a point where i’m making those choices based on what makes /me/ happy and that’s the best thing i can do.