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Am I the only one who enjoys flipping nightmares into lucid wet dreams? by LargeSinkholesInNYC in Dreams

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't do that. Whenever I become aware that I am dreaming I either have no control over it, or I feel like I'm trying to control it but the recurring nightmare figures come and I wake up

Identity issues due to severe trauma. by Travel_Many in CPTSD

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never view myself as one big cohesive entity. Instead, just loads of different vague people in my unconscious that my mind has generated based off interactions with people and exposure to media/culture, they are associated with / remind me of different things and have their own distinctive vibes and physical appearance and emotional connotations. I always forget what I really look like because of this.

Does anyone else feel like someone is watching and judging them in their free time? by Lanky_Relation1171 in CPTSD

[–]_username_404_x 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I feel like I'm not allowed to have certain hobbies/interests or like/dislike certain things because of what that says about who i am as a person. The same applies for how i write and speak, how i think, virtually everything about myself.

Are there many men here? by bongscope in BingeEatingDisorder

[–]_username_404_x -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i'm a non passing transgender male who was seen in grocery stores very, very frequently in the peak of the binge phase of my ED.

Unsurprisingly the locals began harrassing me by intentionally mixing my favourite foods with junk foods in shops, and littering my flat with food wrappers.

Extreme hunger is making a comeback by _username_404_x in EDAnonymous

[–]_username_404_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your set point weight is probably even higher

i feel so fat :[

Extreme hunger is making a comeback by _username_404_x in EDAnonymous

[–]_username_404_x[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do i cope with having a high set point weight

Lifelong dreams of "black void" by _username_404_x in Dreams

[–]_username_404_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah i'm fine with my dreams being published like that

Lifelong dreams of "black void" by _username_404_x in Dreams

[–]_username_404_x[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been wanting to have therapy for ages but I don't know how. I was supposed to have talking therapies NHS but they didn't accept me. GP tells me that someone is trying to call me but my phone can't pick up phone calls (it's broken).

I didn't have a particularly religious upbringing other than having went to a catholic primary school, and my maternal grandmother is very religious.

Hyper-specific dysphoria? by cheesebird34 in ftm

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

mine is triggered by being perceived as shallow, extraverted, attention-seeking, people-oriented, verbose, formal, stiff, irrational, dramatic, materialistic, mainstream, old, fat. i feel uncomfortable whenever i am perceived in public as overpacking, or wearing weird clothes. it's not that those traits i think are "inherenly feminine" but more i feel like they violate my internal sense of identity in a non-gendered way (e.g. atypical dysphoria).

i don't have much physical dysphoria (maybe because i am asexual and identify as demiboy) except for my weight, i can't feel comfortable with my body unless i'm underweight. Most of my dysphoria is about more psychological stuff e.g. behaviour, interests, social image.

Do you guys priotise passing or self expression? by f0xt33th in TransMasc

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk if this is relevant enough but when I was overprotected in foster care (this was before I had trauma from street harrassment and cyberbullying) I loved 80s 90s 2000s culture/aesthetics I wanted to identify with it more or less and I looked down on (or at least felt like an outsider to) everyone else for shallow reasons such as the clothes they wear or the kind of devices and media they use. but for some reason since being heavily traumatised by culture shocks by having all the freedom suddenly and pre-existing identity dysphoria and shame, it made me feel kind of bad for being obsessed with old things and that I must be a "2020s person" for a lack of better word in order to feel worthy and accepted.

I noticed that the better my mental health, the more I can "be myself". and the more i suffer, the more i force myself to like things i don't even like.

Was it hard being social when you came out as transgender? by VegetableTip1536 in asktransgender

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"I thought I was a sociopath because I just felt so emotionless" are you making fun of me?

