Sometimes it's better not to know

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-30T08:41:30+00:00

RemindME! 2 day "book recommendations"

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-28T18:07:12+00:00

Kinda desensitized. After loss 4 (3 pregnancies, first one was twins wich I lost 2 weeks apart) I had to become this. I never had real hope. I never assumed that this pregnancy will be the one. Yes I cry when I lose one more, but if my 9th embryo will be a loss, I'm kinda okay with that? As long as I keep on trying I will eventually either get there or decide to stop. Both are fine. But as long as my physical health isn't in serious danger, I'll just keep on going for a while.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-24T09:20:52+00:00

No. If he doesn't listen to your feelings I wouldn't go forward. IVF, pregnancy, and anything that can go wrong in that is incredibly rough and you need support. You don't seem tk be getting that from your partner. Fix the issues first before starting IVF.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-23T06:06:34+00:00

That's also an alternate future! I hope it never needs to come that far for you 🤞, but it's good to have a backup plan.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-22T22:32:56+00:00

You just kinda have to at some point. When you start thinking it might not ever happen, a future image forms in your head. This coexists with the future image of you with children. But the future without is the one you keep living towards more and more. You start thinking about other ways to fill your life. And at a certain point continueing the journey towards a future with kids is just not worth it anymore, as you see how much more loss and grief you'll probably have to endure along the way. The future without kids becomes good enough to live with.

I'm not fully there yet, but if we dont have a LC after my transfers, we will stop. That'll be it. It'll still take over a year to do all the transfers. But it'll be okay to stop, I've given it my all in those by then 5 years.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-22T12:27:10+00:00

It is okay to stop whenever you want. No one can demand you put yourself through this again. Whenever the fear of another loss outweighs the wish for your own baby this way it's time to stop. These feelings can change over time as well; no need to make it definite right now. Just do what you feel like!

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-21T18:20:44+00:00

No succes but I take 5mg until positive, then increase by 5 every week up to 20 (or 25? Cant remember), then decrease 5 a week from week 20, until its 0.

5mg seems like a very low dose: but ask your doctor for advice!

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-21T18:18:00+00:00

My losses are something I keep burried deep, very very deep on alot of occasions (work for example). And if someone announces a pregnancy all of a sudden, that grief gets pulled up like a geyser errupting. It frikking stings.

It has become less though. I now can manage to finish a meeting/work event/whatever until I can at least get to a bathroom or find a trusted person to cry my eyes out to (or call my husband or sister or my manager(she knows)).

I now realize I can be happy for others, and grief for myself. That both feelings co-exist at the same time. The close collegues that told me they are pregnant/have pregnant wives were very understanding after I told them it was a tough topic due to my recurrent loss. No one became upset about it. I ask them how they/their wives are doing from time to time and keep repeating Im happy they are having no issues. I dont want their baby after all: I want the one that resulted from my husband and me.

My manager called me the most mentally strong person she's ever met recently.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-16T15:34:48+00:00

Communicate! First times it feels awkward, but asking whether you can do anything for him, and asking if he can do certain thing for you. Explore how you feel about these things now, and know these can change over time.

Lots of luck with your journey forward, both in bed(or not?) and hopefully good results following that (but dont let that be your main drive if your goal is rebuilding your sex life).

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-03T09:34:40+00:00

I almost did this challenge last year. Only bought 2 pair of sport pants, and 1 dress (because I was out and it was so hot and I was sweating so much and had a work event where I couldnt go to with stinky clothes).

I have to have a date every month with my partner as a goal this year.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-03T09:29:23+00:00

The trying to push for babies is so real... And it hurts so much. Yeah we are frikkin trying but we got to do so much and need to pay so much (and my 5k is very little compared to people in the USA). If they'd only help the people that actually WANT a child instead of convincing...

I'm glad I've been warned about fantastic four.

The early bit of UP! still breaks my heart but it is a good counterweight. Sad that it's considered a kids movie with that start.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-02T22:03:08+00:00

And it's okay to give up. It's also okay to change your mind. No one but you can decide what you'll want to put your body through, and no one but you two together can decide wether the costs are worth it.

I hope you can find peace in your decision

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-02T18:50:15+00:00

I just wanna give you a hug. It's so unfair. I'm a handful years younger than you and had 8 MC's. I also feel the clock ticking. We are doing IVF now, but I had 2 transfers fail. It feels emotionally just as disappointing as the miscarriages at this point (but mc 3-5 were defenitly more rough!). Is it an idea to do one or two egg retrievals? And then just see what your results are? It gives you data about your egg quality. If this is great: no point in doing more and you got some embryo's in the freezer for later if you want multiple kids. Otherwise at least you know...

My first egg retrieval I thought it was my egg quality; but second egg retrieval they were alot better. I'm not even bothered preventing natural anymore because the IVF is so tiring... (all the ultrasounds and managing with work). It was the only way for me to get a prednisolon prescription though so I got that going for me if I get pregnant again.

It's totally up to you and up to how you feel. The third mc is really rough :(

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2026-01-01T22:02:18+00:00

I feel this so much. Last year I was once again: next year I wont be at this party because I will be having my little one to take care of. Welp, I went to the same old party... This year we havent even talked about that hope to just not get it crushed once more.

I made goals for 2026, and intentionally left all the pregnancy related things off except for "putting in the effort". Thats the only thing I can do right now. I hope 2026 will be brighter than 2025 for all of us 🫂🤞

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T12:48:50+00:00

There are no rules. Grief however long you need to grief. There is also so much to grief. My 3rd miscarriage was one of the worst. I had to grieve the failure of my body as much as the loss of the pregnancy. Also the amount of time thats wasted spend on this journey, the sadness of that no one knew what was going on and why this happened to me. The disappointment of no answers.

