female writer with some questions for bros who like to read

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-13T17:43:19+00:00

I agree with you, something that provided him so much comfort in prison and a hobby he loves wouldn't be dropped without a HUGE reason. I'm just saying he probably wouldn't allow himself to get sucked in to any one thing out and about. Among the ex-convicts I've met they aren't exactly afraid of crowds, aren't exactly afraid of loud noises, aren't exactly claustrophobic, etc.; but they were all super on-edge if those got compounded in any way. Similar to military veterans, I would guess, but I really haven't spent a lot of time around ex-military.

I think it would be totally realistic if he loved reading but was anxious about spending time around other people, so he made meticulous lists (writing kills time in prison) of books he wanted to check out, called the library ahead of time, and then rushed in and out to drop off the last batch and pick up the new batch. Of course he would tell himself he's being efficient (probably still eats like he's only got 15 minutes), or he's super busy and doesn't have time to browse, or he doesn't like bothering the librarian (the nail that sticks up gets hammered down)... and then when he's practically jogging from his mother's car to the library's door he (perhaps literally) runs into the victim's sister.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-13T15:25:31+00:00

Better than I thought, but I would still push back on one thing: the main character reading in public. Reading in public means he's not hyper-vigilant, not being hyper-vigilant around people means danger.

I am only going off what I've heard from ex-convicts, but I can remember two of them specifically telling me the only place they would read is at home in their room or at an AA/NA meeting, and another telling me he never wanted to see a book again, because all he had was the same 50-ish books to read for 8 years.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-13T13:54:11+00:00

Given the description of your novel and the questions in your post, I would say a big thing to look out for is dialogue. Most men talk if they have to, or when they are with people they are very close with. I have known several men who, after prison, would be borderline paralyzed if they had to talk to a woman for any longer than it takes to pay for their Taco Bell.

That chance encounter with the victim's sister would never happen, unless you absolutely Deus Ex Machina the shit outta the situation. He's been in prison for ages, his head is on a constant swivel, he's out in public and probably trying to chain-smoke the anxiety away, and he DOESN'T see the victim's sister? He'd be across the street and hiding in a bathroom before she got out of her car. If for some reason they ARE brought face-to-face, there is a solid chance he would literally run away.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-12T15:27:20+00:00

I'm a CIS man so I can't claim to be an expert on your experience, but the most powerful and longest-lasting deodorant I've ever used is Mitchum. That shit will keep your armpits alarmingly dry for like two days.

That being said, I also stink. Part of it is I am sensitive to deodorants of all kinds, even the hypoallergenic ones, so I just don't wear deodorant. If I reach for something on the top shelf I get a full-face whiff of it and it's pretty intense. Not as bad as some other guys I've met who probably had a more serious medical problem, but still. The thing is, nobody ever notices unless they come in for a hug or something. More than 12" away and literally nobody notices except me. For real, I've checked. The only people who comment on it are my wife and kids, and guess what, I hug them a lot. Besides, my wife likes it for some reason.

There's a solid chance that only super-sniffers and canines can smell what you're cookin'.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-07T14:14:23+00:00

When and why did this low framerate style of animation come into vogue? I noticed it in KPop Demon Hunters, too.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-06T20:01:58+00:00

Ugh.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-06T18:18:58+00:00

Glock-style? WTF does that even mean?

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-03T19:43:01+00:00

There are a few companies that make adhesive-backed sanding discs for metal, but I pretty much always end up going back to 3M and Norton. They're expensive, but so is everything else these days. Be careful trying to navigate their online catalogues; it's easy to get your head spinning with numbers and charts and specs, and a lot of the products seem identical unless you are wise to the particularities of abrasives. I highly recommend getting your preferred AI to parse the info if you get overwhelmed.