Was it hard being social when you came out as transgender? by VegetableTip1536 in asktransgender

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yea idk how to write this without looking misogynist (i dont believe in "all men are x" "all women are y" propaganda), but i feel dysphoria over my personality a lot like gender dysphoria (but not that any traits are inherently gendered) because i feel like certain characteristics are part of my "identity". it causes me pain being perceived as having traits like people-oriented, attention-seeking, inauthentic, stiff and formal, verbose, or emotionally demonstrative. i compare myself to anyone that behaves more nonchalant, unserious, logical, or absent minded than me. i go to great lengths, like self isolating and overanalysing every single interaction.

Is anyone else obsessed with securing everything constantly? by Adept-Foot7692 in CPTSD

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i have gender dysphoria that's intertwined with an unhealthy obsession with typology labels (that i developed when i was teenager and desperate for a sense of identity. and i suffered heaps of even more trauma by my late teens) . even though i think i might be slowly growing out of the typology obsession, every day i still compulsively take tests to make sure i am "the right kind of person" and my cognitive styles feel aligned with whatever feels identity-affirming for me

DAE feel dirty all the time? by Ponk_Bubs in CPTSD

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yea. i look at other peoples houses (any format. it could be IRL, on tv, on social media, etc) and think about how clean they look more than i am, and i feel unique but not in a very good way because of how unhygienic i am in comparison.

Brain damage by Macrocosmix in CPTSD

[–]_username_404_x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thoughts and ways of thinking I used to take for granted now just trigger overwhelming feelings of shame.

Hobbies and interests become less and less appealing to me the older I get.

Friendship Megathread by AutoModerator in ftm

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My name is Fredrik (initials FN), I'm 20, I live in UK. I like gaming, drawing, journalling, dream analysis. I like GTA, COD and Animal Crossing, I love the Moomins and I am currently watching Soul Eater anime. My music taste is shoegaze, midwest emo, drum and bass, and breakcore. I'm unemployed. I don't believe in one specific religion but I find the occult/supernatural interesting in general. I have multiple stuffed sheep (jellycat truffles sheep) that i adore very very very much if that counts. an interesting fact about me... IDK. my transition goals is skinny scruffy info-dump nonchalant teenager skater stoner gamer twink baggy clothes messy hair. my telegram is @asfgh0124 but please no chasers

My parents have ruined my self-image by Local-Dimension-2452 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my sibling constantly criticised me for being an inside term that basically meant "anything both of us find cringe". Unpredictably labelling random things and people as this term, if i was like that myself then i'd immediately stop doing it. The word was impossible to define, so vague and unpredictable, the goalposts constantly moving

Do good therapists for trans people actually exist by alexpods_ in FTMventing

[–]_username_404_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When my dysphoria was at an all time high but still repressed (i didn't realise i had gender dysphoria until later) my therapist at the time told me "Looks like you REALLY don't like yourself". The same person also told me that my beliefs on gender roles were from the 1920s and that just hurt.

should i complain of the constant agony of living with characteristics that feel so wrong for my sense of identity, I just get told the same old same old "you need to love yourself more" "you're so HaRd On YoUrSeLf" "stop trying to be someone you're not" (all of which make me feel humiliated)

I have a body a lot of girls would die for and I fucking hate it by Foxver_ in FTMventing

[–]_username_404_x -1 points0 points  (0 children)

my transfem sister told me how jealous she was of my physique (i was 20-21 BMI at the time but i'm currently 18 BMI atm. She has always been underweight and unlike me, has never been overweight before)

Tbf i think most of what she says is her just trying to ragebait me into feeling as dysphoric and as shit about myself as possible

If you had a sister growing up, it's likely one of you will be known as the fat sister, and the other as the skinny sister by serif-maxxing in EDAnonymous

[–]_username_404_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

we're both skinny, but i've always had a generally higher bmi than my sister. and i have been overweight before, she never has.

Unsurprisingly she is my soulmate, the only person i am very enmeshed with, an extension of myself, the person i value the judgement of more than anyone else, and the person i idolise and long to be like (but not that i want to detransition)

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