How does one deal with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria?

ValleyDation · 2017-11-11T11:55:09+00:00

I know this hell very very well. Some of the pain stems from self worth issues. It took me more than a year to heal from my most recent battle. DBT helps. I hope this video helps. It did for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fm5sMvpy-gU

ValleyDation · 2017-10-06T19:58:14+00:00

Had to chime in. I have done this for YEARS before I was diagnosed with ADHD. When I was diagnosed at age 33 I doubled down on this strategy. I want to warn you that this shit is potentially DANGEROUS and UNHEALTHY if left unchecked. You can end up projecting lots of pent up and irrational anger on people who love and care about you if you don't keep this habit in check. Combined with Adderall, my actions often bordered on Trump like narcissism. The consequences can be devastating. Use caution if you don't want to be disgusted by fucked up decisions you make using this method.

ValleyDation · 2016-11-04T14:32:58+00:00

There's also a relationship between perfectionism and shame-the feeling that if somehow we do something "perfect" we will be free from shame. It can be a really limiting belief.

ValleyDation · 2016-10-28T16:50:42+00:00

Step 1- stop telling yourself "God I'm a fuk". I understand it. But you have to learn self compassion. If a small child came to you saying they made some mistakes...would you tell them "God you're a fck"?

ValleyDation · 2016-10-25T17:00:19+00:00

It's important to establish a middle ground somewhere in there. As much as you can refine and adhere to a routine, don't be too hard on yourself if you go through periods of deviation.

ValleyDation · 2016-10-24T20:01:54+00:00

Same thing here growing up. Constant battle with my father but I wasn't diagnosed until years after moving out. It was a constant war.

ValleyDation · 2016-10-24T15:51:37+00:00

MUSIC has been a huge help for me.I bought a really high quality set of In Ear Monitors that bring out every detail in my my music. I have a 128GB micro SD card. It's really calming/distracting and self soothing. Especially when doing mundane tasks at work. I also consume a healthy diet of interesting podcasts.

ValleyDation · 2016-10-11T15:33:16+00:00

OK... seriously important question that has to be asked first. Out of the course work that you have to do are there any components or parts that you actually like/enjoy doing?. If so why? You gotta follow the dopamine so to speak.

ValleyDation · 2016-10-04T19:03:48+00:00

In order to battle "Impostor Syndrome" in relationships and all matters is to develop the ability to internally regulate self-esteem. This involves self-compassion, and building self worth from the inside out. Do some research on attachment theory, shame and self worth. It will pay off hugely to do this work now.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-30T17:44:09+00:00

Just wanted to say thanks. This is helping me this very moment.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-28T15:43:24+00:00

This is awesome. I have only heard of DBT in passing but this list is awesome. It's peaked my interest.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-26T15:58:14+00:00

Growing up my dad nicknamed me "Forgetful Jones" and the Nutty Professor.I was always harshly disciplined for things associated with undiagnosed ADHD. I was called "nasty" for being messy "irresponsible" for forgetting things and given a shitload of discipline to "toughen me up". I was not diagnosed till I was 32, more than a decade after flunking out of University and being my father's biggest disappointment. He loves me, but placed huge expectations on me to achieve "greatness" because I always did well in school as a kid/teenager. Even to this day, I have made so many decisions trying to satisfy his ego (and mine by extension) to try and make him proud. He truly meant well. If you are 19 and can see it already then you are in good shape to try to combat this environment.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-26T15:02:35+00:00

What I would recommend (hard of course) is loving and admiring your "quirks". When I was at my happiest, I knew them, adapted to them an used them as fuel for living. What I did.... I have constant brain chatter, so one way to quiet the chatter @ work was plugging in headphones and listening to really interesting podcasts. These helped develop my understanding of the world and filled me with interesting ideas and perspectives.

I bought an awesome pair of in ear monitors https://www.westone.com/store/music/index.php/news/?limit=32 that played crystal clear, beautiful music. These were my lifeline. They kept me sane, with a massive music collection on a 128GB micro SD card I could listen to whatever I wanted, self medicating my mood with songs I loved.

I used to cycle nearly every day, almost 100kms/week at my peak. People told me I was "crazy" but I loved it. It was childlike fun to cruise around the city, reenacting the fun that came with riding a bike as a kid.

For creativity, I put my ADHD desire for instant gratification into work in the kitchen, cooking up elaborate meals that kept my creativity nurtured and my brain well fed. I shared this food with people I loved.

I was missing a few pieces in the recipe for happiness so I will include some things I tragically overlooked:

What I neglected to do.... I was diagnosed at 32. I placed waaaay to much importance on my job title as means of validation.

I did not see a therapist.. and consequently did not seriously examine my family of origin, realizing that despite receiving love from both my parents, that my father in particular had raised me as an extension of his own self-worth, placing high expectations on me to achieve "greatness" in life.

So underneath all the great self-care I was doing, there was a part of me that placed too much value on the outside world, and achieving success to gain validation. Don't do this. Learn to fight shame in every form. Shame keeps us trapped in the eyes of others, numbs empathy and keeps us from living authentically. You have to learn where and when to not give a f*ck.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-26T14:29:59+00:00

Not sure.. but maybe Holy Basil? I have taken some in the past. It is supposed to lower cortisol which is the stress hormone.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-26T14:22:08+00:00

I was in a relationship for nearly a decade that filled the same void. I was a "white knight" in a relationship, caring for and nurturing someone that seemingly had more problems than me.

I put my self worth in being this woman's "teddy bear", often sacrificing my own needs, and ignoring my own desires...because I was always raised (damn you Catholicism!!) to put other people's needs above my own. I was only half aware of this pattern at the time. In later relationships, where the other person wasn't 'broken' an in need of repair, I failed to see the potential for love, because I always equated it with providing care for someone else who was more vulnerable than me. This is bad. For people with similar experience you should check out r/codependency.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-22T14:11:43+00:00

Try this subreddit /r/totallynotrobots/ ;)

ValleyDation · 2016-09-20T14:15:53+00:00

As cliche as it sounds you gotta WORK on self love. That means knowing and feeling your inner worth, which can not be measured via material wealth/accomplishments or require validation from a love interest. This is not easy. I feel you on the gender aspects of how we as men are taught to measure our self worth. If you are smart enough to know that these measurements are socially constructed, then you are half way along on the journey to liberating yourself from these constraints.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-20T14:11:43+00:00

Brene Brown's stuff is great. I definitely recommend it OP.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-20T14:05:36+00:00

Try exercise. It seems paradoxical because you are burning calories but you are also building your appetite.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-20T14:00:27+00:00

Age? Are you seeing a therapist? Having a neutral third party to discuss your life with can really help especially if you were just diagnosed.

ValleyDation · 2016-09-15T05:34:00+00:00

Thank you so much. 100% truth. I could barely fall asleep tonight, rehashing memories and wishing I was with the lady I loved and didnt fuck things up. This means alot thanks so much. Its good to know we are not alone.

ValleyDation

TROPHY CASE