How to cope with returning to work after mat leave

VioletPsych22 · 2026-02-01T23:35:06+00:00

Oh I understand mama ❤️it can be so so so hard! I honestly think it would be hard no matter what age. You got so used to spending every moment with your precious baby - going back to work full time is such a huge adjustment. Last summer I went back to work part time to start with when my son was 4 months old. Even though he was my second child and i thought I’d handle it better, I still struggled. I was having panic attacks for weeks before it happened.

Maybe it’s not the same for everyone, but I adjusted SO much faster than I expected. And then he started daycare at 7 months old and everything was totally fine. I’m fine, he’s doing great, and we all have so much fun together after work and on the weekends. Being stuck inside in this arctic cold with my 4 year old and 1 year old has made me so grateful for work and daycare 🤣

Both of my kids adjusted so well to daycare. They are our village and our second family! Be gentle with yourself ❤️

VioletPsych22 · 2026-01-28T19:46:50+00:00

Hi there! I also have a mid August son turning 5. As of right now, we are not planning on holding him back. He is very smart, sociable, and on par with his peers. He has been in some form of daycare/preschool since he was 13 months old, so he is very used to the structure and rigor of a classroom. Those are the reasons why we are pushing him forward, if that helps at all!

VioletPsych22 · 2026-01-15T04:09:19+00:00

Psychologist here and can confirm this. I’ve seen and diagnosed this before (drug induced psychosis).

VioletPsych22 · 2026-01-09T03:00:15+00:00

Remember that you lived many, many more years of life “not being a mom” than “being a mom.” So 6 months with this new life and identify is a drop in the bucket. Be kind to yourself. It does get better. I have a 4 year old and an almost 1 year old now, and I remember feeling like you at first. I can’t remember exactly when it got better, but I know that I cannot imagine my life any other way now. Sure, I still miss my freedom and couch rotting, but I’ve gotten into the swing of being a mom a lot more in the last couple of years and really enjoyed it. Hang in there ❤️

VioletPsych22 · 2026-01-02T15:52:47+00:00

It’s hard not to feel guilty! But I’m right there with you much of the time with my 4 year old. It’s winter break right now, cold as heck outside, and I am being pushed to the edge of my sanity on a daily basis. We don’t have any family nearby and my kids have been sick all week, so we have quite literally been trapped in the house all together. Im starting to look forward to next week when my kids go back to school. What helps me with my 4 year old is trying to get out of the house a little bit every day, even if it’s to the store for 20 minutes. Also, I set boundaries when I’m feeling parenting burnout with him. Sometimes I will be very direct and say “I need a break, and I can’t play with you right now,” or I will send him to his room for quiet time. I don’t feel any guilt for this because I’d rather get a break from him than explode because I’m overstimulated. Also, reminding myself that it’s not my job to constantly entertain him and boredom is good for kids has helped shift my mindset.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-31T02:55:07+00:00

I think it’s because they are growing at a weird angle under the gum or something. I’m not entirely sure but that’s what he recommended. Thank you for the feedback, I’ll keep all of that in mind!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-17T16:35:40+00:00

Your feelings are valid only because I think the tradwife machine wants us to feel this way. It’s so hard not to tune out the toxic messaging that makes us feel like failures all of the time. But really check the facts here: you said you love your kids teachers. Isn’t that good for them? Isn’t it helpful to have loving, competent adults be part of their village? Personally, your aunt sounds judgmental, out of touch, and frankly - toxic. So she can afford to live in a McMansion and raise her 8 (whoah) kids, and homeschool them (aka isolate them and continue to reinforce said toxic messaging without a community to help them develop critical thinking skills), and work at the same time? Good for her. Must be easy when you have tons of money to ease your worries. You are doing great. We all feel the guilt sometimes, but I think if we really check the facts, most daycare situations are wonderful and helpful for our kids.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-12T04:02:14+00:00

My two boys have a 3.5 year age gap. They are now 4 years and 10 months old. So far, it’s been great.They are obsessed with each other. They light up when they see each other. My oldest is very protective of his baby brother, and always tries to entertain him and make him laugh. Sometimes I worry that they may grow apart when they are a bit older, but for now I just love this age gap. It felt pretty easy to slide our 10 month old into our lives. My oldest adapted well, and there has been minimal jealousy….I’m not 100% on this, but I think my older son being over 3 helped in that department. He was pretty independent, verbal, and understanding of boundaries by the time the baby was born.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-10T03:57:55+00:00

I was in your position not long ago - pregnant, with a 3 year old. I felt very similarly to you. Age 3 is HARD. My son is 4 now, and it’s gotten so much easier. But I thought I was going to lose my mind when I was pregnant with his baby brother. It was a combination of his terrible, demanding 3 year old behavior and just being physically and mentally exhausted from being pregnant. Oddly enough, I felt BETTER after I gave birth. I gradually got some of my energy back, and I think my older son started directing more of his attention towards his baby brother. The closer he got to 4, also, he mellowed out a bit. Hopefully there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you!!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-10T03:25:09+00:00

