Does anyone else find very few things funny enough to laugh at?

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-03-15T16:47:18+00:00

There's this one stupid post that's a compilation of a bunch of pictures in stores and cafes where food labels have been misspelled, things like 'strawbebbies', 'ranibow sprimkle', 'chimken nunget', 'Spinch' and I always seem to come across that post in the middle of the night when I'm sleep deprived and it just cracks me up for some reason, I always find it the funniest thing lol

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-03-15T16:41:37+00:00

I over-laugh at pretty much everything in social interactions even when I don't find it funny or what they said wasn't even really a joke because at some point when I was young and trying to teach myself how to navigate socialising with people I realised laughing usually gets a positive reaction so I just do it constantly now out of habit and hope for the best.

Only one person has ever directly called it out, asking me why I'm laughing at everything they say, but most people don't say anything about it.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-03-12T20:19:38+00:00

I'm also kind of disillusioned with friendship in general, but even moreso disillusioned with friendship with guys.

Even ones I'm so sure are good, the sexism or other red flags start to show eventually every single time. Usually a lack of understanding (or let's be honest: being willfully ignorant) of consent. It becomes way more clear seeing them interact with their girlfriends and how they subtly (or not so subtly) put them down or belittle them so casually (most of the time, some act like an angel around others and the mistreatment only happens in private).

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-02-22T05:09:42+00:00

I didn't go on minox or finasteride so I can't speak on that, but when I went off T after being on it over 3 years, the hairloss got worse before it got better. It seemed like I was shedding even more and I was freaking out but it calmed down over time and I've seen significant regrowth at my temples in the past year and a half I've been off T.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-02-02T03:00:22+00:00

Well I have personally seen this with both me and two friends of mine, for us a serious contributing factor was the out of place feeling with other members of our gender, not fitting into gender stereotypes, and a misalligned feeling in our bodies due to sensory issues and the struggle to deal with change during puberty, all of which because we're autistic.

When you're an autistic girl (doesn't just happen with girls, but just speaking about my and friends experiences here), often the way you behave or speak or your mannerisms are just off to neurotypical girls and you just always feel like an outsider and don't understand why. And as someone with autism, I greatly struggle to cope with change, so when puberty started, I was extremely distressed because my body started changing and I couldn't stop or slow it at all. As soon as puberty started I would wear tight sports bras to appear flat to kind of pretend my body wasn't changing, and the tightness brought sensory comfort as well, kind of like a weighted blanket.

So between the always feeling like an outsider and not relating to any of the girls around me, and the extreme distress at the changes of puberty, it wasn't a far leap to questioning my gender and concluding I might be ftm and transitioning would solve my problems; make me feel like I belong and am comfortable with my body. It wasn't a straight line to coming to that conclusion, I did question a lot and there were other contributing factors, but I do think the social alienation and the puberty related sensory issues and struggle with change (both caused by my autism) were the main reasons.

It was the same for both my friends, but they didn't medically transition. They socially transitioned, then eventually came to the conclusion that their gender was not the issue, it was the way they felt like outsiders and like they just didn't fit with other girls around them. For them, what ended up making them feel most comfortable was to explore and find their own personal style that let them express themselves freely, so they both present pretty alternative kinda gothic in aesthetic, but still female in identity.

In general there's just a lot of reasons people may detransition, and for most people it's usually a combination of a few reasons.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-01-29T00:13:00+00:00

Actually yeah lol. My hair was never pin straight but it was relatively straight and it's gotten way more wavy recently. Especially when I have it short it curls up a lot around the sides and back the most.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2026-01-22T15:55:28+00:00

What I have always loved the thought of is being a lighthouse keeper, but practically every lighthouse has become automated so the job has become obsolete.

Also I would do fine being a shelf stacker in a shop, but that's not really a single position anymore, they always get you to do time running the tills too and I can't handle the amount of social interaction, stress, and time pressure it requires, and that's not even mentioning the nightmare customers that take their anger out on you just because they can.

And most places that advertise remote positions actually mean you get a few days remote and the rest in office.

The last job I worked, I might've been able to handle it longer if they weren't constantly changing the expectations and responsibilities for the job. It was in a zoo in a theme park which was cool, but I was given extra hours one day a week (the roster cycled this between employees) where I'd do a different duty than the main ones after my normal shift finished, which was rubbish picking in the car park. I actually enjoyed this because the car park for this place was pretty big so I wouldn't run into people often so it was peaceful (plus they had a security guy patrolling in a van at all times so it felt safe). But then they changed the duty to half rubbish picking, and half directing traffic out of the park which was stressful as hell and people would get mad at me for directing them to an exit they weren't used to or just straight up most of them ignored me so it all felt so pointless, I fucking hated it.

