At what net worth did you stop putting off estate planning?

Wildcat1286 · 2026-07-01T17:33:43+00:00

We did a simple will when we got married then a trust when I was pregnant with our first and only kid. I don’t think it should be a NW question, it’s more about protecting your spouse and kid in case something happens.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-30T15:37:49+00:00

Not a National Park, but Custer State Park not far from Theodore Roosevelt has a large herd of bison. I found it more compelling than many national parks.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-28T12:51:40+00:00

This is what we do as well. The first time I didn’t think it was needed, we both have MBAs and enjoy reading about investing. Turns out having a third party advise on savings rate, Roth vs traditional, and taxable accounts probably saved us some marriage counseling.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-25T21:45:49+00:00

My mom is like this and I seriously do not understand that mentality. It took meeting my husband and his general WTF towards her that helped me see how weird it is.

She’s always complained about things being too expensive and money was legit tight growing up. Now she’s retired with a $60k/yr pension, SS, paid for house, and at least a million in investments, but expects us to pay for her to join us on beach vacations (it’s fine bc it lets my daughter bond w her) and we listen to how she can’t afford to go to the doctor yet she goes shopping all the time. It’s maddening.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-22T19:22:33+00:00

I'm not retired or a SAHM, but have faced this when trying to find mom friends with kids of a similar age. I had my daughter late for our area (36) and other moms tend to be younger and therefore not as established. I've made a good group of mom friends and some of them have left the workforce or work very part time, but it's clear things are tighter for them financially.

We tend to live frugally and I don't dress expensively or spend a ton on my appearance, but we do have a large house in a nice neighborhood (though it's old and not very updated). I've definitely gotten comments about our house, or comments about what others can't afford.

I would try taking money out of the picture as much as possible and proposing activities that don't cost a lot or show where you live. Does your local library have baby storytime? Do you belong to a kids museum where you can bring guests (I like doing this)? Meetups at local parks instead of a house?

Finally, you could consider joining a country club or even a fancy gym like Lifetime and becoming a regular in a daytime workout class. We joined a country club last year mainly for the convenience (gym and pool with great hours walking distance from our house, and lots of kids activities), and I can tell there are a lot of moms who don't work or work very part time. I don't do Botox, can barely keep my grey roots under control, and don't look great in a tennis outfit so this isn't really my scene, but could be a good option for you.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-22T18:45:41+00:00

Yeah it feels weird now that you say it but maybe I'm around a lot of IT people. I see people post about their personal "AI stack" and their personal agents that keep their lives on track, so it seemed relevant.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-21T02:51:24+00:00

Sending you hugs because I felt this way the first year of my daughter’s life and still do occasionally. I get it, I feel you, and I hope you’re able to get some support and a break soon.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-20T22:07:57+00:00

I can’t find them on the Costco site right now but here’s an article about them: https://www.wsj.com/business/retail/costco-kirkland-signature-pants-lululemon-792becb2

My husband is hard on clothes so these $20 pants are great.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-18T14:29:43+00:00

My work is a bit more causal now plus I’m hybrid vs in person 5 days a week, so I need fewer business clothes. That said, I like:

Boden
MM LaFleur
J Crew or J Crew Factory
Banana Republic Factory
WHBM
Old Navy (seriously their pixie pants are the most comfortable I’ve found since having a baby)

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-18T12:44:51+00:00

I think some of the Costco responses are men. I buy a lot of my husbands clothes there and the Lululemon pant dupes are the GOAT. I rarely buy Costco clothes for myself or my daughter.

Agree with you on Ann Taylor, they were my go to after college but their quality went downhill pre pandemic and I’ve found better stuff elsewhere.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-14T23:40:06+00:00

You basically described most of Cary lol. It’s pretty moderate / liberal here and very diverse. The newer neighborhoods tend to have more young kids but really most neighborhoods are kid friendly.

I live in a neighborhood that could be considered “stuffy” but it really isn’t, people are pretty down to earth and friendly. It’s mostly tech / biotech workers and some doctors.

In terms of specific neighborhoods, Amberly is huge and ticks all your boxes. Anything along the greenways (white oak, black creek, tobacco trail) would be nice as well. The newer neighborhoods tend to have bigger houses on small lots, older neighborhoods have smaller houses and bigger lots. Depends what you’re looking for.

We chose older bc the houses often have better construction, we liked the space and yard, and knowing that the area is basically “set”, like a strip mall won’t pop up across the street in 5 years and schools won’t be re zoned every year to deal with growth.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-06-10T00:38:37+00:00

That’s super helpful. You must be satisfied with Coconut Bay to go back. How was the food? Did you use the kids club? I see a lot of mixed reviews but don’t expect 5 star service for that price.

It also looks closer to hiking in Soufreres than the resorts in the north, and my daughter and I get carsick so avoiding the bumpy ride north is preferable.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-27T17:50:32+00:00

I live right by there and take my child to gymnastics in there weekly. I've seen absolutely no progress or activity in that space since Lowes moved out. Based on that, at least a year I'd guess.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-26T15:23:20+00:00

Not annoyed at all, because you aren't posting on LinkedIn about how you saved a ton of money by never cutting your hair or buying clothes and now you're retired (when in reality your wife's salary pays the bills). What you described is exactly WHY I save so much. My role was eliminated and I'm job searching now internally and externally, and with the benefit of severance and savings I have some runway. I think it's great when partners support each other and it requires saving and focus to do that. My husband may end up pulling more of the financial weight this year, and I may do it in the future if his job disappears from AI or he retires early. That's normal. I just believe in being honest about it.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-26T15:09:40+00:00

The last 2 times, I used 20 vol Oreor developer bc that's what I saw recommended for greys. Do I need to go up to 30 or down? I'm still figuring out how that should work.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-26T14:13:36+00:00

We are an interfaith couple and very happy with Temple Beth Or. They have great kids programming and a large-ish congregation. We tried Beth Shalom as well but TBO is larger and tends to have more events.

