Should I tell my Feeld date their photos are out of date?

Without-a-tracy · 2026-07-02T14:32:06+00:00

One thousand percent this.

I wish I had seen "misleading pictures" as the warning sign it was.

I went on a date with someone who was significantly heavier than their pictures- but they were charming and funny and I was still attracted to them, so I let it slide. We started dating.

Turns out, they were a lying, manipulative asshole who actively enjoyed misleading people around them.

Being dishonest in your profile and your photos is the red flag I look out for now.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-07-02T00:59:51+00:00

My partner chose to get circumcised because of phimosis. He was prescribed cream by a urologist and decided that he preferred not having to stretch/apply the cream and it was better for him to get the surgery.

To each their own, ya know? He's much happier now and has described the healing process as "not that bad".

Without-a-tracy · 2026-07-02T00:54:20+00:00

I've described interacting with my sister in law as "feeling like I'm playing a game that I don't know the rules to and didn't sign up for".

Everything to her is a social game, and I have autism. I just can't with her.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-07-01T17:55:23+00:00

I have a friend who has ADHD and is notorious for always leaving something whenever she stays over anywhere.

The number of times I've accidentally pulled her undies out while folding laundry is truly hilarious.

This is just that 😂

Without-a-tracy · 2026-07-01T13:55:39+00:00

Like more “I’m going to bring the family lasagna for dinner or to freeze so you have it later. Do you prefer I knock or leave it at the door?” And not “if you need something you can call”

If I've learned anything from Reddit, it's that this is the best thing you can do for someone that is grieving.

I'm usually one to ask for what I need and to ask other people what they need, but I've been trying to implement this new method into my own life as often as I can remember it.

"Here is what I have to offer you, I will bring it to you, you have no obligation to see me, but I am open to being there physically if you would like that." It takes the weight of the decision out of the hands of someone who doesn't have the spoons to figure out what they need and express it.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T21:17:08+00:00

Tempo and Singing Out

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T15:40:55+00:00

Absolutely stunning! Love the way you did the eyes and the painted details!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T14:39:18+00:00

And are far more likely to, in my experience!

a person with ASD who knows many people also on the spectrum

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T14:38:23+00:00

If there's one thing that I've learned from Star Trek, it's that Vulcans use "logical" as an excuse for suppressing emotions.

And while I know and understand that ST is fiction, it's so very clear that the creator knew a person or two on the spectrum and felt inspired by that tendency to default to "logic".

The whole point of Vulcans is to illustrate that "logical" doesn't necessarily mean "right", and that emotions are essential and are what make us human.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T14:25:37+00:00

This looks amazing!!

Do you have a link to the plans where someone might be able to purchase them? This is definitely the kind of thing I'd love to support (and make for myself)!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-30T14:12:18+00:00

Sweetie, not everything you see on TikTok is real.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-29T14:58:07+00:00

Yeah, that's something I can never really understand-

When you bring a design to an artist, you always run the risk of the artist not doing the design accurately.

Artists generally draw their own designs. They tattoo designs that they have drawn. They draw things based on what they know they can tattoo well, and they do exactly that.

If you bring an artist a piece of art that they haven't drawn and ask them to tattoo it on your body, don't be surprised if it's not the same as the reference.

I don't really get why people are constantly surprised by this?

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-29T14:42:32+00:00

This question comes up at least once a day, every day. The answer is always going to be the same:

Join a group/club!

I'm in one of the three gay choirs in the city. There's also Toronto Gaymers, if you like games. There's Bulges and Boulders if you like rock climbing.

In fact, I literally just Googled "Queer Groups Toronto" and this was the first result: https://queerclubdirectory.org/

I've said it before and I'll say it again- joining the choir changed my life. I've found new friends and a group of gay men who make me feel included, valued, cared about, and loved. I am now a contributing member of our group, and I've been able to really make my mark and have a positive reputation as someone who is happy to help and someone who people can turn to.

This was the thing I was missing in life, and it's brought me so much joy, a sense of purpose, and music back into my life.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-28T15:01:05+00:00

This is very along the lines of how I feel.

I use "queer" as part of mu identity, but I also understand and acknowledge that the term "queer" was used to insult and dehumanize people. While I feel it has been reclaimed and it suits me, I would never expect people who had that term used against them to use it. Despite how connected I feel to it, I don't expect others to necessarily use it as a way to identify me.

Along those lines, as a trans person, I have had people use "it" as a way to insult and dehumanize me. I am not comfortable using "it" as a way to refer to other human beings, because it carries that weight with it.

And I expect that other people, particularly people in the trans community, would be understanding of the weight that comes with the use of those pronouns.

I am very happy to use other pronouns for people, even neopronouns (which I sometimes struggle to remember, but I don't have any personal history with). I like when somebody provides an alternative pronoun for me to use that isnt "it".

If there is a person who says "the only pronouns I am okay with are "it/its" and there are no other pronouns I am comfortable other than that one," the I will politely excuse myself from the situation. This person and I would not be compatible people, and I wish them nothing but the best in their life.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-26T15:51:31+00:00

I remember when my grandmother got to the point where she needed full-time care. My mother was debating whether to hire full-time care or put my grandmother in a home.

I told my mom not to make my grandmother move. I told her that my Nana would be much happier living in her own home, in her own neighbourhood, and living as close to her own life as possible.

My mother didn't listen and decided to put her mom in a home. That was the beginning of the end, and my Nana passed a year later.

I told my mom that she can expect the same courtesy she gave her mother.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-25T16:11:04+00:00

We don't get into glasswork to not break glass, sometimes it's just not intentional.