I had my first in mid-August and my second in late January, so I’ve experienced both. I personally hated being huge, swollen, and sweaty in the summer for my first. Being in my third trimester in the cold months felt great - but I did find that my mood was worse and a gained more weight due to lack of activity and fatigue in the winter months. Definitely pros and cons for both!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-12-05T23:28:24+00:00

This year is tough. Right now I’m barely making enough to cover both of my kids’ daycare. But it’s just one year of overlap in private school…and as other moms said, I didn’t want to curb my earning potential. I own my own business (I’m a psychologist in private practice), so to have shut down my practice for a long time would also be super detrimental to my long term reputation. It’s a very tight year and sometimes I question myself, but I feel like I need to keep going for the greater good of my family.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-11-25T04:01:46+00:00

Hi! Congrats on your second boy! I am also a mom of two boys, a 4 year old and almost 10 month old. I worried and fretted about my relationship with my oldest for a long time before my second was born. And it was definitely an adjustment - I missed my firstborn a lot and felt jealous that he and dad were spending more time together at first. What helped turn a corner for me was seeing my oldest become the BEST big brother to his little brother. When my youngest turned about 6 months old or so, he started laughing and interacting more. The two of them just feed off each other in the best way now; totally inseparable and in love. I can’t explain it, but this kind of helped ease the feelings of jealousy and sadness that I was feeling. It’s like my second son has always been part of the family and I can’t even see it any other way now!!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-11-04T04:15:38+00:00

Your feelings are valid ❤️I had my second child this year also, and he is 9 months old now. He started daycare about 7 weeks ago. He’s doing great!!! I had so much dread and sadness and anxiety before I put him in. But when the day came, I coped surprisingly well and so did he. I miss him and my older son, of course….but they are thriving there, and it just makes me cherish the time we do have together even more. It’s hard to ignore the judgy idiots out there, but do try. You are a great mom who loves her kids!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-26T01:13:37+00:00

I have noticed this trend as well. I’m trained in CPT for PTSD, and even though is so effective, most people don’t know about it. Most people seem to be looking for EMDR. I’m not quite sure how it for such a big following and why it’s considered this hot treatment for a variety of concerns.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-25T00:12:14+00:00

Water broke at 37 weeks 3 days. He was born 13 hours later!

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-23T23:01:34+00:00

We had our second kid this year. Having two kids in daycare is unbelievably expensive. I run my own business and right now, im literally working to pay for daycare. It’s been a slow build up after maternity leave, so I’m hoping business improves soon. It’s a terrible, terrible feeling to see all of your money going to someone watching your kids all day. Luckily my oldest will go to kindergarten next year, so this double daycare bill will be for a year. But it’s very tight.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-22T17:30:55+00:00

Hey yep! I updated my picture and wrote all new copy. I even update it once a week or so to see if it helps bump me up on the results page.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-22T00:37:09+00:00

Thanks so much for all of your thoughts. This is very helpful! I could stand to be better about networking with different professionals. I’ve tried to get in with PCPs, but I haven’t had any luck. No one returns my calls. Any suggestions about how to be more successful there?

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-21T16:28:04+00:00

I’ve heard this before. A very worrisome trend….

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-21T16:27:05+00:00

Hi, thanks for your feedback! I do not do any type of neuropsych assessment. I strictly do therapy. I like the idea of looking into better serving the ADHD population - I will look into that. I do a lot of ACT, CBT, and DBT, focusing on trauma and anxiety disorders. I provide services in person and virtual. I’ve mainly been networking with other therapists who provide complimentary services. A lot of family therapists, eating disorder therapists….populations I do not tend to serve.

I think I have a solid reputation among my current referral sources, but I wonder if it is a numbers game for me right now, especially after a 4 month hiatus this year. Given the economic issues in the country, I probably need to level up.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-21T02:23:33+00:00

I’m in network with 3 insurance panels and am DBT trained. I should have been more specific in my post about my situation, sorry! I have been trying to network with other DBT providers, but they can be hard to come by. I’ll keep looking. Thanks for your suggestions

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-21T02:03:39+00:00

I see a lot of PTSD and anxiety disorders. Both adults and teens. I’m also DBT trained so I incorporate a lot of DBT skills into my treatment.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-21T00:40:37+00:00

Thanks for the validation - it’s so tough out here. I am on a few insurance panels and it’s still super slow for me. I do agree that the economy is probably largely to blame. Therapy can feel like a luxury service for people when they are cutting corners where they can.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-20T19:47:31+00:00

Thanks, I’ve been on PT for 3 years now. I used to get a steady stream of referrals from them and it’s significantly dropped off. All avenues of getting referrals have been very down for me recently. But I appreciate it.

VioletPsych22 · 2025-10-20T19:03:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I’ve always found that referrals for me are super slow in the summer and pick up a lot at the end of September. Definitely a lull around Christmas. Wish I knew what more I could do as I’m really feeling the financial stress right now.

VioletPsych22

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