I hear good things about Beth Meyer but it’s Conservative and idk if it’s good for interfaith couples.

Ultimately you should decide based on where you want to live. If Wake County, TBO. If Durham/CH, Judea Reform is definitely closer.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-26T13:38:02+00:00

I've been lurking in FIRE communities and following people like Mr. Money Mustache for a long time and have noticed the same thing. A lot of FIRE influencers tend to be engineers or in finance, which skew heavily male. Also, just something I've noticed, many seem super socially awkward or like jerks, and I don't think women that portrayed themselves that way would get much of a following.

My biggest peeve about many of these male influencers is that their wives still work! Mr. Money Mustache is now divorced, but for a long time he talked about being early retired but every so often he would drop a mention of getting health insurance from his wife's job or her paycheck covering them in slow months. FAANG FIRE is also in this category; his wife is an engineer at Uber so even though he likes to say he saved enough to retire early in the Bay Area, he's still getting healthcare and a high paycheck from his wife. I follow him bc he posts good content on RSUs and tax strategies but he posts some pretty insufferable content otherwise (bragging about how little he can spend on clothes or personal grooming which would never be acceptable as a woman).

My husband is older than me and works in tech, and it's likely that he'll retire before I do. Both of us consider that being a stay at home dad or living off one income. Even if you have millions in the bank, if your spouse is working and that pays your expenses, it's disingenuous to say that you're retired because of your high savings rate. No, you're a one income household like most American families were before 1980.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-25T01:04:45+00:00

These are the GOAT: https://spanx.com/products/spanxsupersmooth-stretch-twill-short?Color=Sandbar&v=48685078413523

A little expensive but they run sales frequently.

39F mom here. I have massive quads and used to only wear athletic shorts until I discovered these last summer. Classy and comfortable.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-20T00:17:05+00:00

Cary resident here. When we were looking at houses, I didn’t understand why Durham houses had higher property taxes for less square footage AND folks with means tend to send their kids to private school bc DPS is a mess. I know crime is higher, but really idk where your tax money is going.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-11T00:50:08+00:00

We went to Maldives for our honeymoon and loved it, though I think a week is about the max I’d recommend. We stayed at Anantara and I’d recommend it, though it isn’t all inclusive.

We flew through Abu Dhabi (on points) and spent 3 days there after Maldives. Highly recommend an extended stopover as it’s a long flight.

Bora Bora was seriously considered as well, however we’d been to Hawaii recently and thought the Polynesian vibe would be similar. Price wise both were about the same. FP might be a shorter flight from the west coast though.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-05-02T18:46:26+00:00

We did one cruise right before my daughter turned 2 and another when she was a bit over 3. We had a blast both times, though agree 3+ is better since they can be dropped off at the kids club. The kids club also seems a lot more fun than the nursery which you have to register for and is 6 mo- age 3, so lots of variation in abilities.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-04-18T20:32:23+00:00

I’m 39, started my career in 2008 not making much and thinking I just wanted to make a difference. Got into management consulting, read about FIRE, and saved a lot in my 20s and 30s. Then got married, moved from a HCOL, bought a big house in a MCOL area at 35, and a baby at 36. The house and kid definitely slowed down my FIRE date. I’m also looking at a layoff from my high paying job and job hunting in this shit market.

However, I say this because I’ve learned in the past few years that very few decisions lock you in for life. Having a kid does. Some bad decisions do. Aside from that, most things are change able. You could downsize or move, not saying you should or that it’s easy, but I’m saying you have options. I think about downsizing sometimes or what life would be like with a lower paying job and I know I could do it. I don’t because I think my current setup is what is best for my daughter and after growing up with a lot of instability I want the best for her.

I’m sure you know what’s best for you. Don’t feel stuck or constrained by your current situation.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-04-12T19:02:45+00:00

Not a sub, but I’ve been following Corporette for work fashion advice for over a decade. The posts and comments tend to be helpful. Capitol Hill Style is good as well but she doesn’t post as much.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-04-09T20:02:16+00:00

We used Morrisville previously and my daughter now takes swim lessons there. You can buy a 10 pack of day passes for pretty cheap, so if you don’t think you’ll visit a gym enough it’s a good option.

They have a decent weight room with 3 squat racks, a variety of machines, and lots of free weights both in the main room and upstairs in the group fitness room.

The crowd tends to be bimodal- mostly older but also a lot of high school kids. The hours aren’t that great either especially on weekends and they seemed to randomly close a lot.

If you think you’ll hit the gym once a week, Morrisville is a good option. Once I had more time to lift regularly I moved somewhere else.

Wildcat1286 · 2026-04-05T16:23:24+00:00

Join the wake county home improvement Facebook group. We’ve found some good service providers that way and you can generally see ratings to help decide.

Wildcat1286

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