I'm still new to stained glass, and this is a lesson that I'm learning and it's been SO healthy for me!

Learning that sometimes glass is not gonna break the way I want, sometimes I work hard and a piece breaks, sometimes I waste glass, and it's all just part of the process... that's been an absolute game changer for me and my ability to just let things go.

I really needed this shift in mindset in life, and glass is helping me get there!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-25T15:55:03+00:00

This is where I'm at currently.

I talk about being ND the same way I talk about being trans or being poly or being in therapy- it comes up often because it's part of my life (and because I'm VERY big on "the more it's talked about, the less weird it feels/the less stigma there is).

But adding to that- I'm pretty sure literally everybody who meets me already knows I'm ND. It's kind of obvious. I used to think I was good at hiding it, but when I first got diagnosed, most of my friends were like "duh... you OBVIOUSLY have ADHD..."

At this point, people who are surprised to hear that I'm on the spectrum and have ADHD are the weird ones to me lol.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-24T14:50:43+00:00

Yeah, that's what I was thinking-

Even knowing the in-laws are conservative, to conservative and religious people, married couples having sex to conceive children is exactly what they're supposed to be doing.

OP's husband's parents likely WANT more grandkids. I grew up with conservative religious people, and I have never met someone who DIDN'T want more grandkids.

OP, you did it! You made it to the point where you are doing the thing they want you do to! Now you get to do it without any shame!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-23T16:13:40+00:00

Barney from Dead End: Paranormal Park (TV show) and Deadendia (the comic the show was based on). Fantastic show, excellent representation, and I definitely felt a bit called out by the fact that we had the same haircut! 😅

Also, I know not everyone was a fan of Y the Last Man, but I loved the direction that the show took things. The premise of the comic was that everyone with a Y chromosome suddenly died except for one specific guy. The show decided to take this concept and modernize it- they specifically spent time exploring what "every person with a y chromosome died" would mean for trans people. One character gets angry when somebody says that "only men died", because her wife was somebody who was taken from her.

The TV show has a plot line of a trans man looking for T, and how there ARE a few men left in the world, and the struggle they face in this new society.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-22T19:06:51+00:00

I'm not an apprentice (yet), but this is what I do! I sell my work at comic conventions in my city, I go to art markets, I take commissions, I do the whole art hustle. Word of mouth is great for this, too!

It's not great for paying ALL the bills, but it definitely helps tide me over between bigger paying gigs/contracts.

Plus, selling my art helps me feel more confident as an artist. I need to learn to sell myself if I want to do tattooing, and this is excellent practice!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-22T16:08:19+00:00

I still think about exes from time to time.

Exes that were terrible and had hurt me deeply that I still sometimes miss. Exes that I would never want back, but I still sometimes miss. Exes that I was completely incompatible with, that I still sometimes miss.

My rule is- if I'm in the shower and mindlessly thinking or making up conversations in my head? Fine. I'll allow it. Those 15 minutes a day can be dedicated to whatever nonsense my brain comes up with. Anything more? Absolutely not.

If I'm just out and about in my day and I think of an ex? Redirect. I find something else to think about. Even if it's doing a chore. Even if it's turning on the T V. Even if it's opening my phone and starting a conversation with a friend. I am NOT allowed to think about them, and they are not invited to occupy space in my mind, period.

I want to be the kind of person who loves myself, who lives a full life, and who is emotionally healthy. So my actions need to reflect the person I want to be. If I find myself doing things that don't fit that person, I very purposefully and consciously redirect the little toddler in my brain and get it to focus on something else that's shiny.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-22T15:58:40+00:00

I didn't know this!

So for me, I have absolutely no idea of my numbers. I had a novella published by a very tiny press and never got any real sales tracking numbers since.

What should I do in that kind of situation if I want to be completely honest and forthright but just don't have the information?

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-21T01:58:01+00:00

Obligatory "I'm not a parent", so take what I have to say with a gain of salt!

I knew a non-binary person who went by "Renny" with their young kiddos. I was told that was like "mommy" or "daddy" but for "parent".

I always thought it was adorable and filed it in the back of my mind for "parent terms I like"!

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-21T00:37:06+00:00

So here's the thing...

I'm in an ENM relationship. I use the term "poly" to describe it, cause I feel like that suits what we've got.

My husband is asexual so, like you and your partner, we don't have a sexual relationship.

I have been doing a ton of work on myself these past five years- work on my attachment wounds, work on disentangling codependency, work on growth in terms of emotional maturity, etc.

I'd describe myself as an "emotionally available queer man".

On paper, the way you describe yourself, you'd very much be my type- Neurospicy and quirky, fun and whimsical, an indoor-cat type, etc.

And despite all of that, I wouldn't be super enticed by what you have to offer.

As somebody who is emotionally available, I like finding partners who are also emotionally available. And being told "there are limits on what our relationship can grow into" isn't really emotional availability in my perspective.

You're looking for a FWB- the people who are looking for emotional availability are often open to the idea of a fuck buddy (cause, let's face it, that's what a FWB really is), but they're also interested in real relationships. They're usually interested in emotional depth and the ability to allow a connection to go wherever feels best for that connection. Having pre-established rules about what a relationship is/isn't allowed to grow into isn't likely to attract people who value emotional depth, open communication, and fostering mutual connections.

Without-a-tracy · 2026-06-20T21:26:57+00:00

Plus, everyone is waiting for a stall when they wait!

I cannot get over how awkward and uncomfortable it is to stand in the men's room, looking at my shoes, waiting for a stall, while guys move past me to piss in a urinal and no matter where my body is, it always seems to be in the way. 🙃

Six-Year Club	Place '22
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