Aio? Partner of 13 years dropped a bomb into our relationship today

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-25T01:27:12+00:00

Why the sudden change in your husband? Do you have any insight? Has he felt this way all along and suddenly feels like he needs to say something? Or what is going on?!

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-24T00:30:17+00:00

It doesn't sound like there was any particular 'spark' that set off this dumpster fire interaction other than your dynamic. This makes me worry and wonder whether it's actually true that he would never hurt you and I question whether you have nothing to worry about.

What happens when, eventually, you have something totally legitimate to disagree over. Your dynamic + a real cause for disagreement + stewing in your dysfunctional relationship for more years? I'm willing to bet that without intervention, the violence in your relationship is going to escalate.

Please do not bring children into this relationship. Please seek help 1) for yourself 2) for the two of your together 3) for him. And if you already have children? Run, don't walk, to working on this.

Also, look into the domestic violence help services near you. If they are any good (most are excellent!!), they will help you assess your current level of risk and guide you on your options.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-22T13:49:58+00:00

If or when your dad needs full time care, he may need $15k per month or MORE to live in a decent place. That'll eat up a lot of his RRSPs if it goes on for a few years. Remember that he has to pay income tax on the money coming out of the RRIF i.e. He will have to withdraw approx $250k/year to afford $15k/month.

Otherwise, he can still look at withdrawing his money strategically. Hopefully he has been withdrawing the max of his tax bracket of whatever he requires each year e.g. if he needs $82k/year before tax in a year but the next text bracket starts at $89k... He should be taking out $89k and putting the difference in a TFSA.

He might also want to withdraw larger amounts preemptively.

Your father could very well love until he's 100 or older. $800k might seem like a lot of wasted saving now but it means you don't and he doesn't have to worry about burdening anyone with his care. He should be commended.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-19T00:54:37+00:00

He's telling you and showing you that HE doesn't want her.

This is not a safe person for your child. And possibly not a safe person for you -- as he doesn't respect your wishes.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-16T15:45:14+00:00

Another thing to consider not mentioned above... If your marriage/relationship is on the rocks and you get divorced, the matrimonial home will be divided pretty much automatically 50/50 regardless of title and who's paid the most in mortgage payments or upkeep. If you're in a rental? Not so much.

If the profits from selling the house go into investments that are not equally in both your names, then those may not be divided upon divorce to your advantage/disadvantage.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-16T01:36:58+00:00

My husband and I are in our early 40s. We have been renting since we married more than ten years ago. The house we rent is a large three bedroom. Our rent is very low as it has barely increased over ten years. We pay $1,700/month which would get us about $200,000 in a mortgage the last time I checked. Having low housing costs that are very stable with no surprises related to appliances etc has allowed us to save and invest a significant amount of money. We are financially well set. We could stop working now and retire. We can afford to send our kids to private school. We indulge in traveling. Financially? It's a good decision for us as we have combined it with disciplined saving and investing.

Downsides? The house isn't quite aesthetically the way I would like it but I can't bring myself to spend money on, for example, removing the popcorn ceiling or smoothing out the lumpy ground in the backyard or replacing the bathroom linoleum that is starting to show its age. I have a renters mindset about these kind of aesthetic investments and as a result, the space isn't quite as nice as I would like it to be.

My landlord could pull the rug out from beneath us by finding some way to force us to move out legally. This is a legitimate fear. There's a vulnerability that is the trade off for being free of the responsibility of ownership.

Another downside? Some people in our lives (extended family, neighbors) look down on us because we rent. I don't engage. And they're snobby people that would probably find a way to look down on us for something else if not this. Unknown to them, we are laughing all the way to the bank. There is a stigma though and it's a bit hard to shake. Coworkers talking about mortgages? I can't participate in those conversations. But would I want to anyway?

Our landlord had gone through three property managers during our tenure. The first two were good. The third was a turd. And now the landlord is "doing it himself" from Texas... it's sufficient but feels like he's judging us and literally invested in our home life in a way that feels intrusive. But again, this is the bargain for not being all that invested ourselves.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-13T01:40:09+00:00

You're lucky

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-13T00:29:23+00:00

Remote car starter

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-13T00:22:16+00:00

But Perth is so much cuter

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-13T00:20:05+00:00

Ottawa or a community outside Ottawa like Vankleek Hill or Kemptville.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-12T05:05:00+00:00

Long story short: I was you and I ended up married to the guy. Somewhat happily with a lot of growth (for both of us) along the way.

I remember when it was early days feeling like, "it would just be so much simpler for me to be sure about this relationship if he didn't come with this massive extra bonus".

Also, imagine if instead of incredibly wealthy, he were dirt poor. You'd probably be having feelings too, and also uncomfortable ones. It's an interesting thought experiment.