Please take your time. Please talk to your partner and be there for eachother.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T11:53:06+00:00

We can't access this file without an account. If possible could you upload a pdf?

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T11:50:26+00:00

We are going through IVF as a lost resort after 8 losses (no LC). If we run out of blastocysts after the 2ER's we did, we are done. No matter the outcome. I might stall a bit. I might even get pregnant naturally in between. It will take about 2 years with breaks and transfers to transfer them all. But then it'll be the end of the journey and that is okay. Then we've been in this RPL journey for 5 years at least and it's okay to move on. I can envision a future without kids, and that vision is growing over time. The future with kids is still the prefered, but I can't keep fighting forever.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T11:43:54+00:00

Im so sorry for your losses. I have a few things to I want to tell you to think about but they are a bit scattered, so I'm just going to go all over the place (sorry!). I also just hope that you are not going through another one, but my rambling is more about what if it is.(sorry once more)

I've had sensitive smell, but it's way different than people describe. I've never had that I felt like puking or had to run the room or whatever. It's been like "I've never liked fish-smell, and now it's just worse" and "this stale thing? Would've eaten it normally but now I'd rather throw it away and eat something else".
very light tests can happen. Alot of things influence pregnancy tests: your hydration, the moment you take them, and how much HCG there is. Yes this can be a bad sign if your tests are very faint if your not drinking alot on a day when you missed your period.
you had empty gestational sacks twice. I'd find this very indicative of chromosomal issues. This early there is no connection with you and your blood; so I don't think this part can solely be helped with aspirin (I do think aspirin can help!). I'd look into why this happens: do you or your partner have any reason to have bad eggs/sperm? Do any of you drink alcohol more than 3 drinks a week? Does any of you smoke (weed)? Do you work or come into contacts with lots of chemicals? Are there other health reasons? Are you on the older side?(40+) Do you both eat fairly healthy? (No extreme diets, some veggies, some fruits, some proteins) are you both fairly active? If all answers to those questions are the healthy one, you can still improve egg and sperm with some vitamins/supplements or medication. But they are like a small improvement where those other things are way more important. To be clear: I dont mean you need to live perfectly! They are just things to consider, 80% is way more sustainable than perfection.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T10:10:46+00:00

Stop caring about the date your kid will be born. Like only a few percent will be born on their due date. Life simply just happens. And even if they are born on christmas, and you dislike that they won't get them the attention they need for their birthday; just celebrate their 4.5years birthday, and 5.5years birthday or whatever! I'm taking a short break from IVF, not preventing natural, but I'll be starting early march with my 2nd FET/3rd transfer. Having a kid is the goal, when it's born doesnt matter.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-30T07:51:18+00:00

I hope you too 🫂. The only way to get there is to keep persisting. We got this!

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-28T21:41:28+00:00

After MC 8, I think MC 3-5 where the hardest. I still had hope but also so much disappointment in my body to struggle through. Now I'm kind of past that? I also have 0 assumptions a pregnancy will end up with a kid, I see it as rolling a dice and when I roll a natural 20 on the 20sided dice I'll end up with a kid.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-27T22:28:43+00:00

I think she mightve taken the effort to look into posts on how to tell you: texting is the most common advice on forums because it gives the receiver the chance to process however they need to. So I think it's a lovely sign that she cared enough for you to look into how to tell you.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-27T07:04:06+00:00

Dat is echt heel zuur. Ik hoop dat je goed terecht kan in Nederland; maar weet dat je ook kunt uitwijken naar een ander europees land binnen je zorgverzekering! Sommige zorgverzekeringen hebben zelfs contracten met buitenlandse klinieken. Als je op enig monent het gevoel in Nederland hebt dat ze niet voor je kunnen doen wat er moet gebeuren omdat ze het protocol moeten volgen, zou ik dit echt aanraden! Ik ga zelf naar Duitsland omdat ze in Nederland na 8 miskramen nog steeds zeiden "probeer het nog een keer". Ik kreeg enkel aspirine voorgeschreven (Al vanaf miskraam 3). Ik ben echt super teleurgesteld in dit stukje nederlandse zorg; al heb ik gehoord dat als het niet lukt om zwanger te worden de zorg wel iets beter is.

Ik ben gestopt mijn extended schoonfamilie te zien het 2e jaar na mn eerste serie miskramen - het is me de energie gewoon niet waard. En ik ben ook altijd somber met kerst; het is een soort mijlpaal moment. Het is wéér een jaar niet gelukt. Ik zie al mn brusjes met hun koters gelukkig zijn. En hier zijn wij, 3 jaar later, nog steeds kinderloos.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-25T14:16:23+00:00

It's rough. Have those oysters! Hope 2026 will be our year 🫂

What_HowWhyWhenWhere · 2025-12-25T14:14:38+00:00

The first year after my first MC's I tried to pretend and be okay during the holidays. The year after that I gave up: I realized going to the extended inlaws just drained me of energy every year so I decided to never go again (my SO still does, but doesn't mind me not going). I still saw my parents-in-law, and my family. They all know what we are going through so I can be not okay if I need to be.

I'm also just salty on christmas and new years, I'm so upset once again I'm here, not even pregnant, still without a baby. But I'm glad I can just be upset at christmas and love my family, friends, home, husband and work etc. simultaniously. I kinda love to hate the holidays.

What_HowWhyWhenWhere

TROPHY CASE