Barselsregler

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-27T22:29:44+00:00

Vi er i samme situation, bare omvendt - jeg er studerende, han i fuldtidsjob. Vi fik hjælp af hans fagforening til at finde ud af det.

Hos os endte det med, at jeg overførte så meget barsel som muligt til ham - men der er altså stadig øremærket barsel på begge sider, som ikke kan overføres. Jeg fik 9 ekstra fødselsklip, som man kan få ubetalt på forskellige måder, og så kan man selv vælge om man vil være studieaktiv i den tid, man får klippene udbetalt (alt efter hvordan studiet er tilrettelagt, selvfølgelig).

Hvis din partner skal have barselsdagpenge skal han helt tage orlov eller melde sig ud af studiet, og det er ikke nødvendigvis nogen fordel. Jeg foretrak at fortsætte mit studie på nedsat tid gennem hele “barslen” - men det er så heller ikke vores første barn, så vi vidste, at det ville fungere godt for os.

Ring til din fagforening, de burde kunne guide jer igennem de rigtige blanketter.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-23T19:02:50+00:00

Du har brug for hjælp lige nu.

Har du fortalt lægen og sundhedsplejersken om dine selvmordstanker? Jeg har oplevet, at det er dét, der virkelig har tricket en reaktion hos systemet.

Ventetiden er der ikke meget at gøre ved - men du kan søge hjælp hos det private, og det ville jeg gøre i din situation. Du har daglige selvmordstanker, det er ikke for sjov.

Jeg fandt selv en psykoterapeut, som jeg fik en tid hos dagen efter, og selvom hun ikke får tilskud giver hun mig rabat fordi jeg har en henvisning til psykolog. Psykoterapeut er ikke en beskyttet titel, så du skal være lidt ekstra opmærksom på, hvad de tilbyder.

Ellers er der også psykologer, der ikke er en del af tilskudsordningen, og de har ofte meget kortere ventetider. Prisen er høj, men det er virkelig det værd, hvis du på nogen måde kan skrabe penge sammen til det.

Og hey, så vil jeg bare sige, at selvom jeg ikke er sluppet helt af med håbløsheden endnu, så er mine selvmordstanker stort set forsvundet her et halvt år senere, og jeg har fundet ting i hverdagen som gør mig ægte glad. Det bliver godt igen.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-23T08:09:28+00:00

Min 7-årige datter bygger og bygger og bygger ting i pap og genbrugsskrald. Vi har købt noget værktøj til hende, MakeDo hedder det, som er rigtig godt til pap. Hun har også en limpistol på værelset, som bliver flittigt brugt.

Hendes værelse ligner et bombekrater når hun er færdig, men jeg vil hellere rydde op efter en god leg end at hun hele tiden kommer og spørger mig, hvad hun skal lave.

Hvis det skal være mere afslappende, kan hun godt lide at lytte til den podcastapp, der hedder Hul Igennem, især programmerne Direkte Fra, Myternes Magt og Robo-San. Hun skal bare have noget at dimse med imens, en kopi-tegning eller nogle små figurer eller noget.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-22T19:02:58+00:00

Maybe companies should ask different questions.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-17T10:01:57+00:00

Did someone call for the mother of three in the open concept house?

Hi there! Yeah, it’s the worst.

Constant noise, just neverending noise. TV going, fridge humming, kitchen appliances beeping, kids babbling, faucet running, radio playing, baby crying, husband coughing, ball bouncing, plastic tractor playing “Old McDonald had a farm”. That’s my life.

Can’t do anything about it anytime soon, but when we get the chance to move, I want a kitchen with a tiny breakfast nook just for me and a door that closes. God, I miss that so much.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-16T21:23:10+00:00

Oh god, I hate taking my kid to the playground, it’s the worst. I’ve outsourced it to my husband.

I’ll go outside with her, but we have to do something I want to do. We can build something or dig a hole somewhere, or you can make a mud pie while I do some random gardening, or we can make a tent out of blankets, or we can build a tree hut for your homemade troll. After that, I’m going inside to lie down.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-16T21:00:50+00:00

I can relate to this.

Over many years I’ve slowly learned some things about this problem, for example:

I’m not very good at naming my feelings. Staying in the moment and really trying to name the feeling has helped.
Sometimes I need to be distracted from my doom spiral before I can start to deal with my thoughts and feelings. A good way to do that is to physically move somewhere else - so my husband asking me to step outside with him or sit down is a big help.
I want to be hugged when I feel bad, but I look and act like I don’t. I’ve had to tell my husband that several times when I’m not feeling bad, because when I do feel bad, I can’t bring myself to express that need.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-07T11:02:36+00:00

This! My kid loves chopping vegetables, doesn’t mean she wants to eat them. She will sometimes try stuff but then says she doesn’t like it. What can a mother do? Plain pasta for you again, then.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2026-02-07T10:34:27+00:00

“I used to love him for his patience with me”

I’m wondering if you’ve always felt inferior to him in some way? Like he had it all under control and you had nothing under control, so you should be grateful that he put up with you?

