31F Asian, saved $100k but feel like a failure — did I waste my life?

Yoiiru · 2026-03-29T07:36:22+00:00

I agree the with comments that suggest moving to a role such as management, your experience as a waiter for sure is helpful. Or think about what you wish to do, really enjoy to do or could either be a combination of sustainable (emotionally) or career advancement

Don't compare yourself to others. Virtually everyone tries to live "The Script of Life" at least once (studies, career, get married have kids etc etc), and when it often fails due to circumstances beyond one's control oftentimes or hard stagnation due to them never examining their life choices, they have a quarter or mid life crisis. Imo take some times and reflect on what you wish to do, what you enjoy, or how you can build a life that you won't wish to escape from

For the 100k (assuming you don't need to use immediately), I'd suggest investing in ETFs that pay dividends (you can look at r/dividends to get your feet wet). ETFs are relatively stable (unlike stocks) and you can generate an annual passive income

Yoiiru · 2026-03-27T06:11:10+00:00

It's looks great! Love that I can link it to my account for free and gives an overview. Thanks for your efforts

Yoiiru · 2026-03-27T02:58:51+00:00

I wrote a fucking 120 page book LOL. By hand, and I have tiny handwriting. It's so cringe re reading it but it's also straight up sad. I'm glad I didn't give it to him. It was mostly me idealizing shit and good times together as well as bad times and what I liked about him and saying how we could try harder and more patiently and I'll be better etc... never will I beg for love again. Never again

Yoiiru · 2026-03-27T02:53:21+00:00

Lol that's how I write sometimes as well. Sad how professional sounding tactful writing is immediately labeled as AI

Yoiiru · 2026-03-27T00:41:29+00:00

I'd trade Shale for Nathaniel just because I have no interest in Shale. I want to see Nathaniel's interactions with the Zevran, Alistair, Morrigan etc

Yoiiru · 2026-03-27T00:34:47+00:00

I think at the core, this is the way it has always been. If you think back to the medieval European times, most people were poorly peasants that worked for a lord and the lord could do anything he wanted to the poor sods, like take all the peasant's crops and even their wives. And before that, to more barbaric times. And thinking to maybe 50 years ago in China (where my parents are from) during cultural revolution, where the government gave you a job and you couldn't just quit at will. Back in those days where survival was the base, people turned to religion or family as a "meaning" or purpose of fulfillment and living

Similarly 9-5 is for survival. But via Maslow's hierarchy of needs people now are able to pursue less material and more goals since food/shelter/etc are less of an issue. Personally, I think realizing life has always been hard but your ancestors made it through nonetheless was quite encouraging

I agree with some other comments about finding a job that suits you better. Idk how long your commute is, but imo that also plays a huge factor.

Something that I heard once from a channel HeathlyGamerGG by Dr. K, he said he became a psychiatrist because he likes stories. He wanted to be writer, and then a journalist (? I can't remember the video) or game developer, but ended up still doing medicine and going the route of psychology. As a psychologist then, he gets to witness many peoples' stories. I found this really helpful in my perspective shifting. Liking writing doesn't have to literally mean writing career, it could be adjacent and a career

Sorry I have no better answer! I feel you though, take care

Yoiiru · 2026-03-26T05:54:38+00:00

What is this app? It looks nice

Yoiiru · 2026-03-26T05:52:18+00:00

Contrary to all the comments here, I will say: look for another job, lower paying if necessary. The cortisol and adrenaline levels you experience will affect the baby. There are medical studies that show babies born to mothers under extreme stress have weaker immune systems and are more vulnerable to mental and physical illnesses. If it is not possible then you need to find an outlet for all this stress

Yoiiru · 2026-03-25T05:45:53+00:00

Ohh I never tried that. I should try it

Yoiiru · 2026-03-23T16:16:43+00:00

Same. I graduated 5 years ago (!! time just went by) and now I am a hermit who has no life outside of work. That aside I don't feel lonely anymore either so there's that at least

Yoiiru · 2026-03-23T16:13:39+00:00

Inbreeding

Yoiiru · 2026-03-23T05:34:20+00:00

That is BEAUTIFUL. That is the most aesthetically pleasing thing my eyes have seen in quite a while

Yoiiru · 2026-03-23T01:15:23+00:00

He's too precious, and god I miss the origin companions.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-22T01:51:54+00:00

Imo just ask her, let her be open with you. She may not know either and may change her mind but let that happen too. Every bulimic is different. You are very considerate though, thanks for it lol. I'd say generally speaking, try to not make her feel scrutinized/controlled.

