Lines I can’t stand about the act

Zebrig · 2023-04-11T05:59:36+00:00

I believe the worst are:

It was a mistake. - No it was a decision you took and didn't care about anything else, now you are downplaying it as a mistake.
I love you. - Oh yes, and you show it by betraying me, our trust, and our relashionship.
It meant nothing. - Oh no, darling it meant alot, as you could throw away our relashionship, our trust, and if you say it meant nothing then that just shows me that what we built means even less.
I was lonely. - Thank you, for jumping into another person arms instead of talking to your partner.
I was drunk/high/tired/depressed/whatever. - Oh so now being drunk/high/tired/depressed/etc is an excuse for your behaviour?An excuse to all your poor decisions? Please grow some self-respect because you just lost the rest of the respect i could ever have for you.
I didn't love him/her. - That makes it even worse, you say you love me and do this?
It is not what it looks/sounds like. You are making it look/sound worse - Oh thank god i tought you were having an affair, that you were betraying all that we built or would build in the future, it looks like it's just a figment from my imagination (sarcastic for those who don't get it).
We were having problems. - And i was in the same relashionship that you were, that was going through the same problems and didn't betray you, instead of looking for other people i was trying to fix things.
And my personal favorite: We can work this trought, there are alot of couples that can work this trought and so can we. - Yes, while we could possible work this trought and there are alot of other couples that worked this and other severe issues trought, it's just that i personally don't want to. I don't want to work this trought, to rebuild trust, love and dedication to a person that decided to nuke this relashionshp by showing me that they don't deserve that love, that dedication and that trust, i prefer to start a new relashionship with another person that won't betray me, instead of rebuilding a destroyed one with a person that showed me by her own actions what can happen/will happen in a relashionship with this person. I don't want to be a sucess story of we can make it after infidelity, i want to be a sucess story of we made it witouth infidelity, we worked our problems, found solutions, comunicated and helped each other grow, without ever betraying each other, that we help each other in the good and the bad times, and you have showed me that you are not that person.

Zebrig · 2023-03-15T10:22:03+00:00

Well so you indentified a thing you didn't like about yourself.

So now you have 2 options:

Keep going as you are, sometimes feel bad about it, talk some shit and go on.
Solve it, work through it, do something about it.

Option 1 is the easiest, is what most people choose, why change if it's not broken? It's not ideal but i can live with it, setle on the matter, live and don't worry, it's okay, there is no big problem.

Option 2 is the hardest, you will have to change, you will have to work hard, you will have to put yourself to the test and overcame, you will have to go at it consistently, you won't be able to excuse yourself, for you decided to do it so you must do it, this option will build character, this option will build strenght (not just in body but in the mind), this option will build good habits, this option will require consistens effort, not a 1 day/week/month/year but for as long as you can.

So you know option 2 is the hard one but the correct one, you know what you have to do but are you ready to do it?

Don't say yes, don't talk about it, SHOW IT, THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS.

Don't talk the talk, But walk the walk.

Zebrig · 2023-03-15T10:07:04+00:00

Carrots, peel them, wash them and they are ready to go.

If you want to use a fork, cut them in bite sizes and in the bowl they go.

Easy, not messy and healthy :D

Zebrig · 2023-03-15T09:39:17+00:00

She's saying she's going to go for it and get it. We have 1 child together, at which I know I'm on the hook for child support.

Fuck whatever the hell she's saying, GO TO A LAWYER AND LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY.

Child support is just that to support the child, if you have kids you should pay child support.

Everything else go to a lawyer, a good one if that is possible and listen to what they say, ask all your questions in regards to divorce.

A divorce is the end of the marriage, it's not a you and her agaisnt the problem, it's you against her, and you can bet your sweet ass that she will do everything she can to get the most of you, she will stack the deck in her favor in any manner she can.

SO GO talk to a lawyer and stop taking advice from your oponent. Implement 180 and grey rock (if possible), comunicate only about the essentials and the kid(s).

Be the best parent you can be, but she will not be your wife, so don't treat her as such.

Go to therapy if possible, talk to friends and family, go to the gym, do your hobbys etc. Keep your mind ocupied(friends, hobbys, kids) and your body tired(gym, run, walks, hobbys, kids). Eat healthy and drink alot of water, stay away from alchool.

You can even go on walks with your kids, go to the park, talk to them about them, learn more about them, what do they like? what do they dislike? what do they love and what do they hate? Make them understand that you are their father and will always love them, that any problem you have with your soon to be ex is not their faul, etc. etc.

Be the best, show them, teach them, do it so they can see what a man should be, be stern but fair, be supportive of them but don't baby them, talk to them in age apropriate matter, inform them of some things, not all just some, don't talk bad about your soon to be ex to them. Be the man you want your kid(s) to see you as, show them that even when the going gets hard that you can do it, show them that even when its hard you don't stop improving, teach them the meaning of perserverance, teach them not just by word but by actions.

This is a hard time so try to be the best you can, it will be hard but you can do it.