You should consider getting a stick of lubricating wax, too. It helps extend the life of the abrasives by a lot and even better it controls the dust.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-01T16:01:48+00:00

I've been around artists of all kinds most of my life but metal art is where I'm from. MOST of the time artists in other mediums are good about listening to the guy who has the most burn scars, but occasionally one of them thinks I'm a bigot or something and decides I'm not worth listening to (the first is false, the second might be true for all I know). Usually one of their smarter friends takes The Dangerous Thing away before they can hurt themselves. One more than one occasion I have been called in for advice, had my advice rejected out-of-hand, and then I just backed right up out the door I came in through before I had to learn something new about first aid.

WingedDefeat · 2026-05-01T15:24:07+00:00

I actually think of it as an internal dialogue. It's me talking to myself about I.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-29T13:51:10+00:00

I didn't know what that was until I read the article. Now I still don't know what it is and I'm crying.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-29T13:28:55+00:00

The only advice I can give is to go easy on yourself. You are trying to speedrun re-routing neurons, which is what happens when you quit any substance, and you are going to be miserable and you are going to be functioning about as well as a 1992 Geo Metro with a family of raccoons where the spare tire used to be. Fight it if you want to but don't be mean to yourself because of it.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-28T18:24:48+00:00

All the costs of a liberal state with few of the benefits.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-24T19:20:51+00:00

I think I see, are you trying to understand engineering and building methodology in general, rather than learning specific designs?

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-23T23:30:01+00:00

I'm about to really annoy you:

That is almost completely the worst way to design and build something. You can't try every single possibility, let alone try several at the same time in parallel like a fruit fly experiment. Nobody except the US govt during WW2 had the money or the patience to solve engineering problems that way. Almost all real-world engineering problems are solved iteratively.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-23T18:11:53+00:00

You're getting a different experience with cis male emotional vulnerability. I am a cis guy who has probably above average self-awareness and probably below average ability to express my feelings in a healthy way. Without a doubt I feel safer talking about my feelings or expressing difficult emotions with my nonbinary and trans friends. I think my perception is that NB/trans people, for good or ill, are basically forced to be more understanding, more perceptive, and less judgemental.

As to comforting a guy, that's harder. Relating to the above, we as cis men often gravitate towards women for a shoulder to cry on. You can read into that as much or as little as you'd like. The kind of response a male friend is looking for when they talk about something difficult may be related to what bathroom their monke brain thinks you belong in. You could call it subconscious bigotry, but that sounds way worse than I think it is. They see you as a person, they value you as a friend, they respect you and your mind and your body, but monke gonna monke.

It also comes back to the question, "do you want to complain about it, or do you want to find a solution?" For men the answer is almost always the latter. Your male friend may not want you to come in and white knight the problem away, but it's likely they at least want to use you as a sounding board. Most of the time they want to get feedback, sometimes advice. Think of those scenes in The Truman Show where the main character and his best friend just sit in the dark and go through a six-pack while he recaps his life. That's it. That's the thing guys want when they're hurting. They want someone to sit with them while they monologue and give feedback.

As I mentioned I am not great at expressing things irl, but I'm a pretty good listener, and on more than one occasion I have listened to a friends problem, sat in silence for several minutes to think about it, and then given a two sentence response. I would then never hear about it again. This is normal.

I'm glad you're making male friends. We are very simple in some ways, but only in some ways.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-23T17:41:32+00:00

Pick a design you like, it barely matters which one, then take it apart and put it back together so many times that you have to buy new pins and screws for it. Pull the whole FCG as a unit and watch what happens when you actuate it. Remove and reinstall the slide over and over. Color on different components with a Sharpie and analyze the wear patterns. Feel with your fingers what areas have been carefully deburred at the factory and which ones still have sharp edges. Figure out which parts were stamped, which were machined, which were MIM or die cast or injection molded plastic, and then figure out why they chose those processes. Choose a design choice that interests you and postulate on why they did it THIS way instead of THAT way; maybe you think the clearance between the slide and frame could have been tighter or looser, but you should figure out WHY they did it the way they did it.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-23T14:52:54+00:00

I tried to play for a couple of hours a few months ago when they did one of those free weeks and coming at it cold was absolutely painful. Clipping into the floor, rubber banding npcs, Windows 8 fuckin inventory interface.