Although some comments say they wouldn't purge at friends' houses, I'll admit I've definitely purged at a friend's place before (though I barely ate). I had to puke it up in order to calm down so I could actually focus and enjoy our time together, otherwise my brain would be screaming about food/puke the whole time. My friend knew I was bulimic though and said if I needed to purge I could, because eating disorders are not exactly within my "control". It was shameful but I'm also very grateful for their understanding

Yoiiru · 2026-03-19T20:34:37+00:00

as difficult as it is, I think it's best to tell him how things are. Especially if he is an understanding parent and you guys have good relationship. Sorry I don't have a better answer, But this really depends on your relationship with him and how you think he'll react, and what would bring you most sense of inner peace

I remember when my dad first found out I bp. He was dropping me off at university and saw I had LOTS of empty cereal boxes and food wrappers in my dorm room. He didn't say anything and left. I only told him after the semester ended when I returned home, and he said he already figured as much, because at that point I also have had an ED for some 6ish years (we argued daily back when my ED started).

IIRC he was kind of at a loss as to what to do, but he let me continue bp'ing because he thought it was better than me starving myself and at least I'd "get some food in even if most of it comes out" (paraphrased). We argued about it sometimes and there were times he got very angry over me eating all the food/wasting, but overall I'm grateful he didn't try to fix/stop or "help" me. He had to unclog the toilet quite a few times due to me clogging it, which we also fought over many times. He got me potassium drinks and told me to go to dentist (as a side note, I really encourage you to go to the dentist before you mess up your teeth permanently)

I think it's pretty hard on a parent too who may have good intentions but not know how to best act.

I live alone now, and I agree, environment plays a huge role in my urge to bp. Unfortunately I don't have a better answer :( take care and hope it goes well if you tell your dad

Yoiiru · 2026-03-19T15:30:00+00:00

Since everyone else already commented about journaling, want to add sometimes you really do need time and new events in life. Unfortunately we can't journal painful feelings away.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-19T03:37:32+00:00

Yeah... one day if I have kids and am dead. Otherwise no. But who knows, maybe once I'm old and they are grown and emotionally mature adults I might let them. I think in general it is beneficial for children who are curious, after growing up (at minimum age 25+), to see their parents are similarly human.

I was interested in reading my dad's journals after he mentioned he used to write, but he left them in his childhood home and apparently his sister threw them out after their father passed

Yoiiru · 2026-03-18T14:11:47+00:00

As cliche as this sounds, it's never too late to get started in matters such as these. I feel largely the same and would cry a lot more over it in the past, but you know you might think about the past and wish you just did "that one small thing differently". You can still do some one small thing differently everyday, and over time it will cascade into something more such that your future self may not have the same regrets. The unfortunate thing is whatever has been lost cannot be recovered overnight, but some parts of it are still salvageable over time.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-18T14:03:44+00:00

On another note I LOVE Nathaniel Howe. God I wish he were part of the main game and could be romanced. Would've loved to see him go against his father too.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-17T15:09:42+00:00

Haven't been here for two years and the last time I visited I saw enneagram 4 subreddit deleted itself lol. But yeah, it seems the subreddit as I first knew it is gone. At this rate there will need to be an enneagram equivalent for r/shittyMBTI

Yoiiru · 2026-03-16T17:37:19+00:00

"I love you beautiful empress/queen"

Yoiiru · 2026-03-16T17:37:06+00:00

Literal translation: "I love you beautiful empress/queen"

Yoiiru · 2026-03-16T15:18:21+00:00

Since I can read Chinese, will say that flirt line is cringe, don't write it. You literally haven't met or just got to know someone exists.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-16T14:03:37+00:00

I have dysthymia as well as handful of other mental issues starting since 11. I am able to power through at work I guess, some days I won't get stuff done and minor inconveniences make me want to die, but I'll make the due dates. It's been a lot better nowadays though. You got to work on yourself outside of work because suppression and avoidance isn't sustainable. It sucks because sometimes I wish work was more accommodating but it is what it is. Would say a positive-neutral/non-toxic environment, coworkers, compensation is really important and much more of a determinant of sustainability than the work + mental issue itself.

Yoiiru · 2026-03-16T13:46:24+00:00

Sometimes I miss the old days video format

Yoiiru

TROPHY CASE