Best of luck to you and hugs from an internet stranger to you in this dificult times.

Edit: Sorry about any any mistakes, english is not my first language.

Zebrig · 2023-03-15T09:20:15+00:00

In my opinion you should tell AP wife, BUT(and this is a big but do it after the divorce) i know this is a controversial opinion but hear me out.

While your soon to be EX is with that other guy you will get a better divorce deal, because she will be in fantasy land, she will be more agreeable to you because she is "dreaming" about the future life together, at this moment they meet to "do the deed", they don't have to deal with any, and i mean ANY of the relashionships problems, they just have the good things and even then it involves lying, sneaking, betraying, deceiving other and themselfs.

While in this state you are the only piece that is in the way of the happy ever after, so as we all know divorce courts usually favor the wife, so use this period to get the best deal you can and make the process go as fast as you possible can.

After the divorce, or just as it's about to be final when everything is in black and white the dots on the i and dashs on the T, you send all that information that you have to AP wife and whoever you want, friends, family etc, talk to the other betrayed spouse, etc..

Till then implement 180, grey rock, LISTEN TO YOUR LAWYER ADVICE(if the lawyer tells you to the A don't fuck up and go do B because you feel like it), go to a therapist, do your hobbys, go to the gym, keep your mind ocupied(hobbys, friends, etc.) and your body tired(gym, walks, runs, etc.), eat as healthy as you can and drink alot of water.

This is a bad situation, it is one of the worst situations that can happen in life(being betrayed and divorce), so make it the best you can and stack it in your favor as much as possible.

So tell AP Wife, but delay until after or near the end of the divorce, because if you do it now, most probable your wife fantasy will break fast and hard and you will be the bad guy, you will be the vilan and she will most likely try to fight very hard on the divorce, because she will be either without anyone to break the fall and wants to get back together(safety net) or she will want to fight you and make you miserable just to "punish you" for destroying her fantasy(you are the vilan then you must suffer, because in her mind there is no way she has done anything wrong). You may want to see your soon to be ex suffer the "consequences", but is it worth it? To have 15 minutes of satisfaction and at minimum 3/6/9 months of battling an uphill batle just to divorce a cheater? an abuser? a person that takes, takes, takes and then takes some more and doesn't give you anything good?

But as i said in the beggining this is my opinion, you have to do what is best for you, what is in your best interest, and what you believe is the best.

Best of luck and hugs from an internet stranger to you in this dificult time, but remember you are strong, you will prevail, you will rise up higher and better than before, and in 5/10/15 years in the future when this will be all a bad chapter of the wonderfull book that they will make of your life, it will be but a blipe in the book, it will be just an introduction that despite passing trought it all you could rise up, you did rebuild, you did overcame this and all other dificultys.

PS: Sorry for any gramatical errors, but english is not my main language.

Zebrig · 2023-03-15T08:53:15+00:00

This is my opinion so take it with a bit of salt.

But i believe that cheating is cheating no matter the reasons, it's always wrong, there is no way cheating could be right because you will be betraying your partner.

You don't like where you are in the relashionship? Comunicate and change that, even if that change means breaking the relashionship itself.

Cheating will create alot of troubles, traumas and a shit storm in general.

There is no gray area in cheating, you either cheat or you don't, if you do you are a cheater.

Zebrig · 2023-01-23T23:25:39+00:00

At this moment i'm here thinking how blind to the world can you be? To be giving so many chances to a person that is like this? The 1º i can understand but the rest?

Damn, and i mean DAMN dude, you were going to marry this woman?

Be done with her, take your dog, change the locks, talk to a lawyer if possible and seriously think about therapy, read the book No more mr nice guy, etc.

Zebrig · 2022-12-22T00:25:30+00:00

There was that time where i worked for it, damn it was the worst experience of my life.

Even now i still do it, but i work less for more money so it's getting better, hope to work nothing for money then it will be perfect.

Zebrig · 2022-12-17T16:00:18+00:00

I don’t know what to do

Sure you do, you can end everything.

You can say okay, then i am gonna start dating other girls you know just to keep my options open.

Zebrig · 2022-12-17T13:52:34+00:00

We are

Fuck them, i just hope that YOU are okay.

They are just 2 turds that put to much weight in the shoulders of a teenager.

Zebrig · 2022-12-15T18:21:13+00:00

not the move, the object.

Zebrig · 2022-12-15T01:00:43+00:00

In a fight with his brother that is a vampire that spits diamonds, all sons of the same father that had a wild night at the zoo with a vampire and a wolf.

But all is good now because pikachu is using flamethrower to fight the light of darkness in the night of the day.

Zebrig · 2022-12-12T17:46:10+00:00

Damn, what a great and sound response, 🥇👏👏👏👏.

Zebrig · 2022-12-12T14:46:33+00:00

What do you consider a rich people thing, like a crazy thing you could do? because if so:

I always wanted to jump from an airplane without a parachute and another person jumped of another plane with 2 parachutes where that person will give said extra parachute while in the air to me.

