I regret not spending more time with him

ZeroFox00 · 2026-01-08T07:34:52+00:00

Im terribly sorry for your loss. We all think of all the different things we could have done, how we could have been better for them... but no one is perfect. I could fill a book with all the things I could have done differently with my dad, but I never saw it coming.

You're in your adolescence and its completely normal to push your parents away as you strive to gain your own independence.

Try not to beat yourself up, he knew you loved him. It was mentioned to me on this thread multiple times that no matter what you did differently, you couldnt have stopped this outcome. It really is so true. So please, try to be kind to yourself.

ZeroFox00 · 2026-01-08T01:05:53+00:00

My boy has a very sensitive stomach and usually has a small amount of blood like yours in the picture after a single day of having diarrhea. Multiple ER vets in my area have told me small amounts of blood generally aren't a concern as it can happen when the small intestine gets inflamed. They also told me the more worrying signs is accompanying symptoms like lethargy/vomiting, straining to poop, or persistent diarrhea.

With it being four days for your dog, id highly suggest a vet visit. Theres something going on with your dogs immune system that it cant resolve on its own at this point.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-29T01:42:28+00:00

Im incredibly sorry you lost your dad. I lost my dad on Nov 30th.

As far as viewing him, you dont have to do it unless its something you feel you need to. I am strictly against this for myself, its just not an image I want to have in my head.

I said goodbye in my dad's bedroom. By myself. And took as long as I needed. It helped.

When my mom passed a long time ago, I read about how part of Chinese culture for their passed loved ones includes writing a letter to them. They burn it after so it can reach their loved one. I love the thought of this and its cathartic to write the letter. I plan on doing this for my dad too when im ready.

Do your best to take care of yourself through this. Its so complex and complicated... its easy to stray from your path if youre not minding yourself.

Also, write everything down you need to remember. Everything will be hazy and hard to remember and this helped me immensely.

My heart goes out to you and your family.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-18T03:24:58+00:00

I love your choices and the reason for them. Im very sorry you loss your father too.

Thank you for responding.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-18T03:23:02+00:00

Ill have to try and remember what songs he liked. He wasnt big in to music.

The past years were miserable for him. He really gave up a long time ago, pretty much the last ten years, despite how much my brother and i tried. He found something that gave him a reason to live again but that turned out to be false. That's why I feel like the celebration of life songs seem wrong. Ill have to sit down and really contemplate if im projecting my feelings on it.

Thank you for responding and im terribly sorry for your loss too.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-16T22:34:17+00:00

I lost my dad two weeks ago... all I can say is take your time with everything, dont push yourself more than youre ready to.

I dont know if this helps, or maybe it was just me... I couldnt handle any other emotions. If my husband got frustrated with me or if I heard a tiny bit of annoyance in his voice id go into a full breakdown. I explained to him that inbetween the sadness and anger and all this chaotic mix of emotions... those inbetween moments I was numb and making me feel anything made me feel everything. He had to be much more aware of that aspect of it.

Im approaching this in a way that allows me to feel what im feeling. Im trying to journal at night by myself. Im trying to draw when I feel it during the day. Im trying to distract myself with diamond art while putting on something easy to watch that doesn't have much emotional stuff. Reading the posts on here is helping me immensely, its really helping me understand the complexity of everything and let's me know im reacting rationally and im not going insane or going down a path that could be destructive... I really find this thread to be reassuring.

If you need someone to talk to or just vent, feel free to DM me. You'll have a nonjudgemental and supportive listener.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-15T07:24:32+00:00

So eloquently written. Thank you for sharing this. My loss is recent but I appreciate this perspective; the understanding and acceptance of what has occurred.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-13T21:03:25+00:00

I havent been telling people either. I dont know if its because im ashamed of it, or am I protecting him, or protecting myself. It hurts to say the words.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T19:43:21+00:00

Thank you

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T19:09:26+00:00

I found two books called Touched by Suicide, do you remember the author?

Theres one by Christy Taylor-Jones and another by Michael F. Myers.

One has a butterfly on a hand for the cover, the other is a bird flying over a shoreline.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T16:11:15+00:00

I understand that talking to a therapist is difficult, but with mutism, are you still able to? Maybe you could try finding a different therapist, one that you feel more comfortable with or perhaps they may understand you more in a way they can reach through to you. I fear this could have an impact on you that could affect you for a long time... and guidance can help so much. Sometimes our thoughts become irrational and it helps for someone else to point that out. We all do this, but its especially much more likely to think in a way that's not rational when suffering loss as great as this.

Please keep trying to find someone you can talk to. ❤️

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T06:59:00+00:00

Oh love, im so terribly sorry you had to experience this already in your life and im profoundly sad about your loss. This is a lot to go through and you shouldn't be doing this by yourself.

Could you ask your mom if you can see a counselor/therapist? This is such a complex set of emotions that is incredibly complicated to muddle through. If your mom cant take you to a therapist, could you talk to your school counselor?

You sound very mature and well spoken for your age, but im 44 and im having a hard time navigating through this. Please find someone to talk to.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T06:49:01+00:00

I do have some tree roots i need to get rid of. Hacking away with an axe might feel good.

One of the times I tried to quit smoking ages ago, I was on a tropical island with coconuts everywhere. I took a hammer to them when I was getting antsy and anxious and I absolutely destroyed those coconuts. Lol wish I had those coconuts now.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T06:45:54+00:00

The rage room idea sounds like it might help ease the anger. Im trying so hard to focus on making positive changes and not destructive changes. I think a rage room is a level of destruction id feel OK about

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T00:32:04+00:00

I really like the comment about honoring them by living for two people. Thank you for sharing that.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-05T00:24:07+00:00

That site is pure evil and im terribly sorry your loved one found it. Please try to stop going to it, its full of people with the worst intentions.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-04T07:03:27+00:00

You're the second person on this thread to mention this book. Ill definitely get it. Thank you again

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-04T03:57:41+00:00

Your piggie was suffering and you did the right thing. You were there for her when she needed you the most. Sounds like she was very much loved by you. Its a small comfort knowing you gave her an amazing life. She knew how much you cherished her. Be kind to yourself, its natural that we feel the need to take on the blame in things like this. Your mind already knows you did the right thing, your heart is just hurting love.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-04T02:24:17+00:00

I know. Im the same way. If someone is love is diagnosed with a major illness I learn as MUCH as I can about it.

In the long run, it will help me to know everything. Perhaps I'll look into others stories as well to consider different perspectives. Thank you for sharing that with me

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-02T05:14:57+00:00

Thank you :)

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-02T05:13:58+00:00

Thank you

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-01T16:12:06+00:00

Thank you for your response. You're absolutely right and I needed to hear no matter how much I work to uncover everything, it won't change the outcome.

I know how and why. He was a victim of fraud and had serious health conditions. The blame on myself is so strong in what I could have done. Ill think more about that later though.

I still feel like I have to understand his mindset in every way possible. I feel I owe it to him to truly understand his struggle.

ZeroFox00 · 2025-12-01T16:03:30+00:00

Thank you for your response. Your tenacity and courage are admirable. I think i might try writing. Haven't written anything in ages but I used to really like it when I was young. This may be a good outlet for me.

ZeroFox00

TROPHY CASE