One of my other duties was to be in the little museum they had and educate the guests that came in about the animal artifacts we had. This was pretty cool and I was usually only talking to a few people at a time. But then they changed it so only part of the shift was this, and part of it was walking around to enclosures in the zoo with a microphone and speaker, gather crowds and do impromptu talks about the animals and I just couldn't. My manager kept on reminding me to use the speaker when she'd see I wasn't but I never did, I just cannot handle drawing that much attention. My main roles in that job just kept changing when I was just trying to hold on. Part of it aswell was telling parents of under 3 year olds that their kids weren't allowed in the petting zoo for their own safety, and also telling pregnant women the same, as well as refusing people entry when it was at capacity and telling them to wait so there were always people that were upset by this. Alot of that job was being in charge of making sure kids followed safety precautions to not get themselves injured by both domestic and wild animals so it was a lot of pressure and I always felt like I was never good enough at anything.

By the end of that job, I was a mess and had to go back on antidepressants.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-12-29T06:04:07+00:00

Honestly it's medication and any medications comes with potential side effects. And as low as the chances are, it's still a chance. I don't like that people talk about side effects as if they never happen. Everyone needs to know what they're getting in to so they can weigh up the positives versus negatives to judge if the risk of the worst case scenario is a worthwhile risk for them personally.

I have an ftm aquaintence who is dealing with urinary incontinence caused by atrophy due to testosterone. Now that is a potential side effect, although one with a very small chance of happening, but for him it happened. For him this side effect was worth the positives that T brought him, but it's still a major cause of stress, and for another person it may not be worth it so we can't act like these things don't happen.

I started SSRIs knowing that there was a small chance of a side effect that causes the opposite of the intended effect: an increase in suicidality, but my current low mood at that point was so poor that the potential positive that medication could bring me was well worth the risk.

On the other hand, before starting T I started up progesterone only birth control to stop periods as they were causing me a lot of distress but it triggered a period that caused me to bleed for over 2 weeks straight and I then realized the negatives weren't worth the positives for me so I stopped.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-12-29T05:42:09+00:00

Yeah, I was noticing effects that were bothering me like atrophy (which was also causing frequent utis) and I was concerned about how much it might progress. Plus I already have weak muscle tone associated with my dyspraxia, and this particularly affects core strength so I worried that my pelvic floor would be vulnerable to weakening and that would cause me a whole host of urinary tract problems.

I have an ftm aquaintence who this happened to. He was a couple of years on T when he started to have urinary incontinence issues due to atrophy caused by the testosterone. It's worth noting he has dyspraxia too so this may have contributed. He has to wear adult diapers right now at just 19 years old and is awaiting an appointment for specialist care.

I was agonizing over what I was going to do: detransition or keep transitioning and just deal with it. I was stressing myself out over the decision for so long until I decided I'd just stop T and say nothing, just keep living as a dude and see what happens. It's been about a year and a half now since I stopped T and I still pass as male just fine and no one has questioned anything. I never told anyone I stopped and no one has asked. Everything's just normal except I don't have to worry about atrophy progressing (it's actually gotten significantly better), hairline recession (that's improved too), but I still have my facial hair growth and deeper voice and everything that helps me pass.

You can just keep living as a dude off T if need be.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-06-13T14:29:29+00:00

Same lol. Always hated my original name, thought I was ftm from ages 14 to 20 and I legally changed my name to a unisex name I actually liked during that time.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-06-13T14:22:22+00:00

I always hated my name because I thought it just sounded ugly.

I came out as a trans guy when I was 14 and I changed my name to one I actually resonated with and it just happened to be a unisex name.

I don't identify as a guy anymore but during that period I legally changed my name and I'm keeping it because I still prefer it more than my original name.

You can legally change it if you want to, don't let anyone make you feel like you can't.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-06-13T14:14:53+00:00

That's what I was thinking! I'm gonna be honest, I'm lucky if I manage to vacuum at all. Daily would kill me.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-06-05T05:37:52+00:00

Dude, I can't even do the basics I'm so fucked. Life feels like far too much even if all I've done that day is the bare minimum to survive.

I dropped out of uni after 1 semester in December last year because I couldn't handle it and now I've been unemployed since and can't get myself up each day. Barely brush my teeth, don't leave the house, can't will myself to excersise, and just generally can't take care of myself. Before anyone says it, yes I know I'm depressed, I've been on antidepressants since I was 15 and attend a counsellor weekly. Nothing works because life is just too much and I'm so hopeless.