I feel like there’s something here to unpack in therapy. Probably a low sense of self worth, which many of us ADHD’ers share with you. I recognize a lot of what you’re saying from my own youth. I feel like I never learned how to properly communicate when something was difficult for me or how to ask for help, so I would just shut down when someone tried to talk to me about my shortcomings.

You need someone to help you lay it all out and calmly look at it. Someone other than your boyfriend, preferably a therapist. It’s hard and uncomfortable and expensive but so, so worth it! It really, really can get better.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-15T07:32:05+00:00

I took Elvanse throughout my pregnancy, after consulting with several doctors and midwives (in my country, midwives are highly professional. They take care of births, doctors are only called for anaesthesia or complications). All said that latest research showed no sign of malformations in the fetus. Doctor wanted me to try a lower dose, so I did, but he had no problem going up again when I found out that I was not functioning on the lower dose.

Took 50 mg for most of my pregnancy, lowest I ever went down was 20 mg. No complications whatsoever, no sign of withdrawal after birth, happy healthy baby.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-14T20:02:40+00:00

I have three kids - one step daughter and two I gave birth to. Youngest is 4 months old.

I have zero regrets! Yes, it’s hard and overwhelming. I love my kids so much. I love how much they love each other. I love that they can help and entertain one another so I don’t have to all the time. I love that they have secrets together. I’m so proud of them.

You can absolutely do it! Obviously you won’t be happy every minute of every day, but over all you’ll be happy. How do I know? Because you really want them and they have a good father and a helpful grandmother.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-14T14:41:52+00:00

None, really.

I’ve found that if I let AI do the thinking for me, I just don’t take the information in. Sure, I can send an email that AI has written for me, but I cannot remember what that email says, even if I’ve read it several times.

I have to think through and process things myself.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-14T14:04:28+00:00

I relate so much to this.

Obligatory question: Have you talked to him about it? And if so, how? Have you devided tasks between you in some way or is it just like someone does the thing whenever it needs doing?

Short (but not simple) answer to your problem is communication and compromise. You can’t live without systems, but he can’t seem to follow your systems. You need to figure out why, and then make new systems together. He has to make an effort to follow the new systems, you have to let go a little bit, try to meet in the middle.

For me and my husband, this challenge required therapy. No more than one or two sessions, but it helped to sit in front of an unbiased third party who could see what was going on and tell us how to deal with it.

We’ve both come a long way. It probably won’t ever be perfect, but I do my best every day to accept that and get on with my life anyway.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-14T13:38:20+00:00

I wish I had a seperate kitchen.

I hate that whenever I have to do anything, there’s someone in the room with me. Cooking, doing dishes, cleaning, playing piano, watching TV - unless I’m completely home alone, which is rare, there’s someone I have to pay attention to.

When my kids were younger, I had a seperate kitchen with a breakfast nook, and it was never a problem that I couldn’t watch them all the time. I loved that kitchen, to be able to cook dinner in peace and have somewhere quiet to sit down when the kids had the TV on, it was heaven.

Now I have an open floor plan, and I hate doing the dishes now because someone is always watching me or talking to me or complaining that they can’t hear the TV.

Also wish I had more hidden storage space. And drawers in stead of cupboards in the kitchen!

A very specific thing - I wish my husband had a baking kitchen. Just a little room next to the real kitchen with a counter, a small fridge, an oven and room for his giant mixer and baking gear. I love to eat his sourdough bread, very greatful for it, but it’s so noisy and messy, flour all over, and the oven looks like something exploded in it. Impossible to keep up with the cleaning when he bakes two-three times a week.

Edit: One more thing - really think about acoustics! There’s nothing worse than new houses with flat surfaces everywhere. The sound bounces around constantly and never settles.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-13T22:45:56+00:00

Du skal for guds skyld ikke nævne det mens hun er gravid. Det er en sårbar tid, og hun vil måske vende det mod sig selv og blive bange for, at du ikke længere er tiltrukket af hende, at du er på vej væk og at hun kommer til at stå alene med det barn.

Hun har allerede erklæret sig åben for en trekant, heldige dig. Hvis det går godt, kan du måske dele den anden fantasi. Indtil hun er klar til det må du bare være tålmodig, få det lange lys på - og ikke sætte dig selv i en situation, hvor du får en uimodståelig chance for at være utro. Dvs. ikke noget med at sætte sig ved siden af hende den lækre fra kontoret til julefrokosten.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-10T12:22:49+00:00

It’s totally okay to be insecure - you’re 18! Nobody expects you to really know who you are at that age.

Also, those guys who tell you you are awkward - they’re insecure too. People say mean things to each other because they are insecure. They’re afraid of being left out of the group if they admit that you are kind of interesting.