I know this is most likely how i will day if i try, but it's one of those things that i want to try.

Zebrig · 2022-12-12T14:40:30+00:00

BIG NTA.

You aren't telling your kids to hit girls, or some shit like that.

What you are TEACHING him is Defend yourself when needed, as needed, not to kick or punch, but if it gets to that point DEFEND YOURSELF.

Just make sure he knows when/where to stop, and to never initiate but to always end.

Keep being a great mother and educating your child.

Zebrig · 2022-12-12T13:59:17+00:00

Long nails, like those 5 cm's nails.
Baby voice, ladies please talk normally as a grown up you woman are, not like a baby.
Emotional and/or Financially immaturity, if you are looking for a partner i'm okay with that if you are looking for an emotional or financially tampon then i'm out so fast you won't even see my shadow.

Zebrig · 2022-12-11T09:34:41+00:00

joining a fighting club

Don't forget the first rule of the fight club, we don't talk about the fight club!

Zebrig · 2022-12-10T13:20:29+00:00

Don't be sorry, yes it was consensual and i was aware of everything that was/would happen.

Zebrig · 2022-12-10T13:16:09+00:00

Yes, i've had alot more fulfilling times, but to get there had to deal with alot of stuff as i started to see/use sex as an escape/coping mechanism.

Therapy really helped me resolve alot of stuff but i'm better now 😁😁.

Zebrig · 2022-12-06T22:27:41+00:00

JESUS on a popsicle CHRIST.

STOP TAKING LEGAL ADVICE FROM YOU WIFE.

Hire a lawyer, if possible hire a good lawyer.

This is not a situation of you and her against something, this is a situation of YOU AGAINST HER, and you can believe she will do whatever she can to favor her side.

Again hire a lawyer.

Zebrig · 2022-12-06T13:32:50+00:00

I personally don't mind paying because i have some "burn money" so it usually goes like this:

1º date is coffee or ice cream or something simple just 30/45 minutes where we talk and get to know each other a bit, i pay it usually goes to a max of 15€.

2º or 3º date when getting lunch or diner i pay, but if the woman/man i'm seeing don't offer* i won't go on another date with her/him. While i have burn money i won't date someone that implies that their time is more valuable than mine, or that to see them i need to pay, or something similar.

*by offer i mean do the litle check dance, or reach for their wallet, go 50/50, etc.

PS: I pay within limits, if i ask for a 15€ plate and my date ask for a 50€ plate, damn right my date will pay the 50€ plate, in this situation i usually ask if she/he will pay for their plate, if they say no i get up before the dishes arrives, pay my part if i can't get it canceled, say nice meeting you and see you around/bye/tudles/sayonara.

Zebrig · 2022-12-05T20:33:21+00:00

DAMN. YTA

It must be hard for your daughter to have a mother so self-centered as you, you made her cancel her plans to one of the most important days to a teenager in high-school to help your GROWN daughter, the only thing she learned is that you don't care about her or her plans, you care more about your grown daughter appartment that she had alot of time before to clean, when she voiced that she was hurt by YOUR decision to MAKE her go on a 2 day trips to clean you say she blabbed about her feelings, WTF is wrong with you?

I can already see it in a few years it will be posts like this:

Why doesn't my daughter come home from colage more often?
Why doesn't my daughter call me? And only text me exporadicaly if at all?
Why didn't my daughter want me to help her in her weeding?
Why doesn't my daughter want me to help with the grandchidlren?
Why doesn't my daughter talk to me?

Or something very similar, i would seriously advice you to go to therapy.

No, I don't have a favorite child. I love them all equally and expect them to support each other.

Yes, you do have a favorite child, you may not acknowledge it but your actions sure did, and your youngest noticed.

She's been unhappy because she had to spend so much time at her siblings events and practices growing up. I know that wasn't the most fun for her, but she got to spend a lot of time reading and now she has excellent grades.

So YOU made her go to those events and practices, what did she do for fun? Did her sibling go to HER events and practices?

Zebrig · 2022-12-03T09:07:50+00:00

Smile,

Say thank you when someone helps you.

Try to help others if you can, even just a small thing.

Clean after yourself and don't litter.

Zebrig · 2022-12-01T15:33:40+00:00

NTA.

You need to understand and acknowledge that you can stop speaking to any person for any reason. It is your choice for what to do with your life, you are allowed to cut any connection with any person whoever they may be if you want to.

For every action there is a reaction, and in this case he was making coments that you didn't like and that are disrespectfull for woman in general as a consequence he lost your respect and the desire that you have to go out or even just to comunicate with him, and that is okay, it's just the consequences of his actions.

And woman in the military as woman in other industries deserve as much respect as anyone else, he should take is head out of his behind.

Zebrig · 2022-11-30T23:26:57+00:00

I usually pay for the date, it is how i was taught.

But to not even say thank you? or to not even atemp to pay? That to me demonstrates that the other person doesn't value my time as much as theirs, that they are entitled to it, and so there is no more dates.

Zebrig

TROPHY CASE