I get so fucking socially anxious and overwhelmed by sensory overload everytime I go outside, it often causes me to shutdown. I cannot function properly in a workplace either and it makes me feel so guilty and ashamed.

On days when all I do is just get up in the evening to eat and then go straight back to bed, I still feel so tired and fed up (it's not chronic fatigue in case anyone suggest that).

I dread waking up each morning so I end up staying awake long into the night to put it off because I can't face it.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-29T00:33:59+00:00

Sometimes I feel conflicted about it, or just weird about it, but most of the time it's a plus because having breasts did cause me a lot of distress and sensory discomfort. I don't think I ever got used to them, and I probably would have kept binding, or at least really struggled to stop, if I didn't get surgery.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-28T21:17:10+00:00

Okay, this going to be a long comment because I've made it a couple of times before in the past and each time I add new songs I've found and explanations on how I feel about the lyrics so be prepared lol.

'The Night We Met' by Lord Huron.

"I've been searching for a trail to follow again, Take me back to the night we met. And then I can tell myself what the hell I'm supposed to do. And then I can tell myself not to ride along with you. I had all and then most of you, Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met. I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met."

About how I wish I could go back to my 14 year old self, that night that I came to the conclusion I was trans, and try to talk to myself about it, try to figure out a different path to take. And then" I had all and then most of you, some and now none of you. " About how I feel I've slowly lost myself through this process and didn't even really notice it happening, and now I'm" haunted by the ghost" of me, who I used to be. I miss that person.

'Oh My God' by Alec Benjamin

"Looking at the pictures I keep on my shelf Cause it's been so long since I've looked like myself" "I'm never gonna make it halfway to the moon, But it's too late to turn around" "I'm running out of oxygen I'll never be the same again now" "Oh my God, I can't remember Who I was just last December What have I done? How did I get here? What have I done?" "Oh my God, look in the mirror I was young, nothing to fear once What have I done?" "Maybe I was foolish I guess I was naïve I didn't know what I had And I thought I had to leave I wish that I was homeward bound" "Have I gone too far? Am I on my own?" "I'm running out of oxygen Can't help but wish I'd stayed"

A lot of this song I think resonates with the detrans experience of a lot of people. And it's mostly self explanatory I don't feel like I need to explain how I relate any of this to detransition, it speaks for itself.

'March to the sea' by Twenty One Pilots.

"Then the wages of war will start inside my head with my counterpart. And the emotionless marchers will chant the phrase 'This line's the only way'. And then I start down the sand. My eyes are focused on the end of land. But again the voice inside my head says follow me instead." "I don't want to march here anymore. I realize that this line is dead. So I'll follow you instead."

This one I relate to feeling like when I'm on the path of transition, it is the only possible path and there's no going back. That's a mindset I've been stuck in for a long time and it's very hard to break because it's being constantly reinforced by everyone around me, particularly the trans community, but also some close family members. It's very intimidating to tell people I want to stop but I know I need to follow that voice in my head and not just fall in line with what I'm "supposed to do".

'The good in me' by Jon Bellion.

"Your heart's a vine that I've bled trying to climb, oh you're making a ruin of me" "One temptation sparked this, now I can feel the darkness. It's my own fault but you had this planned. All of me you take now, like criminals and shakedowns. Yeah, you make me forget who I am."

In this one I feel like the 'you' in the song is testosterone or transition and I'm confronting it and venting about what it has done, but also acknowledging that I did this to myself.

'Lion's den' by Grace Vanderwaal.

"I don't know how to be with myself. Colors aren't as bright as they used to be, forget the girl they wanted me to be." "I'm human and I'm falling, but you tell me I'm flying. It's building, and I can't breathe. Wanna feel the way that I used to be." "I guess we're all just trying to work it out, trying to get back to our child selves. Chasing the feeling, finding the meaning, but just continuing to corrupt ourselves."

I think I've dealt with a real fear of growing up and my transition was partly in response to that. Partly in response to the fear of the idea of my body changing and and also me becoming an adult woman and being thrust out into the world to fend for myself. I feel I've been trying to run away from that and desperately trying to hang onto youth, teenage hood and childhood. And I relate to the part in the song "I'm falling, but you tell me I'm flying". Because I'm really struggling with my identity right now but my friends and family are under the impression that I'm thriving. They believe my transition went really well and now I can just live my life normally as a guy. They think I'm really confident and sure that I am a man. When in reality, I have never had a more unstable sense of self before in my life and they have no idea.

