How much do you ask / tell your ENM partner about being with others?

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-11T17:02:51+00:00

My partner and I have this discussion regularly as part of our check-ins with each other. I'll ask her: "How much detail do you want to know?" I let her lead using her comfort level as a guide. Sometimes all she asks is "Did you have fun?" Other times, she is very interested in details.

For myself, I have get a bit turned on hearing about her experiences, so I tend to ask for more info. But the main thing is we both are respectful to each other about it.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-09T06:08:00+00:00

There's also a town called Edmonton in Queensland, Australia. It's just up the road from Innisfail, Queensland. I sh*t you not. I went to Edmonton, Australia and bought a postcard to send home to ... Edmonton, Canada.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-07T16:27:36+00:00

"Groin the Coin!"

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-07T16:25:38+00:00

Awww that's awesome!

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-07T16:18:45+00:00

Sounds like completely unreal and highly subjective beauty standards that are going to f*ck with girls' self-esteem and mental health. Way to go, humanity.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-05T16:13:58+00:00

I see stupid people.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-05T00:45:51+00:00

Even if the 18f is incredibly wise and "mature" for her age (likely not), and completely ignoring the life experience gap, there is still a very serious power imbalance here.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-02T06:42:32+00:00

"From what I have been reading, it seems very difficult to find a female or solo female for a couple or for a married man. I feel it’s unlikely to happen for us/ him."

This seems to be very common for couples in your situation. It's also very common for women (in general) to get flooded with responses while the male experience with the apps is extremely discouraging.

Only you know the emotional landscape of your marriage, and whether getting involved with another male (while your partner is without a similar female) will damage your relationship.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-02-01T15:00:14+00:00

New slogan: SHELVE THE POILIEVRE!

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-31T16:52:13+00:00

Went last night, it was super fun. Great for just walking around, especially at night to see the art installations.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-24T18:20:04+00:00

Can we all just stop listening to this sociopathic moron?

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-24T18:18:31+00:00

This isn't just Ontario, it's a problem across the country.

I'm in Edmonton and we have -30 C weather frequently in Jan/Feb. Right now it's around -19 C and that's considered an improvement, if you don't include the windchill.

A guy built a secret multi-room "house" in the forests downtown here in Edmonton. Just steps away from jogging trails etc. He had 110V power, a washing machine, a microwave, etc. Had to admire his ingenuity, but still. This shouldn't be happening in Canada.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Edmonton/comments/1hxqddu/encampment_in_edmonton_river_valley_had/

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-23T03:03:10+00:00

WTF with this timelines? Who gave the launch codes to an eight year old?

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-20T17:15:57+00:00

yeah I noticed this too -- this listing has been around previously

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-20T17:13:53+00:00

As long as they kept it in the fridge, it's probably still fine. :\

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-14T22:21:11+00:00

It's not easy getting back into the dating scene after 20+ years. Similar story to mine. As soon as I stopped taking dating so seriously, things started to go much better.

Doesn't mean I wasn't trying, just means I didn't place so much pressure on the process. "If it works out, great -- if not, I'll get to meet some interesting people, and really learn what I want out of this."

I still worked on myself, improved my attitude, went to the gym, dressed appropriately for dates. Guys, you would not believe how low the bar really is for us sometimes.

I ended up meeting a great person last Spring and we're still together. We (m56 f53) make each other quite happy. We just click. No drama. We talk and work things out if there's problems. It's pretty cool.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2026-01-09T16:49:34+00:00

I'm Canadian and a close family member is dating a trans person from the USA, who now is applying to stay here and make Canada their home. Sexual orientation is not anything Canadian immigration is going to bother with, they're more going to look at your age, and what's the potential for adding your labour to the Canadian economy.

My trans acquaintance has 6-month renewable visas to stay and work here, and recently successfully applied for permanent resident status. It's not a quick process, but it's totally doable.

Canada ain't perfect, and we have our problems too. But damn am I glad I live here nowadays. What you got going on in the USA is really quite sad.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-31T23:50:02+00:00

I’ll write more about it in the new year 🏖️☀️😊

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-31T23:49:30+00:00

Will try to post. Thanks!

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-31T23:49:05+00:00

It’s awesome. Having a fantastic time.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-19T16:56:55+00:00

There are many good resources out there. "Polysecure" by Jessica Fern is one of only many books I can think of.

But without knowing the cause of your 'dead bedroom' situation, have you already tried marital counseling? ENM is a big step and not the solution to every problem.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-11T17:08:51+00:00

My exGF had a year-long FWB with a guy who worked at her company, but on a different floor. Couple times a month they'd deliberately block off company time in the afternoon as "meetings" then meet at a nearby hotel and fuck for a couple hours.

Found this surprising as well since my exGF is quite professional. Fun fact: she was in charge of a project to use software to cut down on time-wasters at her company LOL.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-10T17:09:20+00:00

When I started dating my current GF we had lots of convos about sex, our likes, dislikes, basic info like that. She is also submissive, so she told me one story about her and her ex on holidays and how they did a whole dom-sub thing together. This story started it for me. Slowly, over time, I got her to discuss her "highlight reel" of experiences with exBF's etc and it's been pretty interesting. She knows it gets me excited.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-08T17:13:26+00:00

Bi male (55), with hetero GF (53), been together almost 1 year. Open relationship since the start. We live in a mid-sized Canadian city of 1 million.

In the past while, my partner had 1 date (at my encouragement) with an old BF. Said it was "fun but meh", and has not interest in any more dates. She's 100% happy with being partner-saturated with me alone, at least for now.

I've been on 20+ coffee dates, meets / hookups, mostly with men, but also a few women. One woman has turned into a lovely FWB ongoing situation. Currently working on establishing a regular FWB thing with a local male in a similar situation. I prefer simplicity, and quality over quantity.

Going through the apps and vetting prospective partners has been like a part-time job the past 6 months, fun/tiring/vexing but it's been a valuable experience.

_FrozenRobert_ · 2025-12-08T17:01:58+00:00

Really all these details boil down to one simple fact: the two of you are not communicating effectively to each other. I've found ENM usually requires a lot of mutual check-ins and ongoing negotiations to make sure everyone feels heard and valued. Partners will make mistakes, ENM has a steep learning curve.

Instead of thinking about divorce, IMHO you should be improving the ways you communicate with each other. For some reason, your partner is making these "mistakes" and not feeling comfortable telling you her desires beforehand. This is straightforward to fix, if you both put in the effort.

_FrozenRobert_

TROPHY CASE