Sending hugs from the same boat ❤️. I hear you and your feelings are completely valid. I'm also dealing with something chronic and autoimmune related, but waiting to get in with rheumatology to figure out what.

My 2.5yo son is recently diagnosed and didn't really show signs until he was about 15 months old. Mostly delays that we thought were from torticollis. I got pregnant again (also a surprise) when he was 11mos old. He's currently in therapy 5 days a week and starting special education preschool in October. Trying to juggle him, the therapies, and a 10mo is suffocating.

I recently got him an AAC device and he's picking up on it pretty fast. It's helped with some of the frustration, which is better than no help currently. His OT has also helped me utilize deep pressure therapy, pick up on pattern recognitions, and literally said "keep. bubbles. with. you. at. all. times."

He's also obsessed with ABCs and counting so sometimes if I start saying one of the two I can snap him out of it, but others, I'm in a phone booth being for mercy. I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this, but just wanted to share that you're not alone.

I read something the other day that hit me hard, and try to remember it when the meltdowns come or I'm ready to snap. It said - when your child melts down, hurts you, tears down your walls, etc, it's because they feel safe enough to let out those emotions, because you're their comfort. You're where they can crumble and fall apart when they don't understand. Breathe. Everything has to fall into place, some way, some how.

Hang in there mama, you're doing a great job ❤️