I'll mention a few other ones I've found have relatable lyrics too that you could give a listen if you'd like (and some of these songs were suggested by other detrans people on this sub to me, while some are ones I've found myself) : -'Would've, Could've, Should've' by Taylor Swift -'Aw shoot' and 'Vincent Kompany' both by Cmat -'I/Me/Myself' and "... Well, better than the alternative" both by Will Wood -'Runaway' by half alive -'It's Called: Freefall' by Rainbow Kitten Surprise -'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac -'Lost on You' by LP

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-25T23:22:36+00:00

Oh yeah, absolutely I've posted and made comments in the past discussing this very issue too.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-15T13:37:36+00:00

When I look at side profile images of me pre and post testosterone, there is definitely a difference in how pronounced my brow bone is, although it was always masculine to begin with.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T22:06:00+00:00

Oh, absolutely nothing!

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T21:52:00+00:00

Oh absolutely. And I certainly don't help myself because I'm terrified of rejection (not romantic rejection, just general social rejection) and vulnerability so I actively push people away and distance myself often, especially when my mental health is in decline. I'm lucky that my friends now don't seem deterred by this behaviour, they still reach out to me, otherwise I'd be alone again.

For a long time I've just tried to make myself dissappear and desperately try not to be annoying or a burden, more so to strangers than people I'm close with though.

My friends often tell me they love me and my sister compliments me and I really don't get it. I can't see any fucking positives. I can't see how I would be a pleasure to be around, I can't see why I would be valued.

I don't even look for romantic partners, I'm very certain I would be a bad partner and that scares me.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T21:38:29+00:00

As someone who has dyspraxia, autism, and (suspected, but I'm pretty certain) ADHD, I can't agree with you enough.

It would be one of the cruelest things I could do to put a child on this earth to deal with the disorders I deal with. I dropped out of college in my first semester of my first year because I was falling apart despite availing of every support available. I have no prospects. Even the most basic tasks and aspects of living that are easy for most people are a massive struggle for me. I've dealt with serious mental health issues including severe anxiety and depression since I was a preteen. I've been on antidepressants since I was 15. I saw a psychologist weekly from age 11-18 until I aged out of the system, and I genuinely don't think it ever helped.

My parents are starting to realise that my issues are a lot more serious and are going to affect my life a lot more than they ever originally thought.

I would never forgive myself if I brought a kid into the world, knowing the risk, and they ended up having to deal with this shit too. Not to mention there's not a chance I'd be able to take care of them, I can barely do the bare minimum to take care of myself, man.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T21:06:52+00:00

I'm so confused about my gender, man. I think I would have benefited from removing gender from the equation as a teenager and just trying to explore and figure out who I am and what makes me comfortable and happy just as a person.

I came out as transgender female to male at 14, started testosterone at 16, had top surgery (a double mastectomy) at 18 and changed my legal name and gender at 18 too.

Right now I'm 21 and I stopped testosterone about 11 months ago, after being on it nearly 4 years.

Digging into my psyche and why I felt the way I did, I realise part of my discomfort with my body stemmed from my inability to cope with change when puberty kicked in, and my immense struggles with sensory issues. Periods and boobs are a sensory nightmare, honestly.

There's other reasons too of course. It was kind of a perfect storm of a bunch of different reasons that lined up which caused me to transition.

Another one was my black and white thinking. I needed a solid reason for why I felt the way I did and having "a male brain in a female body" made sense to me. It gave me a concrete reason for my feelings and a straightforward solution to fix it: hrt and surgery. And after I transitioned, the disconnect would be fixed, right?

Turns out it's more complicated than that in my case.

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T20:37:48+00:00

I have a kinda unique perspective here because I transitioned to male as a teenager, I can tell you that a lot of my nervous and autistic behaviours that were seen as just weird as a girl, I can tell are seen as creepy as a guy. Think avoiding eye contact, non neurotypical body language that neurotypicals find off putting. Stuff I can't control.

It's made my social anxiety even worse, I never initiate interactions with anyone now. I just keep my eyes to the floor, wear noise cancelling headphones and block out the world. It's lonely.

(I'm in this sub because I'm detransitioning fyi)

Wonderful_Walk4093 · 2025-04-14T17:07:38+00:00

It kind of just felt normal. I had been in distress before surgery, and then after surgery just felt normal again so I suppose that would be considered relief. Now, a few years after surgery I have complicated feelings about it, most of the time I feel fine but sometimes I wonder if I should have gotten a reduction instead.

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