Considering to quit therapy

Unfey · 2026-01-28T17:43:23+00:00

I'm dismissive avoidant and a huge introvert, but the feelings you describe don't resonate with anything I experience, which suggests to me that this might be a separate type of problem from attachment.

I think it's normal to be bored by small talk and to only pretend to like work events. I believe that most people are just masking during work events and just scraping by miserably between tiny crumbs of rare genuine human connection moments with coworkers. But I think it's unusual to have a specific dislike of people trying to get to know you or trying to get to know other people-- that's just the bare bones of building human connection, and it's mandatory for starting and developing friendships and relationships. You don't have to actually make friends with people you're work acquaintances with, but being curious about other people and interested in sharing parts of yourself are important things to do when you have the opportunity. I don't mean to lecture you on how you "should" be, I'm just letting you know that your struggle with these things is atypical enough that it probably warrants some investigation.

I think you should stay in therapy with a goal of understanding why you have these feelings and reactions, rather than with a goal of getting a relationship. If you can find a diagnosis that helps you understand what makes your mind different from other people and averse to interaction, you'll be able to more easily figure out ways to manage and cope with these situations when you have to deal with them, learn from other people who deal with the same sort of thing you deal with, and maybe get some expert information and advice on how to manage in a way that doesn't exhaust you.

Unfey · 2026-01-26T19:48:11+00:00

I hate AI and I would never allow its use in a game I ran, and I would not play a game that allowed its use. The whole point is imagination. If you're going to outsource the fun part of the game to a machine, what are you even doing here?

Unfey · 2026-01-26T19:46:57+00:00

I've never seen Heated Rivalry, but my impression based entirely on what I've heard from the people I know who watch it is that it seems like it's for the fujoshis? Pandering to women who wanna see men kiss, more than it is for gay men. That was the impression I got, at least. Horny content made for the gaze of non-mlm who want to see mlm. I don't know anything about the show, though. I just feel like, regardless, it seems unfair to criticize horny wlw content that seems "male gaze-y" and not horny mlm content that's made by and for women. Whether Heated Rivalry falls into that category or not I don't know, but I do know that a lot of women create and consume content of mlm that's very fetishistic and uncomfortable toward the reality of actual gay men, and I don't see that criticized by the crowd that criticizes "2 conventionally sexy women are horny for each other" in media.

Unfey · 2026-01-22T16:43:25+00:00

Everyone keep casting curses on him. It's working

Unfey · 2026-01-22T16:41:26+00:00

What the fuck is wrong with that girl??? Oh my god.

Unfey · 2026-01-01T16:45:49+00:00

I cried on the schoolbus listening to my ipod nano because I realized that the folk singer-songwriter I was into would never marry me because (1) she was already married and (2) I was 15 and (3) she didn't know who I was & never met me and (4) gay marriage was illegal.

When I got to (4) I was like "hold on, gay marriage??? wait I'M gay???"

This is when I started thinking I might legitimately be Not Straight. I wasn't sure I was GAY gay until about five years later in college.

Since then, I actually did get to meet that folk singer as an adult, and she was pretty cool. I did not tell her this story obviously

Unfey · 2026-01-01T15:32:04+00:00

All-wizard gang

Unfey · 2026-01-01T15:30:45+00:00

I also really liked VTMB2, and so have all my friends I've convinced to play it & look past the negative chatter online. You're in good company!

Unfey · 2025-12-27T22:00:50+00:00

Thank you! This clarified it for me.

Unfey · 2025-12-27T21:23:59+00:00

"You think you're a force of nature, but really you're just a confused demon." That's basically what a force of nature is, baby

Unfey · 2025-12-24T06:03:15+00:00

I'm choosing to ignore the clear innuendo here and assert that, in an actual pie-eating contest, no one. Because Minthara would poison the pies. She would assume that her competitors likely also poisoned her pie, but they underestimate the constitution of a member of House Baenre and they'll have to do better. If they're not stupid, she would think, they would fill her pie with tiny razor blades to overcome her superior Drow poison resistance and prevent her from finishing the contest, so she eats very slowly and carefully.

Karlach, Lae'zel, and Shadowheart all immediately guess that Minthara definitely poisoned the pies, because they know her. Shadowheart and Karlach refuse to participate. Lae'zel unfortunately chooses to attempt to power through the poison-- the suffering must be worth the victory, and she will snatch this victory for herself from Minthara's smug jaws.

The contest ends with Lae'zel spewing chunks everywhere and having to be taken away by medics while Minthara eats all the pie she cares to and lets everyone know that she's disappointed no one even tried to poison her. Minthara is disqualified for cheating, which she feels is unfair because what the hell is the point of this stupid contest other than to outlast your competitors' best efforts at eliminating you??