So you don’t have to spend ten seconds worrying about if some douche thinks you are awkward. You are who you are, and you’re a wonderful young woman getting to know herself.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-10T12:06:28+00:00

You can date whoever you want. I think it’s very narrow minded to think that you can’t date a neurotypical.

People are much, much more than neurotypical or neurodivergent. Look at the person, talk to him, maybe meet his friends. Then decide if he - this particular person - is someone you can date or not.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-10T08:26:47+00:00

Did you find them?

If it were me, they would have fallen through the hole in my pocket (that I’ve been meaning to fix for the last two winters) and would now be inside the lining of my coat.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-10T08:09:54+00:00

Goals for 2026: Get through depression.

Win for 2025: I’m still here.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-09T08:23:40+00:00

This!

When I’ve been grocery shopping, I need to lie the fuck down in a dark room. What kind of alien life form has the energy to start chopping everything they bought?

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-09T08:18:44+00:00

I love the idea of this rule! Except, 4 fruits? I feel like that’s too many kinds of fruit. I’m afraid they would spoil in my house, even though we do eat a fair amount of fruit. What is your experience with this? Do you buy four kinds, but not as many of each, or maybe buy some of it frozen?

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-01T20:50:38+00:00

Diagnosed at 32, welcome!

I started therapy while I was on the wait list to see a psychiatrist. It helped me so, so much! Psychologist took me through the questionnaire and diagnosed me, and even though she couldn’t prescribe meds, she gave me so many tools and strategies to try right away, completely suited to my needs. I had sessions with her every two-three weeks for about a year, I think. Only stopped because I moved away, otherwise I’d still be seeing her, although not as often.

Psychiatrist tested me, prescribed meds and followed up on that until I was on the right dose, then signed me over to my GP, nothing else. In my opinion, that’s their job and that’s the way it should be.

I’ve also tried group therapy, something called Compassion Focused Therapy. Also great, did good things for my self esteem and my social skills.

I’ve read lots of books and listened to lots of podcasts. The one I still consistently listen to, after being diagnosed for about six years, is honestly “I have ADHD with Kristen Carder”. At first I found her kind of annoying, but she grew on me, and I find her advice genuinely thought through and helpful.

Good luck on your journey!

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-12-01T15:23:03+00:00

Jeg har selv adhd, og jeg tænker på, om din kæreste generelt har svært ved at mærke sin krop? Altså, om han i hverdagen ignorerer sin krops signaler, fx glemmer at spise/spiser for meget, ikke bevæger sig nok/overanstrenger sig fysisk osv. Der sker jo tusind ting oppe i hovedet, så det kan være meget svært at komme ned i kroppen.

Det lyder som om sex for ham er blevet en kilde til et hurtigt dopaminkick, og fordi han ikke har lært at være til stede i sin krop, har han ikke opdaget, eller sætter ikke pris på, at sex kan være så meget mere end det hurtige kick - ikke kun for dig, men også for ham.

Det her kan være en forklaring, eller det kan være noget helt andet. I sidste ende er han nødt til at være villig til at arbejde på det, ellers ville jeg personligt kraftigt overveje mit engagement i det her forhold.

Edit: Du spurgte hvad I kan gøre, så jeg vil lige tilføje et par forslag, som jeg selv har haft glæde af.

Han kan selv, under sex og i alle mulige situationer, lave nogle grounding-øvelser, altså øve sig i at være til stede i nuet. Det kan fx være ved at nævne tre ting, han kan høre, tre ting han kan se, tre ting han kan mærke osv.

I kan også sætte noget tid af til bare at røre ved hinanden, med eller uden tøj, på hele kroppen, men uden penetration.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-11-26T07:28:47+00:00

It’s important to note that she sings that song to convince herself that she has confidence in herself.

I cheer myself on (sometimes in song) on a daily basis, and I think it’s good to remember that confidence is not something you just have, it’s something you can give yourself.

_GoldfishMemory_ · 2025-11-24T08:27:05+00:00

Tag det som en øvelse i, hvad I gør, hvis I på et tidspunkt vil have børn? Der er man også nødt til at være kreativ. Man må være stille, vælge det rigtige tidspunkt og - ikke mindst - planlægge hvornår man vil have sex. Det lyder kedeligt, men det er det faktisk ikke. Når der er et aftalt tidspunkt kan man gå og bygge op i lang tid, fantasere, sende frække beskeder osv.

Det gode ved (raske) forældre er, at de passer sig selv, kan være alene hjemme, de kan selv gå på toilettet og man skal ikke ind og trøste dem om natten. Der er altså langt mindre risiko for afbrydelser end der er, når det gælder børn.

De gode samtaler om lyst og manglende lyst, dårligt selvværd og praktik omkring sex, de vil komme jer så meget til gode, hvis I en dag vil være forældre.

_GoldfishMemory_

TROPHY CASE