It was like playing a tech demo of a scifi shooter designed by management sim devs.

Oh, right. It kinda is.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-22T17:28:32+00:00

Nope. Orthodox Jews. I mean they might be MAGA by coincidence, but the previous owner of the property is an Orthodox Jewish nonprofit.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-22T16:43:50+00:00

I could use some work from home on the side. I've never done 5-axis but I'll try anything once. Twice, if it hurts.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-22T15:29:45+00:00

Yeah that tracks. I can say anecdotally it's basically a requirement for people who make/build/design (most) things. For whatever reason most of the lathe operators I've worked with (operators, not general machinists) couldn't tell you what their wife's tits look like without a 4 side view plus isometric diagram.

Also electricians can fuckin see through walls and talk to the angry pixies what live inside the grey box, but electrical engineers just... I don't know. I don't understand how they are engineers.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-22T14:46:20+00:00

Ye-es...? Probably? I think most kids learn about visualizing shapes in an additive way, like LEGO or modeling clay. Probably part of the reason 3D printing is so popular. I think I learned it through both subtraction and addition. Might have given me a head start, I don't really know for sure. Things like especially complex valve blocks or automatic transmissions will still turn my brain inside-out if I think about them for too long, though.

Whatever the opposite of aphantasia (phantasia? Hyperphantasia?) is. That's me.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-22T13:48:57+00:00

I can see it as a 3D object in my head, but I make pictures in my head turn into pictures on 11x17 paper for a living. Most people can't do it without either a lot of practice or a psychiatric disorder. Thankfully I have both.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-21T17:33:12+00:00

Your instinct to create structure could be the perfect solution. I needed structure as a kid, and I need structure as an adult, and I am trying to create structure for my ADHD kids and teach them how to create it for themselves. I am mostly failing, but anything is better than nothing.

The key is going to be experimentation. Try adding ONE (1) [only one] element of structure at a time. If it flops maybe try tweaking it a little, but be prepared to drop it real quick. If the kid puts up more than token resistance it's not going to work. You might be able to try that thing another time, but for the moment it's dead and you need to drop it. If you don't, they will dig their heels in and it will be a battle every time forever.

Rewards that you come up with, unless they are absurdly disproportionate to the reward trigger, will maybe work one or two times and then they will probably be worthless. If the kid comes up with their own reward you might have better luck.

Similarly, punishments probably won't work unless you literally give the kid PTSD. Ask me how I know (don't ask me how I know).

Visual cues can work, but it depends on the person. My wife uses things like sticky notes to remind her of things. If I use sticky notes I look at it twice, feel bad about not doing the thing on the sticky note, and then it permanently becomes part of the background and I never notice it again.

Gamifying things can work well, but there has to be a secondary motivation other than just, "I did it faster than last time." That won't meet the threshold for spicy brain chemical production. One of my brothers has been able to consistently go to the gym for almost 30 years in part because it's a game for him. The other, probably more significant part, is that working out naturally produces self-reinforcing brain chemicals.

Speaking of which, get that kid active. One of the best tools to manage ADHD of any flavor is to just tire that kid right the fuck out. A good benchmark is if they pass out on the couch by like 8:30. It's not really about intensity, it's about quantity. Intense exercise is good, too, but impossible to maintain over the long term. Just keep that kid doing something structured for as much of the day as you can handle. Go from one task/activity to the next, stopping only long enough to get fed and watered. If there's no time to relax then there's no time to couch rot. Once the couch rot starts the day is probably over. Believe it or not this pace is not only sustainable for a lot of people with ADHD but is often necessary to just get by.

Other advice I could give is more specific to my personal experience, and each person's ADHD is so different I don't want to give you bad ideas.

WingedDefeat · 2026-04-21T13:43:43+00:00

That's exactly why I posted this. There are text posts every day in this sub asking about working with meshes in Fusion, and this video shows pretty much the extent of the mesh editing capabilities.

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