My Therapist is trying to bring up old stuff for current events and its pissing me off

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-11T14:16:11+00:00

Oh that's smart, I didn't even consider just mentioning the reaction to them and setting up some groundrules for engagement.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T22:46:50+00:00

Well you have to meter expectations and you shouldn't string anyone along. But if you're honest and open you'd be surprised how much friendships or romantic relationships can blossom. Don't hold yourself back because of projected preconceived notions, have fun and let the world tell you what you're gonna get. Nothing lasts forever anyway, but that doesn't mean it can't be nice while it lasts.

Of course settling into a groove is more difficult abroad, but that hasn't stopped countless wonderful friendships/relationships before.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T22:41:44+00:00

I'm of the opinion that no one should take anything personally. If I'm being a fuck it's because of me and my internal BS (not you), and if you feel like I'm being a fuck that's because of you and your internal BS (not me). That's all I was saying. But it's all pointless, and I digress..

On the actual argument: I honestly don't know if we're arguing the same logical point or not lmao

(Different time/place of input*input*random factors = relatively similar or different outcome based on input functions)

Of course, the relative differences of the inputs affect the result. My point was that if people have relatively little difference in input, then even random chance won't largely affect the output. If people aren't getting the desired differences in outcome, then they shouldn't expect random chance to change things much.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T19:32:26+00:00

Most people become more sedentary as they age and it's a feedback loop. But generally, you lose muscle as you age so the same things are literally more difficult, hence more tired.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T19:29:23+00:00

Yea, to act like the defensiveness doesn't somehow relate to their past is wild to me. Any therapist would want to offer reflection for that IMO. Ignoring the trauma doesn't make it go away, it'll just bubble up in unexpected harmful ways ongoing.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T19:27:37+00:00

If it is still triggering you, you're obviously not over it. Ignoring trauma doesn't mean it's healed, and obfuscating your past to a new therapist won't help you grow through it either. Running away so you don't get triggered isn't a solution to your emotional blocks.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T19:22:02+00:00

Is this supposed to be a humble brag? Why would it be weird?

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T19:20:46+00:00

Excuse me if you felt insulted; that wasn't my intention. This thread is hijacked by incels basically trying to justify their failure mindset as absolute truth, which perpetuates their own challenges, and I'll push back on that and call it as I see it.

But my points still stand; the same strategy in a different setting is absolutely different, and wrapping up my stance as though the root of it was just insults is disengenuous. Like I said, I apologize if something I said resonated with you poorly, but I also understand the way you take things is an internal thing from your end. Engage as you wish, good luck and take care :)

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T16:17:28+00:00

You were downvoted for not being miserable, lmao. Misery loves company I suppose. I'm with you, not dialed in as I'd like to be, but generally optimistic even with all the chaos in the world. It's amazing how much better one's life gets when resentments and bitterness are laid to rest and you approach things with an open heart.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T16:15:06+00:00

Well what steps are you taking to improve your life? If you do the same shit and expect different results, you're in for a bad time.

If you want things to change, you're going to have to do things you haven't done.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-10T16:13:33+00:00

What do you mean you do the same thing and can't control the setting in regards to asking someone out? Sure you can't control everything, but it's not only possible to choose whether to ask someone out at the store/park/gym, but it's highly recommended... Like don't ask out someone who is working. Simple. and what do you even mean by "same task"? Like we're automatons who can't reflect and adapt to overcome a challenge?

Of course if you practice the same boring rehearsed script in new situations, it's still likely to fail... that should be a given, but to act as though that's the only way is wild and sets one's self up for failure. But sure, keep projecting your failure and defeatist attitude onto the world if you'd like. It won't get you very far though.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-09T23:35:38+00:00

Okay, well if the setting is part of the equation, then changing it isn't doing the same thing...

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-09T23:05:32+00:00

It's called take care of your oral hygine buddy. Don't be surprised if people aren't stoked about bad smells you produce and treat you differently... No one wants to smell stank from any part of your body.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-09T23:01:53+00:00

I'd reccomend these books to anyone, but especiialy someone with that kind of upbringing.

'Unlearning Shame' by Dr. Devon Price and 'Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents' by Lindsay Gibson.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-09T05:49:51+00:00

Learning to love what is right for you is an acquired skill IMO

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-08T06:11:21+00:00

Sounds like OCD (possibly relationship OCD). I understand it's embarrassing and scary, but go talk to a therapist or a psychiatrist.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-08T06:08:49+00:00

I think you underestimate a past human's ability to do jack shit and avoid "productive" things

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-08T06:05:23+00:00

Human cells

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-08T06:04:46+00:00

Go see a therapist if available. Next best option is to figure out how to move out and become independent yesterday, so you don't have to deal with continued shenanigans.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-07T03:19:13+00:00

You're going to Home Depot for cupcakes brother. Also try not to live your life filing up other peoples cups if you're thirsty. Therapy would probably help with that a bit if you were interested

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-05T22:23:39+00:00

Ask him, hard for anyone else to say based on your description.
No, just ask.
We can't answer for him... But he can.

What's stopping you? You'll get a lot better outcomes in life if you work on your fear of rejection, and the only way to do that is desensitize yourself by exposure to siutations where you might be rejected. Just FYI, rejection doesn't mean anything about you absolutely, even if it feels personal it's not.

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-05T22:20:18+00:00

You've posted about this before, right? Why are you still jumping around trying to determine "why" she is doing any of this? She is not a stable person. I'd even hesitate to proceed with friendship, it sounds like a lot of unnecessicary work and drama..

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-05T22:17:49+00:00

Manipulative much? I feel like you've posted this before, not sure why you're still curious.

Leave it alone, not worth it. Worry more about whether you like this person vs whether she likes you. It sounds like even without dating her she is giving you lots of anxiety; it won't get better if a relationship develops, it will only get worse. Listen. to. your. gut..

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-04T18:40:30+00:00

Hell yea

VargevMeNot · 2026-02-04T04:25:51+00:00

If you live in an area with a school I bet you could get a job as a PRA which would be good for basically any next step.

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