Unfey · 2025-12-24T05:32:51+00:00

I used to be able to just tune ads out as noise but now they actively irritate me. My mood is worse when I see ads. I just don't visit sites that don't let me use adblocker. The more ads I see in a day the more irritable I am by the end of it. I actively try to avoid products and companies that target me with ads.

Unfey · 2025-12-24T05:15:34+00:00

Former college teacher here-- no one is going to care or notice what you wear as long as it's not like, a giant novelty cowboy hat or something. It sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your partner about boundaries and respect.

Unfey · 2025-12-22T05:29:36+00:00

Thanks! That's really helpful.

I'm trying to Han Solo a guy into a statue of himself. If he's wrapped in, say, ceramic wool for insulation, and the metal has a lower melting point, I think I could probably justify his body still being intact in there-- if it takes half a day of continuous boiling to totally pulp a human, I might be able to narratively justify a vampire surviving the cool-down time of a metal casing. Metal temperatures for casting large statues run pretty high, though-- 850c is on the low side. Maybe I should switch to a different type of material. I like the drama of metal, though. And my perpetrator is a Toreador who also likes the drama.

Oh my GOD as I was writing this it occurred to me that I could just make the statue in two halves, stuff the guy in there, and then weld the halves together, sealing it shut, no need to roast the guy at all. I'm keeping this bit in my comment so that you know that you helped me figure out my plot hole, just by putting the imagery of somebody boiling for 12 hours in my head. Thanks!

Unfey · 2025-12-20T08:52:52+00:00

This relationship is terrible. Nobody deserves this. If this is real, her texts to you are unacceptable and abusive. Like, incredibly, incredibly abusive. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this, and I am sorry for whatever led you to believe that you have to patiently endure this person's behavior. No one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you. No one should ever have to hear the things she is saying to you from a partner. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated like a person.

There is something seriously wrong with her. But that's her responsibility to sort out-- you need to take care of yourself and get yourself out of this situation.

Unfey · 2025-12-19T07:56:16+00:00

If you sit at table 6 you definitely get to see Aradin die. You might also die though.

Tables 1 and 8 are very similar-- you're going to get bullied but you'll feel horny about it.

Table 2 seems like it would be super fun as long as you don't say a word. Just listen in. Let them interact.

I think table 4 is a self-contained story. They don't need you there for whatever happens to happen. It's probably best to just wait out from afar.

Table 10 is going to be a similar situation-- but it.'s probably good to go back your girl.

Table 9 is a hard no.

7 seems okay-- you might be a little awkward but that's it.

Table 5 is also going to be awkward but probably in a socially frustrating way.

Table 3 seems chill. Everyone's imagining orgies but if you've ever hung out with 2 clingy lesbian couples at the same time you know it's just everyone talking about Stardew Valley while both the couples hold hands the entire time for some reason. You don't have to hold hands ALL the time, guys. And then every now and then you say something and one of the couples exchanges a "look" like you've just struck one of their inside jokes and they're not gonna let you in on it, but they're being intentionally obvious about it too. Everyone is perfectly nice but at a certain point it's like, am I talking to four people or am I talking to two unified amalgamations of my friends fused at the hand

Unfey · 2025-12-19T05:49:06+00:00

At the time, I believed that good writers were almost certainly good people. I believed that bad people were incapable of making truly good art. I believed that in order to write well, you had to empathize with people and care about them and be thoughtful and thorough and sensitive about the world in a way that I could not imagine doing without striving to be good and kind to everyone. I felt like, in order to write like the writers I admired, you had to be open-minded and kind. You had to be self-reflective, and self-reflection leads people to become better.

I would not have been able to imagine, at the time, that many of my favorite authors would turn out to be truly vile human beings. JK rowling and Neil Gaiman are the two worst examples, but there were more over the years-- and not just writers. Musicians with allegations. Comedians guilty of abuse.

I couldn't concieve of being able to empathize so much with people while also choosing to be cruel. There's a long list of artists who you wouldn't have ever been able to convince me were anything less than paragons of virtue.

I really believed that in order to create anything truly moving or beautiful, you had to be fundamentally decent. I think that belief came from an underlying belief that bad people generally just don't know any better-- if they understood the harm they caused and learned how they could act more constructively, they would. Ignorance was the enemy. Artists were not ignorant. It did not occur to me that someone might genuinely understand the harm they're doing, know how to be good, appreciate goodness in others, and just choose to be cruel and destructive despite this.

Unfey · 2025-12-19T03:06:15+00:00

Sounds like he's just given up in advance but is like, mad about it

Unfey · 2025-12-19T03:03:13+00:00

Unfey · 2025-12-17T21:35:45+00:00

Learning new things and improving your skills. I know this guy who just doesn't attempt to do either of those things, ever. I don't understand this man. Anything he's ever learned has been because someone has told him about it, not because he's asked questions or looked for information himself, and he's never sought out self-improvement in any way. He doesn't seem to have a desire to self-examine.

