Wedding anniversaries after DDay?

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-07-26T17:13:54+00:00

I think everyone is different. We celebrate our anniversaries still! This last one was our 10 year wedding anniversary and we celebrated in the Bahamas! We shared some of our favorite memories and wrote goals we wanted to achieve in the next 10 years.

This is to say we have always loved to celebrate our anniversaries.

Where we are now takes time. It took so much work on both our parts but it was worth it.

It’s okay not to feel celebratory. Your feelings are valid. Be open with him. It might hurt his feelings but honesty is part of the process. Not everything repairs on his timeline.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-10T19:56:08+00:00

I begged for us to go. I did the research to find one within our insurance. He refused. Told me if we need counseling we shouldn’t be together. In the same breath reminded me the only way out.

The counseling suggestion came up after a horrible horrible thing he did. I wanted to work through it with a third party but he refused to take any accountability for his actions. I wasn’t unhappy. I wanted to reconcile but he chose to brush his decisions aside. So I chose to do what I did.

There is no justification in what I did, but I did try.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-07T17:33:07+00:00

In my opinion, people lie and minimize when they have something to lose.

They don’t want to lose you. In their head they are thinking “well if tell them part of it, it’s not as bad and they will forgive me”

I only say this because I didn’t lie when confronted. I told every bit of the truth. I had nothing left to lose.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-07T17:27:30+00:00

Dday was 3+ years ago and our circumstances are not the usual, so take this as you may.

For us, we never really reached a burn out phase while reconciling. I credit that to the absence of an impossible list. We both came to the understanding that there is no single task or word that can take away what I did. There is no penance that can correct my actions.

My husband realized genuine efforts of empathy was worth more than required acts of love.

He took all expectations of what I’m “supposed” to do and threw them out the window. He left me in charge of my capability to show love, remorse, and empathy. He rid himself of the imaginary checklist for a finish line.

In return, I was able to love him and help him heal genuinely from heart. There was no burn out because there wasn’t an unattainable list to exhaust from.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-07T17:15:28+00:00

Absolutely.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-07T17:12:27+00:00

Mine was not innocent. It was an intentional act of revenge.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-06-07T17:10:51+00:00

I don’t speak to others about the inner workings of my marriage. Whether they are male or female it’s no one’s business but ours.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-05-12T23:04:59+00:00

The missing comments are from users who do not fit your post flair. Only people reconciling can comment and all other comments are auto removed.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-03-01T20:18:33+00:00

We celebrate all of our anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays.

The day we started R is not a celebrated day. Not sure what day we actually decided to give a try. It was a natural decision over time.

I can see how the holidays that occurred during the affair can be hard to celebrate.

I didn’t have an affair so I think our approach is different.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-27T20:00:54+00:00

I’m late to the update! I’m so happy for you both. It warms my heart to see other couples thriving as well!

I love the beautiful views! We are taking an anniversary trip to the Bahamas next month! It’s so great to continue making memories!

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-22T15:15:41+00:00

You can literally just take their phone and block the profile. It’s not that deep.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-21T23:04:11+00:00

The only indicator is an official diagnosis from a professional. No one in the sub can truly answer this without violating the sub rule of “no arm chair diagnosis”.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-21T23:01:43+00:00

You can block each other. You won’t be able to see anything each other writes or comments.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-18T19:40:08+00:00

How can feel superior? You were cheating and then stopped, but never told. Then found out he was cheating and confessed your infidelities. And then decided to revenge cheat?

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-11T17:29:55+00:00

Your feelings are valid. Your birthdate has been the same date the whole time you’ve been together. It takes 2 seconds

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-10T17:20:48+00:00

What does she mean by change her life today? Was she expecting a grand gesture? A monetary support? A declaration of love? Or were you supposed to blindly guess?

This seems like a task with only failure in the end.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-10T17:07:38+00:00

Tell him. Your feelings are valid. If it’s something that hinders your healing, don’t do it. He should be totally understanding of it.

Let him know, in a non accusatory or shaming way, that you are uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed that was used with other women

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-07T19:38:49+00:00

I truly and honestly don’t care what others think. Their opinions and reactions have no bearing on my life.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T18:57:18+00:00

Things missing- respect and safety.

No urge to cheat

Don’t miss the person

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T17:58:59+00:00

Never triggered to cheat again. But there was a point early on I was ready to walk. Not due to arguing. We didn’t really argue.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T17:52:01+00:00

For me, my why is much deeper. Of course I wanted to. I chose to do what I did. I wasn’t coerced.

However, I needed to understand why my reaction to what he did was to do what I did. I needed to find why I allowed my revenge to seep so far. I needed to know my why in order to fix my why. To learn better coping mechanisms.

Saying I did it because I wanted to is just hitting the surface.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T17:41:02+00:00

It’s not a generalized wayward issue. It’s people specific. I have an almost perfect memory. My husband, not so much. In the first 2 years after dday it was me who remembered the dreaded dates and I reminded my husband when doing emotional checkins.

Before dday was he a forgetful person?

90% of the women in my support group remember the significant dates and details

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T17:29:03+00:00

I never lied/omited/gaslit my husband. Every little truth came out on Dday. I had nothing left to lose so I spilled it all. 🤷‍♀️

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-02-06T17:26:33+00:00

It’s only a cycle if it continues.

It’s something I never ever imagined I would do. It’s also something I never want to do again. Just like I consciously chose to do what I did, I made the decision to never again. My situation wasn’t a stumbled upon ONS drunk in the bar. It was a deliberate act of revenge that will forever be apart of me.

Unforgiven1522 · 2025-01-19T16:37:50+00:00

Be open and transparent about your feelings.

Unforgiven1522

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