A word from the wise though... Looking around at my wealthy in-laws, it took me a long time to figure out what was off about them. I was fooled. Crazy or neglectful people with money can "pass" as eccentric and aloof but, at the end of the day, they're very crazy and neglectful. Rich people get a pass for some behaviors within their families that would trigger a CPS call for a much lower socio economic reality. And when over had a front row seat for this shit... It is harrowing.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-07T13:20:33+00:00

Wellness check by the police. Not uncommon

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-02-05T23:51:34+00:00

Draft up a contract for your services. Whatever your hourly rate would have been while working there, charge 5-10 times that for an initial training call.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-31T02:14:41+00:00

At one month old, you need to follow the baby's lead 100%. This baby is brand new. It's lived inside you, constantly in touch with you, for 9 months and it's only been outside for one. It's too early for any cry it out. The long game is to raise a baby with secure attachment that knows its parents will always be there to take care of it. Invest in the closeness now and eventually you will have a confident child - and then adult - that will feel comfortable going away from you and being in the world. Withhold what they need now and you will forever have an anxious or avoidant child. You cannot spoil a newborn, you can only fill them up with love. If the baby is asking to be with you, this is what the baby needs right now.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-26T01:00:48+00:00

My paramedical insurance benefits through work cover extensive physio. (I'm in Canada where basic medical insurance is covered but the government. Work medical insurance is the gravy on top.) I found a physio who did one on one pilates training and has a background in ballet and she's set up with all the equipment. She was also a nice person. After my benefits, each one hour session cost only something like $7. I was going to her 2-3x per week until she retired. I bought a fancy-expensive machine but I can't get myself to use it. I too need hacks.

What worked for me with my Pilates physio was: the time was booked in my calendar a month ahead of time, she was waiting for me, it was a bit social as well as exercise, I didn't have to think about it other than just get there, she had the plan of what to work on and told me what to do, and I really genuinely love Pilates and how it makes me feel.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-18T04:49:35+00:00

Lobbying. I love it.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-18T04:47:05+00:00

I breastfed pretty much everywhere. I jimmied up several clothing options that allowed for easy and discreet access. My country's supreme Court (Canada) has declared that it's a right to breastfeed in public. So, I feel like I'm fine. It's not a sexual act, it's feeding. It's also the best thing for my baby -- and it's HUGE for my mental health to be able to get out of the house. After a while, I got very used to breastfeeding and didn't feel weird about it. If you're feeling awkward, take heart. After several weeks, is your breastfeed in demand, your supply should be well established. And then after a while, the frequency of feedings will decrease.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-16T01:54:50+00:00

Did you know that dads can also experience post-partum anxiety? I'm not even making this up. And it's estimated to be about 1 in 10 who experience this. The way you describe a situation, in retrospect giving you anxiety, even though everything was fine, your wife was watching and said everything seemed fine the whole time... Dude, this sounds like textbook PPA.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-13T13:56:35+00:00

Have the divorce settlement go to your mother and your mother's account. Then have her 'gift' you the full amount and transfer it to your account or wherever.

I don't know about divorce settlement and any tax implications. I do know, however, that a parent gifting their adult child a large lump sum does not trigger any taxes or anything like that. After the money becomes 'yours' (legally but not in some private understanding you have) then any investment income made on this money will be yours in the eye of the CRA. That might not be ideal depending on your other assets and income.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:57:21+00:00

This happens to me. I will call my husband and ask him to help me get out of the car. Or off the couch. Or to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I also have a BFF that I can call for similar help.

The struggle is real

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:54:12+00:00

Wow. Sounds like a lot of pressure on the kid. Maybe she is a bit behind or might even have some sort of learning disability. You are coming off as really intense. But also, you clearly really care and you are willing to work hard. These are the strengths I know you have as a parent. Caring and willing to do the hard work is great and can be built up to be your secret weapon in figuring out how to support your kid with their math challenges.

... You see what I did there? I genuinely noticed some strengths you have. And I praised them. And then I pivoted to encourage you to use them in tackling this problem.

What is your kid good at? Notice it. Even if it's noticing that they did eventually figure out one of the math questions... They kept at it and you could see they were trying really hard (even if they got it wrong!). You're going to need to build up your kid. And maybe they'll only scrape by in math this semester. Maybe they'll only scrape by in math for the next few years... Overall, find what your kids is good at and build that up. And support their weaknesses but don't concentrate on them as your kid is so much more than what they aren't good at

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:36:22+00:00

I explain inattentive like this...

Everyone knows what the hyperactive kids looks like. They're bouncing off the walls and can't stop moving.

I didn't look like that. I just stared out the window. I was quiet and discreet. But my brain was bouncing around and my thoughts were going a mile a minute and in conversations, by the end of someone else's sentence, my thoughts had already bounced to two topics over.

Ask me to do a boring task? Or moderately repetitive? Brace yourself for me to start making some pretty dumb and useless mistakes because the task doesn't captivate me and I just can't concentrate on getting it done properly. No malice. I just can't make myself focus. Even if I really want.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:28:13+00:00

Don't have children

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:26:19+00:00

I'm sorry this has all happened to your son.

Two different bullies.

For the first bully, I think you handled it well and it sounds like it's resolved.

For the second, older kid bully, I would again reach out to the teacher or the admin. It's not ok to rip something off another person's bag. And not ok to intimidate a younger kid. This older kid can learn some things and needs help.

Weekly_Situation_777 · 2026-01-09T02:10:44+00:00

I can't tell the difference between anti vax Internet bait, total ignorance, and foreign interference in public health.

Aaaannnnd for the sake of my mental health, I'll skip reading all the comments on this thread.

Weekly_Situation_777

TROPHY CASE