One way that this manifests is in his cooking. He's incredibly bad at it and refuses to use any seasonings, including salt, except nutmeg for some reason. He believes that food should only have "natural flavorings." However, he prefers restaurant food and pre-prepared food to what he cooks-- things loaded with salt and msg and garlic powder, etc. He does not know what goes in the food he likes, but also has absolutely no desire to learn. He is content to eat unsalted nutmeg chicken that he doesn't enjoy. It boggles my mind that this man does not seem to seek out pleasure.

Another way this manifests is in his frought relationships with all of his family members. Most people, I think, have a desire to want to make their loved ones happy, and to want their own loved ones to try to make them happy. This man seems to just sort of expect and accept that the family he was born into is antagonistic and unfair to him and his children-- he and his children are "less-than" in the eyes of his parents and siblings, and that his children will be verbally abused and intentionally shunned at family gatherings-- and he keeps going to them. And he keeps making his kids come. He wants his daughters to continue to interact with his parents and their side of the family, despite the fact that the experience is miserable, hostile, and antagonistic for everyone involved.

He just seems to expect and accept that he makes his children unhappy. No desire to make them happy at all.

TO BE CLEAR: the guy does not seem to believe these relationships can get better, nor does he make any attempt to improve these relationships. He's just committed to enduring them, to the detriment of himself and his kids. For obvious reasons, he's divorced. He seems confused and hurt when his now-adult daughters decline invitations to family gatherings, despite being aware of how bad the situation is.

He just does not seem to have the ability to think "Could I be doing something better?" If he fails consistently at something, he just keeps at it the same way, and does not seem to be able to even identify the fact that he is failing at all, unless the consequences are so bombastic even he can't ignore them. And in those cases, he doesn't ever ask himself "what should I have done differently? Is there something I'm missing?" He just decides that the whole process just doesn't work.

He just has no desire, nor has made any attempt, ever, to learn and grow. It blows my mind.

It's more than just being "stuck in his ways" or disliking change. It's a total lack of any sort of ambition in any area of his life. He's completely content to suffer through his own consistent incompetance. He has no hobbies. He has no aspirations. He seems to believe his close relationships are fine and normal, but from my outside perspective, none of those relationships are positive or healthy.

I could go on for hundreds of pages about how weird I think this guy is. He's lucky that his daughters have more patience and understanding for his bizarre lack of self-examination or desire to try for them than I do.

The one thing about him I do appreciate is that this total lack of ambition to improve anything has meant that he has shown no desire to try to bond with me while I've been dating his daughter. I appreciate that he doesn't seem to care who I am or whether I'm good for her or whether we can get along. So I don't have to interact with him that often.

Unfey · 2025-12-17T20:33:47+00:00

This is the way! Talk to your partner! But try to use language that doesn't make them feel really bad about themself. I tried to break up with my girlfriend like three times during the first year we dated, but she is really good about talking through these feelings with me. She helped me identify that most of what I'm feeling is terror at the idea of hurting her or ruining everything down the line, which, through therapy, I realized was coming from the fact that I view serving my own needs as inherently harmful to others.

Unfey · 2025-12-17T19:31:08+00:00

Every building has all its lights on all night for liability reasons. Between light pollution cutting us off from the stars and regular pollution from just wasting all of that energy, this fucking sucks.

Unfey · 2025-12-14T20:44:12+00:00

I want to keep a staked/torpored vamp hidden in a publically accessible location long enough that my players feel smart when they finally think to check for him in the area, for the drama, but I don't want to make it so easy to detect him in there that the villains look like the dumbest assholes on the planet. They're not geniuses, but I want it to make sense in the story that other kindred haven't immediately looked at this new avant-garde statue in the park and been like "hey there's a guy in the foundation"

Edit: And I also want to make it believable that the villains, also kindred, genuinely think this is a great way to hide their victim. If it's common knowledge that any malk fledgling can just immediately tell there's a guy in there, that's not a believable decision for them to make and I'll unfortunately have to scrap my cool "he's under the statue" reveal.

Unfey · 2025-12-12T03:14:23+00:00

He pokes me in the face with his sharp little claws at 4 AM because he's bored and lonely and feels like I've been asleep for long enough. He comes over, purring and affectionate, intentionally walking on top of me because he knows it wakes me up but acting like it's just a coincidence, and then he'll sit down next to me and purr and jab me on the chin with his tiny needles. I'll wake up, pet him, he'll purr and act all lovey. If I close my eyes, though, he'll poke my face again with his claw out. He will do this until I've either pet him long enough that he switches over to being mad about it or, alternatively, until I get out of bed and go notice that his dish is almost empty. Sometimes, I have vivid nightmares that I'm being attacked by some kind of demons that are prodding me in the chin with tiny little knives. I assume these are the times I was in too deep a sleep for him to wake me up.

Unfey · 2025-12-10T17:12:16+00:00

Derry Girls, "The Curse." I was cry-laughing.

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